Chapter 58: I Bought a Whorehouse (Part 11)

"Man, Tarzan was really onto something here, this is fun as shit."

Letting Oct flip him onto the crown of a twisting and massive tree that screamed 'fantasy sequoia' he promptly landed on his feet, spear strapped across his back and affording its innate coordination and sure footing as he gave the summon a grateful nod and smirk, gazing over the terrain with a discerning eye from behind the concealing blanket of leaves bigger than his head.

And what a fucking view.

While the varied foliage different from Earth standards was novel on its own the many slopes and valleys of the area afforded it an even more surreal tinge, dips and rises creating the illusion of a brightly colored ocean that shifted and swayed with the occasional breeze, all of it capped off by - to his eye widening amazement - an island floating through the sky way off in the distance, details and actual size hard to tell without any sort of identifying landmark or scale but judging by the multicolored lights dotting its surface it was pretty damn big.

"What do you think, Oct? Party boat in the sky or floating battleship?"

"Hard to say, Master. From what I've seen there seems to be an unfortunate amount of overlap between the two."

"Amen to that. Kinda makes me wonder if we should be worried running about so close…"

"No need to be, Constantine isn't geared for surveillance or war, merely entertainment and revelry."

Glancing to the side as Eleonor smoothly joined the two of them in a graceful display of athletics that had him appreciably staring for what was likely a bit longer than was polite he quickly shook his head, asking, "Constantine, huh? Haven't really heard of it before, what's the story behind it?"

While the Dark Elf seemed a bit surprised about his lack of knowledge she nonetheless informed him with, "Constantine was built four decades ago due to a partnership between the Grigori and Disney, when they desired to match the Underworld's famous retreat upon Agreas but in a different realm so as to not face direct competition. It's been quite amenable to hiring locals for fair wages and a number of my people - myself included a number of years back - have found work there."

Cayman blankly stared at the floating island, contemplating whether Walt would be turning in his grave at this latest development, of the company that founded itself on family values allying with freakin' Fallen Angels.

"Then again this is the ero universe, for all I know Disney prides itself on something entirely different. What I DO know is that I want to visit it first opportunity I get. Probably a hell of a lot safer than Agreas, if I had to wager."

If memory served the Underworld resort was ALSO where a gargantuan air purifier worked to keep the atmosphere breathable for a great many species. And as anyone who had ever worked in any kind of government or public safety capacity could attest, drunk people and critical infrastructure went great together.

"It's a small part of the reason my village also received such a swift response, Excalibur Fragments aside. Since us Dark Elves have had a constant presence in Constantine and are quite popular employees it was easier to receive expedited aid when many wealthy patrons would want us to remain on station."

"Not bad as far as employee benefits go."

While Cayman was willing to bet the reasons the Dark Elves were so favored was for less than family friendly reasons Eleonor didn't seem too cut up about it so he wasn't about to raise a stink and her people were getting something out of it.

Also he would pay good fucking money to see Mickey Mouse making it rain on a pole dancing Dark Elf.

"Any chance you could get me a pass to that place? It sounds like quite the fun time."

"After what you've agreed to do for us? Easy. And I was planning to visit my sister since she works there, I would be more than happy to take you along."

"Sweet, all the more reason to live through this, then."

Smirking as just like that he'd gotten a vacation pass to an awesome sounding time with a pretty girl to go along with it Cayman reflected that it was also a good time to investigate and see if Constantine was on the up and up. The way Eleonor described it seemed fine but he'd seen enough of Yomihara and Under EDEN to not have any kind of positive expectations for the whole ensemble-

"Oh for fuck's sake, Till. Are you turning me into a good guy? Because that's not a good thing, especially when I'm already dealing with Under EDEN's bullshit."

It was a question worth considering, if being contracted with his Fairy was actually doing something to his proclivities and moral compass…or maybe he was just in a position to actually start doing shit in this realm. Back on other Earth he'd been the accountant of a relatively small crime organization, his ability to influence or change things had been limited to a pretty significant margin. But now? Well, it was one thing to ignore unfavorable events because gaining the ability to change them would have been massively difficult if not impossible, another thing entirely to overlook what could be changed.

