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Chapter 5: Follow the Leader

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Honestly, John had expected to be rolling around on the floor in pain when he touched the gate dial to try and access the last address on the stargate controls. But it had only been a prickle in his mind, a lot like gut instincts kicking in or a little voice giving advice he knew to listen to. And maybe it was that reprieve that got him cocky, that made him unprepared for the bad lurking just around the corner, or in his case, lurking in a wormhole.

It felt a thousand times worse than his tortoise crossing through the sanctuary barrier, like every molecule he owned was being ripped apart…slowly. But unlike the sanctuary barrier, there was no sound in the wormhole, he couldn't have screamed even if he had lost the last tendril of his pride and let himself break that way. Then, like it really had been years and not a blinking of an eye, he was through the stargate, standing on an alien world he'd never visited before and the agony was just a memory, like a dream he nearly forgot the details to. But his body was not so into the forgive and forget game, remembered the torture it just endured and was complaining, hard.

The marine in charge of the Colonel hadn't had the misfortune of bearing the weight of wounded and dead brothers-in-arms from the field of battle yet, didn't know how to keep a man upright when that man was crumbling beside him, slipping out of his hold. He made a panicked scramble to recapture the Colonel's body in his grip but he knew he was going to be too slow. Absently wondered how his court martial would read after allowing harm to come to Atlantis's military leader on his first gate mission.

For his part, John couldn't lock his knees, couldn't get his hands out to even brace his fall, could barely keep his eyes open and fight off the blackness of unconsciousness. 'Good one, John. Pass out on the first gate crossing. Really helpful. Least there is no ambush here because you're less than useless to your men, you're worse, a liability.' Mentally preparing himself for the whack of his face and the rest of him onto the ground, he was surprised when, instead, arms caught him, not from above but from below. Then he was crashing into flesh and bones instead of the granite underfoot.

"Oh crap," Rodney muttered as John's dead weight nearly knocked him over flat. But he managed, from his kneeling position, to pull Sheppard against his chest and stabilize them both before that happened. Then they stayed there in that awkward hug/hold position on the ground. Rodney sighed in relief that he had reacted quick enough, had managed to dive to the ground and catch John because he was pretty sure the Colonel didn't need bruises and a concussion to add to his tally of physical ailments. Worriedly looking down into his best friend's colorless face and closed eyes, he entreated, "Hey, you still awake?"

John registered that it shouldn't be Rodney he was hearing. Rodney shouldn't be there. Rodney should be back safe and sound in Atlantis. Blinking, John was fighting the pull of unconsciousness with sheer force of will as his eyes focused on the person that he was weakly sprawled across their lap. "'Kay?"

And John's voice, even weak and slurred, was good to hear, making Rodney let out an exhale of held breath. "Thank God. I thought….when you went down…."

Upset that Rodney was there, in danger, that he couldn't get his body to obey hardly any of his commands, all of it frustrated the hell out of John. Defiantly pushing up and out of Rodney's hold, he managed to overcompensate because he started to fall backwards.

With quicker reflects than Rodney thought he possessed, he latched onto Sheppard's arm and braced his other hand behind his best friend's neck, emitted a panicked "Whoa!" as he once again kept Sheppard from hitting the dirt. It left the two teammates sitting on the ground, facing each other. "You good now?" Rodney hoarsely asked, eyes wide with fear.

Instead of answering, John angrily pulled Rodney's hand away from the back of his neck. But decided at the last minute not to jar his friend's grip on his arm. That one was actually kind of necessary if he wanted to not fall backwards, because his head was still doing that tilt a whirl thing with his vision. Looking around at the Marines scouring the area, he determined that they weren't in any danger before he put his full energy, ok, what little energy he had, into tearing into Rodney. "I thought I was pretty clear, even for your big brain, that you were supposed to stay in Atlantis?!"

"Yes ….well….I didn't listen so ….so deal with it," Rodney petulantly retorted back, knew that John couldn't return him to Atlantis now. No matter how pissed Sheppard was, he was stuck with him.

