Chapter 67: I Bought a Whorehouse (Part 20)
Not for the first time - but not exactly finding it particularly fun no matter how often it happened - Cayman found himself wondering if he was dancing along to someone else's tune.
And the conductor this time? A Succubus named Mirielle, yet another vaguely remembered side character from the Taimanin franchise but this one having a bit more oomph to her profile, especially when one considered the current circumstances. She was a proud, conniving sort that held her species to a standard and wasn't afraid to badger others into matching it, Lilim often being a target of that desire since before her awakening the Succubus was…well less of a highly desirable seductress and more like a con artist turned trash panda.
More to the point Mirielle was closely allied with Ambrose - one of Kamadeva's most loyal retainers - and he was left wondering how much of this whole clusterfuck was done out of genuine malice and how much was done out of desire for something worthwhile to come out of it. She might very well be a different person in this reality, sure, but the only version of Mirielle he knew about was one that wouldn't have gone so far out of her way to kill either himself or Lilim when they hadn't really done anything to piss her off. And Ambrose sure as SHIT wouldn't do that since the guy was basically as decent a soul as could be expected from someone in his position and setting.
Resigning himself to dealing with yet another migraine in the making he decided that his interrogation squad would get answers soon enough and that he had other shit to focus on, namely that he had to finish writing out a text to the rest of the group back at base about their next steps as well as have Till regroup with him, seeing as how they needed to make tracks to Under EDEN right pronto.
"And on that note…"
"Feel free to rough him up something fierce, Yukikaze, but do try to remember that I ultimately need Real alive and mostly capable of talking."
"No promises. Expect him to have lost control of his bowls a time or three."
The petite Taimanin was practically vibrating with barely suppressed glee, brief snaps of electricity adorning her body as she inspected and played with her guns, Cayman withholding a sigh at the open display of eagerness.
"It'll be just like wading through those sewers all over again, won't it?"
Both his nose and Jinglei's wrinkled at the unwelcome reminder, the Surveyor quickly deciding to move things along as he announced, "Everyone's up to date and we're all set to go. Feel like a raid on Under EDEN?"
The answering grins or nods of silent agreement were confirmation enough, the Gamer commenting, "Then let's hit the road. Not to mention I think it's high time I cashed in on a payment I made a while ago."
"Dammit, dammit, dammit!"
Angrily cursing as he loaded the final set of sensitive documents and files onto a secure hard drive - physical copies and other records already sequestered away inside locked briefcases - Real fought back the urge to physically smash apart his workstation in frustration.
Years upon years of hard and unceasing work, gone. Blackmail, laboratories, biological capital, brand and name recognition…it would all have to be rebuilt at wherever he laid down his next base of operations.
"Fucking Ereshkigal, fucking Old Satan Faction and fucking Church! They brag and they posture but at the end of the day they're all worthless, powerless just like any other organization that tries to do everything by itself!"
Snarling as he finished his final preparations the corpulent man sent his cellphone an acidic glare, the device showing no received calls from any of his partners or contacts in any of the aforementioned organizations. The import of that was clear…if any came to exact revenge or retribution then he was on his own with no backup or allies of significant personal strength, leaving Under EDEN a possibly literal dead end.
But he was not without tricks and cards to play. An impromptu and widely broadcasted special event had drawn in politicians, CEOs, dictators, oligarchs, civil servants and a number of other high ranking or wealthy individuals to serve as his security buffer. While their presence didn't make him invincible it did mean any possible ill wishers couldn't simply bomb or annihilate the structure outright, having to comb through Under EDEN room by room if they wanted to find him.
A final check of his records and quick scrubbing of what was left ensured that his digital tracks were covered, Real passing off the briefcase and assorted hard drives to one of his cyborg bodyguards before preparing the last stages of his exit-
"Sir, intruders are attempting to break through the main entrance."
-and the worst possible timing for the worst possible outcome drew Real's attention, another of his guard's showing him a datapad as the security footage replayed a pair of door attendant's abruptly being struck down by arcs of lightning, a blurred figure slowed and enhanced as his blood ran cold.
That flat-chested Taimanin bitch Yukikaze, two more Taimanin he didn't recognize racing in after her.
"We're leaving, now."
"Yes sir."
Hurrying his considerable bulk out the door as another set of his guards fell in step Real spared a glance towards the main floor of his beloved establishment, where dozens upon dozens of masked men and women were watching a well lit and decorated stage where the vast majority of his stock were being permanently sold off to bidders, no expense spared on having them adorn the most skimpy and slutty outfits he could find.