Another set of rustling alerted them to Issei showing up, expression still a bit disgruntled as he grumbled out, "And what are you two still up to?"

"Just admiring the scenery, contemplating how awesome it is that I got a free pass to Constantine…you know, fun stuff like that."

Chuckling at the youth's grunt of annoyance as he turned his attention back to Eleonor Issei was left disappointed once again as Asuka leapt up onto a distant treetop, motioning them forward as their rotating patrol pattern meant it was the Dark Elf's turn to leap away with an athletic bound, the Exorcist clearly annoyed that his chance to talk with the hot chick had been substituted with talking with the guy whose bodyguard had humiliated him.

"And on that subject…"

"So what's the deal with your girl's clear grudge against me, huh?"

"That's her story to tell. Although suffice to say the weapon you've got strapped across your back is a bit of a sore spot."

"Really? I couldn't tell."

The bitter sarcasm went uncommented on until Issei obviously got bored with the silence as they waited their turn to go on a patrol loop, asking, "So you know the White Dragon Emperor, huh?"

"Yup. And to answer your earlier questions about your rival no, he doesn't have a harem and no, he hasn't gotten laid. Despite having a contracted Fairy that's more than willing."

Issei blinked a few times, processing the words…and sputtered out, "Wait, seriously?! You're telling me he has a Fairy - the living wet dream of guys everywhere - that's totally down bad for him and he still hasn't popped his cherry?! What a lame rival!"

Cayman snorted, idly inquiring, "And what about yourself? Is this supposed harem real or self-proclaimed?"

"Pfft, of course it's real! Here, I've even got a picture to prove it!"

Rummaging around in his cloak for a moment the young man whipped out a laminated photo, unfurling it and showing a scene of three faces grinning with varying levels of enthusiasm, Cayman recognizing them as both Xenovia and Irina.

"Pretty cute, aren't they~? Both reincarnated Angels and I bet not many guys can say they have that going for them, can they? Not here right now though, which sucks. They got tasked to some other assignment with some crazy ass dude named Hansa Cervantes. Can't say I trust those guys from the Moonlit faction all that much, they just seem kinda weird, you know what I'm saying?"

Not even able to muster the surprise that apparently Strange/Fake had also made its way into the clusterfuck of a three way Cayman reflected that at least some of its more insane facets seemed absent. Gilgamesh and Enkidu's secret handshake reformatting a fair portion of the local topography seemed like the sort of thing people would notice and take offense to.

What was more interesting was that if he had to guess Issei's backstory in this universe it seemed he'd gone off with Irina to become an Exorcist from a young age, either willingly or due to extenuating circumstances. It even passed the bullshit test since with the public at large well aware of the Extranatural world there wouldn't be nearly as much reason to keep secret her family profession. Hell, they might have been the ones to first notice Issei sporting the Boosted Gear.

Unfortunately before he could confirm his suspicions Griselda was motioning for them to gather with the rest of the team, both of them descending and meeting up with the rest of the squad as the blonde relayed, "Eleonor found something."

Sure enough the Dark Elf bounded back to them, tightly clasping a small metal brooch as she tersely explained, "This belonged to Helga, one of the captured children. We're on the right track since this a mostly straight line from the village, but still…"

Cayman got where she was coming from, it probably wasn't very reassuring to see bits and pieces of a close friend or charge's clothing scattered about, since it carried with it a lot of implications. Sure, the wear and tear of the escape might be responsible but considering the bevy of fucked up shit that occurred on a repeated basis in this universe - of which he was an occasional willing participant - he wouldn't want to assume.

"If that's the case then we should start sticking together. Loose patrol was fine for covering a wide area but if Nightmare and Transparency are in our enemy's possession then we had best remain in close proximity. Issei and myself will be ideal for sniffing out any potential approaches by the Fragments."

"Close up the formation then, got it."

