What took me so long? Caves. I now hate caves. The imagery is a nightmare for me. No more caves for me after this adventure. Start the fic.
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Dipper and Pacifica were doing their best to tail Siegfried and his goons without being noticed. Thankfully enough, they were far enough away to see them with the fading light yet could still be concealed in the darkness around them. However, just to play it safe, they made sure to keep as low to the ground as possible.
Siegfried came to a sudden stop, throwing up his arms to stop the march of his little brigade.
"Hold on everyone, a thought just occurred to me." Siegfried announced. "Bartholomew, get back to the ritual rock and put the protective spell from page 394 on it. If that human can figure out our plan just by seeing through my lies then it probably wouldn't take him too long to figure out how we did everything."
"Aw come on, why can't Ruth go?"
"Because Ruth has a weight limit, now march!"
Finding refuge behind a large rock, Pacifica listened intently, waiting for Dipper to give the order a tail Bart. It never came, Dipper was being unusually quiet. Turning her attention to him she saw he had the entirety of his attention focused solely on his hat resting in his hands. He wiggled his finger through the hole Ruth had cut from the inside and then frowned.
"Wow," he said as quietly as possible. "That bums me out!"
Pacifica rolled her eyes playfully. Dipper being sad about something so little as a hat was almost, well, cute.
"Come on, Dipper. I'll fix that for you later."
"Promise?"
Pacifica almost laughed, was Dipper being earnest with her right now or was he just playing with her? She honestly couldn't tell. Either way she found it charming.
"Yes, I promise. Now let's move you goof!"
As she started to push him from a behind, a playful smile raced across Dipper's face. "Okay! I think I have a plan on what we can do!"
Bart moved his way bitterly through the cave grumbling the entire way. Although the book was still attached to his face he had no problems seeing where he was going given to the long shape of his face. The light from the ceiling was fading more and more so he had to make sure he hurried with his little chore.
"Stupid, lousy, no good... why do I have to... grrrr!"
Bart stopped when he heard a small pebble fall to the ground. He had the sudden suspicion he wasn't alone anymore.
A taser wire shot out of the shadows suddenly, heading directly for his lower legs. Bart, however, had learned from his past experience. He reeled himself upward on two legs letting the taser tip harmlessly hit the ground instead. He stomped his hoof down on the wire to prevent it from being reeled in.
"NOT THIS TIME, BITCH!"
"Who you calling a 'bitch'?"
"Huh?"
Out from the shadows emerged Dipper, but instead of his gun he was holding Pacifica's umbrella.
"You... switched weapons? Why...?"
From behind Dipper, Pacifica dashed out and snatched the book off of Bart's face and ran in the direction of the stone cabin. Bart stomped the ground angrily, getting ready to charge.
"Oh no you don't!"
Bart took two steps in to his gallop before Dipper cut him off, catching Bart by the horn with his dinosaur dagger. "Oh yes she does!"
Bart jumped back to get some distance between him and the detective. He leaped forward in an attempt to stab Dipper but a quick block with the dagger ensured all it did was push him back a little. Bart tried to stab Dipper with his horn with repeated thrusts but none of his attempts succeeded as Dipper either dodged out of the way or deflected the horn with his dagger.
"Bet having a knife fight with a unicorn is the strangest thing you've ever done!" Bart said, doing his best to get a decent stab in.
Dipper smiled cockily.
"Are you kidding me?! This doesn't even make it in to my top ten of strange things!"
Dipper flipped his dagger in to the air before catching it with his other hand and going on the offensive.
"What the... but how is that possible?!"
Suddenly caught off guard, Bart tried to dodge Dipper's attacks.
"YOU'VE never met my sister!"
Dipper brought a double handed swing down but Bart managed to block it catching it with his horn. Sweat rolled down Bart's face as he struggled to push back; he gritted his teeth in frustration, Dipper was a better opponent with his dagger than Bart would have cared to admit.
"You don't really think you can win this, do you?! This horn is ATTACHED! You're never going to disarm me! YOU CAN'T WIN THIS!"
"I don't have to disarm you OR beat you! I just have to stall you!"
Inside the stone house...
Pacifica had the book on the floor as she was flipping through the pages on all fours trying to find the correct spell to undo Jack's predicament.
"Come on! Come on! Stupid book! Grrr!"
She pounded her fist next on the floor. There were thirty pages about proper robe maintenance and seven pages about using magic to create stairs but there wasn't a lot of lethal spells. It actually made searching through it pretty difficult. She took a breath and calmed herself down.
"I guess I shouldn't really complain either. This could be a lot worse. At least the pages are in English... somehow."
"ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."
Pacifica had actually forgotten that they had left Jack here. With his snoring getting louder, Pacifica stood up with the book closed in her arms.
She tiptoed over to his sleeping form, his snoring only seemed to get even louder. She raised the book over her head and then...