"They need you there. I needed you there!" John growled.

Realizing that the stupid Marine who had almost let Sheppard face plant on the ground was nervously hovering over them, Rodney looked up at him, bit out, "Go do…something useful. Now!" When the Marine left, Rodney turned his attention back to his friend. "What you need is someone along on this mission who knows the risk you're taking, doing this star 69 thing of yours, the gene boost. Lorne doesn't even know, though he should. You should have told him."

"It's a need-to-know thing," John defended through his gritted teeth.

"Sure, right, he wouldn't be at all concerned if you start seizing," Rodney used that sarcastic tone of his. "They'd all just let you seize away while they sang songs around a campfire waiting for you to either die or regain your senses."

"That won't happen," John sternly pointed out.

But Rodney leaned over close to John, got in his face and hissed, "You mean again!? Because you might be able to block that scary episode from your mind, but I can't!"

And that hit John, that Rodney had witnessed his seizure and been scared. And in hearing about it, John was a little scared too. Rubbing a hand over his mouth, he quietly relented, "Fine, but let's at least stop talking about it."

Then they were interrupted by Lorne, who came to crouch beside John, forced himself to not ask if his CO was alright or comment on McKay's unauthorized presence. He liked keeping his head where it was. "No life signs here, sir."

"Okay, then it's onto the next jump. Little help?" he said, raising his hand for Lorne to give him a pull up. But Lorne bypasses his hand and instead went behind him, put his hands under John's armpits and levered the man gently to his feet. Instantly Rodney was glued to his side, arm around his waist, pulling John's arm over his shoulder. Pulling out of Lorne's hold, John entrusted himself fully to Rodney and ordered, "Ok, let's do this again."

The second jump was a bust like the first.

Grimly accepting that John would nearly pass out the second they were out of the wormhole, Rodney hadn't wasted time trying to keep John upright, instead dragged them both to sit on the grass around the 'gate, hoping to circumvent the whole falling on the ground thing. And predicting how Sheppard would react to the 'gate crossing wasn't the same as having the reality of the usually energy-vibing John fall limply against him as they immediately sank down to sit on the ground. Of Rodney having to circle his arms around his best friend to keep him upright.

For John's part, he was swallowing hard, trying to not throw up or pass out or both. He couldn't even generate enough pride to care that he was slumped against Rodney, probably looked downright cute to his Marine detail that he was being held by the other man. But what he did let register was that there was no gunfire, meaning this was just another stop over.

Lorne confirmed it a few minutes later and John nodded his head. ""Kay. Then we move on…" It took both Rodney and Lorne more effort to get the Colonel on his feet and to the control dial, so much so that Lorne reassigned that same useless Marine to help McKay get John through the gate.

Gate three and John dropped straight out of Rodney and the Marine's hold to all fours. Pressing his head to the ground, his hands fisted into the grass, holding back a scream by willpower alone, John was convinced that his mind was imploding in on him. Then Rodney was there, his hand rubbing his back, using that soothing tone that…damn it, was so welcome.

"Sheppard…hey, it'll pass..it'll pass. The pain will lessen…like the seizure did. Just…hold on…you can hold on," Rodney rambled, felt a thousand times out of his league with this, with a vulnerable John, with no Beckett to offer him reassurances.

It was long moments before John could raise his head, was able to push up enough to sit back on his hunches, with hands helping him gain that position. The same hands then tilted him over and John found himself leaning against Rodney's shoulder, his so heavy head canted against his best friend's. Through eyes squinted against the daylight, John watched the goings on in this gate address. Another bust. And he was starting to wonder how many of these jumps he really had in him. Sure, the addresses were popping right up for him on the dials, like the Jumper commands did, but the gate…the wormhole…it was turning him inside out each time, he knew that, felt that.

He startled out of his thoughts when Lorne, who was crouched down on his other side, touched him. Apparently his junior officer had been trying to get his attention with words. "No close life signs and no indication that any ships were here."

