The creativity is really flowing, guys! I like this chapter a lot and I hope you do to! Enjoy!
Chapter Fourteen (Mareke)
I stitched the deep cut above Eomer's brow in silence, not knowing what to say, not thinking it was my place to say anything. I had experienced such bitter hurt and humiliation at his hands and still I was intimidated by his age, his experience, his power.
"How is Theomund?" he asked quietly, after a few long moments.
I smiled thinking of my son. "He is quite well. He has begun talking a little bit. His first word was 'mama.'"
Eomer gave a small smile. "As it should be. You are a good mother."
"I was a good wife, too," I replied before I could stop myself.
"'Was.'" Eomer mused on the word. "So you, along with your brother, intend for it to be over?"
"I cannot understand what you came here expecting, Eomer," I said, focusing on tying the knot at the end of the catgut thread.
"I do not know. Certainly not that you would be considering an annulment," he replied.
"I am sorry you were surprised," I said, turning back to the table and picking up the jar of salve. "But I am not sure how that is possible after…everything." I rubbed the salve over the stitching and then examined the rest of his face, not meeting his eyes. He was merely bruised in other places, so there was nothing I could do.
Eomer shifted to face me, groaning as he did so.
I pressed a gentle hand to his side. "It is probably just a cracked rib. There is not much I can do for that."
My husband covered my hand with his and seemed about to speak when the door opened behind us.
"Mareke." Na'man's voice rang out sternly.
I closed my eyes, already feeling the pull between the two men. If I was not careful, they could rip me clean in two.
When I opened my eyes again, Eomer was looking at me pleadingly. "Stay with me," he begged.
"I cannot," I whispered.
"Then come back at least. There is much I would say to you." His hand that had been covering mine, squeezed desperately.
"Mareke." Na'man's order was clear by just repeating my name.
I said nothing to Eomer as I stood, dropping items back into my bag and joining my brother. Na'man was not looking at me, but over my shoulder, glaring at Eomer.
As I walked past him, he gave me a light shove through the door.
"What is the matter with you?" he demanded, when the door had closed behind him.
"He needed a healer and I knew that neither you nor Baran would send one," I said, trying to keep my voice even.
"He is not your responsibility, Mareke," Na'man said. "What is it to you if he does not get stitched up?"
"He is the father of my son," I said helplessly as we made our way through the corridors, back towards the royal quarter.
"And of your daughter." My brother looked straight ahead. "He did not care too awfully much about your wellbeing when she was conceived, did he?"
I froze in my tracks, feeling the assault of his words, reeling back in time to not only that awful night in Helm's Deep, but the subsequent death of my second child.
Na'man turned to face me. "Nothing about your situation is a secret now, Mareke," he said. "I had to know everything in order to protect you." His voice lost the military quality it had borne since he fetched me.
My eyes welled with tears at the mention of my lost daughter. I did not really hear what Na'man had said. He took my free hand in his.
"I cannot forbid you to go anywhere in your own home, but I would strongly suggest against visiting him again. He does not deserve the chance to convince you to go back to that miserable life."
"Please allow Artanis to roam as she likes," I said quietly, freeing my hand. "She has done nothing wrong."
ooooOoooo
Later the next morning, after a very messy breakfast of mashed chickpeas and fruit for Theomund, he and I were sitting on the floor of his bedroom playing with blocks Fisrah had sent.
Despite my son being nearly a year and a half old, every day was the same. I was mesmerized by him. When he laughed I laughed and when he cried, I would have done anything to dry his tears.
Theomund looked a great deal like me with his dark curls and eyes, but he was still Eomer's son as well. He was quite large for his age and I could already see that when his baby fat melted away, he would have the same facial features of his father's. Sometimes, when he scowled his displeasure, the similarity was uncanny.
Being so like his father would always tie him to Rohan and his inheritance as the Crown Prince there. Annulling my marriage and remaining in Harad would be the easy decision if I did not have Theomund to consider, but it seemed unfair that he should forfeit his exalted position because of his parents' failed marriage.
