It was already late— an hour past dark— when Jiraiya showed up at his house. Sasuke stared at the Sannin for a second, his eyes bleary from where he'd fallen asleep on the couch. Jiraiya didn't miss the kunai in the kid's hand.

After That Night, Sasuke had taken to sleeping in his Uncle Kouki's house, partly because it was close to the edge of the Uchiha District so he didn't have to walk past a lot of painful memories every day and partly because it was a place he had spent the least amount of time growing up. Nightmares were harder to leave behind.

"You gonna let me in or keep glaring at me with that useless little weapon?" Jiraiya asked, tilting his head back so he looked down his nose at the child Sasuke sneered at him but let him in.

He didn't say anything, but beckoned Jiraiya inside. Jiraiya shook the rain off of him, using a single hand seal and blowing the extra water off of his body. Sasuke would never admit that it looked cool.

The white-haired Sannin left his geta by the door and followed Sasuke into his kitchen. The boy was quiet as he puttered about, filling the tea kettle with water and setting it on the stove. It was an old stove and had to be lit with a match. If Jiraiya was amused to see Sasuke in such a domestic state, he didn't comment on it.

Sasuke stood next to the stove, leaning his weight against the counter and pressing his palms into the countertop as he studied his temporary sensei. He wondered if Jiraiya would keep teaching him when Kakashi was less busy. He desperately hoped so but would never say it. No, he'd never ask. Jiraiya didn't say anything either, not caring that he was being watched very closely. He seemed comfortable in the role of a zoo animal.

The kettle whistled and Sasuke wrapped a tea towel around the hot handle, taking it off of the stove. The anxiety of abandonment felt cold in his stomach. He held it aloft in his right hand and scuttled his left hand across the drawer to the right of the stove, searching for the hot mat so he could set the kettle on the table without burning the cloth or the table itself.

He regretted that he'd forgotten to get the proper tea cups out before bringing the hot water to the table. His mother had always shown him that it was meant to be brought together so that guests would never wait too little or too long for their tea.

Sasuke pushed a chair over to the cabinets to the right of the sink and climbed on top of it to get the nicer tea set out. His uncle had been able to reach it up here and it kept out of the way of his Cousin Hana's curious grasp. Sasuke himself needed the chair. Jiraiya didn't make a sound as Sasuke set the tea set in front of him. The clattering of the tea cups was loud in his tired ears.

He supposed that kukicha was as good a tea as any for the occasion, considering it was all he had at the moment.

"This is all I have today," he said quietly. His tone was firm, daring the older man to mock his lack of hospitality.

Jiraiya's lip twisted into a bit of a smile. "I'm surprised you're making me tea at all, kid. Your mother taught you well. I never would have expected you to be so… Domestic."

Sasuke grunted, trying to prevent the flush of colour to his cheeks. He was exceptionally well-versed in manners. He'd spent a lot of time with his mother learning proper etiquette, what with his father being head of the clan and all.

"You didn't come for tea. So what do you want?"

"Maa, don't be like that, Sasuke! I can't just visit?" Jiraiya held a hand over his heart in mock offense.

"You don't ever just visit anyone." 'You're too important' hung in the air, unspoken. 'For someone like me' was a belief he kept close to the core of his being, unwilling to be seen in that light.

Sasuke sat across from the older man, fear and discomfort spiraling out of nowhere as Jiraiya sighed and caught his gaze. The dark whispering that he continuously labored to hold back was shrieking in the back of his mind as though gearing up for war.

If he was alone, he would have pressed his fingers into his temples. Instead he would have exhaled slowly through his nose, remembering the meditation techniques his father had taught him to grow his yin chakra.

Jiraiya nodded, not breaking eye contact. "I know Kakashi sealed off that mark Orochimaru gave you. I also know you're still feeling the effects from it."

He hasn't been expecting to feel shame, but it suckerpunched him in the gut anyway. "It's fine! I'm fine."

He knew he was a liar. He knew that something was coming. Every fiber of his being was preparing for it with each passing day.

"I want to look at the seal and see what kind of seal array Kakashi used. I also want to see what it actually is that you were given." Jiraiya reached into his robes and pulled out a bundle of paper that had been rolled up and put through a decorative ring. It looked like one of the ones his mother wrapped around napkins for big meals.

