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I was trying desperately to get my emotions under lock. I couldn't have possibly had this little revelation at a worst time. I wanted to hit myself for even letting myself begin to venture down this road in the first place.
I'm currently wrapped up in my quilt on Quil and I's pallet in the living room, paying absolutely no attention to the movie thats playing. Quil went to go get more blankets and here I am sitting on the floor having this damn epiphany!
It's been almost a month since Em joined Sam's gang, which essentially made Quil and I each other's only friends. It made me feel less guilty monopolizing all his time knowing he'd just spend it alone without me. The problem with this was I had already realized my feelings for Quil before I spent every day and sometimes night with him. All this one on one time was doing nothing but the opposite of dispelling my growing feelings for him.
I was so flustered by him just throwing his arm around my shoulders and pulling me into his side, that I'd squeaked a little causing him to look down at me. Of course I was the one acting weirdly. Quil had done this many times before, when had things changed so completely for me? Considering how close we had been, it took everything in me to focus again and not make an ass of myself by lurching forward for a kiss. The realization that I'd been almost totally unable to resist, until Quil jumped up to grab some more blankets was what sparked my current train of thought. I realized after he'd gotten up, that my hands had been trembling. That's why he must've went to get the blankets, he thought I was cold.
I was powerless to stop the thoughts and revelations now. Soon all the moments with Quil that had either confused me previously, or embarrassed me came flooding to the front of my mind. All the shared looks and the slightly more intimate touches they had began to share. It didn't feel like a big shift had occurred, it was just…. more. Naturally, we had seemed to slip into this new normal. So naturally in fact, I didn't even notice it happening until now. But now that I did, I'd have to be blind not to see how blatantly our relationship was changing.
I'd let myself dissect everything. I realized I was a fool to have ever called my growing dependency and admiration a crush, it was so much more. I was falling in love with Quil Ateara, my best friend. My only friend. Maybe, I already had.
I was torn. I didn't know what to do. What was the right thing to do in this scenario? Never tell him how I feel, prioritize our friendship over everything? Yes, that could work. I'd never tell him my true feelings and just be content to have him in my life in any capacity. Rather than chance things going wrong and losing him. What if he started dating someone else though? Could I handle being his friend and watching him love another girl, knowing what I know now? The answer was like bold writing in my head, a neon sign really. Absolutely not. I'd much rather kill every woman on this planet than let any of them have him. I gasped aloud at the bombshell thought. Once I'd thought it, I knew it was true. I'd never felt so possessive in all my life towards anyone, not even Edward.
The reminder of my dreadful first love was like a smack in the face. It had all my fears and worries right back front and center. It screamed at me to run and to never come back. Protect my fragile heart from the jeopardy I know it cannot endure. Reminding me of the pain that followed loving someone so extensively. The other, louder part is screaming at me to stop being stupid and tell him. Tell him that I need him, that I want him. The part of me that whispered I wouldn't make it one day without him anyway. I really don't think I would, and that's what's unnerving me. I need him so completely already, it's admittedly ridiculous. I can't believe it took me this long to come to terms with it. or maybe my subconscious had done it purposely? To keep me serenely ignorant for as long as possible? I'd never know I guess.
I shifted, letting myself slide down the front of the couch I was propped against until I was laying down starring up at the ceiling. The movie still played softly from the TV, but I wasn't paying any attention. It could have been at the highest volume, with a world ending last broadcast flashing on it and I'd probably not even notice.
I was starting to develop a small headache. Almost certainly because I just didn't feel like dealing with this right now. I sighed, consciously having to stop the internal battle going on inside my head and let myself relax. I laughed softly when I realized the best thing to relax me the fastest, was thoughts of Quil. Again, I sighed and just let myself have it. I let Quil completely take over my mind again as my eyes shut. This time though, I thought of his smell. He had an almost natural smelling scent, natural as in something earthy. It was like that beautiful smell of outside you first woke up to when camping in the forest. Like dew, and grass. The undertone was something sharper, manlier I couldn't quite put my finger on. I could breathe it in all day and it'd never be enough. I thought of his dark brown eyes almost black they were so dark and deep, but when the sunlight hit them you could see all the flickers of mahogany and streaks of copper clearly. I didn't hold back this time, I let myself have it. I thought of absolutely everything that I loved about him. Which was just about everything, I quickly uncovered. I couldn't wait to touch him. To run my hands through his hair and pull him close, and I would do just that. I didn't care if he thought I was a crazy phsyco, I just needed him.
