Chapter CV

Well-kept Secrets

After a long and agonizing night, dawn broke on the horizon and the birds sang their ode to the sun. Dew wet the ground, and the houses were veiled in an invisible and cold mist, as if the ghost that had haunted the village had sown icy darkness, which persisted even with the arrival of the day. With the coming of light, the shadows vanished and last night would only persist in memories.

Sakura woke up in a jump, and her heart raced. She had fallen asleep despite herself. Fortunately, Kakashi was still there, asleep and tied up; he hadn't moved all night. The oil lamp had used up its fuel, and only the weak rays from outside lit up the warehouse engulfed in darkness. The young girl breathed a sigh of relief. She had survived the nightmare of the full moon… At least, the threat it represented was averted until its inevitable return in a month.

Sakura wondered whether she should wake him up or wait; at that, she hesitated to untie him. She feared that this darkness would awaken. This thing capable of killing in cold blood could very well grab her throat and strangle her… However, the front door of the warehouse opened, pulling the kunoichi from her torment. She stood up and her emerald eyes widened. "Master… Master Tsunade."

Tsunade came to her disciple's side. She put a hand on her hip and frowned. "He's snoring, that idiot," she grumbled.

"He slept all night without Naruto's venom," Sakura explained.

Godaime clicked her tongue in her mouth. "Kakashi is also a victim of the full moon, in the same way as Naruto… And to top it all off, he has a darkness within him. This mark… It makes him a pseudo-chakra devourer…"

"What will happen to Kakashi-Sensei and Naruto…?"

"I don't know yet. No final decision has been made. The warning was for Naruto at first … but the complaints keep piling up with Kakashi in the equation. I'm being harassed to lock them both up."

Sakura gasped, horrified.

"I won't let that happen, Sakura," Tsunade reassured. "I can still repair the damage that moron caused…"

"Kakashi-Sensei wasn't in control of his actions!" she cried. "He can't be convicted for crimes he didn't choose to commit!"

"Calm down, Sakura. I suspect he didn't do it on purpose. Kakashi knows their situation is precarious. I should have locked them up for the night like I planned…" Her eyebrows furrowed further. "Whether he knew about the full moon or not, his little secrets are seriously starting to get on my nerves."

Tsunade kicked him, and Kakashi jumped, opening both eyes. Half asleep, the Copy Ninja blinked a few times before closing his left eye. He grumbled in response to his extremely stiff body.

"Good morning, Kakashi," the Hokage greeted coldly, crossing her arms.

When he recognized that voice, Kakashi's heart stopped. With anguish, he returned a fleeting glance, then lowered his head, out of shame. He couldn't face her. She was mad because of this full-moon night. "La… Lady… Tsunade," he mumbled.

"Untie him," she ordered Sakura.

The teenager complied and with a kunai, cut the rope. Kakashi rubbed his wrists to stretch them, especially after a night immobilized for too long behind his back. Painfully, he got up … and the second he was up, Tsunade grabbed him by the collar and roughly slammed him against the pillar, knocking the breath out of him. Shamelessly, she lifted his shirt, exposing his immaculate, uninjured torso. Confronted with his dirty little secret, his throat tightened and he became as mute as Naruto. He began to tremble, and his breathing turned into muted wheezes. As if his life depended on it, he avoided the piercing hazel eyes fixed on him.

"With such injuries … you couldn't walk so soon, much less train Naruto," Tsunade confronted coldly. "You're perfectly aware that your injuries regenerate as quickly as he does. That's why you didn't want to go to the hospital, huh? Because we would have discovered your little secret?"

Silent, Kakashi became livid and sweated profusely. He stiffened like an iron bar and released pheromones that made him stink.

"You really thought we wouldn't notice?!" she continued, ignoring the smell of carrion that mercilessly attacked her nostrils. "You hid it from us … but you don't make the slightest effort to keep it that way! You know that you've been watched since those guys attacked you! Have you stopped thinking or what?!"