*SMACK!*
"OW! Okay you caught m..."
*WHAM!*
"SON OF A..."
*BAM!*
"UNCLE!"
*SMACK!*
"OKAY, OKAY YOU WIN!"
Pacifica stopped her assault and let Jack get to his feet.
Giving him a dirty look she said "If you have time to fake sleep then you have time to help Dipper stall that stupid unicorn!"
"Okay fine! But how did you know I was faking?"
"The only people who snore that loud are just doing it to get attention. You may be a dick but you are not a subtle one."
"You respect your elders, young lady! Oooh my back! Alright here I go!"
With a hand on his back, Jack wobbled his way out the door while Pacifica went back to reading.
She muttered to herself quietly, turning a couple more pages.
"Oh! That looks like it fits the bill!"
Dipper quickly slid on the ground as a mule kick sailed over head, sliding towards the front legs Dipper opened Pacifica's umbrella catching Bart's legs and sending him crashing to the floor face first.
"Hey! That was a pretty slick move!"
The new voice caught both combatants by surprise. A few feet away Jack stood watching them with a beard so long it looked like he could trip over it if he wasn't careful. He also seemed to have lost a lot of color to his skin, he seemed downright gray. Even his beard was starting to turn white.
"Jack? What are you doing here?"
"I dunno!" he shrugged. "Your girlfriend beat me up and practically ORDERED me to come help you!"
"She's NOT my girlfriend!"
"Are you sure? Because there are times when she ACTS like she's your girlfriend. And I mean in the protective-violent kind of way."
Bart stood up and aimed his horn at Jack. "I never really was satisfied with just leaving you here. Now I can get my payback by turning you in to my own personal shish kabob!"
With a mad charge Bart dashed towards Jack, his horn lowered intent to impale.
"NOO!"
Dipper tried to tackle Bart to the ground but it was too late.
"Oh shit!"
Jack turned around and ran faster than even he would have thought of himself capable of. However, his beard was flailing about between his legs promising trouble for the former iceman.
"Huh. I didn't think I could still move this fas...OH THERE IT GOES!"
Tripping over his beard, Jack went tumbling forward at even greater speeds.
Pacifica ran with the book until she reached what she was looking for, a totem. However, this totem wasn't a normal wooden carving like you would find on a Native American totem pole. Instead it was made up of rock and went no higher than Pacifica's knee. The totem resembled a face, not to be confused with the Mystery Shack's 'Rock-That-Looks-Like-A-Face-Rock', no this totem had a face which was made up of smaller stones. And while it stood firmly on the ground in front of her, behind it was a ravine which was so deep Pacifica couldn't even see the bottom to it. Peering down in to it alone gave her a feeling of vertigo so she made sure she was a good few feet away from it. The feeling of Terra frima under feet was comforting, chasing away any feelings of dread.
Pacifica pulled out Dipper's gun and set the dial on the bottom of the handle to the laser.
"Good thing Dipper got around to teaching me how to use this thing."
She moved the white coverings forward and pulled the trigger. A red laser beam shot out of the mouth hitting the stone statue in the top of the head. The laser had a bit more of a kick back than she would have expected but she steadied herself accordingly.
The laser took a moment drilling it's way through the stone before piercing through to the other side. Moving it down, the laser proceeded to cut through the stone.
"I sure hope this works!"
Jack leaned up against the wall to catch his breath, he couldn't go any further.
"It's no good. I'm done."
His vision was starting to blur but he was pretty sure he saw Bart charging towards him horn first. "Looks like this is it." He slid down the wall and laid down on the ground. "I can't even move anymore." A shadow fell over him and he knew it had to be Bart, he closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable... it never came. The fact that Bart wasn't skewering him right now was more than just strange, it was absurd. However, when Jack heard Bart's heavy breathing it all made sense. He opened his eyes and sure enough, Bart was panting heavily trying to catch his breath.
"Out of shape huh? Being in a cave is no excuse for not doing cardio you know."
"Shut your pie hole!"
"Whatever. This is still it for me. If I'm lucky I'll pass away before you can get your final blow in. At least I know Dipper'll take you down."
"Your detective mook is going to spend the rest of his life in here! I think I've changed my mind though, instead of turning you in to a pin cushion, I'm just going to stomp you flat!" Bart reared up his front hooves when Dipper tackled him from behind.
Tumbling on the ground, Bart found himself on his back with Dipper saddled on his chest.
"LEAVE MY FRIEND ALONE!"
With a left hook and right one, Dipper started to pummel Bart's face. In his haste to save his friend, however, he neglected to pin down the horse's forelegs leaving them free to flail about and kick him off. Bart got to his feet and shook his head dispelling any dizziness from the bludgeoning. Dipper had landed a couple of feet away, his face was a little bloodied but he looked more than ready to pick up where he left off.
"I'll say this once! If you want to hurt him, you're going to have to go through ME first!"