While it pained him to see so many high return on investment products pushed away for a single lump sum it's the only thing that would draw so many on such short notice, he'd been very careful about letting his employees out into the wild and preferred to keep things in house where possible.
"Sir, the teleporter array has been put off line."
"What, how?! I spared no expense on that damn thing!"
"Unknown, sir."
Gritting his teeth at yet another setback he snatched the data pad from the bodyguard who had initially showed him the feed, feeling his blood boil over at the sight of an exo-armed male stride through the recently demolished entryway, spear and handgun at the ready as a Succubus that looked suspiciously like an aged up version of the one that Ereshkigal had been hunting cheerfully skipped alongside him, radiant smile on her features.
"Lute."
Who else but that thrice accursed Surveyor would have survived the attempt on his life, now approaching to no doubt exact revenge? It was a theory rapidly proven true as the Demon closed her eyes and raised her arms, a shimmering hue of energy not dissimilar from a stream of water spreading throughout the establishment and with little fanfare everyone that wasn't him or his guards keeled over, slipping into a deep slumber as his jaw dropped.
His security forces were supposed to be immune to such power!
He didn't stop to watch the Succubus preen in front of the armored male, snapping, "We must leave, now!"
If they were the only ones still conscious then that meant the intruders knew exactly where he was and were content in actively hunting him down. Whether that was an action born of arrogance or cruelty he cared little, it gave him an opportunity and that was what mattered.
One of his protectors ripped open the hidden elevator and picked him up before jumping down the dimly lit shaft, the air tearing at Real's clothing before they roughly landed, the rest of his entourage following in quick succession as the last one clicked a detonator, carefully placed explosives collapsing the tunnel behind them as they outran the billowing dust, the corpulent man smirking at his foe's wasted opportunity.
This escape route would take them all the way to another safe house where he could rest and take stock of the situation, calculate his next move and try to take stock of the damage incurred by this whole debacle.
"Threat detected."
Those words almost caused his already hammering heart to leap out of his chest, a terrified glance down the darkened and ominous tunnel that had so readily promised salvation but a moment prior now seeming to resemble the gaping maw of a hungry beast, calm and measured footsteps approaching their position as his guards formed a protective wall in front, limbs morphing into a variety of weapons that they kept at the ready…and Real could only gawk at the immediately recognizable form of none other than Touko fucking Aozaki strolling towards them as if it was the most obvious thing in the world for her to be involved in this situation.
"Huh. Guess I should really stop doubting your master's ability to predict things. Or maybe that's just you having a good nose, huh?"
The man belatedly realized that in his horror of encountering the Red he had missed the sizable Dark Beast at her side, the creature sitting on its haunches and staring at them with an inscrutable gaze as the Magus idly scratched behind its ears.
It took the man a moment to find his tongue.
"L-lady Aozaki, why are you here?!"
"Lady? Now now, it's just us down here, no need to try and butter me up when we both know the score."
Lighting up a cigarette with an open lack of care about the bevy of weapons pointed her way Real tried not to internally scream at the constant upending of his plans. HOW THE FUCK did that damn Surveyor get the damned RED to aid him?! Or - potentially worse - was she here of her own accord?
"T-then let me be clear, whatever Lute is paying you I'll triple it. He's just a Surveyor, he can't afford a fraction of what I can!"
"Is that right? Well considering he had me shut off that teleportation array, walk all the way through this lousy tunnel then make sure you don't get past me…"
The Magus slowly removed her glasses, cigarette bouncing slightly as a harsh grin split her lips.
"You better have one hell of a checkbook on you."
"I do, you must know I do! Name your price!"
Lowly chuckling to herself Aozaki shoved her hands into her overcoat's pockets, languidly stating, "Think you can offer me a bunch of your genetic tinkering? After all, that's another benefit Lute's offering…"
Her gaze landed on his guards, intent becoming painfully clear as they sprung into motion, instantly reading his command before it had even left his lips as they blurred into action faster than the eye could see, their strength and abilities the result of many years of research and tampering with those that fell into Under EDEN's employ-
-and without so much as moving a muscle the walls seemed to come alive with chaotic energy, slitted eyes and lashing tendrils dragging his detail into a briefcase Aozaki had brought with her, eldritch screams and howls filling the tunnel with a haunting melody as Real stood completely still, scarcely able to breathe as he beheld the terror that had so quickly struck from out of nowhere, silence filling the tunnel as there was now only him left.