Kakashi couldn't contradict her. It was all true, it was all said. He realized how negligent he had been, and he had done so without even realizing it. Had he really stopped thinking? Kakashi convinced himself that he was the biggest idiot there was…

"Your wounds heal at the same rate as Naruto, the full moon has the same effects on you and finally, you harbour that same darkness within you. Despite appearances, you're no longer human, Kakashi. You're one of them."

Holding his breath, Kakashi closed his eyes—he agreed with this well-founded fact.

This full-moon night had proven it well.

Between the two, he was closer to the night.

The remaining humanity in him was small.

"Are you devouring chakra?"

His organ of love sank, although Kakashi remained impassive. He mustn't give the impression that this could be the case, even if he didn't know if he were capable of such a thing. He refused to answer, both to her and to himself…

But in his useless denial, he knew the answer.

"Kakashi! You will answer me! Do you eat chakra too?!" Godaime thundered.

She tightened her grip and lifted Kakashi until he had to stand on his toes. Cornered against the wall, he finally returned the gaze. "Without fangs, how do you expect me to devour chakra?" he lied without the slightest tremor in his voice. "Apart from sticking in a straw to suck it up, I have no idea how I could do such a sordid thing."

They stared at each other, trying to read each other's thoughts…

Tsunade sighed. She gave him the benefit of the doubt. After all, Kakashi always ate solid food and didn't make himself vomit afterwards. When he was hospitalized, he was closely monitored to make sure he could eat "normally," and that his diet hadn't changed. If he threw up what he ate, she would have known right away. Without fangs, how could the Copy Ninja feed on chakra anyway?

She released Kakashi who nearly collapsed. His legs wobbled for a moment before they were steady. He could breathe again, but he was panting. Since he was poisoned by stress and fear, his scent had gotten worse; it was so strong that Sakura pinched her nostrils after pulling her shirt up over her nose. Kakashi took several deep breaths to calm down. He was sincerely afraid that the Hokage would tell him to pack his bags and move to his new house … equipped with iron bars. However, she was waiting, waiting for Kakashi to explain. With difficulty, he loosened his horribly narrow throat.

"Listen… I didn't know that I could be bewitched by the full moon and that I harbour this … darkness inside me," he murmured. "I don't remember what happened, and all my memories of that day are muddled and confused…" Kakashi paused. His facial features softened, showing his sincerity and the fear that was eating away at him. "It terrifies me to know that this thing is inside me, threatening to take my place like it does with Naruto… If I had known… I would have told you, Lady Tsunade. I don't want to succumb to this thing, whatever it is."

A silence settled in.

"I believe you, Kakashi," she reassured him with a sigh. "This darkness may seem more docile and less aggressive, but it remains a threat to you as much as it is to us. Since you're more cooperative than Naruto, we'll study yours and discover the mystery of these darknesses that you both harbour."

Kakashi nodded.

"Sakura will get you home. If this thing works like Naruto's and responds at night, we'll examine you today, in the morning. As soon as the preparations are finished, we'll come get you."

"Understood."

- XxX -

Everything is confusing, and no memory is clear. I'm still in shock. Shikamaru's words are forever inked in my head, like those of Lady Tsunade … not to mention that she's now aware of one of my nasty secrets…

This darkness in me almost killed someone…

No… I almost murdered someone…

And I am one of them, a chakra devourer…

I can't chase away all these dark and invasive thoughts in a corner of my head; it's simply impossible. The full moon stripped me of who I am and allowed this … "thing" to take my place. Moreover, my chakra reserves are so immense that I don't know what to do with them. The rays of the moon have invigorated my energy… No… It has doubled, tripled my usual reserves … maybe more. That's the only explanation I can find. And if that's really the case … chakra devourers are invincible on a full moon night; they become inexhaustible and ultimate weapons. A handful of these creatures is more than enough to wipe out a hidden village. There's no doubt that this group is bringing them back to life in order to make them weapons of mass destruction…

With dread, I realize that I've become one of these terrifying weapons.

