I can't believe we've made it to Chapter 10! Thank you for those who are sticking with me throughout the long breaks. Life is busy and creativity is lacking! I can't wait to hear what you think of this one!

Chapter Ten (Mareke)

I had lived through the passing of both of my parents and so I had thought I knew grief.

I was wrong.

After the death of my daughter, darkness overtook me. I felt completely hollow after being so full of life for many months. Though I had been tired from the pregnancy, I had rejoiced to feel the stirrings of the babe in my womb.

In the days after the funeral, the days grew longer and longer. I laid in bed most mornings until Theomund was brought to me to nurse. Eomer did not sleep in our bedchamber, but I knew where he was.

Because I was mute in my grief, the servants thought I could not hear either, but I heard everything as they tended to their duties around me.

"His Majesty did not come back to Meduseld again last night," one maid whispered as she stoked the fire and her companion swept near the hearth.

"Another trip to the bawdyhouse?"

"So the stable lad said."

"And does his Majesty have a favorite there?"

"I believe he does not discriminate between any of the beauties there."

The girls laughed between themselves.

"Get out!"

My eyes finally opened when I heard Oyna enter the room and chastise the girls.

"Be gone! Both of you!"

I stared at the canopy of the bed, still unmoving.

Only when the door shut behind the departing servants, did I feel the bed buckle under Oyna's weight as she sat next to me.

"Do not listen to a word they say," she said, pushing my dirty hair from my forehead. "They know not of what they speak."

I shook my head. "I am sure they are right," I replied. "He has not been here in days." I met her dark eyes with my own. "And besides you know the truth. I am sure Eothain has told you the same thing."

Oyna looked away at that.

"Please do not ever lie to me. After what has happened, I can face just about anything," I said rawly, tears pricking my eyes as they seemed to do constantly in those days.

"I am sorry," she whispered, as much an apology as a confession of her knowledge. "But they are correct. He has no favorite there."

I shrugged. "It would not matter if he did. He must come back to my bed at some point to conceive another son."

Once more, the door opened and we both looked over to see Theomund's nurse enter with the chubby babe propped on her hip.

When my son saw me, he gave me a gummy grin and I could not help the small smile I returned to him, holding my arms out as he was deposited in my lap.

While Theomund had achieved many milestones in previous months, he was content to take a break from crawling around the nursery to recline in my arms and nurse.

"You must have much to do today," I said to Oyna, still sitting at my side.

She nodded. "But I will stay here if you wish," she replied.

I shook my head, knowing she had much on her plate with planning her and Eothain's Yule nuptials.

Eomer had declared that there should be a splendid ceremony and celebration to coincide with the winter solstice. It was to celebrate the union of Harad and Rohan and was just another bitter twist of the knife in my heart that my husband had planted there.

Nearly two years before we had united Rohan and Harad, but there had been only a private, almost secretive ceremony and breakfast to celebrate the marriage and treaty.

I could not linger much on my envy because after their wedding, Eothain and Oyna would be traveling to the Eastfold where Eothain's family lands were. In addition to managing those lands, Oyna had informed me that Erkenbrand had been discussing the possibility of stepping down from his post as Marshal. If that were to transpire, Eomer had promised to appoint Eothain in his stead.

I only had a few weeks left with my friend at my would stay behind for a time if I asked, but I knew I could not do that. Though their courtship had been fast, I knew she and Eothain were eager to set off and create a household of their own, not always at the behest of their King and Queen. I could not blame them.

"I will be alright," I assured her as she stood, looking down at me.

"Very well," she replied, still hesitant but heading for the door. "Send for me if you need me."

I nodded and as she left, I turned my attention back to Theomund at my breast.

If not for him, my entire world would have shattered and splintered apart.

I stroked one of his plump cheeks with the back of my fingers. I soon found myself wiping my tears out of his silken curls.

When he was through nursing, I pulled him to my shoulder and patted his back.

Again, the door opened and I wiped at my eyes quickly.