"Your donation of test subjects is appreciated. I'm quite curious to see if you've come up with anything that might be useful in my puppet creations."
"I…I…"
Beginning to hyperventilate as everything had gone so wrong so quickly Real could only stare in abject horror as Aozaki seemed to completely forget about him, the Dark Beast padding forward with heavy steps as it kept a close eye on him-
-and sharp snaps began to echo up the tunnel, sparks of illumination casting everything into harsh-edged shadow as he slowly looked over his shoulder, watching in resigned terror as Yukikaze skid to a violent stop, body shivering and twitching with electrical discharge as she gasped for breath, nonetheless glaring at him with open murder and a toothy grin.
"Not to rain on your parade or anything, little lady, but remember that you need him alive."
"Oh that's the plan. But there's nothing that says he can't be in excruciating agony the whole time."
Before Real could even begin to protest one of the flat-chested bitch's pistols had fired off a bolt of arcing energy that struck him square in the sternum, fire and piercing ice causing his muscles and lungs to spasm uncontrollably as his world became nothing but flashing white and hoarse-throated screams.
"Well you seem happy."
"That I am."
Going back to merrily ignoring him as she jotted down notes at a mile a minute Cayman had to wonder what it was about Real's security detail that had put Touko in such a good mood. Not that he was complaining but it still left a whole lot of questions on the table as to what she'd found in there.
Probably a shit ton of genetic and microscopic and macroscopic and lots of other scopics that most sane people would ask why he so freely gave to her but he was beyond caring at this point, instead watching the controlled chaos of Under EDEN as he waited for the rest of Pier 16 to call him.
True to his promise Azazel had come through on mildly short notice, the building crawling with Grigori agents and Succubi and Incubi that swarmed over the still slumbering roster of attendees and ensured they weren't in any danger of either dying or waking, the pleasure slaves being selectively awoken a few at a time so that they could be examined and debriefed - not that they were wearing much to begin with, har har - as he, Touko and a humming Lilim were given the occasional wary glance from all present.
…He supposed they were quite the odd bunch, an odd bunch that carried with it quite the unusual set of circumstances and even more unusual pedigree.
The moments of introspection were put on hold as he finally got the call he'd been hoping for, Natsume promptly speaking up with, [We retrieved Mirielle. It should be noted that she came willingly and there was no need for a fight-]
[Come now, no need for all this boorish intermediary business when I can simply speak to the man face to face!]
There was the sound of skin scraping against the speaker before a mature, confident and fairly haughty voice that definitely wasn't Natsume spoke up with, [Surveyor Lute, I presume?]
"Speaking. And you're Mireille, I doubly presume?"
[Your presumption is flawless. Now, before we get down to business I would very much like for you to call off your hunting dogs. They've been quite polite thus far but a few among your pack tend to make others nervous.]
"Well I prefer to give Felicia and Kuroka a long leash if possible, less chance of them biting my hand, right?"
He smirked at the indignant huff that answered him.
"Besides, why would I want to tell them to stand down? Unless my memory has failed me to quite the disturbing degree you did engineer a scenario in which myself and a few close companions of mine were put into a bit of an impromptu meatgrinder."
[And you came out all the better for it, didn't you? Unless you are willing to tell me with the boldest of audacity that a newly awakened Demon Noble is of little consequence to you.]
"Something tells me that you're going to maintain that you did me a solid no matter how indignant about the whole affair I claim to be."
Smarmy certainty oozed over the phone as the Succubus replied, [Let us meet in person once your affairs in Real's repugnant little playground have been concluded. We shall 'clear the air' and put to rest any potential dissatisfaction we have with each other…and I need to chastise you for what you did to poor Sharia.]
Cayman blinked, not expecting that last bit.
"Sorry, what I did to her?"
[Yes, what you did to her. Honestly, are you that dense or were you deliberately rough with her? As much as I admire your prowess in being able to do so making a Succubus starved for a single man's seed is in rather poor taste.]
"Well perhaps you should have thought of that before putting her into the line of fire. Also how is that even possible? Because I legitimately didn't intend on becoming someone's semen daddy."
His comment earned him a raised eyebrow from Touko and snicker from Lilim that he ignored - certain that somewhere, somehow Shirone was calling him a pervert - as Mireille huffed, responding, [Then that will be another topic to address. I shall leave a means to contact me with your hunting pack, until next time, Surveyor Lute.]