Unable to do anything but follow the Hokage's orders, I return home and Sakura follows the pace of my steps. The cold ground whips my bare soles, and the roughness of the earth mixed with stones hurts my feet. The icy air draws incessant shivers from me, and the humidity drowns my lungs. The streets are almost empty today. The veil of mist creates a morbid atmosphere, in which I'm uncomfortable. People stare at me … absolutely everyone looks at me askance.

I want people to stop looking at me. I want to be left alone. My mind is being tossed and tormented in an endless hurricane that will sweep everything away in its destruction. I can't put my hands over my ears to muffle these incessant words bellowed into my ear canals. This echo repeats itself one after the other, as if my head were underwater. I can't hear anything but these screams that are piercing my eardrums.

I am not human…

I am a chakra devourer…
I am a demon born from the night…
I am a threat to be eradicated…
I am an animal good for locking up…
I am one of them, one of them…
I am doomed to lose everything…
I am going to lose everything again…

I … will … lose … everything…

I panic when I feel a hand approaching me. Unable to tolerate being touched, I slap it brutally with the back of my hand. I jump and freeze when I realize that I have just hit Sakura, who is bitten with worry. I… I stare at my hand… I feel like it acted on its own… I… I would never dare raise my hand on my comrades, much less on my precious students…

"Ka… Kakashi-Sensei," Sakura stammers nervously. "I didn't mean to…"

Her voice weakens; her last words lodge in her windpipe. I grit my teeth and move away from the road. Despite my unsteady breathing, I take a deep breath to calm myself … in vain. I'm a mess… I have to stop thinking about all this… I have to regain control of myself…

"Kakashi-Sensei...?" the young girl calls out softly. "I… I'm sorry…"

"I'm the one who … who's sorry, Sakura," I whisper with difficulty. I clench my fists, digging my nails into my skin. "Be honest with me… Did I hurt you…?"

"No," she replies with a smile. "The shinobi you attacked have superficial injuries and can leave today."

"I see," I mumble with relief.

"That darkness in you isn't aggressive if it's not provoked. Shikamaru and I believe that it attacked Neji because it felt threatened when he activated his Byakugan."

I calm down as I listen to her words. According to her, this thing is docile and isn't driven by murderous intentions like Naruto's. Mechanically, I caress the back of my neck … and I feel it. This darkness in me, I manage to feel it. These strange sensations when I focused on my mark… It was indeed because of it. Strangely, I don't feel threatened. It seems … passively observing me, spying on me. I can't explain it, but it doesn't seem to have bad intentions…

For now, that said…

- XxX -

It takes me forever to reach my apartment. My bare feet have made walking difficult and I would have blisters if my injuries didn't heal so quickly. I ignore the venomous glares pinned on me as best I can. I no longer feel welcome in my own village anymore… Also, it's awkward between Sakura and me. I can't believe that I almost collapsed in front of her, in front of everyone…

When did I start to weaken mentally and emotionally?

This is not my style, far from it…
I finally reach the second floor and a familiar, reassuring presence rushes towards me. I just have time to see Naruto, who leaps at me to take me in his arms. Without hesitation, I open mine to him. His momentum forces me to spin around with him. As he hides his face in my chest, wrapping his ebony tail around both of us, I press mine into his neck and hug him with all my strength. Naruto hums his incomprehensible melodies that soothe me. His warmth chases away the darkness that afflicted me; his summer skin melts my icy restraints. Our hearts beat together, and a strange feeling takes hold of me. I am so happy to see him again, to hold him in my arms like this.
We separate from each other without breaking this desired proximity. His smile fades when his deep blue eyes observe the right side of my face. With a precise gesture, Naruto brushes his finger across my cheek horizontally. I arch an eyebrow and imitate him. I don't feel anything weird. Curious.

"I'm fine, Naruto," I reassure him with a smile. "You don't have to worry."

The blond frowns, not at all convinced.