"Mareke?" Artanis approached the bed hesitantly.

"Good morning," I said quietly. Carefully, I cradled Theomund once more, only to find him fast asleep as was normally the case after he nursed.

Artanis crawled into the bed next to me as I laid Theomund between us so he could nap.

As my stepdaughter sank back into the pillows I felt myself doing the same and looking over at her. Her abundant chestnut curls were a mess from sleeping hard and there were marks on her face from the heavy blankets she burrowed in during the cold nights.

"Are you still sad about the baby?"

"I shall always be sad about the baby," I replied, barely above a whisper.

Artanis nodded sagely. "Have you been to visit her?"

"Visit her?"

"At the mounds," Artanis responded. "It might help. I do not have anywhere to visit my mother in Dol Amroth, but I always sit with a painting of her while I am there. It helps."

"I have not," I replied, not having thought of such a thing.

In Harad, the dead were burned. There were no tributes left to them and so I had nearly forgotten that such a thing was possible.

"We could go today," Artanis said. "I would go with you."

"You are a dear, sweet girl, Artanis," I said. "But I am not sure I am ready to go back there."

ooooOoooo

For the first time in months, I was sitting at my vanity, allowing Caladwyn to help prepare me for the wedding of Eothain and Oyna. For the first time in my memory, it was not Oyna who was helping me prepare for a celebration.

Somehow Caladwyn managed to wrestle my wild curls into a tight bun at the nape of my neck before placing the heavy Queen's crown across my forehead. While she pulled out two dresses, I smudged a bit of kohl around my eyes and added extra rouge to bring some life back into my face.

"Your Majesty, will you be wearing the red or green tonight?" Caladwyn asked.

I turned on the stool to look over the two dresses she had laid on the bed. Both looked impossibly heavy and uncomfortable.

"Red to match His Majesty," I replied, knowing without having to ask that Eomer would be in his typical color to officiate the wedding of his friend.

I got to my feet without enthusiasm and stepped into the heavy gown, shrugging it over my shoulders with Caladwyn's assistance.

It was the first time I had been done up in all of my regal finery since the harvest festival and the loss of my daughter.

I felt as though I was going to suffocate as Caladwyn laid a gold collar encrusted with emeralds around my neck.

The last piece to be added was the ruby wedding ring I had been given by Eomer. I slipped it onto my finger and sighed, not prepared at all for the night ahead.

Emerging into the sitting room, I was greeted only by Artanis. "Papa has gone ahead to be the first one in the hall," she informed me.

"Very well," I gave her a small smile. "Are you ready?"

Artanis nodded enthusiastically and we made our way to the Great Hall.

As we entered, everyone rose to pay their respects to their Queen and Princess. I knew I had earned a bit more respect with the birth of Theomund, and even a little more with the quick, but disastrous conception, of my second child.

Heads bowed and curtsies were performed as we made our way to the first table and took our seats. The dais that usually held the two thrones had been cleared. Eomer was standing there already waiting for the bride and groom. I had been correct in that he would wear a fine red tunic and hated to admit that he looked rather handsome. Objectively of course, for I knew the man beneath the clothes and crown.

When he saw Artanis, he gave her a wide smile and a wink, but merely bowed his head in my direction before turning his attention back to the guests who were still milling in and taking their seats.

When everyone was seated, Eothain came striding up the aisle. His blond hair was pulled half away from his face and he wore a finely crafted deep green tunic embroidered with gold thread.

He and Eomer grasped forearms and then stood, waiting for the heavy doors to open once more to admit Oyna.

I watched Eothain, endeared to him all the more by how he fidgeted nervously waiting for the woman he loved.

Trying not to think of the stoicness that had surrounded my own nuptials, I trained my eyes on the doors.

When they finally opened, I could not help but smile at my friend.

Oyna had worked hard to create her outfit. Yule in Edoras was frigid and would not be conducive to our traditional wedding garments, but she had outdone herself in her own unique creation.