"FINE!" Bart charged at Dipper but something went wrong and he ended up flat on his face. He looked down to his front leg and found his hoof frozen to the ground in ice. "NO! No, no, no! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! HOW CAN THIS BE?!"
Behind Bart, Jack was back on his feet standing tall. His beard was falling apart, one strand at a time, revealing a victorious smile underneath. He closed his eyes, savoring this moment.
"If you honestly thought you could just steal my powers and get away with it?" From the bottom of his feet, color started to return to Jack traveling up his body reaching his face where his eyes shot open with and icy blue light shining inside. "Then you don't know JACK!"
"Boss?! Can you hear me?! Boss! Are you okay?!"
Ruth flew around the head of the downed dwarf. He had collapsed as soon as they reached the ice wall. He was on all fours so Ruth couldn't get a good view of face.
The Goliath stood in the back emotionless and waiting for orders. The ice one had disappeared at the same time Siegfried had collapsed leaving just the one left.
"Siegfried, can you hear me?!"
"...it's gone..."
His voice was practically a whisper, Ruth was just barely able to hear him. "What?"
He looked up at her but there was no longer any ice inside his beard. "It's gone! The powers! They managed to reverse what we did! WE WERE SO CLOSE!"
Siegfried slammed his fists on the ground creating cracks underneath. Seeing her boss like this was a rare sight for Ruth, yes she had seen him angry before but it was always with a silent fury. Him raging like this was actually pretty scary, and coming from her that was saying something. There was an insane look in his eyes drowning out any remnant of reason or rationality.
"Boss, calm down! You're scaring me!"
"It was those humans! I know it! They think they can just come along and ruin my plans?! Undo ALL of my careful planning?! STEAL OUR FREEDOM?!"
He threw himself up to his feet and turned to the Goliath.
"Boss, why are you looking at the flunky like that?!" Ruth had a sneaking suspicion what he was planning and she didn't like it one bit.
Siegfried motioned for the Goliath to come closer bending down to his eye level.
"Boss let's not do anything drastic! The humans are still in the cave, we can still..."
Ruth cut herself off as she saw Siegfried grab the Goliath by the neck and pulled it's heads off. "AAGH!" Ruth's yelp of surprise was ignored as the body of the Goliath collapsed to pieces; Siegfried eyed the head seriously in a deathly quiet.
"Siegfried don't do it! You said it was forbidden for Dwarves to abuse their magic and..."
Opening his mouth wide he took a bite out of the head.
*GULP!*
"Oh shit!"
An energy surge began to form inside the mouth, a growing mass of crackling cobalt arcs.
"Nope!" Ruth exclaimed. "You're crazy even by my standards! I am out of here! I did NOT sign up for this!"
Siegfried's body started to grow and bulge, his back became arched, his arms were elongated to the point where they reached the ground. Stones grew out of his body covering him entirely in rock. His mouth started to twist and turn, his teeth became fangs jutting out of his mouth made of sharp stone. He let out a monstrous roar which echoed throughout the cave.
The stout businessman was gone now, all that remained was a mindless monster bent on revenge.
Omake
"BART! BART! WHERE ARE YOU?!"
Ruth flew through the cave as fast as her little wings could carry her. She had to find Bart! They had to hide!
"Here I am!" a depressing voice called out.
Ruth came to a stop as Bart slid to a stop in front of her. He was frozen in a block of ice with only his head sticking out.
"What happened to you?"
"Sigh. I got 'Jacked' up. He said the only way he wouldn't freeze my head too would be if I agreed to say that."
"This is bad! I can't move you like this!"
"Why? What's wrong? Where's the boss?"
A blood curdling roar echoed from far behind Ruth making her wince.
"The answer to all of your questions," she pointed to the transformed Siegfried making a beeline charge towards them. "That."
With Siegfried smashing everything in his path it was obvious that there was no way they could avoid his mindless stampede. So, taking a deep breath, Bart looked to Ruth and said what he believed would be most likely his last words.
"I have always loved you."
"NOW?! We're about to die and you decide to tell me this NOW?!"
"Do you think I waited a little too long?"
"I think a hundred and fifty years is MORE than a 'little too long' but I guess it doesn't matter anyways since we're about to die!"
Siegfried didn't slow his charge as he approached Bart and Ruth, instead he crossed his arms and threw them apart sending them flying apart.
"Ruth? You alive?" Bart wheezed.
"...yeah ... this pain makes me wish I wasn't."
"Well," Bart groaned. "at least we're alive... and together. That's something, right?"
"Yeah... That's just great!"
Everyone might think this is an odd place to end the chapter but that's because the next chapter is the wrap up to this adventure arc. This chapter felt a little 'odd' writing but I like to think that it still came out okay. What do you guys think? I at least hope you enjoyed Dipper's fight with Bart. All the same, if you had a favorite part of this chapter please let me know.