Even if, as Eomer had suggested when he sent me away, Theomund could stay with me in Harad for a few years, I did not think I had the fortitude to be separated from him when he was summoned back to Edoras to be under his father's tutelage. Nor could I keep him from becoming King; living as the son of a Princess of Harad would not give him near the prestige.
"Good morning!"
Artanis' trilling voice shook me from my thoughts and I looked up to see the girl coming through the doorway.
Theomund squealed delightedly when he saw his sister and banged his fists happily on the floor.
"Should I thank you for my freedom?" Artanis asked as she sat next to her brother.
I merely shrugged. "I do not know about that."
Artanis looked at me for a long moment and I raised an eyebrow before she turned back to her brother.
"Have you been practicing my name?" she asked. "AR-TAN-IS," she said slowly.
Theomund looked back at her in consternation.
"He will get it soon enough," I promised.
"How? If you two are not returning to Rohan he may forget about me entirely," she trailed off.
I sighed. "Whatever happens, I will not keep you from your brother," I said.
"So you are staying here?" she asked, looking away from me.
Very few times in the previous two years had I seen Artanis cry.
"I do not know," I whispered.
"My father will not talk to me about it because he thinks I am too young. I am not. I can understand things," she said indignantly.
"I know you can," I assured her. "There is not much to explain to you I do not think. You are very bright and observant." I paused. "Your father and I struggled to be contentedly married. Both of us were very unhappy. It was not a suitable environment for you or your brother." I tried to stay away from laying blame. That was not my conversation to have with Artanis. If I decided to stay in Harad, she would have to return to Rohan with her father and I did not want to add any of my own resentment to what she may feel.
"I know he was a bastard," she said.
"Artanis!"
She continued unfazed, "But he is here now. And he wants to make it right so we can be a family."
"There were many opportunities for that," I replied. "But that is enough for now. The future is unknown. We should enjoy our time together. Perhaps we can get your brother to walk today."
Artanis was distracted enough to scoot away from me. I hauled Theomund to his feet.
Once he stopped wobbling, I slipped my fingers from his pudgy grasp.
"Come to me, Theomund," Artanis said with a broad smile. "You can do it."
With jerking movements, I watched as Theomund put one unsteady foot in front of the other. He had been close to this for nearly a week, but with his sister's encouragement, it was finally happening.
I clapped as he got close enough to Artanis to fall into her waiting arms, laughing wildly.
"You are the most clever boy," she said, holding him at arm's length and beaming at him. "Well done!"
ooooOoooo
Later that afternoon, after the three of us had had lunch and a swim, Artanis returned to her father's chambers and Theomund went down for a nap. I was contemplating what I wanted to do with my own time when a servant entered and informed me that I was being summoned to the Queen's chambers.
Moments later, I was granted entrance to Fisrah's sitting room to find her and Oyna there.
At my suspicious look, Fisrah gestured for me to enter and sit down. "We just wanted to share a cup of tea," she assured me.
"I find it hard to believe that this has nothing to do with my visit to Eomer," I replied, sitting next to Oyna on the low sofa.
"It certainly does," Fisrah said. "But not in the way you think. I just wanted you to know that you can talk to us if you wish."
I looked to Oyna, who was not nearly as open as my sister-in-law.
"Talk of what?"
"What you are planning to do," she said gently.
"Well I wish there were something to talk about, because I have no idea what I am going to do," I sighed.
"What do you mean?" Oyna asked. "It seems there is one clear path from here."
"Is there?"
"You cannot go back to him, Mareke. I saw the entirety of those two years; the humiliation, the cruelty, and the brutality," she said.
My cheeks flushed in embarrassment to be so closely scrutinized.
"There is more to it than that," Fisrah said. "And forgive me, Lady Oyna, for telling you that you do not yet understand. But Theomund muddies the waters a bit, I am sure."
I nodded. "As does Artanis."
"So you will go back to him because of the children?" Oyna asked incredulously.