She had found a heavy, white linen and had sewn it so that it was not in the structured style of the Rohirric gowns, but draped over her body, pulled in at alluring places, as though it were made of the gauze from our home.

She looked more beautiful than ever, but I thought it had nothing to do with the clothes and everything to do with the beaming smile she gave Eothain as she walked toward him and their future.

Eothain reached out a hand to help her up the steps and Eomer greeted her warmly.

As our wedding had been, so Eothain and Oyna's was also conducted in Rohirric. Eomer's deep and clear voice rumbled out of his chest as he presided over the ceremony.

When the couple had repeated their vows after their King, they sealed the marriage with a kiss and those gathered cheered so loudly that Meduseld practically vibrated.

As the Great Hall was already set up for feasting, kegs of ale and pitchers of wine were immediately brought out as the servants laid loaded down trays and platters of food on the long tables.

A table and three chairs were hastily set upon the dais and Eomer beckoned for Artanis and I to join him. He pulled my chair out and then pulled Artanis' out and she settled herself between us.

"I want my wedding to be even larger than this!" Artanis said, skipping the dinner foods in favor of a fruit tart.

"Your wedding?" Eomer asked, raising a brow. "Do you think there is a man alive good enough for you, mo leanbh?"

Artanis laughed and I could not help but smile. "Surely somewhere."

"Well I shall be the judge of that." Eomer took a deep draught from his mug of ale.

After dinner, Oyna and Eothain opened the dancing. They managed to pull themselves apart after the first dance and Eomer took Oyna onto the floor while Eothain held his hand out to me.

"It was a beautiful wedding," I said.

"I had very little to do with it," he conceded with a smile. For the duration of our dance, Eothain could hardly focus. His eyes were always seeking Oyna.

Our dance ended and before Eothain could get back to Oyna, Eomer had drawn him to the barrels of ale in the corner of the hall.

"You look so beautiful," I said, approaching Oyna. "The dress turned out amazing. You shall change the entire style of the court."

"I do not know about that," she replied.

I took her hands in mine. "Would you be offended if I retired for the evening?"

"Are you well?"

"Just tired," I replied, simplifying the mix of sadness, rage, envy, and humiliation that had been boiling just under the surface since Theomund's birth, if not before.

Oyna looked deep into my eyes, her brow furrowing.

I freed my hands and waved her concern away. "Do not worry about me. Enjoy the rest of your celebration and what comes after." I winked at her and kissed her cheek before heading for the door.

I nodded at Dernhild who was lingering at the edge of the party, indicating that I would leave Artanis in her care for the rest of the evening.

The guards opened the doors for me and I passed into the corridor, sighing and dropping my shoulders as the music and loud talking subsided.

"Your Majesty!"

I glanced over my shoulder as I turned a corner.

Folcred, the Captain of our household eored, was hustling after me. I had not had an interaction with him since Artanis' last birthday celebration.

I paused and allowed him to catch up with me, wary of the fact that there was no one else in the corridor besides the two of us.

"Captain," I said as he approached. "Is something the matter?"

"I am afraid so," he replied. "You are unescorted."

"Oh," I said, realizing his meaning. "I will be alright."

"Well I wanted to be sure. It does not seem fitting for the Queen to wander the halls alone." He offered an arm.

Hesitantly, I looked up into his blue eyes before taking his arm and walking towards my chambers at his side.

"I have been wanting to see you so I could tell you how sorry I am for your loss," Folcred said quietly, placing his other hand on mine that rested on his forearm.

"Thank you," I whispered, looking at the floor ahead of us.

Folcred stopped walking and took my upper arms in his hands. "You have suffered much, Your Majesty. I wish I could offer you some comfort." His thumbs stroked the insides of my arms, grazing the sides of my milk-full breasts.

I tried to pull away, but his grip tightened.

"Let me take your mind away from it all," he murmured, bending over me.

"Unhand me!" I exclaimed. "I am your Queen." I tried to jerk out of his grasp, but could not. "You will get us both killed," I whispered desperately.