As if on cue, Quil walked in with a few blankets and some more pillows. I hoped that they were from his bed, I wanted to breathe in his scent more. Yeah, definitely a crazy psycho. He smiled down at me and I couldn't help the smile I now knew to be painstakingly lovesick. I hope he didn't notice. God, I loved his smile. Considering that I had just had an unveiling that I loved everything about Quil, it left me feeling very dense, for not comprehending my feelings for him earlier.
He spread the blankets over me and plopped his pillow right by mine and laid down. He pulled himself into the covers and I couldn't resist, I cuddled into him. We normally just laid side by side, but there was no fighting my instincts now. He seemed shocked at first, looking down at me surprised. His eyes were wide and his mouth had fallen open a little. He snapped out of the shock almost as quickly as it had showed up. He smiled softly down at me and then wrapped his arms around me and laid his chin on my head. I pulled as close to him as I possibly could.
I heard him turn the TV off, throw the remote on the couch behind us and then he began to rub soothing circles all over my back. I sighed in contentment as his warm hands sent tingles through my skin as their heat melted through my shirt. I still have no idea what caused him to become so much warmer over night. He insisted he was fine though, and he didn't look sick. He was actually going through late staged growth spurts, which were actually really uncommon. Gramps said they were much more common in Quileute adolescents though. I wondered why, but I knew Gramps would never lie to me so I knew it to be true. Plus I had saw the proof for myself with Embry and Jake. Maybe that's why they felt too good to hang out with us. They wanted to take advantage of their new height and muscle, draw more attention to themselves by hanging around other muscley tall guys? I knew that didn't sound like the friends I knew, but I'd obviously known them far worst than I'd thought. I shook those thoughts away completely when I looked up at him through the darkness and registered the look in his eyes as he watched me. I was instantly captured by his deep eyes, lost in them. No, I was drowning in them. I thought I saw raw, intense emotions there. I had to be hallucinating though, seeing what I wanted to maybe? Although, his very next movements seemed to shatter every doubt in my mind. He leaned in so closely, I felt his next breath fan across my lips and nose. His scent made my head absolutely swirl. Not the way I'd been ensnared and seized still like with Edward. I was just now realizing that the paralyzing state of awe and submissiveness a human felt when a vampire breathed on them was just apart of his predatory prowess. I was the prey, Edward the predator. He breathed in my face during arguments and I'd be complete putty in his hands, I'd told myself I was just so in love with him that it was a natural reaction, but it wasn't was it? It was manipulation of the highest form, almost mind control. I knew that now, because of how I felt in this moment. I knew how it felt to be enthralled by someone naturally now, before I'd had nothing to compare it to.
The anticipation I felt for what was to come had the thoughts of my ex dispelled faster than they had come. I'd revisit that when I wasn't so thoroughly distracted. I watched only his eyes as his face grew closer and closer to mine in what seemed like slow motion. He was going to kiss me. I could've jumped up and did a happy dance right there if I didn't think I'd ruin my chances of kissing Quil. It felt like a movie in those romantic scenes where everything is slowed down for dramatic effect.
Finally, he was right in front of me. His nose rubbed ever so softly against mine and then I was done waiting and everything was right. He pressed his lips to mine firmly but gently. I sighed in, relief? Happiness? No. More like contentment, peace. I moved my lips in sync with his. His large right hand came up to slip around the back of neck, his thumb rest on my jaw. I felt swallowed up by his hands and his lips were so warm and soft, I felt like I was home. I'd never experienced something so invigorating. Every time I kissed Edward, it was always cold and hesitant, but foolishly my body told me I liked it, craved for it like a drug. I'd had nothing to compare it to. There was no way I would know what I felt was mostly vampire lure. Not until I'd been able to have this real experience with Quil. Quil was in every way different and so was this kiss. It felt natural, as easy as breathing. It felt like I was where I was meant to be and nothing could ever come in between us. I felt like I was on top of the world.