I did not answer, instead reaching for the hot, black tea and taking a sip.
"Would you like something stronger? Raki?" Fisrah offered.
I shook my head. "I cannot cloud my judgment more than it already is." I took a deep breath. "It is more complicated even than that."
"What do you mean?" Oyna asked.
"He is a good man." From the moment I had seen Eomer, I had been struck by his good looks, the way he was with his daughter, and what I had heard about him as far as how he ruled.
Oyna scoffed.
"Hush," Fisrah admonished.
"To Artanis and Theomund, he is a wonderful father. His people are lucky that he is a dedicated and perceptive ruler." My eyes welled. "What is not to love about all of that?"
I realized that for the first time, to anyone out loud, I had admitted that I was, or had been, in love with Eomer.
"He was not good to you, Mareke," Oyna said, her voice going softer, no longer wishing to confront me it seemed. "He was not even decent. I saw most of it."
I nodded. "I know that. Of course I know that." A tear slipped down my cheek and I saw my own agony reflected in Fisrah's eyes.
She was seven years older than me and she and my brother had been a pair since I was a child. The loss of my mother before the War, meant that she had been the next best thing.
"Our marriage was arranged, but I wanted to dedicate myself to being a good wife and mother despite that."
"You did," Oyna assured me. "You did everything you could. Him sending you away is not a reflection of your worth. This is entirely upon him."
"Perhaps there is more to it," Fisrah mused.
I looked at her with a raised brow.
"I would hope anyway," she continued. "That there is a reason he was so closed off to you."
Oyna began to protest, but my sister-in-law held up a hand.
"He lost both of his parents as well, his uncle, his cousin, his first wife."
"What are you implying?" I asked.
"That maybe this was not about how he felt about you," she replied. "I could be entirely wrong and you should not make decisions based on what I think, but perhaps it is worth a conversation with him."
Oyna rolled her eyes. "Or in the end, he could just be a brute."
"He did come all of this way and he truly cannot have expected you to just return with him without some sort of discussion or promise for what the future will look like," Fisrah said, ignoring Oyna.
"I see," I said. "I suppose it would be unfair to dismiss him and let Na'man send him away without talking to him."
"I doubt it could hurt more than it already does."
ooooOoooo
After the heartening conversation with Fisrah, I could not bring myself to go to Eomer's rooms that evening. Instead, I sat in my own sitting room after Theomund had gone to bed.
I found I could not sleep and what had to be long after midnight, there was a gentle knocking on my door.
"Come in," I called, looking over my shoulder, unsure who it would be so late at night.
"You did not join us for dinner," Baran said, striding into the room.
Since I had arrived back in Harad, I had dined with Na'man and his family frequently, being joined by Baran and Oyna upon their own arrivals.
"I was not hungry," I replied, trying to force a smile.
Baran moved slowly, sitting across from me on the other sofa. He was bruised and battered as well from the fight with Eomer. His split lip had crusted over.
"So it is over for us before it has even begun?" he asked.
"Baran," I said quietly.
"Na'man told me that you went and tended to His Majesty," he said, sneering Eomer's title.
"It is complicated."
"It is not," he replied. "It would be easy to get the annulment and stay here."
"Perhaps," I said. "But I have a son to think about."
"We cared for each other once, did we not?" he asked.
"Of course we did."
"I still care for you, Mareke. Very much. And if you stayed, I would like to marry you and fill our home with Haradrim children."
I smiled sadly. Before I had gone to Minas Tirith with Na'man, it would have been exactly what I wanted. But there was too much between Eomer and I for me to decide to stay without first talking to him.
"I see," Baran said when I did not respond. He rose to his feet and departed.
ooooOoooo
The following evening, I knew I could not wait any longer to see Eomer. If I did, Na'man might have him packed up and sent back to Rohan without my knowledge.
After I fed Theomund his dinner, privately once more, I made my way to Eomer's chambers, carrying the jar of salve for his cut.
