I do admit. I thought I'd be farther in this story by now, but the good news is that I'm only a few months behind what I was planning. Start the fic.
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Preston was sitting on the couch, Dipper had brought him some coffee and Pacifica had a blanket draped over his back.
"Dad, what are you even doing here?!"
"Yeah, and what happened to your clothes?"
Preston shot Dipper a dirty look and took another sip of his coffee. "I wouldn't be judging a man's clothes if I were you Mr. Pink Dot."
Dipper grumbled angrily to himself. Preston stared down at his coffee for a moment before looking up at Pacifica.
"Pacifica, I'm afraid that your dear old dad has fallen on some hard times. I wouldn't have come here if it wasn't absolutely necessary. I hate to admit this but... I need help!"
"It must be pretty bad if you're coming to us for help." Dipper noted.
Preston raised an unamused eyebrow at him. "Who said anything about you?! I came here for help from my daughter! I would never bring myself to come to YOU for help! Especially not after how you ruined the lives of myself, my wife, AND my daughter!"
"Daddy, my life isn't..."
"Excuse me, I ruined her life?!" Dipper snapped. "I'm not the one who made it so that she flinches every time she hears a store bell ring!"
Preston glared at Dipper. "No instead you just FAILED to do the job my daughter hired you for, losing an entire fortune that forces her to change her lifestyle from upper class to no class! She's gone from living in a penthouse to living in an RV and it's all your fault! You are the worst thing to ever happen to her!"
"Why you...!"
Dipper was about to pounce on Preston but Pacifica was ready to intercept him. "Dipper, calm down! Daddy, you're not being fair! Dipper saved me from a life of being a waitress! Now I need BOTH of you to at least try to be nice to each other!"
Dipper and Preston were both equally aghast at Pacifica's request. They pointed helplessly at each other and in unison spoke "What?! But he's the one who...
Pacifica held up her hand silencing both of them.
"Dipper, I think I'm going to need a moment alone with my father."
"... Okay, but first I need a moment alone with you!"
Dipper escorted Pacifica to the front of the RV and closed a little mini privacy curtain so Preston couldn't overhear them.
"Pacifica, I know he's your father and everything but something smells fishy here."
"Well he does look like he's been through a lot so..."
"No! Figuratively! He just so 'happens' to find us here out in the middle of nowhere? How did he find out where we were? He certainly didn't try to contact us through the government. And I know he didn't go to Soos for our number! He's hiding something from us!"
"Dipper, listen... I know he's not a good person. His hands are anything but clean! I know exactly the type of man he is but... but he's still my father. I have to at least TRY to give him the benefit of the doubt. If there is even the smallest chance he's telling the truth, that he's coming to me on his last leg because he actually needs my help, then I owe it to him to try and help."
"But..."
"Dipper, I know suspicions come with the job, but don't look in to this one. Please, for me?"
"I...I..."
"Now, if he's really going to bother you then I suggest you just wait outside while I talk to him."
Dipper adjusted his hat and scowled. "Fine!"
Dipper headed out the front door only stopping momentarily to share a glare with Preston.
Pacifica sighed and walked over to her father.
"I'm glad he's out of the way. He's such a..."
"Daddy!" Pacifica held up her hand, stopping him mid rant. "We can talk about your behavior with Dipper later. Right now, why don't you take it from the top. Last time I checked you got a job running some factory. What happened?"
"Things only got worse for me after you left. The barrel factory shut down and I was left unemployed, as soon as your mother heard she left me."
Pacifica's eyes shot open.
"Mom divorced you?"
Preston couldn't help but give a little smile, Pacifica had sounded like a little child when she asked that. Or at least she did to him, a part of him would always see her as his little baby girl.
"I'm afraid so. She ran off to be with some trucker of all things. With no job I couldn't pay rent so I was tossed out on to the streets. Then I heard about your cousin Johnathon, somehow he had managed to avoid the financial bankruptcy caused that blasted detective of yours!"
"Dad," Pacifica warned. "Leave Dipper out of this! Stick to the story!"
"Fine! So naturally I contacted him thinking he would bail me out but imagine my surprise when he basically snubbed me. He gave ME, his own uncle, the cold shoulder! But I didn't give up, I finally got him to talk to me and explain why he was ignoring me and he said it was because I was too poor! Can you believe that?! Ignoring my very existence because I don't have as much money as him?!"
"Considering this is a Northwest we're talking about? Yes. I can believe that."
"So that's why I came here to you, my only daughter. Your mother won't give me the time of day so you are my last chance."
"Hold up, exactly what are you asking me for?"
"Why the only thing that matters of course! Money!"
Pacifica sighs and burries her face in to her hand. "Of course. And exactly how much do you need?"
"Not too much. Just a couple thousand, I remember you used to sleep with that much under your mattress!"
"I... You... sigh." Pacifica facepalmed. "So this whole visit was about money? What am I saying? Of course it was! Why should I expect anything else, you're a Northwest after all!"
Preston stared down at his coffee. "I deserve that I suppose. I raised you to believe money was the most important thing in life."
"Money, winning, and looking good." Pacifica corrected.