My mind was just a puddle of incoherent thoughts by now. He pulled me to him even harder as he traced my bottom lip with his warm tongue. I shivered and sighed into his mouth. He quickly took advantage of my parted lips. His tongue darted into my mouth and I think I just about died. It was the most heavenly feeling I had ever felt. I quickly utilized the opportunity to explore inside his own parted lips. This was everything, he was everything. That's when I knew for sure; there was no turning back now. I pressed my tongue to the roof of his mouth and he let out a small groan. The vibrations from it tickling my lips. I eagerly breathed him in, as I pushed a hand through his long hair. It was long like all the native men on the reservation, but Quil's hair was more curly than wavy. That was abnormal for even the woman of the tribe. It was beautiful and it felt like silk on my fingers as I weaved them through it. Before I grabbed a handful pulling him closer. He ran a hand down my arm, to my torso, past my butt and thigh and let his fingers linger on the crock of my knee before he pulled. He hitched my leg up onto his thigh and I groaned into his mouth. He leaned into me so that he was more leaning on me than on our sides. When he ran the tip of his tongue along the roof of my mouth I swear right then, I almost fainted. I moaned and grind my hips into his unable to stop myself with my growing need and desire. He broke the kiss briefly to throw his head back, groaning deeply. Just as fast as he'd broken the kiss, he returned to it. Kidding me frenziedly.
After a particularly heated exchange, I was gasping for the air. I'd somehow forgotten to breathe. Quil pulled back, resting his forehead again mine. He chuckled at my gasping breaths as I tried to catch my breath. I guess it wasn't as hard for him to catch his. He was still staring down at me wordlessly. When my breathing regulated, he brought his thumb that was already resting on my jaw to trace my lips with.
"Quil." I half whispered, half moaned. He leant forward to give me one more soft, gentle kiss.
"You have no idea, how long I've wanted to do that." He smiled against my lips.
"Really?" I whispered happily and he nodded pulling me onto his chest. I was still breathing like I had just ran a marathon as I snuggled further into his warm arms and yawned.
"Go to sleep kitten." He said rubbing my back. I was too sleepy now to argue about his nickname that he had given me.
"I can't lose you now Quil." I stated as I gripped him harder. The realization consuming me, I'd just sealed my own fate.
"It's a good thing I'm never leaving then." He said with conviction. He kissed my forehead and pulled me closer into him if that was possible.
He continued to rub my back and in no time, I was out, clichely dreaming of Quil.
XXXXXXX
I was woken up by a bright light. It was like insanely bright, but it only lasted a second before it was dark again. I blinked and tilted my head off of Quil's chest to investigate the light. I squinted my eyes and blinked repeatedly, trying to adjust my eyes. Quil must have gathered himself quicker than me because he was the one to speak first.
"Gramps?" He asked groggily. I heard Gramps chuckling.
"Whoops, sorry kidos. I didn't mean to wake you. I accidentally left the flash on." He said fumbling with a digital camera like it had fallen from an alien space ship into his hands. I giggled at the look on his face with his furrowed eyebrows and puckered lips. He grunted then pushed his glasses back up his nose.
"Why were you taking a picture anyway old man?" Quil asked, while sitting up, dragging me with him.
"Oh the two of you looked so darn cute so cuddled up down there! I figured I could take a pic for the greatgrandies." He rolled his eyes while continuing to tinker with the camera, not even looking up. While I on the other hand was blushing about ten different shades of red, as I remembered what we must of looked like so intertwined. Not that Gramps would care. Ever since the first day I'd come over Quil's and Gramps had mistaken me for a girlfriend, he seemed sure I'd eventually end up his granddaughter in law. I'd always thought he'd been teasing us, but now I wasn't so sure. Had he known something we didn't? Gramps just so happened to look up at me even and grinned.