"Maybe four is the charm," John tried to offer levity to their ongoing failure.

"Getting the addresses from the dial, it's taking a lot out of you. You should rest a bit before we move on," Lorne suggested, hand on John's shoulder restrictive as it was supportive. Evan looked to McKay, hoping for his support because he knew Sheppard was too stubborn to simply agree to the common-sense suggestion.

"We lost too much time already," John stoically replied, trying to get to his feet. Lorne and McKay shared a look before they helped him to the control dial. But as John pulled up the numbers, Rodney exclaimed as he noted blood dripping from his friend's nose. "Oh no…your nose is bleeding." But John wiped the blood away with his jacket sleeve like it was a mere nuisance and then put in the last number.

Gate four and Rodney and the Marine managed to keep John in their grasp…but John was coughing up blood, splattering it on his uniform and the ground and Rodney was panicking. "Down, put him down!" Then Rodney was sitting on the ground, John in his lap and drawn up against his chest. Terrified, he witnessed John sputtering up blood that stained his teeth and his mouth. His frame bowed protectively over his friend, his head pressed down against John's, Rodney entreated, "This is madness! You have to stop…you know you have to stop!"

But even as he was coughing up blood, John was shaking his head in denial.

Approaching Sheppard's bloody, deteriorating form, Lorne had the greatest desire to lie to his commanding officer, to tell Sheppard there was some indication that the thieves were there, left on foot, anything to not make another gate jump necessary. But the Colonel didn't give him the chance, rested his head back against Rodney's chest and looked up to him as he came near. His voice was shot to hell but his resolve was still there. "Looks like we're…playing tortoise…to their hare yet."

Crouching down, Lorne tried a deception anyway. "We might have missed them. They could have been on any of the other jumps and left on a ship already. We should head back to Atlantis, regroup."

Meeting the Major's eyes head on, John insisted, "My gut…says differently. We're close."

Lorne silently cursed, because of course the Colonel wouldn't agree to something sane like getting him back to Atlantis. So he tried another tactic. "If that's true and we are close, just dial the gate and stay here with McKay."

"If they aren't at the next gate, we've dead ended our hunt. You'd use the gate to get back here or to Atlantis and killed the star 69 trail," John explained, had already thought of those consequences if he failed to keep going through every gate until they came upon their prey. He simply couldn't fail. No one could do this but him. And that weight was sitting pretty heavily on him right then.

"Star 69?" Lorne asked in confusion before Rodney explained.

"You know, old phone system, dial star 69 to find out…"

"Last number dialed, yeah, got it."

John reached out, latched onto Lorne's uniform sleeve. "I will go through as many gates as I have to. We both know what's at stake…"

Again a grim look passed between Rodney and Lorne. Yes, Atlantis's defensive position was at stake but right now, it was hard to put that worry above the one that they were watching Sheppard kill himself. Maybe worse than that, they were helping him do it.

John tightened his grip on Lorne's arm, got his second in command's attention fixed back to him. "This is my call, Major. However, it turns out, that's on me."

"Sir, yes, sir," Lorne responded as he sardonically thought, 'Yeah because blaming a dead guy was always the honorable way to avoid getting court-martialed.'

As it turned out, gate five was the charm. And yes, though their arrival was not expected, the activated stargate drew the thieves' attention from their packing up the ZPM process. They opened fire when they recognized the Atlantis uniforms on the first Marine through the gate. Rodney, Sheppard and their Marine assistant stepped through the gate to the loud report of gun fire, bullets zipping in the air all around them and no cover to seek.

Without putting any thought to it, Rodney yanked John to the ground and covered his friend's body with his own, determined to keep the man from harm. He had to amend it to more harm, when John began seizing on the ground beneath him, the last jump having apparently pushed Sheppard's body to that response. "Not now! Not now!" Rodney exclaimed, found it hard to cover the Colonel when he was jerking so hard on the ground his head was rolling and his limbs were flaying, but he did his best. Then John went utterly still.

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Tbc

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