I hurried through the corridors so that I would not be caught by anyone. I was not sure I could handle any more judgment or advice.
Knocking on the door to his chambers, I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure I was not seen.
It took a long moment, but eventually the door was pulled open and Eomer stood there, breathing a little heavier than usual, hand pressed to his side.
I stepped around him and waited for him to close the door. I knew Artanis must've been asleep or else she would have attacked me upon my entrance.
He took in my outfit for a long moment. In Rohan, I had never worn my clothes from Harad and in Minas Tirith I had dressed much more modestly.
I wore a royal blue set. The pants were tight around the waist and ankles, but billowed around my legs. The top was little more than a piece of opaque gauze wrapped around my breasts and shoulders. He could probably see more of my tattoos than he had ever bothered to look at while making love in Rohan.
"I was not sure you would come back," Eomer said quietly, when he managed to pull his attention back to my eyes.
"Neither was I," I replied.
He merely nodded. "Would you like to sit?"
I agreed, more for his sake than mine. It was apparent that he was still in a great deal of pain.
"Your general did quite a number on me," he said, groaning as he sat.
I remained silent for a long moment.
"There was a Captain in Edoras," I finally said. "He propositioned me. And you knew nothing about it. You did not assault him over your honor or mine."
Almost immediately, there was a flush of anger rushing up Eomer's neck.
"Who was it?" he demanded.
"It matters not," I shook my head. "I handled the situation because there was no one else there to do it. Either time." Before Eomer could speak I was shaking my head. "Actually, the first time, you were in the room. It was at Artanis' birthday celebration just after Theomund was born. He asked me to dance and you did not once turn away from your men at the kegs of ale where you were enjoying yourself.
"The second time I was alone, walking through the corridors after Theomund's first birthday celebration. Our daughter had just died."
A look of such remorse crossed Eomer's face that I wanted to stop, but knew I could not.
I could not leave that conversation with anything left unsaid if I wanted to make a clear headed decision about where I belonged.
"Throughout both encounters, I only worried that you might accuse and charge me of treason if you found out. The Captain assured me that you did not care enough, which hurt even more than thinking you might like an excuse to get rid of me."
"Mareke-"
"In the end, it turned out you did not need an excuse. You are the King. You can and will do as you please. So it is interesting that you are now upset that someone else would show interest in me."
Internally, I cursed at myself as I prepared to go on and my eyes welled once more. "I cannot understand why you are here if I was so utterly displeasing to you. I did everything I could to be a good wife and queen and mother. I gave you everything I had, every single bit of me until there was nothing left."
I wiped furiously at the tears rolling down my cheeks.
"I was a fool, Mareke," he said. "You need not enumerate all the things you did for me. I am well aware and I only hope it is not too late to assure you that I can be different."
"How am I supposed to trust that this is not just your nature; who you inherently are?" I asked. "My days were filled with the tiny cruelties you bestowed. You ignored me, you did not show me the honor my position demands whether you liked me as a woman or not.
"And then of course there was our daughter and that was so much more than cruel." I could not go on, could not elaborate about her conception, the isolation of being pregnant again so soon after Theomund, her disastrous delivery and funeral. And then I had to listen to the gossip of his nighttime ventures to the brothels.
I covered my face with my hands and tried to keep from sobbing outright.
Eomer looked directly at me, his own eyes full of tears. "There are things I will never forgive myself for, Mareke. If I seemed unbothered by any of it, it was an act to protect myself from the regret of ever having touched you in such a way in the first place. But since I did, it was so much worse that I left you to deal with it alone." He paused. "I sent you away because I could not stand to see what I had done. It was too visible when you did not recover."
With great effort, Eomer stood and moved to sit next to me. "In my life, I have lost nearly everyone I have ever cared for: my parents, my cousin, my uncle. Eowyn left to marry Faramir when I needed her most." Eomer wiped at his eyes. "And Lothiriel…She broke me in ways I did not understand until you and I were married."