"Smile! You know I love that blush of yours Balima!" He said excitedly and snapped another picture of us. Which of course just had me blushing more.
"Don't you have anything better to do than make Bella blush?" Quil chuckled. I sunk into him.
"Well actually, I do. Thank you for reminding me grandson who knows how long I'd of fooled around with this darn thing. I have to go down to the Blacks house for a while. Gotta talk to Billy bout some stuff." He said matter-or-factly as he turned to the front door.
I sighed, I missed my uncle Billy. It seemed like even he was cold to me when Jake started to ignore me. The man who helped me raise me. He was more of a second dad to me than an uncle like I called him. Quil rubbed my arm, probably guessing my train of thought. I looked up at him and smiled gratefully. He returned it. "Alright! You kids be safe today and have fun, I'll see you later!" Gramps called while he shut the front door. Quil just shook his head and laid back down, with me still entrapped in his arms. I laid back on his chest and smiled in contentment. After a minute of just laying there fully waking up, I looked back up at him and smiled.
"So what do you wanna do today?" I asked deciding against talking about what happened last night. He didn't seem to mind, he just smirked down at me.
"My idea of fun you say? How might you be able to help make my day most enjoyable you say? Well I'd just love to see your face when you thought we were just walking along the beach and then BAM! In the water you go, because I've thrown you in! Now your soaking wet. Your hair's all damp and wavy, still dropping water onto your t shirt and shorts that are just clinging to you're toned bod-" I feared he was actually getting lost in the fantasy judging from the far away look in his eyes, so I cleared my throat to get his attention back. His eyes darted to me and then he grinned sheepishly. "So…… the beach?" He said grinning. I glared and playfully punched his shoulder
"Absolutely not. Is that seriously why you've been throwing me in the water more lately?" I asked laughing. His sheepish grin never having really left, returned with a blush.
"No?" He squinted his eyes playfully. I couldn't help but start cracking up. He laughed too and then pushed me over so that he was half on top of me, half on his side.
"Awwwww why not though? Believe me when I say you don't don't need to be embarrassed. You'd win every freaking wet tee contest you entered." He smirked, then sobered slightly,. "Not that I'd ever let you enter one." He frowned as his face got dangerously close to mine.
"I dunnooo…. I think I heard they're having one up in Seattle before it gets too cold, I was considering it." I pecked his lips, stored up and ran away from his into his bed room. I giggled as I heard him yell 'no fair Bells!' as he realized I was joking. I giggled a little and walked over to his dresser. I pulled out one of his shirts and a pair of my jeans. I had shirts here too but I wanted one of Quil's. My clothes were just always here because I forgot them here all the time. So much so, that Gramps just throws my clothes in with Quil's laundry. It was much the same at my house for Embry and Quil. I frowned at the thought of Embry. I missed him so much already, and as much as I hated to admit it, I missed Jake too. I exhaled angrily as I slipped my light blue cargo jeans on with the light blue and white La Push High tshirt I had stolen from Quil. I flipped my hair out the collar and made my way to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth with an extra tooth brush thatI had here. I kept one at Embry's too, but I don't think I'll ever be using that one again. I put my tooth brush in the holder on the counter and finished freshening up; doing my hair, putting deodorant on and stuff. I turned to leave out the bathroom. When I opened the door I was met face to pectoral muscles with Quil's muscular chest level with my eyes. He was wearing a tight fitting dark grey tee shirt with dark jeans and Nike's. I don't think he owned tight shirts, he was simply getting bigger. The shirt that had probably fit perfect a few weeks ago was now stretched thin in the areas his muscles were developing; his chest, neck and arms. I held back a groan as I realized I desperately wanted to set them free from the confinements of the offensive garment. I wanted t- my thoughts were immediately cut off and redirected as soon as I noticed the giant mischievous grin plastered across his handsome face. Uh Oh. I slowly backed up about three steps, but my foot hit the front of the tub behind me. I was out of bathroom. He shook his head.