Sasuke eyed the elements suspiciously. "It gives me power," he said carefully. Jiraiya tried to catch his eye, but he looked down and away.

"What do you mean?" Jiraiya said just as carefully. If his words were a posture, his fists were up and he was ready to grapple the boy before he could run away.

Sasuke sighed, looking at the ceiling. There was a rusty stain near the walkway to the living room. He wondered how he'd never seen it and if it was from That Night or a simple water leak.

"In the Forest of Death I… He was going to hurt Sakura. I was so angry. I've never been so angry in my life," it was strange to admit that out loud. It almost felt like he was lying— he had spent so much time pretending that it had been normal; to admit the truth actually felt like uttering a falsehood.

Jiraiya was quiet, sipping his tea like it was a normal conversation. Sasuke longed to hit him, just to provoke a response. He wanted confirmation of the guilt that itched within his gut. "I didn't care that I hurt him. I wanted to. I would have killed him if Sakura hadn't… stopped me. I felt like a monster. I looked— Sakura told me I didn't look like myself."

"Death is a normal part of life as a ninja, you know," Jiraiya said, setting his teacup down and pressing his fingers against the rim. The red marks on his face looked like prison bars. "Have you not encountered that yet?"

Sasuke felt his face sour into an expression of repulsion before he could pretend he was unaffected by the Sannin's words. "Not like that! I don't want to be like— … I have my own sense of justice, okay? I don't want to have to be a murderer to be strong and protect people.

"I thought you were an avenger, Sasuke…" Jiraiya looked him in the eyes and he thought about the implications of that statement and that look. Fury and fear warred with each other and fear won.

"I am." He spat. "But not the kind that's a murderer! Only that man deserves my hatred."

Jiraiya nodded like he was thinking over what he'd just said. He picked up the kettle and refilled his cup. He swirled the teacup in front of him, smelling the tea. "Have you ever considered what you'd do if you found out he wasn't the only one involved in the death of your family? Lot of strong ninja to be taken out by one boy."

"You're lying—"

"I'm not saying it's true, brat!" His voice boomed in the tiny kitchen. "I'm asking if you've ever thought about that possibility."

"But Itachi said—"

"You'd listen to the man who's killed your family over anyone else?" Jiraiya interrupted, leaning forward with keen eyes. "My family is gone, too, kid. War does something to people. It's not fair. I've seen what it's done to too many people I care about. Have you ever considered why you were placed with Kakashi?"

Sasuke felt sick. Sweat crept down the back of his neck and ice water churned in his veins. Was it possible? Had Kakashi helped kill his family? Paranoia muttered in the recesses of his conscience like a rising tide. No, no, it couldn't be that. The idea that it was to keep him weak came to the surface and he tried to shove it down. To watch him and make sure he never grew strong enough to kill Itachi. It was an incredibly buoyant thought and it wanted to stay afloat.

"Kakashi has also lost everyone to war, Sasuke."

It was as though he'd resurfaced from under that crushing weight of burdensome paranoia. He looked Jiraiya in the eye, searching for the lie he feared.

"I, too, have lost my family to war. Most of my friends. My sensei. Tsunade? She's lost more than you can know. Sakura has lost everyone. Many of us have lost everyone. Naruto lost it all before he knew he had it. You aren't alone. You don't need to walk this path, kid."

"But, Itachi—"

"But what?"

Sasuke deflated, his hands in his lap. He stared into the empty tea cup, not sure when he'd finished it. "I— I've never imagined anything else…"

Jiraiya sighed and Sasuke heard him rustling through the papers. "I can't replace your father. I can't replace what you lost. Neither can Naruto or Kakashi or even Sakura."

Sasuke felt hollowed out like the leftover rind of a fruit. His eyes burned with tears he did not want to shed. It felt hopeless when Jiraiya laid it all out like that.

"But lucky for you, you can build something else. Honouring your family does not have to look like dying alongside them, kid. You can live. You can form bonds. You can find things you enjoy. I don't… I'm not always in the village but you can rely on me."

Sasuke nodded, curtly, unsure of how to conduct himself. His feelings were a wigwam of uncertainty.