He looked up at her. "Right. Tell me Pacifica, was it all bad? Your childhood I mean. I know your mother and I were 'strict' to say the least but there were some good times in there too right?"
Pacifica's face softened. "The best times were when we were all together... and I wasn't being pressured to live up to anything."
Preston gave a sad smile. "Tell me, are you... happy? I mean this RV is worse than a hovel but..."
"I admit, this isn't where I thought I would end up at this point in life. Definitely thought there'd be more money... but I am happy with this life. It might not be a leisurely life but it isn't boring either. Every adventure I face is... well scary beyond all reason if I'm being honest, but I always seem to come out stronger than I was before with each case solved."
"Tell me more about these cases..." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "How do they compare to say... the Lumberjack Ghost?"
Dipper looked at the RV and then pulled out his special cell phone. "I'm sorry Pacifica, but I have to listen to my head on this one."
He punched in some numbers and waited for the other end to pick up.
"Soos? It's Dipper! I'm going to need you to do some investigating. It's time to gather the B-Team!" Dipper stared out in to space with a dramatic determined look on his face for a moment but he was brought crashing back to Earth when Soos said something over the line. He looked at the phone incredulously for a moment and rolled his eyes. "Well it's you, Melody, Robbie, and Wendy of course! ... What's that? ... I guess you could bring Toby IF you really wanted... No, I am not calling him that. I will never call him that. Nobody will ever call him that."
New York...
Johnathon Northwest adjusted the cuff links on his tuxedo before walking through a pair of sliding titanium steel doors. He entered in to a room with scientists bustling about in almost every direction, two particular scientists caught his eye so he decided to take a moment and watch them work. They fussed with their experiment for about five minutes before they immediately froze realizing they were being watched by the boss.
"Oh don't mind me gentlemen, I just enjoy watching this one. By all means, proceed."
On a little mini pedestal was a pebble sized diamond, a few feet away from that was a pocket sized crystal in a wire holder which was in front of a dismantled police search light. One of the scientists ran around to the other end of the search light and turned it on. Light shined through the crystal hitting the small diamond and the podium, both instantly grew to immense sizes.
Johnathon grinned as he watched the scientists try to climb the now huge podium to get at the diamond. One of them finally reached the top and pushed the diamond off to the other scientist below.
"And the rich get richer."
He adjusted his necktie and headed to the end of the room where his top scientist was working on his pet project.
This scientist was a godsend to Johnathon. He would have been out on the streets just like his uncle if this man hadn't come along with his mysterious book. Of course his resume was very impressive as well, his college professors loved to rave about him.
All the strange and mysterious things inside that book on their own they were world changing but when applied to the task of creating fortunes... well he may as well be printing out his own money.
The scientist was actually working on a console for a much bigger project, this was a simple upgrade but a necessary one.
He finished his work and pressed a few buttons; the wall in front of them opened up and a giant robot suit was revealed.
Johnathon stood next to his scientist but his eyes never left the suit.
"Good to see you Johnathon. How's those light bulbs I got you?"
"You mean the ones that last a thousand years and make your skin softer? I'm afraid I've been hoarding them a bit."
"Can't blame you there."
"So how's the suit coming along?"
"Actually we're ahead of schedule. Everything just keeps falling in to place, almost as if we were meant to make this. How's that threat I warned you about?"
"The Pines? Mabel is running a small independent business and her brother is currently being investigated. Seems like an awful lot of effort for two people."
"I saved you from a life on the streets. Everything else I have told you has been on the up and up so trust me when I say that the Pines family is not to be underestimated. Nobody knows this better than me."
Pacifica laughed lightly as Preston tossed another item at her umbrella force field only for it to bounce off it harmlessly. This was something she always wanted, just regular bonding time with her parents; no money, no stature involved at all.
"This umbrella of yours is impressive indeed; and you said Dipper had... a gun was it?"
"Yeah, it really doesn't have a name. We just call it his special gun."
"I see."
*KNOCK!**KNOCK!**KNOCK!*
Pacifica put her umbrella away and headed towards the door. It opened before she even got to it; Dipper nearly stormed in carrying a handful of papers.
"What the...? Dipper? What's going on?"
"Mothman just finished delivering something to me!"
"Mothman?" inquired Preston.
"You know Mothman," Pacifica stated. "I just finished telling you about him."
"Oh right!"
Dipper's face fell slightly when he heard Pacifica say this, but he quickly shook it off.
"I had Soos and the guys investigate Preston's story..."
"What?! Dipper, I asked you not to do that! I told you that if you actually respec..."
"He's been lying to you!" Dipper snapped.
Pacifica's eyes glassed over. "What?"
He handed the papers to Pacifica.
"It's all there in the papers! He's been in constant contact with your cousin! He didn't get fired from his job! He's not out living on the streets! He's not even divorced! He's still happily married to your mother!"
Pacifica looked through the papers in an emotional furry while Preston sent Dipper a death glare.
"How dare you?! I..."
"Dad!" Pacifica's voice was not loud but the seriousness in her voice cut Preston right to the bone. "Is all of this true?"