There was a brief pause before Natsume once again inquired, [Do you have any further instructions?]
"At the moment not really, for now I just want you to ensure no one else in Kamadeva's faction gets any funny ideas."
One of the Fallen Angels suddenly motioned for him to come over, the male adding, "Gotta run, the locals are asking for me specifically."
[Understood, I will try to keep Kuroka and Felicia from doing anything too questionable.]
"You're a lifesaver, Natsume."
Hanging up he marched on over to where he was being summoned, a bombshell of a woman wearing an elegant and laundered suit with three of its buttons open - revealing a healthy amount of majestic twin peaks - meeting him there as she smoothly stated, "Cayman Lute, yes? Penemue, it's a pleasure to meet you."
"Pleasure's all mine. While I'd wager your reputation means this whole ordeal will go smoother than it would if Azazel was present I'm still kinda surprised he's not here, considering he signed off in the first place."
One of the 'lieutenants' of the Grigori, Penemue wore MILF secretary energy like a second skin, one elegant eyebrow arching as her voice took on an admonishing lilt that instinctively had him wanting to go clean his room.
"He would prefer to be here but someone decided to kickstart this takeover on short notice."
The Fallen glanced over the rescued women, lips downturning ever so slightly as she added, "Although half of that intense intrigue would no doubt be so he could 'rescue' one of these unfortunate souls and train her to be his personal 'assistant' and subsequently take over his work at the Grigori."
"Doesn't that kinda cross over yours and Shemhazzai's areas of influence?"
"We don't let Azazel fuck us. At least not in the literal sense."
"Ah."
The conversation died a quiet death as the woman motioned for him to follow her, Cayman ambling along but pausing as he noticed Touko snaking after them.
"You're invited?"
"No one said I wasn't."
While the Surveyor was more than ready to intervene if the Magus tagging along was going to cause trouble with the Fallen he was more than a bit surprised as Penemue promptly stated, "Aozaki is more than welcome to be here, her expertise may very well end up being useful in this scenario."
"Well that's slightly worrying."
"But also interesting."
Rolling his eyes at Touko's teasing words he instead turned his attention to Till as the Fairy came swooping in, landing on his shoulder while promptly reporting, "My mother and a few others have started the process of healing and repairing the minds of the people here who need it. A lot of it isn't…very pretty."
The Fairy's expression scrunched up in clear displeasure but made no further comment, the trio going further into the bowels of Under EDEN and passing by a variety of less than kosher sights, one of them being the tentacle cage things that Yukikaze and Rinko had been thrown into during their original mission to the place, a couple Fallen and Succubi warily eyeing the thing as it wriggled and curled with eerily sentient and purposeful movements.
"Huh. I wonder if they'll let me have one of those things. I bet I could summon something pretty wild with that as a catalyst."
He quickly shook his head free of that thought, figuring that his dick was already doing a pretty good job and that requesting a mind-breaking bio-machine would be the sort of thing that made people start asking questions. He was starting to make headway in having a good standing with a number of different factions, no need to jeopardize that anytime soon. After all, it wasn't that long ago that Zelretch had sent Kuroka and Shirone to keep an eye on him, never mind that his two predecessors had pissed off a number of the locals and been removed from the board for their troubles.
The creepy mind break meat rack could wait its turn.
They continued their journey, eventually arriving at a basement level where a previously reinforced door had resided, the thing ripped off its hinges and tossed aside as cool air billowed into the hallway from within as they crossed the threshold, Cayman's attention immediately grabbed by the large, metallic coffin that resided in the center of the room, Titania floating above it and staring down at the object with a frown of contemplation.
"Mother? I thought you were upstairs with everyone else?"
"I decided my attention could be better spent on this particular matter than hovering over other's shoulders as they perform their craft. But firstly…"
Cayman met the Fairy Queen's warm gaze as she continued with, "It seems my daughter's decision to make you her contractor bears ever sweeter fruit, Your extraordinary devotion to fulfilling her whims has actually made a fantasy into reality. Be proud of that, Cayman Lute."
+30 REP with Till-Titania [70/100]
Tracing his finger over Till's head the Surveyor fondly stated, "And it was worth it, naturally. Nothing less than the best for my leading lady."
+20 DEV with Till, [30/100]
"As heartwarming it may be to see you obviously treasure your companion the fact remains that we have a rather unique situation on our hands that needs addressing."