I looked up into his soft, brown eyes. "She and I struggled in the beginning, but she quickly conceived Artanis and that brought us closer together. Though just as I was beginning to see a future where we were friends and possibly more, she died. She died and she left me with an infant daughter who I had no idea what to do with. I still do not."
We both gave watery smiles thinking of his hellion daughter.
"Many years later, the match with you was made for me and as soon as I saw the type of wife and queen you intended to be, I knew I could not get attached. We also conceived Theomund so quickly and I was afraid that you would not survive him. So I did not want to get used to having you at my side. I did not want Artanis to get used to you as her stepmother if it was all to be a disaster again."
And so it was very nearly as Fisrah had predicted in her all of her feminine wisdom.
"That may all be true, Eomer, but how am I supposed to trust that you have dealt with all of that? How am I supposed to trust that I will be safe, physically, mentally, and emotionally, with you? You have no idea the kind of havoc you wreaked on all of me." I paused and shook my head. "I was a child when I married you; not yet twenty. And there was no support as I figured out how to fill all of those roles. I expected the disdain from your people, but not in my worst imaginings of marriage, did I expect what you did."
"You cannot know that unless you are willing to let me show you." He cautiously took my hands in his much larger ones. "And I am sorry, Mareke. I know I have not once apologized to you, but I regret those two years more than you could ever possibly understand. If I had not been so afraid, what we could have built would have been amazing."
I had to look away from his earnest gaze, never having expected to see him look like that.
"You are more than I have ever deserved," he began. "The most devoted wife and dutiful Queen. Not to mention the mother you are."
I still could not look at him and so he took my chin in his hand so I had no other choice.
"My children are the luckiest children in the world to have you. Theomund you had to love, but Artanis…you did not owe her a thing and yet she is in love with you. The care you showed her, despite my objections in the beginning." He shook his head. "I will always be in your debt for that."
I appreciated the fact that he did not beg me to return on behalf of the children. They already weighed greatly on my mind, but at some point in all of that mess, I had to make a decision for myself.
"So please, Mareke," he slipped to the floor onto his knees. "I am begging you. Come back to Edoras and let me show you that I am a different man; an honorable man."
I wanted so badly to yield to him. At the end of the day, there was only so much that could be repaired by talking. We could have gone over the same things repeatedly, but he did not seem to want to argue with me. He was apologetic and hopeful for the future if I returned with him.
And would I be able to forgive myself if I did not try? Could I say no and live with what that would mean for not only Theomund and Artanis, but myself? I was dealing with the reckoning of loving the man before me despite everything. Could I throw the chance to build a loving marriage away?
I had been thinking about the entire situation for days. I had analyzed it a hundred different ways. It was time to be done with thinking and get to the doing.
I looked deep into his brown eyes, searching for any falseness I could find, but there was none.
"Alright," I whispered.
Eomer's eyes widened in surprise. "Truly?"
I nodded and gave a small smile.
He pulled me into him and kissed me deeply, groaning into my mouth with the pain from his cracked rib.
After a long while, he pulled away and carded his fingers through my curls. "You will not regret this decision a single day in your life. I promise you. You will be afforded all of the honors of a shieldmaiden Queen. I will not look at another woman as long as I live. You will see. I swear all of this to you as I should have on our wedding day." He paused in thought. "There shall be a grand celebration for your homecoming. It shall be what our nuptials should have been."
Once more he pulled me into him, kissing me hard despite the pain it caused him.
There was one thing we had been very good at and the desire for it coursed through my body, but I swam through the fog.
"You are hurt," I murmured against his lips.
"I do not give a damn," he returned fiercely. "If you will have me, we shall go to bed and to hell with the rib."
I could only nod as we clambered to our feet. Somehow, Eomer managed to hoist me up so my legs were around his waist. My fingers were in his flaxen hair and we did not separate once as we made our way to his bedroom.
My husband dropped me onto the bed with little ceremony and bent to pull my pants off. I unlaced my top and threw it to the floor.
