Chapter 5

"Bella, you need to calm down," she heard her mother say.

She had straps on her arms. At what point had they tied her up? She felt confused, sleepy, lost.

"I want to die. Help me, Mom. Help me die, please," she regained some strength. "Help me!"

When she managed to focus her gaze she saw her parents. Both of them had tears in their eyes. They were trying to regain their composure for their daughter because it was not the time to break down when she needed them.

"Give me something, anything. Just help me die. I don't want to be here anymore. I can't be here without them. Please!"

At that moment a nurse arrived and approached her cautiously. She knew she was coming to put her to sleep again.

"What's the plan?" inquired his father.

"We'll bring a therapist to talk to her. For now we have to keep her sedated".

"Are the straps necessary?" asked her mother, holding back her sobs at seeing her daughter like that.

"I'm afraid so. Without the sedative, she is very aggressive. She has already attacked three nurses," the nurse said shyly.

Bella felt like she was falling asleep again. She wanted to fight it but had no control.

Oof.

Going for a run with Max has always been a good way to keep my dangerous thoughts away. I was too focused on not dying. Max loved it, but I only did it out of necessity. I saw a familiar figure in front of me and stopped dead in my tracks.

"What a pleasant surprise," the man said with a smile.

"Jake," I said in disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

"I like to exercise in this park. And who is this?" he asked looking at Max.

"This is Max, " I smiled. "He likes to run in this park because the children run to give him food and scratch his belly."

Max stayed put, analyzing Jake. After our encounter with Edward a few days ago, he had been a little more overprotective. Suddenly, he jumped on top of Jake, almost knocking him to the ground but he kept his balance. Max tried to kiss him, and he just laughed.

"He seems to like you," I said, smiling at the image.

I realized how I looked compared to him. My light brown hair was in a sweaty, greasy bun. I had a gray t-shirt also covered in sweat, and black leggings full of dog hair. Jake had a black t-shirt, tight to his body with a light stain of sweat, gray shorts, and black tennis shoes. I wouldn't deny it, he looked sexy. I felt a little embarrassed by my thoughts.

"Well Max, I like you too. I'm sorry I haven't texted you, work has been a little busy."

The truth was that with so much on my mind, I hadn't even thought about it.

"Don't worry," I said. "Life's like that."

"How about a date now? There's a nice cafe around the corner, and they let dogs in."

Max was excited at the idea. But I wasn't sure.

"I don't think I'm presentable. I should fix myself up a bit," I tried to justify.

"I don't know what you're talking about, you look beautiful," he smiled sincerely. I blushed.

It felt good. Normal.

"Okay, but I'm not responsible for any smells I might give off.

He laughed and we started walking. Max was very happy among us and we stopped a few times for children to greet him. Some of them were my students or their little siblings. I loved seeing my children. Jake was very friendly and played with the children a little. I mean, fuck, handsome and good with children. Oof. I was in trouble. The hole in my chest constricted a little but I took a deep breath. Jake noticed and touched my shoulder, a questioning look in his eyes. I shook my head and he understood.

We got to the cafe and ordered some drinks and something for lunch. The menu also had dog food and Max looked like he could kiss the waitress.

"Are you okay?" Jake asked with some concern.

"Is that a pity?" I tried to joke.

He smiled.

"No, it's understanding. I know how that pain in your chest feels. I also know that it is not the same for everyone."

Talking about the hole in the chest was not my favorite topic, but having someone who somehow understood was intriguing.

"It's like a void. I can't get anything to fill it. I get panic attacks. Max helps," Max looked at me when he heard his name but returned to his sandwiches, "but I don't know if it will ever leave."

"What you went through is not easy. It was abrupt. Processing it, I imagine, has taken and will continue to take time."

"Can I ask what happened to your wife?" He knew so much about me, and I very little about his past.

"Cancer. They detected cancer in her pancreas. By the time we found it, it was too late," he said sadly. "She was given three months but died within six weeks. For a long time, I was angry and felt that emptiness. But unlike you, I was able to get used to the idea of her not being there before it happened. Don't feel bad for not recovering. Everyone heals their own way and pace."

His words hit me right in the feels. There were days when healing felt like trudging through molasses like I was stuck and going nowhere. Then there were days like this, where the progress felt almost disrespectful to the memory of my family. Maybe healing wasn't a race, though. Maybe it wasn't about speeding up or slowing down, but about letting myself feel what I needed to feel. My therapist probably said something like that too, back in the day. Ignored her completely, of course. Who did she think she was, telling me how to grieve? Now I love her, but post-accident me must've rolled her eyes so hard they'd have gotten stuck.

"I'm sorry about your wife."

"It's okay, as long as you don't look at me with pity," he smiled. I couldn't help but smile too.

We spent the afternoon talking and getting to know each other a little more. Max enjoyed his food and slept peacefully at my feet. It had been a lovely afternoon. But of course, life is not perfect.

"I thought I heard you," Edward said behind me. "Care to introduce us?"

I turned my head suddenly and huffed angrily.

"Jacob Black, nice to meet you," Jake stood up and shook his hand.

"Edward Culledn, the pleasure is mine."

The grip looked a little tense but I didn't know which of them was to blame.

"Are you friends with Bella?" Jake asked without releasing his grip.

"No, and we should go now," I said suddenly, standing up. Max woke up and looked at Edward suspiciously.

"Bella, please…" he began to ask.

"Leave me alone."

"You need to listen to me," he said standing in front of me.

"I think Bella already said no twice. Excuse us, Li," said Jake curtly.

Jake offered me his hand and I took it. I felt butterflies in my stomach and let it go as soon as we stepped out of the place.

"Bella!"

"Pepper spray!" I yelled back

When we got far enough Jake looked at me.

"Who was he?"

"Someone from my past who I don't even want to talk about," I said in a definitive tone.

"Okay, okay," he said, putting his hands in front of himself as a signal of giving up. "How about ice cream?"

"I'm sorry, but I have to go get ready for tomorrow. And Max needs a bath too. Could we do it another time?"

"Of course. Dinner next Friday, what do you think? I'll let you pay and everything," he smiled flirtatiously.

Oof.

"What a gentleman," I rolled my eyes. "Sounds good. I'll text you later."

"Not if I do it first," he added.

And before I could react, he kissed me on the cheek and walked away. I was glued to the spot where I was standing. I was trying to process what had happened and I heard an angry huff.

Edward looked at me with an annoyance I hadn't seen in years. An anger that only meant one thing: he was jealous.

Oof.