Penemue's interjection brought their eyes once more to the sealed box, Cayman generally asking, "So this is our missing Android superweapon, I take it?"
"Assumedly. But we have thus far run into the rather unfortunate reality that we simply don't have any means of ascertaining the final commands Alfred Norman may have given it before sealing. It could be benign, hostile or anything in between if we handle it incorrectly."
"Well it got here without wiping out all of Yomihara so that's something, right?"
"You'll have to forgive us for treating this device with a fair bit more caution than the ones who invaded a training academy and subsequently pissed off a great many dangerous individuals did."
"Fair enough."
Approaching the coffin with a curious air Cayman ran his hands along the side, cool and immaculate metal gliding beneath his fingers-
-and with a sharp click the top half swung open, the room tensing as they fully expected something to come out swinging…and breathed quiet sighs of relief as all remained quiet and undisturbed.
"It turns out Azazel was right after all. He suspected you and Norman had something in common although I didn't expect it to be a connection as intimate as allowing you usage of his left behind artifacts."
"Let's not go assuming anything too outrageous, all I did was open the box."
The words were halfhearted and distracted in nature as the male beheld what one of his predecessors had left behind, assumedly one of their finest creations.
And, in keeping with what he had gathered of their proclivities, no doubt combined function with form.
The android possessed an almost alien beauty, with a full figure proportioned perfectly, highlighted by a gleaming bodysuit of white, pinks and purples while flowing hair of a similar coloration looked as if it was comprised of liquid metal, so flawless was its sheen.
"Damn. I'll give credit to Norman, he certainly had good taste."
And then its eyes opened.
"Shit-"