"Well I... I..." Preston struggled to find a good excuse but it was no use, the truth was written all over his face. He slumped his shoulders in defeat. "Yes."
"Then why? Why you did you come here? What were you after? What was the point?!"
Preston stood up straight as if he were still a wealthy gentleman.
"Well since the caviar is back in the river as it were..."
"What?" Dipper asked.
"That's my family's way of saying 'the cat's out the bag'! Don't interrupt him, Dipper!"
"As soon I found out your cousin somehow regained our family fortune I contacted him immediately. I was expecting him to bail us out just like I said but the truth is he would only do so for the price of information. YOUR information. I don't know why, but he's very interested in you two for some reason. I was to extract as much information about the two of you as possible and report back to him via a phone call. Then he would transfer funds in to our account and we would all have our old lives back."
"Did Mom know you would be lying to me with a pity story?"
Preston sighed in defeat. "It was your mother's idea."
Pacifica gripped the center of her shirt. "I... I need a moment to process this. I need to be alone so I can think about what I should do with all this information. Dad, I'm going to have to ask you to go outside."
Dipper smirked triumphantly at Preston's shocked face.
"Dipper that goes for you too!"
Now it was Dipper's turn to be shocked.
"I-What?! Why ME?!"
Pacifica glared at him while placing her hands on her hips. "Dipper, what was the one thing I asked you not to do?!"
"Have... your father... investigated?"
"And what did you do?!"
Dipper sunk his head in shame. "Have your father investigated. I'm in trouble aren't I?"
"Big time!"
Dipper and Preston sat on the ground outside the RV hugging their knees. They were about five feet away from each other and that was how they planned on keeping it.
"This is all still your fault!" Preston snapped. "If YOU were better at your job my family never would have gone broke in the first place, and this whole thing could've been avoided completely!"
Dipper just sat silently and stared ahead.
"Now because of YOU she's mad at both of us!"
Dipper continued to just sit silently.
"Say something!"
Dipper turned to him.
"You tried to con your daughter. Good luck trying to live with that."
The door to the RV opened up and Pacifica carrying a full looking duffel bag. As she got closer Dipper could see a dollar bill sticking out of the zipper.
"You're kidding me! That thing he said about sleeping on money was true?"
"Dipper?"
"Yes Pacifica?"
"Shut up!"
Dipper shrank visibly. "Yes Ma'am."
Pacifica dropped the bag of money in front of Preston. "Here, this is what you said you came here for! It was a lie but it was what you told me! Now you take the money and go back home to Mom; but I want you to understand something!" Tears started to race down her face. "I never want you to darken our doorway ever again! I forbid you from ever coming back to this RV ever again! Now go!"
"...I..."
Pacifica pointed towards the road. "LEAVE!"
Preston picked up the bag and began to sadly walk down the road. He looked over his shoulder at her only once.
"Wow Pacifica! I don't know what to s..."
*SLAP!*
She glared at Dipper through teared eyes. "I told you not to look in to it! I told you not to do it FOR ME! I told you trust me! I said that if you ACTUALLY respected me then..."
"Pacifica...I..."
"I know he's dirty... but just once I want to believe... believe that..."
Pacifica couldn't even finish her sentence. She broke down and threw herself into Dipper's chest sobbing.
Dipper was taken back by this, unsure how to treat the situation he held his arms up in the air. As Pacifica continued to cry Dipper finally put his arms around her and held her tight. Any awkwardness he felt melted away, rain started to fall and he held her closer.
"I'm sorry..."
Omake
Later...
"I can't believe I found a phone booth! I thought they stopped making these!" Preston said to himself.
He climbed in and closed the door behind him.
"Father would kill me if he could see how low I've stooped. Using a payphone, like a peasant of all things!"
He placed a quarter in to the machine and was about to call Johnathon when Dipper's words echoed through his mind.
'You tried to con your daughter. Good luck trying to live with that.'
He took a deep breath and steeled himself and then punched in a different set of numbers.
"Hello? Yes Sweetie, I'm afraid you were correct. I couldn't follow through with the plan... Do you think you could come pick me up?"
Miles away... Priscilla Northwest was on the other end of the conversation with her bedazzled cell phone.
"Of course I can come pick you up Darling. You just stay right there and I will come to you."
She hung up the phone and then put on her trucker hat. She hopped in to her semi truck and turned on the walkie talkie radio.
"This is Hush Puppies For Diamonds taking my marshmallow down the double six to pick up a Prince Charming could somebody holler back at me about the look out?"
She waited a moment and then a voice came through on the radio.
"This Red Rover, you have a sunny side up on your reverse fairy tale. You're free to go full throttle but watch out for the waffles on the third puke and choke."
"Copy that!"
Priscilla hung up the receiver and brought the gear into drive.
*VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*
As the semi hurdled down the road Priscilla maintained a completely calm and serene composure.
"I dare say; both Yee AND Haaw!"
That's it for now. I don't know if I've said it before but I'm real proud of these omakes, they've sort of evolved in to an end credits Easter Eggs equivalent. Anyways, next chapter (with any luck) should come sooner, but yeah, next adventure Dipper is going to be basically in the dog house. If you enjoyed this chapter then leave a review.