Despite Zuko being gone, Iroh and I find a nice rhythm to travel by. We share stories and anecdotes to pass the time, doing our best to avoid the gaping hole in our hearts. We certainly covered a lot of ground on the ostrich horse, having gone from the northwestern point of the Earth Kingdom when we met Azula to the southwestern point, where we split ways with Zuko.

Now, Iroh and I aimlessly head east. We never have a destination in mind, just an aimless view of staying away from Azula and any chance that the Earth Kingdom will find us. To pass the time after spending the day panhandling, Iroh runs me through the motions of firebending training. I do not need to teach Iroh the ways of airbending, as he seems to know the balance between the elements, the push and pull and the way that they all blend together.

It is during one such training that Iroh hands me a leaf with a burning hole in the center and tells me to control it; to sense the heat that it gives off, just like the sun; to not let it expand too much. It certainly is a large task to take, especially since I have no abilities to bend fire at the moment. But I do it, squatting in the sun, staring at the small hole burned into the leaf, waiting for it to grow too big, or too small. Waiting and breathing, waiting and breathing.

Afterwards, when the sun has set and Iroh has retrieved me from training, he explains aspects of firebending to me. "You already know that breath control is everything when it comes to firebending. That fire is different from any of the other elements, because it can grow out of control and take what it should not."

I nod. "Fire is alive. It feeds off the energy around it and burns it up."

"Exactly. But what is also important about firebending is having the drive to use it. With no drive, there is no inner energy for firebending to feed on. Zuko's drive for firebending has been finding and capturing the Avatar. That feeds his inner rage and fuels his fire."

"But we shouldn't feed into rage," I say. "That isn't healthy. Is that why he's so angry all the time? He's burning himself up from the inside."

"That could be likely. For fire, it's supposed to be about life and energy. The sun gives us life, energy, and warmth. We take that inside ourselves and push it out, producing fire. But, because of the war, it's become more about rage and destruction. Zuko is the embodiment of these changes in firebending ideology."

"Can we change how he sees them?"

"We can show him the other path, but there is no way for us to push him down it. It's why he's on his own now."

We continue east, through the mountains around the desert. We settle into a nice routine of panhandling, training, then a late evening tea with a side of spiritual discussion. It is during the moments of training, when I am alone, and during the spiritual discussions that I am able to find the blocks within my chakra.

I start from the bottom, working my way up. We learned about the chakras in our studies, some paying attention more than others. I vaguely understand the theories behind them, their locations, how to unblock them. I imagine them as a road blocked by rocks. I am clearing them with diligence and purpose.

The first one is the earth chakra, at the base of the spine, blocked by fear. I am afraid of being alone, of being isolated from those I care about. It started when Iroh told me all the other Air Nomads were dead, killed. I am afraid of how they died, in pain, burning to death.

But I am not alone anymore. All the Air Nomads may be dead, but Iroh is here, with me. And I used to have Zuko. These relationships started rocky, with me imprisoned. But I've chosen to be here, instead of with Song and her mother, tending plants and herbs.

Even if I die a horrible death, I have no control over it. I can only choose to live as I am now, surviving with Iroh, then to choose to live in fear.

After this realization, I feel a small burst of energy flow through me, from the base of my spine upwards. I smile. A small success is still progress.

At night, over our tea, I share my theory with Iroh. About me not being able to bend. He knows only a little about chakras, and is intrigued when I explain the flow of chi through a person.

"Azula knew a girl, Tai Lee, I believe, who could block chi. But this is different than that, correct?"

"In a sense, yes. I've never heard of chi blocking before."

"She's also an acrobat! Very flexible! I think she uses pressure points to temporarily block the chi flowing through a person. However, your blocked chi seems like a more permanent situation."

"I can unblock them. They are blocked by specific emotions. I don't think all of mine are blocked, but I felt a release of energy from unblocking the earth chakra."

"What's the next one on the list?"

"The water chakra," I explain. "I believe it deals with pleasure, and is blocked by guilt."

"And what do you have to be guilty about?"