Leaping backwards and calling his spear to his hand both Till, Titania and Penemue prepared for battle, postures tense and eyes wary as the Android slowly sat up from her container, gaze landing on Cayman as he felt himself nailed in place, eyes of ruby-orange containing an unmistakable sign of both life and intelligence, not just some synthetic facsimile of such.
"Commencing Master Evaluation test."
The magic of the moment was lost as with flashes of scintillating light a pair of oversized blades and wings of gleaming metal manifested around her, each and every one of them looking lethal in the extreme as Cayman felt his heart leap into his chest, running a hasty analyze on the android-
.
.
P̲̱̥͓̤̹̿͋̉̂̚r̡̨͕̟̟͉̩̊̀͑̇̅̄͑ͅi̵̧̫̖̘̻͎̇̍̊́͊̽͛̚͘͟͞ͅm̴̨̨̡͓̬̗̞͈̓͂̃̾͐͛̕̚͡â̵̢̛̛̼̥̩͙̯̄̉̓̔͋͘͠,̡̹̩̥͉͌͂̿͋͐͑̿͑ L̶̡̢̘̻͇̮̣͑̑͆̌͡V̶̺̳͚̲̞̩̯̜̋́̿͒̅L̵̛̪̘̜̤̥̬̗̭̲͎̍̀͂̅̌̚͡͡ 2̢͉̹͇̗̲̓̀̑͌͂̃͠0̵̧̝̳͕̟̀̀̽͘͞͝0̷̛͚̼̦͇͔̳̟̠̀́͑͑̾͘͠͞͠
̵̲̹̳̞̤̬͋̐̑̽̚Ḩ̸̢̬̖̥͓̄̈̈́́̍͜͜͜ͅP̮̙͉̞̲̥̘̱̙̄́̇̈́͋̽͢:̲̪͖̼̏̅̒͋̊̂̋̕͡͡ͅ 2̢̨̛̥͙̑̔̄̆͊̑͜͢͝0̛̝̲̤̱̬̼̑̒͗̓̽̎̂̄͝,̸͎͚̣͚̳̯͎͕̮͒̔͆̈̏̏͋͟0̧̛̤̘̥̭̻̊̉̆̆̏̓̊̚͟͟͜͝0̵͙̺̱̼̯͖̣̏̀̔̐͒0̴̛͙̮͙͓͚̤̩̍͆͊͌͌͗͡
̫͍̹̯͇̲̅̓̊͒̇̿̀M̵̛̙̣̣̭̩̯̭̪͑̒̓̄͑͡P̶̢̪͍̗̘̳̀̄̎̄͟͠:̨̖̥̻̣̊̌̍͗̓̕͢ 2̭̟͙̤͔̫̹̳̔̓̇̽͌0̢͔̖̟̺̅̔̀͋͐͂͌̎̕͘͜,̶̤̝̻͓͊̓̑̑̌́̚͜͟͡0̨͍͔͙̞̌̍͛̿͂̍̆́̽0̛̻̞͇̫͚̑͊̀͋͆0̴̫̱͓̙̦̫̗́͑́̓̏̚
̶̧̘͍͖̫͉͓̐͊͛̽͒͗̐͢S̢̤̭͙̱̗̼̲̠̀̓̆͋͡T͇͈͓̲͈̮͖̥͎̈̋̃̌̀͛̎́̃̐͜Ạ̠̯̖͍̤̹͉̊͑͊͛̅͡͡ͅ:̶͉͈̪̺̹̥͍͎̱͋̔̎́̉ 5̷̧̛̲̣̱̦̋̒͆̓̾͟͠,̻̰̘̯̦͐̋͆̅̊̃̄͋͘0̷̢̱͎̟͕̄̾̀̀̉͛̏̇0̸̡̡̺͎͙̦̰̫̓̀̾̎͑͡0̭̠̭͙̺͇̥̔̐͑̔̔̕͢ͅ
̛̮͎̣̤̗̘̔͒̋̏̚̕͜͝Ḑ̧̬̣͎̲͓̤́̿̑́͆̈͒̃̄E̸̛͕͉̮̤̗̺͈̫̿̄̿́̾͘F̸̪͓̠̞̞̹̎͌̈͑̀̐͗̈́̎̚:̧̢͙̺̮͍͚̦̫͊̑́̕͝ 5̴̨̱̱̬͕̭͔̻̘́͂̆̈͠0̴̨̟̖͚̼̼̲̙͐̃̾̀̐͆͘͜0̶̭͈̦͇̺̘͔̥͋̃̏̈͌͒͂͗͛͘0̡͎̩̝̫͗͑̀̈͐̑͗̏̈́͜͝
̶̨̡̡̧̟̳̖̐͗͐̎̐͟͜͜͡M̢̱̣̣̜̬̳͔̾̑̋̋̀̅͝A̵̪̤̗̰̓͌̋͂̚͘͜Ģ̸̙̖͓̼̽̊̊͊͑̅̄̚͟͜:̵̡̧͉͖̺͕̬́̐̀́̕͢͢ 4̶̨̧̣̮̦̎̽̄͑̏̂͝0̴̨͙͎̰͖͓̐̄̂̏͂̑̿͊́̓0̧̧̪̖̰̫͚̬̝̯̈̿͐̊͛̊͊̌̀̽0̶̛̰͕͈̬̤̟̪͇̾͆͂̈́̓͘͜
̝̩̭͙̪̜͗̃̏̽͌̉͑̊̕̚͢M̡̛̳̩̤̥̳̫͌̊̃̇̋͜Å̢̝͍͕̺͇̺͉̇̾̄̃͐̋͢G͓̲̥̠̦̋̓̍͐͌͗̃̿͡ D̗̜̙̣̜̙͔͚̳̽́̀̈͑̏Ȩ̡̺̜̥̦́͋̆̿͗͋̕F̧̡̛͉͍͕̜͈͆̽̓͆̎͜͝:̧̧̛͍͓̞͈̻̠̱̔̄͛̏ 5̢̧͚̗̥̭̞̣̾̃̄̈́̈̚0̵̥̼͓͎̼͚̭̜̋̾͌̈́̈0̷̲̰̻̪̮̩̳͕̹̺͗̑̒̋̊̀̋̄0̷̢͇̭̯͐̎̏͑̎̅͜
̢̟̦͍̹̌̽̏̎̏̒̂A̸̧͖͔̺̹̫̳̽͛̍̋̕͠͞͡ͅG̛̹͍͔̭̮̅́̍̓̍̇̂̔I̸̢͖̲̝̜͂̇͛̈̎:̡̳͙͔̮̻̹͎͚̇͐̽̒̽̉͠ 3̨̺̝̪̦̦̲̘̝͋̒͆̏̓̑̀͐͝͝5̴̨͚̞͔̯͂̑̑̊̏̕͢͟0̵̢̱̹̱̯̥͉͖̣̔̓͂͊̓̒̕0͕̞̹͇̥̘̯̝̑̃̐̃͞ͅ
̡̠̤̖͕̰͔͎̜̯̌̈́̒̌̓̕͝
.
.
-and felt both pants shitting terror and an aneurysm inducing headache as all he got back was jumbled static and a sword streaking towards his neck at ludicrous speed.
"Oh for Heaven's sake."