"That is assuming the King returns from the festivities at a decent hour…or at all. I think it is common knowledge where your husband spends his time. On top of everything else, you do not deserve a cold bed."

I stopped struggling and looked down, overwhelm sweeping over me.

The unjustness of my entire situation, the entire time I had spent in Rohan, came crashing down around me and tears were immediately rolling down my cheeks.

Once more, I was humiliated and that was the worst of all of it. I was the Queen of Rohan and my King was nowhere to be found. He was never anywhere to be found. From the moment we'd been married he had appeared to conceive our son and then would disappear. He had not even been in Edoras when Theomund was born. And then he spent his nights away from our bedroom.

I was being accosted by another man because Eomer could not be bothered to even walk me to the door of our chambers.

"Your Majesty?" Folcred said, much more timidly than how he had been speaking.

"Just go," I said rawly. "Leave!" I shouted when he made no move to depart.

I did not look up, far too embarrassed to look into his eyes. Only when I heard his footsteps retreating did I begin to move once more towards my rooms.

ooooOoooo

After Yule and the wedding celebrations, I was faced with two departures on the same day. Eothain and Oyna were headed to the Eastfold and Artanis was leaving for her annual stay in Dol Amroth.

I stood next to Eomer who had Theomund on his hip.

"I cannot wait to visit and see the home you create," I said, hugging Oyna tightly to me. "I know it will be beautiful."

"Hurry to me," Oyna replied. "We have never been apart."

Tears welled in her eyes and I managed to shake my head. "Do not cry. We will see each other often. Eothain is frequently needed here." I hugged her tightly once more. "Our time is over. Now is the time to be wives and mothers."

Oyna glanced over my shoulder at Eomer and her gaze hardened.

"It is an exciting day," I said, bringing her attention back to me. I tried to smile at her. "I will see you soon."

She gave a resolute nod and headed for her horse.

Eothain and Eomer had been conversing, but then he moved in front of me.

"Take care of her. She is as a sister to me," I said quietly.

"She is safe with me, Your Majesty, I promise."

I nodded and swallowed the tears; grateful that Oyna had found a man who was so clearly dedicated to her and her happiness.

Artanis approached her father and I once Eothain had moved aside. The little girl was impatient to begin her own journey.

"Be safe, alright?" I knelt in front of her and tightened the clasp of her cloak. "Your brother will miss you."

Artanis grinned up at Theomund who gave her a gummy one in return. She jiggled his little foot through the blankets he was wrapped in and he squealed in delight.

"I swear he only laughs like that for you," I told her.

"Well I shall not be gone too terribly long. When I return we shall work on walking," she promised him.

Eomer rested one of his huge hands on the top of her head. "Be careful on those ships with your uncles."

"Do not worry, Papa," Artanis replied with a grin.

"Easier said than done."

After a few more goodbyes, Artanis mounted and was off with her entourage.

When both groups had left the stables, Eomer and I turned to go back to the Golden Hall. Theomund lunged from his father's arms and into mine, wrapping a chubby fist in my hair.

oooooOoooo

If I had thought I could not sink further into despair than I had been after my lost baby, I was incredibly mistaken.

Without Oyna and Artanis, my life was very dark. The only reason I got out of bed was Theomund.

Eomer and I hardly spoke unless it was in passing or in regards to Theomund. He did not come to our chambers for meals and so I ate alone. Or I sat at the table before all of the food alone. Food had little appeal.

Luckily, Theomund was only nursing before naps and bed. Otherwise, he was learning to eat real food a little at a time, and so I did not have to eat as much as I had.

The months passed so slowly leading up to Theomund's first birthday, but in that time I managed to plan a celebration fit for the Crown Prince of Rohan.

The day arrived and once more Caladwyn bedecked me in all of the finery. Though I had never quite been in the King's favor, our people needed to remember that I was the Queen and the mother of the next King.

The celebrations began early in the afternoon. Elfhelm and Leofwyn as well as Erkenbrand and Bronwyn had joined us. We all stood at the top of the stairs outside of Meduseld as the eoreds of the Kingstead paraded through the village.