"Now take your shirt off so I can actually look at this seal. I'm not saying to forget revenge. Just… build a life you want to live so after you do what you need to do I'm not worried about you killing yourself."

The boy nodded, seeming in a daze, and pulled off his shirt. He had been in such deep thought he hadn't even realized that the seal was absolutely aching. Tenderly he cupped the permanent wound and frowned.

"Hmm, kid was right, this is bad," Jiraiya murmured to himself. He'd moved around the table and was staring at the black tomorrow of the seal, frowning.

Sasuke held still, unwilling to put himself through more pain. As he sat with nothing to think about except things he was avoiding, his temples began to pound.

Jiraiya poked around for a bit and every graze of his finger felt like a blade flaying the flesh from his body.

Eventually, Jiraiya sat back down. Sasuke was holding onto the edge of the table and dizzy, nausea causing him to remain still.

"Alright," Jiraiya began. Sasuke could hear him scribbling with a pen. "So, it's not great. But I think we can make life more bearable for you."

The Uchiha grunted, unable to move or speak without risking an explosion of liquid as an accompaniment to his speech.

There was rustling again. The sound of a jar being opened and then slopping sounds which he assumed was ink being put to page. He heard the chair scrape backwards and then the scuffling of Jiraiya's feet as he moved closer. He opened his eyes, noticing idly that Jiraiya's toes were all about the same, sunburned length.

"Look up."

Blearily, he did. Jiraiya's face was stern with concentration. The page was pressed to his face and adhered with chakra. Then Jiraiya's hands began to flow through seals so quickly that Sasuke couldn't keep track. His Sharingan kicked on before he could stop it. Horse, Tiger, Rat… it went on and on for a bit until finally Jiraiya curled all his fingers together except for his thumb and pinky finger. He pressed the pinky against the paper, in the center of Sasuke's forehead. Jiraiya pressed his forehead against his own thumb.

It felt like he moved with Jiraiya as the man reached across the table to grab more paper. "Nasty bit of seal work. I need to make sure I can feel what you're feeling or I am likely to cause some damage."

"Lucky for you, I've had a lot of long nights with people like Tsunade who can drink Gamabunta under the table," Jiraiya laughed heartily at that then winced. "Sorry, kid."

Another page was applied to the back of his head and then he waited as Jiraiya went through some seals. His body swam with relief as the sensations of nausea decreased.

"Do not try any Justus right now, got it? I've had to seal up some of your chakra so that I can isolate this area of your chakra network. There is chakra coming from that seal that is working to overwhelm your perception and proprioception."

"Huh?"

"Just. Don't use your chakra right now. Think of it this way. Your chakra is getting mixed with dirty water right now and we need to dam up the rest so we can work on cleaning it up. If we keep letting more water in, we're just gonna circulate the contamination."

"Got it."

"That means don't try to copy this with the Sharingan."

Sasuke was very still as Jiraiya worked, embarrassed he'd been caught. As Jiraiya systematically closed tenkutsu with paper seals, he could feel a tangible difference in the clarity of his mind.

He didn't say that, though. He just let the man work.

It took nearly an hour for Jiraiya to actually do that portion of the task. Sasuke slipped in and out of a meditative state to try and pass the time.

Every now and again Jiraiya would stop to take notes, scribbling in a book that he tucked into his robe after each annotation.

"It's in there pretty deep. But… I have some theories but I want to take you to see Tsunade tomorrow. She's your best bet to getting this thing fixed fully, not just sealed down into a nuisance of a tattoo."

The older man went about packing up his stuff. It was late and exhaustion kept them quiet. Sasuke remained seated, too tired to think about much of anything. It wasn't until his head started nodding more drastically that Jiraiya said anything.

"Sorry, your body's used to having a steady flow of chakra. You get to bed. I'm not going anywhere until we get that looked at, barring a catastrophic event. I'll take the couch and find some blankets. Believe it or not, I used to play 'Go' with your Uncle Ko when we were kids."

Sasuke stared at him. If one of the Legendary Sannin wanted to poke around his house, there wasn't much he could do to stop him. "Hn. Make yourself at home."