Briefly wondering if Yumi would be able to sense the fragments or if that was outside her capability at the moment he instead gazed around them, 'daylight' quickly slipping away as more bioluminescent and nocturnal lifeforms began to wake up, remarking, "Not sure about the rest of you but why don't we take a moment to rest up? We've been in hot pursuit for a while now and going into this fresh would probably be for the better."

"What part of time sensitive don't you understand? We waste even a minute out here and…seriously?"

Issei's complaint went on deaf ears as the rest of the party had already started moving towards a small rocky outcropping, even Eleonora as Griselda stated over her shoulder, "We have a solid lead and plan of action, not to mention we won't be resting for more than thirty minutes. Don't go rushing into every fight else you have a repeat of earlier today."

Scowling at the reminder the Longinus wielder nonetheless subsided, Cayman mentally flicking through his inventory and seeing what he had available, mentally cursing himself as he went.

Given its limited capacity since he wasn't exactly a STR build he'd filled it mostly with spare ammo for the Castigator and emergency supplies or medicine and other shit just in case there wasn't a magical healer nearby, as well as a few miscellaneous ingredients he'd never gotten around to throwing in the fridge…which meant his armor was back at home.

RIGHT when it would have been pretty fucking useful.

"Go figure. I go on and on about how this doesn't really feel like a game then commit a very gamer error, letting my inventory get so cluttered with shit that I can't fit the important stuff inside when it matters. Guess I'm up for a little spring cleaning after this."

On the very minor plus side that at least meant he could whip up a quick snack for everyone that wasn't bland nutrition or ration bars…so hooray for inventory mismanagement?

Once everyone had picked a spot to relax as best they could for a moment he asked, "I know food on the go isn't exactly palatable, anyone feel up for some sweetener?"

While Yumi, Till, Oct and Lilim perked up immediately - familiar with his cooking and spontaneous bits of culinary delights - the rest of the group merely tilted their heads, Cayman smirking as he pulled a portable stove from his inventory along with some cacao and honey, forgoing typical means of preparation in favor of lighting a focused fire underneath the pan, concentrating hard even though he tried not to laugh at the bevy of intensely interested looks he was receiving.

While getting the chocolate and honey to play nice with such 'unconventional' heating and tools wasn't easy the fact that he could adjust [Flame Wheel] and [Frost Lance] as needed meant keeping the stuff from being burnt wasn't too hard, in just a few minutes the steaming mixture ready for consumption as he announced, "It's probably not as good as if it was properly prepared but-"

The pot was promptly assaulted from every direction by whatever pick me up everyone preferred, the Surveyor blinking as Asuka was first to chomp down on the treat, making a pleased sound as she stated, "While these ration bars aren't as bad as everyone makes them out to be I would not object to having my own personal chocolatier along for every mission~!"

"Mmm, I second that!"

The real surprise was Onisaki nibbling on her treat like a Hamster, the dissonance between a bombshell beauty and the rodent-like behavior giving him a pleasant kind of whiplash as Griselda, Issei and Eleonor enjoyed their own treats with more grace but no less appreciation.

+5 REP with Eleanore [30/100]

+5 REP with Onisaki [15/100]

+5 REP with Asuka [10/100]

+5 REP with Griselda [10/100]

+10 REP with Issei [15/100]

Although it was kinda funny how his own group had apparently gotten used to his food antics and were just enjoying the moment, no raises to be found as within a minute everyone had leaned back in contentment, Griselda stating, "I will stand watch for the moment until we're ready to depart, your confectionary was appreciated, Lute."

"Hey hey, let me handle that, after all I kinda gotta take a shit."

The blonde Exorcist closed her eyes in resignation at Issei's abrupt comment, the youth further asking, "Don't suppose I could ask anyone to keep an eye out for me while I'm alone and vulnerable~?"

Asuka's wrapper bounced off his forehead as the Taimanin bluntly said, "Not into that kind of chocolate, kiddo. Scram, and don't forget to wipe."

Rolling his eyes at the dismissal Issei wandered off a respectable but still safe distance as Onisaki grouchily commented, "Why is he such a pervert?"

Pinching the bridge of her nose Griselda replied, "As hard as it may be to imagine he does have a plethora of good points, it's just that they only manifest themselves during trying or dangerous situations."