I swallow. A number of things. But, most recently - "Zuko leaving. I pushed him too hard to be good, to choose the right path. That's why he left."

Iroh chuckles, as if my plight is hilarious to him. "Zia, Zuko chose to leave because he believes there is nothing to gain from us. He does not view us as companions, as we see each other, but as components to his mission to gain the Avatar. Because we both showed disinterest in following the Avatar now, he does not believe we can be helpful. It is not your fault, Zia, that Zuko chose to leave."

"It's not?"

"No, it's never been. His choices are solely his own. You should not hold guilt about that."

"Thank you."

"And the next one? What is that?"

"The fire chakra. Which deals with shame. But I am not ashamed of anything at the moment, so I don't think that's blocked. After that is the . . ." I close my eyes, mapping the locations of the chakras. It's harder when you don't have someone guiding you through these movements, showing you a colored picture of each circle in the body. Red, orange, yellow, blue, green, and more. ". . . Next is the air chakra. Which is blocked by grief."

"This one is easy. You are grieving your friends, the Air Nomads, that died at the start of the war."

"And Kala, my sky bison." I think of Lo, and Gurmey, and all the other monks I knew and loved. They are dead. "But they're not gone."

"No, the ones we love are never gone from us, not truly. We hold them in our hearts, and we see them in our dreams and thoughts. You will also make new bonds, like with me and Zuko."

"But that's not all," I say. "I think I also grieve that Aang does not remember me. That nobody remembers who I once was."

"That's not true either. You remember who you once were. And that means it's not gone forever. People grow and change, but that does not mean our past self is lost. It is still with us, in our hearts, in our minds."

I nod. This is hard, going through my chakras, finding out who I am, why I am the way I am. I swallow. "Next is the sound chakra. It is in the throat, and is blocked by lies. I have not lied. I do not think this one is blocked. The light chakra deals with insight; I do not think this one is blocked either. The last is the thought chakra, and it is blocked by earthly attachments." I pause. I am definitely attached to Zuko and Iroh at this time. "I do not think I am able to unblock this one at the moment."

"That one is the most difficult to unblock, as we are mortals. Of course we have earthly attachments."

"Do you think I can bend now?" I ask. Nothing else in me feels like the small release I got from unblocking the few chakras that are within me. I stand, moving through a few movements. The night air is cool against my arms, and I feel the warmth of the fire near me. But no air beckons my calls.

I sit back down, shrugging. "Maybe there's more to my blockage than I've given thought to," I say.

"Maybe you need to take all the blockages to heart, to truly believe in what we've talked about. Maybe you are merely moving through the motions, and not believing in what we've talked about."

He has a point. What is my desire for bending, anyway? What do I want from bending again?

A way to feel closer to those before me, my dead friends and mentors.

I look at my hands. Why do I want to shape wind to my bidding again? What can I gain from being a bender?

"I think I have the wrong answers for wanting to bend again."

"What are your answers?"

"I want to bend because I always have, since I was young. They teach all Air Nomads to bend. It's why I thought all bending was spiritual. That's why the Avatar could bend all four elements, because they were the bridge between us and the spirits. I think that may still hold true, but I don't have any spiritual connection. Unblocking my chakras may have been part of why I can't bend, but I must get in touch with my spiritual self to completely unblock my bending."

Iroh nods. "Spirituality is difficult for some people. After the death of Lu Ten, I had to find myself. It led me to the Spirit World. I think you need to have a similar self journey, one that will lead you to your bending."

That will be difficult, especially since I've never been a very spiritual person. The Air Nomads believed in detaching oneself from the world, which is not something I'm ready for. Every nation has its own aspects of spirituality. I need to start showing reverence for the spirits, for the nature around me.

It was easy to be spiritual with the Air Nomads. I was once surrounded by murals and festivals and music depicting the spirits in a high light. I need to start meditating more, to find myself amongst the spirits.

"Iroh, would you be willing to help me with my spiritual journey? I don't know where to start anymore."

"Of course, Zia, I would love that. We will begin tomorrow."