"You can't run now kitten." He said lowly. The threat filled me with anxiety only slightly, really it just turned me on. I couldn't help it when he was looking at me with such a predatory gaze while stalking slowly towards me and using that damn sexy low voice. The voice should be outlawed, the affect it had on me and I'm sure the entire female and for that matter some of the male population as well was too dangerous for one man to posses. He was still slowly making his way into the bathroom, stalking towards me. I didn't move again, I was frozen in trepidation like lust. I looked around for any type of escape even though I knew there was none. By the time I looked back in Quil's direction, I was being swooped up into his large, warm arms and being thrown over his shoulder. He lifted me up like a sack of potatoes! Was I really that light? I knew I wasn't a large or heavy girl, but still should a 17 year old boy be able to hoist me up so effortlessly? I was just over 120 pounds which I knew wasn't heavy per se, but Quil really did seem completely unaffected by my weight. It was impressive as much as it was mystifying, and it certainly didn't help to dissipate my 'excitement'.
"Quil Alteara! Put me down!" I laughed as I pounded on his back. He seemed unaffected by my protest.
"Yeah, that's it Bells. Right there, I didn't know you were giving away free massages." I could hear the smile in his voice. "Now, if you don't mind, I have to ask you something." He said as we entered his room. He dumped me gently on his bed and before I could blink he was on top of me. My breathing hitched immediately as he brought his nose right under the rim of my jaw. I'd never been in such an intimate position before. Last night had been the farthest I'd ever went with a boy...man? It didn't feel right calling Quil a boy anymore. After all, he'd technically be an adult in February. It was already September, he was definitely closer to 18 than 17 now. My heart was still erratically beating as he traced my frame with his large, warm hands.
"Now kitten. Would you like to talk about the recent developments in our relationship? You're newly acquired feelings?" He whispered seductively. I think I just about forgot how to breathe.
"I...I...Umm...Well...I..." I stuttered out like a complete idiot, unable to put together a coherent sentence in my head while Quil's hands were rooming over my thighs. He was so warm, the heat melted through my jeans easily. Quil chuckled.
"Maybe I should do the talking." He smiled up at me as his mouth brushed dangerously close to mine. The corners of his lips brushed the corners of mine and I shivered. "We don't have to talk about that right now. I was only teasing you. I do actually have a question to ask you, this time I'm serious though okay?" He asked looking me in the eyes to make sure I understood he wasn't teasing anymore. I was able to think through the fog of want and desire enough to nod my head in answer.
He stared down at me, a myraid of emotion in his deep brown eyes. I was temporarily distracted from my thoughts. He paused, for what seemed like dramatic effect to me in my haste to know what he was going to say. In reality he must've been searching for the right words, or was he searching for something in me? After a moment he leaned in closely, really closely. The tip of his nose brushed against mine.
"Isabella Swan ... Will you be my girlfriend?" He asked seriously, very seriously. I could see the many different emotions flashing in his eyes before they settled on… hope? Just last night I'd been terrified at the revelation of my feelings for this man, yet here I was not 24 hours later beaming up at him as happy as I'd ever remembered being. All because he wanted me. He wanted me to be his girlfriend.
"Yes, of course I'll be your girlfriend Quil." I answered when I realized I hadn't said anything. The smile that lit up his face was utterly breathtaking. The next thing I knew I was being lifted into air, thrown off the bed and twirled around in Quil's strong arms. I giggled the whole way until he put me down. He grabbed my face in between his large warm hands, his fingers resting at the back of my neck. He looked so excited I couldn't help but the laugh of joy that bubbled up.
"We're celebrating. Let's go to Port Angeles and we'll go to a movie, out to eat, ice cream. Hell, I don't care if we go sky diving. We're just getting the hell out of here, and anywhere you want as long as it's some place I can show you off. " He grinned down at me like a Cheshire Cat. I laughed again as he snatched up my hand and began to eagerly lead me out the room and house. Maybe it's true, that quote about the storm. "And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."
AN: I hope to hear what you guys think of the story and plot so far. I'd love for your feedback to help shape the coming chapters. Please review!