"Speak for yourself, reminds me a lot of your run of the mill USF grunts on the frontlines. Ahh, it's making me all nostalgic and stuff…"

Asuka's wistful words prompted Onisaki to turn her gaze Lilim's way, doubtfully asking, "Why are you even coming along with us anyway? You don't seem to have that much to offer and I don't think anyone is in any hurry to cover for you in the middle of a dangerous mission."

"I-I wasn't just going to stay behind in the village with a bunch of strangers, where's the fun or safety in that?!"

Coming to the Demon's defense Cayman set a hand on her head, cheekily remarking, "Don't worry, as useless she may seem on the outside on the inside she's the luckiest living charm you could ask for. She'll find a way to help us out."

+0 AFC with Lilim [0/100]

"And with that most recent development I wonder if this whole venture might be just a little bit safer. If she does unlock her full capabilities I'll have another heavy hitter on my hands, since Felicia and the cat sisters aren't present…"

While he wouldn't place Lilim with her full suite of abilities all that high up on the totem pole of power levels when you swam in the same pool as planetary consciousnesses, primordial Dragons and reality bending Vampires taking home the bronze wasn't anything to sneeze at. Not to mention there was always the possibility that Ereshkigal could decide to come after his ass personally. While it was a well understood trope that the main character always faced the big bad at the end of their journey after they had acquired the necessary skills he wasn't willing to run with that assumption forever, especially since he'd already crossed paths with Asmodeus and the Incubus King, subsequently getting brutalized by the local minoboss, not even the big bads themselves.

So, yeah. Best to hedge his bets-

"Cayman?"

Snapping out his thoughts as Yumi quietly whispered to him with obvious intensity he subtly nodded for her to continue, his bodyguard worriedly musing, "Destruction…it feels off."

Glancing towards where Issei was returning with a roll of his neck - Griselda having taking to the treetops for a better viewpoint - he casted his analysis nonsense towards the youth-

Cantio Rastus, LVL 21

HP: 1150

MP: 4,000

STA: 400

STR: 200

DEF: 180

AGI: 390

MAG: 470

MAG DEF: 600

-and blinked several times in quick succession, just as quietly murmuring, "Get ready to pin em' down. Three, two, one…"

Whipping out the Castigator he fired a [Volt Thrust] empowered shot into the 'imposter' and watched with idle satisfaction as they went down in a shouting heap, Yumi immediately upon 'Issei' with a pair of rapiers nailing their limbs to the ground as a falchion placed itself at her target's throat, the rest of the group leaping to their feet with understandable uncertainty and caution…before staring with more than a few raised eyebrows as Cantio was revealed to be one of the robed figures that had been terrorizing the Dark Elves, brow sweating and eyes wide as he stared up at them.

"Well, I guess they know we're here."

The dour comment was somewhat undercut by Issei rushing back and hastily buckling his pants, shouting, "I heard a gunshot, what's…happening?"

"Yeah, turns out we've got a bit of a situation on our hands. Like how they managed to sneak in and find us without an Excalibur fragment present."

Griselda swooped in from above, affixing the trapped and restrained intruder with a baleful gaze before musing, "It's fortunate we have a willing source of information. We will have to deal with this quickly, or else-"

The rest of the Exorcist's words were lost to time as Cayman was suddenly tackled by a pink and brown blur, Lilim pressed into his side as he belatedly realized that Asuka was now on top of the two of them…just as a solar bright lance of energy hit the center of the camp and caused an explosion that felt a bit like someone decided to rearrange his internal organs, vision spotted and blurry from the force and light as he distantly heard Asuka ask, "You two okay?!"

"Been better. My ears, ow."

The Taimanin smirked before leaping to her feet as if near miss artillery strikes were an everyday occasion, a quick glance revealing everyone else was alright, Till and Yumi dropping a barrier and greatsword respectively as all that remained of their captive was a scattered, ashy and gory mess.

"So much for that plan…oh, look."

An artificial light in the sky shone ominously, a prelude to what was no doubt another barrage.

"We get to have MORE fun."