All of the soldiers paid obeisance to their King and Crown Prince as they passed by, but one caught my eye. Folcred rode at the head of the soldiers of our household and though he made the correct gesture, his eyes were only on me.

I turned my gaze to Theomund on my hip, rather than looking at the impetuous man. My son was grinning and bouncing, excited to see the horses and the soldiers.

When the parading was over, we made our way into the Great Hall for the celebrations.

There was so much laughter around me, so many toasts to Theomund's good health, and the prosperity of Rohan under Eomer Eadig and his son.

I tried to smile, but I could not manage it.

"Your Majesty."

I turned at the soothing voice of Leofwyn.

"Thank you for being here," I said, watching the festivities before us.

Eomer had taken Theomund and was presenting him to the courtiers and those who had come for the celebrations.

Leofwyn was silent for a long moment. "It will get better," she finally said.

"I hope you are right," I replied around the lump in my throat.

After another moment, Leofwyn went to join her husband who was talking to Eomer and teasing Theomund.

I watched as Eomer reluctantly handed his son to the older woman.

"I think His Royal Highness is quite tired and would like to finish his big day with his mother," she said when she came back to my side.

I glanced once more at Eomer and was surprised to see him looking back at me.

"Goodnight, Leofwyn," I said, gesturing for a guard to accompany Theomund and I, not willing to make the same mistake twice.

"Goodnight, Your Majesty."

Without issue, Theomund and I made it back to our rooms. The sun had long ago set and my son was exhausted, barely keeping his eyes open when I settled in the rocking chair in the nursery.

"You must stay awake for a while longer," I said, undoing the laces at the front of my dress. I jiggled him gently until his eyes opened. When presented with his bedtime snack, he woke a little more fully and set about the task.

"I cannot believe it has been a year," I murmured to him.

I thought back to the day he had been born and my body was flooded with another wave of love for him.

His brown eyes met mine as he nursed and for the first time all day, I felt alright. I could not get enough of his beautiful bronze skin and his dark curls. While he belonged to Rohan and his father, I took pride in the fact that he looked like me.

"You are perfect," I whispered as he drifted to sleep at my breast, rosebud mouth still working.

ooooOoooo

The next morning, I was sitting at the dining table with Theomund in my lap. I was spooning porridge into his mouth when a page of Eomer's was announced.

The nervous young man could not have been more than thirteen years of age. He was trembling as he bowed deeply to me.

"Queen Mareke, His Majesty requests an audience with you in his study."

"Of course," I replied. "Thank you. I will be along in just a moment."

I sent for Theomund's nurse and then hurried to change my dress into something that was not covered in porridge.

My heart was beating hard in my chest. I had no idea what Eomer could want with me.

Within a quarter of an hour, I was being admitted to Eomer's study.

Without looking up from the document he was writing, he gestured for me to sit across from him, ignoring the bow I proffered.

"I do not have much time so I am going to get straight to what I summoned you for," Eomer said, finally looking up.

I waited, hardly able to breathe.

"I think it would be best if you returned to Harad," he said without preamble.

I nearly choked. "Return to Harad?"

"I believe you would be happier there," Eomer replied nonchalantly.

"Have I done something to displease you?"

"No. It would be a change of scenery after…everything," he looked away then. We had never spoken about the lost daughter we shared between us.

"I see." My voice was wavering. "And I am supposed to return to Harad and leave Theomund here?"

The thought of being separated from my son on top of everything else was too much to bear. I would not survive.

"He will go with you," Eomer replied.

"And when will I return? How long will the visit last?"

"It shall be a visit of indeterminate length," Eomer said.

All of a sudden, understanding swept over me.

I was being sent away, most likely permanently. Theomund would go with me in the beginning, but eventually he would be fetched back to Rohan to learn to rule.

My entire body was burning with the shame and humiliation of being cast off by my husband, the King of Rohan.

I had failed.

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Avonmora