"It's complicated but very fixable. I just have to figure out how to fix it…" Tsunade stood next to the bed, one hand on her hip and the other tapping a finger thoughtfully against her lower lip. Sasuke was on his back so all he could see were her pumps. Camel brown with dark green accents. Why women wore shoes like that was beyond him.

"Well I'll start drawing it up so I can display it for you whenever you want to see it. Jiraiya, can you expand this section of the seal?" Shizune asked, prodding her finger into Sasuke's back.

"Pull Anko's file for me, would you? I want to see what he's changed since then," ordered Tsunade. "Well, kid, you're gonna have to remain in our care until this is fixed. There are certain … clauses in the seal that are worrisome."

Sasuke stiffened and tried to look up but the angle was too awkward. instead, he huffed and stared at the floor again. He was surprised when Tsunade pulled a simple chair over to him and sat down so they were at least able to look at each other.

The way Jiraiya was working on his back prevented him from sitting up, so he angled his head as best as he could.

"Listen, I can't give you all the details. But you are going to have to trust me when I tell you that I am looking out for you. This is not us working against you. You won't be able to leave the hospital and you're off training for at least a week. I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but I have reason to believe that this seal is going to have horrendous side-effects down the road, especially if you keep using it in fights, spars, and training.

Your Kekkai Genkai is very deeply linked to emotion. That works well for you. This seal is not that way. To put it simply, there is a mechanism in the seal that is actually poisoning your chakra and inducing paranoia and heightened emotion. There's a lot of other stuff going on, but that's what you need to focus on. If you have any weird thought patterns you don't understand or new fears, just remember that it's probably not your actual brain generating those things. This seal is hijacking your emotions."

Sasuke didn't answer, save for a nod. It felt violating and gross that whatever that man had done could be doing that much to him and his body. He wondered about the paranoia he'd been feeling, but didn't say anything. He'd think through that later.

"What about team stuff?" He asked.

"I let them know you're here. They should be here soon. You can still go over some strategy and stuff while you're here and I can send Sakura and Naruto out to do some D-ranks, too. It's not like they'll actually be short of a body." Jiraiya supplied. "I have plans for you today, though."

Sasuke only grunted in response. He just wanted to be alone.

"You're gonna have guards 24/7, because we won't put anything past that snake bastard," said Tsunade. She set her hand on his head for a moment and Sasuke felt awkward about the show of affection. "Alright, that's all I have time for today. I'll be back to check on things later."

"Later, princess!" Jiraiya offered before removing his hand from Sasuke's back.

When Sasuke was finally sat up and turned around, Shizune and Tsunade had already departed. There was a black blob of a figure standing outside the door. He was amused that they felt he deserved an ANBU guard.

"Alright, kid. You have a lot of time to sift through a lot of things," murmured Jiraiya. "So, I got you some stuff… I gave you a lot to think about and I know you'd rather be training and working your feelings out that way. So instead…"

Jiraiya was rummaging around in a large, red leather bag. From this bag he produced a myriad of things. There were books and scrolls and even some paints. Amongst the books, Sasuke noticed the broad spectrum of Jiraiya's work. He cringed a little, deciding not to read Icha Icha. All the people he'd seen who read that crap were really powerful but he was sure that their perverted inclinations had little to do with their battle prowess.

The other book, the Tale of a Gutsy Ninja, seemed interesting enough, though.

"I figure painting could be good for you. Get some of that teenage angst out in art form, ya know? Or you could express yourself through a different medium, a romantic one perhaps," Jiraiya held up his ridiculous romance novels and Sasuke sneered.

"Don't be sick, old man."

"These are also art," whined Jiraiya, his personality seeming too over the top to be real. "Stories of love and loss and a deep yearning for connection— of various kinds," (Here, Jiraiya was winking and nodding suggestively and Sasuke's look of disgust deepened.) "But most of all they are stories of perseverance! Perseverance in life and love!"

"Be that as it may," Sasuke said dryly, picking up the deleterious materials like one would pick up a used tissue. "I am not reading these."

He dropped them into Jiraiya's hands, slightly amused at Jiraiya's incredulous gasp. "When I was your age I would have actually stabbed someone for access to something like this."

"Hn."

