Hermione: …hey Harry.
Harry: Hey.
Hermione: Still mad?
Harry: Of course not.
Hermione: You sure? You seem kinda mad.
Harry: Of course I'm fine. It's not like I'm being hunted by the most evil wizard of all time, my only weapon and defense against him is broken, I know what I need to destroy him for good but have frustratingly few clues where to find them, and the one piece we do have we have no idea how to destroy outside of a sword that no-one knows the true location of, the one lead we thought we had just tried to kill us, and on top of all that, we're in the middle of nowhere with nearly no food and no idea what our next move is.
Hermione: …I made tea.
Harry: Oh, hallelujah, we have tea.
Hermione: Look, do you want it or not?
Harry: …I do *takes the cup Hermione offers*
Hermione: I also found this in Bathilda's house *holds out a copy of Rita Skeeter's book* I figured she wouldn't mind, given that…you know, she's dead.
Harry: You're concerned that I'm angry, and yet you give me a book about someone who would most definitely make me angry, written by someone who definitely made me angry?
Hermione: I just thought…
Harry: Look, my mood can't get any worse right now, let's just see what she has to say about Dumbledore and Grindelwald's relationship.
Hermione: You mean about them being really good friends?
Harry: Yes, that's totally what they were *opens book* Wait, is the rest of this chapter going to be book narration?
Hermione: Probably, yes.
Harry: Ugh, can't we do something more interesting than that?
Hermione: We could do it as a series of flashbacks?
Harry: …I hate that we haven't really got a better way of doing this *sighs* Okay, bring on the flashbacks.
*flashback*
Albus: Well Elphie, tomorrow we set out for Greece.
Elphias: I really wish you'd stop calling me that.
Albus: Now we just have to… *owl taps on the window, Dumbledore sighs* This had better be important *opens the window, and grabs the letter*
Elphias: What's it say?
Albus: So, apparently my mother's dead.
Elphias: Holy shit, I'm so sorry.
Albus: Yeah…so anyway, off to Greece tomorrow…
Elphias: Don't you want to go home and see your family?
Albus: Why? I already said my goodbyes to them.
Elphias: Albus…
Albus: Ugh, fine.
*later, at the Dumbledore's house. A witch is knocking on the door*
Albus: Oh, hello Mrs. Smeek. How can I help you?
Enid: You can help me by keeping your damn brother in check.
Albus: The boy's in grieving, what do you expect?
Enid: That's no excuse for throwing goat shit at my head.
Albus: Did you ever consider he's just mucking out the stalls?
Enid: Ah yes, he just happens to be doing that every time I walk past.
Aberforth: HEADS UP! *Enid gets hit with more goat shit*
Albus: Nice shot Aberforth. Anyway, what were we talking about?
Enid: We were talking about…
Albus: Hush, Bathilda's here. What's up, B-Dog?
Bathilda: I don't like that that name implies I'm a bitch.
Albus: I mean, I can start calling you that if you want, but I don't know why you'd…
Bathilda: I know what's going to happen here. I'm gonna say not to do it, and then you're going to do it anyway, despite my protests.
Albus: …wow, you're good. So, what can I do for you Bitch?
Bathilda: *sighs* Well, I intended to introduce you to my great-nephew, Gellert Grindelwald.
Albus: What's so great about… *sees Grindelwald, and immediately Dumbledore's vision turns pink while "(They Long to Be) Close to You" by The Carpenters plays* Uh…hi?
Grindelwald: Hello…Albus, is it?
Albus: *upon hearing his name, the song changes to the intro to "Careless Whisper" by George Michael* …it is, yes…
Grindelwald: Hmm…you seem cool.
Albus: …I do, don't I?
Enid: Hey, what about m… *Dumbledore shoves her out of the way to get to Grindelwald*
Albus: Wanna go do something?
Grindelwald: I'd like that.
Narrator: And from there, the two were practically inseparable, doing everything together. And I do mean everything. Even fu…
Harry: HEY! I specifically said no generic narration.
Narrator: We just need this to get to the next important scene.
Harry: Then get there already.
Narrator: Ugh, fine. The two began planning to enslave muggles, before…
Harry: Don't care, next scene.
Narrator: Fuck you.
Albus: Look, Grindy baby, as much as I like the whole 'For the Greater Good' thing we have going, are we sure we want muggles as part of it? They're just so…boring, you know?
Grindelwald: Dumby, sweetheart, you know ruling the whole world requires us to have to do something to the muggles, right?
Albus: I suppose, but surely we could just…you know, ignore the muggles and just rule the magical world.
Grindelwald: Yes, but then what's the next logical step?
Albus: The muggles, I know, but…
Grindelwald: Exactly, so once we rule the magical world, we move on to the muggle world. I mean, who can stop us?
Albus: …okay, I'm starting to think you're not on the side of good.
Grindelwald: And I'm starting to think you're not on the side of evil.
Albus: No, I'm not. I'm on the side of 'asshole to everyone, but keeps good guys alive so I can continue being an asshole to them'.
Grindelwald: *pulling out his wand* Then get ready to duel.
Albus: *pulling out his wand* Gladly.
Ariana: Hey guys, what are you…
Albus: Hush child, we're in the middle of something.
Ariana: Then why does it look like you're fighting?
Albus: I said SHUT UP! *blasts Ariana* …oops.
Grindelwald: Oh ho, you've really fucked up now.
Aberforth: What the fuck's going on in here? *sees Ariana on the floor* WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!
Albus: *pointing at Grindelwald* He did it.
Grindelwald: Whoa, don't try to put this on me buddy.
Albus: Well, who are people going to believe: the brother of the kid who just died, or the guy he's known for a sum…
Grindelwald: *pointing his wand at Dumbledore's* Prior Incantato *shows the spell that knocked Ariana down*
Albus: …okay, so I know this looks bad…
Aberforth: I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU! *starts brawling with Albus*
Grindelwald: And that would be my cue to leave. Bye *casually walks out the door while the two fight*
Narrator: Or at least, that's what Enid Smeek believes happened, and I'll be taking it as fact because I want to.
*back in the present*
Hermione: Harry…I know this isn't nice reading, but…
Harry: It probably isn't accurate reading either, it's a Rita Skeeter book. Why did we even bother with this chapter? It didn't tell us anything new.
Hermione: …we learned that Dumbledore killed his sister?
Harry: As surprising as that might be to you, it doesn't even phase me. Now, I'm going back to keeping watch, even though I doubt anything's going to happen.