"I know. I'm an idiot. I should have lain down with you. I wandered around for a good part of the night before falling asleep in a questionable place…"

Naruto frowns further, thrashing his tail. He brushes my cheek again, at the same place, as a drop of sweat forms on my temple. Then, he hisses loudly, glaring at Sakura.

"Calm down, Naruto! She's not to blame for what happened!" I say, brandishing my palms in front of him.

He stops hissing, but his grumpy look persists; at that, he places himself in front of me, between Sakura and I, and wraps his tail like a spring around my legs. I let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, Sakura," I apologize flatly, running a hand through my silver hair.

Clearly, the blond made up a scenario in his head about what happened to me and blames Sakura for it…

For him to be so angry, I dread to know what he could have imagined…

"Do you need anything?" she asks me.

"No. You can go back. I'm gonna rest."

Sakura looks at me worriedly.

"I'm fine, Sakura. You don't have to worry," I insist, smiling. "Sorry again for earlier."

"Okay. Take care of yourself," she says, smiling back at me.

But once again, her smile is fake.

I wave her goodbye, and Sakura leaves. What she witnessed last night is bothering her a lot… I hope she told me the truth and that nothing serious happened… However, I have a bad feeling. I feel like she didn't tell me everything, and I can't know. I have almost no memory of yesterday's day and evening. There's a gap in my memory, at the moment when this darkness took my place. I'm afraid that my student told me empty words only to reassure me…

The full moon is a threat to me. I must avoid its deadly rays at all costs … no matter what, even if it means being locked up and chained in a cage. Although I could recover all of my chakra with a rather appalling additional amount, I never want to expose myself to the full moon and let this "thing" take over my body again. This fateful night will come back to haunt me in a month and turn me into a full-fledged chakra devourer… The fact that I could fall asleep without Naruto's venom is proof of that. As a result, I realize that Naruto knows that I can fall asleep on a full moon night. When I was hospitalized, he didn't want to bite me since it was useless. He still gave in to my whim by granting me a few drops … but how was I supposed to know, after all? Because of his silent, the teenager couldn't tell me…
Besides, I no longer have any injuries, including my tongue; I will have to remove the stitches, even if they are melting ones. Did the full moon accelerate the regeneration of my cells in addition to invigorating my chakra? I don't know … and I won't complain. Since the beginning of this whole story, this is the first time that I'm in one piece and overflowing with energy.
I sigh. I don't know when they will come to get me to demystify this darkness lurking inside me. I caress my neck and focus on my mark. Strangely, I don't feel its presence at all, even if I concentrate on it more. Is it sleeping? I can't say … although it reassures me that it's not spying on me constantly. I wonder if I could connect and talk to this entity, thing, instincts, darkness … whatever it is. At least, if it's even possible.

Wearily, I return home… However, I freeze at the threshold of the door. An unpleasant smell stings my nose. Someone has entered here… Shikamaru has entered my apartment, leaving his olfactory imprint inside, which makes me grimace in disgust, makes my blood boil in my veins. I don't know why, but it infuriates me that he's allowed himself to desecrate the den in my absence. I hope that his infamous smell will disappear soon. I have to stop myself from pinching my nose.

I let out a growl before entering with the blond. Since I will have to lug him around when they come to get me, I tell him to get ready. The latter nods in his own way after giving me a hug. I wanted to take a shower, but since I don't know how much time I have at my disposal, I abandon the idea, like that of breakfast. Besides, I'm not hungry at all, it's as if I ate less than an hour ago. Strange.

Landing my eye on my room, I freeze again. "I… Am I dreaming, or is there a curtain of marbles in the mouth of my door...?"

I approach this curtain and examine it more closely. To make sure it's real, I pass my hand through the mesh. The marbles collide, generating a rather pleasant melody to my ears. On the ground, I notice a piece of white fabric that I don't recognize. When I grab it, I notice that it's soft to the touch.

Dumbfounded, I stand there like an idiot, staring at this thing of marbles that appeared out of nowhere. "Excuse me?! Why is there a curtain of marbles in my bedroom door?! What the hell did I do last night?!"