Jiraiya looked at the books in his hands and then sighed. "Sorry, kid. I was just trying to be helpful."

"I think you need help if you think these are helpful for children to read," a feminine voice offered from the doorway to Sasuke's left. He turned to see Sakura standing there with a hand on one hip, her other hand gripping a backpack that was slung over her shoulder. "Granted, everyone in your generation was dying off at an early age due to the wars but things aren't like that anymore, Jiraya-sensei."

Naruto looked thoughtful, staring at the books and scrolls on Sasuke's bed.

"If you're actually that lonely you should just get a girlfriend," Sakura continued, setting herself at the end of Sasuke's bed and grabbing one of the scrolls Jiraiya had given him.

"That's mine," grunted Sasuke, annoyed by her impertinence.

Sakura smirked to herself, giving him a challenging grin. "Fight me, Sasuke-kun. Oh wait… you can't use your chakra, can you?"

Naruto laughed his goofy little laugh and grabbed for scroll she was holding. "Man, Sakura, I never thought I'd see the day where you were actively bullying Sasuke. Bastard, I think your days of fangirl Sakura are officially over."

Sasuke frowned, bothered by how embarrassed the comment made him feel. He didn't say anything, instead folding his arms and glaring at Jiraiya. "Do they have to stay?"

Jiraiya laughed boisterously and Sasuke did what he could to avoid the sense of familiarity he felt toward the trio. He hadn't felt such kinship in weeks. The difference he was feeling with the seal-mark tucked away behind the extra seals Jiraiya had put in place was startling. He had become so used to being annoyed and angry in their presence.

"Alright, children. Work through some of the problems in that first scroll. Then if you get bored or work through that, I want each of you to spend time creating something."

"But like what, Pervy-sage?" Naruto whined.

"Anything," Jiraiya said, inching toward the door as he adjusted the bag on his shoulder. "Write me a story. Draw up plans for a future home. Draw something. My only stipulation is that it can't be geared toward work or revenge. It has to be something beautiful just because it's beautiful."

"Sensei, I already have a jutsu you think is beautiful—"

"Naruto! Not that. It's for you. Each of you. Create something beautiful for yourself. You don't even have to share it with anyone other than me and even then I'm just making sure you're doing it. Now get to it— I have work to do."

Jiraiya left the room in a hurry, muttering to himself about priorities and Inoichi and hot springs.

Sakura was sitting quietly at the end of the bed for a bit, reading through a scroll on meditative techniques intended to grow chakra. Naruto had for a moment looked longingly at the book with the blue cover before shyly picking up a piece of paper. Sakura gave him a pen and he began doodling away. Sasuke stared at the book with the blue cover— The Tale of the Gutsy Ninja— and he flipped it open lazily.

He was annoyed by a singular thought that bumped around his head like a little bug against a lamp.

"I know you talked to Jiraiya about my seal, Sakura," he said at least, unable to contain himself anymore. He wasn't sure what reaction he wanted from her, so he just watched to see how she responded.

She sat down the pen that she'd been nibbling on and looked at him with a curious, guarded expression. "Do you want me to apologize?"

Sasuke felt Naruto stiffen to his right. He looked away from the two of them as he tried to decide what he wanted. "No…"

Sakura nodded a few times, more to herself than to him. "Are you upset with me?"

"No. I think…" His lip curled in disgust as he considered. His inability to express himself made him feel stupid. "Thank you, I think."

"We were worried about you, ya bastard," Naruto mumbled. His eyes looked wet and Sasuke quickly averted his gaze, feeling embarrassed and somehow violated by the strong emotions. "You weren't acting like yourself."

"Hn." Sasuke grunted. "Whatever, loser. Don't think that just because I'm stuck in this hospital bed that you're gonna pass me by."

He grinned when Naruto rose to the bait and immediately shook a fist at him. "I'm definitely gonna out-do you, bastard!"

He and Naruto continued to pretend to fight, but he didn't miss the shy, relieved smile that Sakura thought he couldn't see.

A/N: I am fully aware that Jiraiya just did something gross and inappropriate, but his rehab will take some time. Please forgive me, I can't just change him overnight. 3 Love you guys, review with your thoughts.