I watched as he pulled his tunic over his head and kicked off his boots. Once more he dropped to his knees, snatching me by the ankles and adjusting me so my calves rested on his broad shoulders.
"Eomer?" I raised up on an elbow as he began kissing from my knee up my inner thigh. Without a word he pushed me back down.
My back arched and I gasped when his mouth closed over me, his tongue working in long and slow strokes.
When I thought about it, the period of lovemaking in our marriage had been very short. Eomer had not visited my bed after Theomund was conceived and there had been no gentle lovemaking at any point after his birth. It had been nearly two years since Eomer had offered me such pleasure and so it took no time at all for me to reach my peak.
I cried out and went slack as Eomer moved so he was hovering over me.
"You are beautiful," he murmured, kissing me once more so that I could taste myself.
Even in my delirium I had to scoff. Oyna and Fisrah were beautiful. No one had ever considered me a great beauty.
"It is true." He kissed down my neck as he reached to hitch one of my legs over his hip.
Slowly, he entered me with a groan of pleasure rather than pain.
"I was a fool, Mareke," he panted against my neck. "An utter fool to toss you away."
His voice in my ear had me wrapping my legs around him even tighter, pulling him in even deeper.
"Eomer, please," I begged, my pleasure rising once more.
He drove into me, wrapping my thin frame tightly in his arms. "As you wish, Your Majesty."
"Yes!" I exclaimed, throwing my head back, surprised that I could reach my peak twice. My heartbeat pounded in my ears and chest rose and fell rapidly.
Eomer held himself on his forearms above me, looking down. "Incredible," he murmured.
Slowly, he withdrew and I rose to go to the lavatory and refresh myself.
When I came back out, I was shocked to see Eomer lying on his stomach, the sheet around his waist. In the entirety of our two years of marriage, I had seen the scars on his back once and he had nearly thrown me from the bedroom.
I walked around to the other side of the bed and slipped under the silk sheet. "What happened?" I asked quietly, running my fingers over the raised ridges of the scar tissue. I could hazard a guess, but did not speak.
Eomer rolled onto his side, not defensively, but so that he could pull me down and into his arms, my back to his chest.
"It is a complicated story having to do with the War and those things. I was punished unjustly by an advisor to my uncle for letting Aragorn and his companions go free after meeting them on the plains. Rohan had become quite insular by that point, but I knew that they had important work to tend to and that I would be hindering something that would impact all of Middle Earth if I detained them.
"When my uncle's advisor found this all out, he had me imprisoned," his voice trailed off. "Theoden was weak then, under the influence of this man's, Grima's, sorcery and manipulation. My uncle had no idea what happened to me after he signed my arrest order."
So he was flogged. He did not have to say the rest.
"Why did you not tell me when I saw them the first time?"
"They bring me great shame," he said quietly. "It was easily avoidable if I had been a little more clever, but cleverness has never been my strong suit."
I turned in his arms and stroked his golden hair away from his face.
"I will not keep secrets from you anymore. You can know whatever you like about my past."
I nodded and pressed a light kiss to his lips.
We stayed wrapped in each other's arms, in turns dozing and making love until the sun began peaking over the sand dunes the next morning.
Eomer was sound asleep when I slipped from his hold and quietly dressed again, tiptoeing from his rooms and into the corridor so I would be back in my chambers before Theomund was awake.
As I crept down the final corridor, unfortunately shared with Na'man's private chambers, I heard his voice behind me.
"I thought you were stronger than this, Mareke," he said.
I turned to face him.
"Because the King of Rohan is an accomplished lover you will return with him?"
My cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "It is not like that," I replied, trying not to stutter in the face of my brother's contempt.
"I think it is. Remember, though, he does not use those skills only on you."
There you have it! I can't wait to hear what you think. I have so many ideas for this family, but am always open to yours as well. They help me a lot. Really! As always, make sure your Email Alerts are active by enabling the Email Opt-in in your account settings. I'd hate for you to be missing updates from your favorite stories and authors.
Happy reading,
Avonmora