Lorash closed her eyes as the ship made the jump to hyperspace, but the familiar lurch of Eso's vessel was utterly absent. Corr's cutter had a top-of-the-line modern engine without the old quirks she'd become so accustomed to. For the first time in three days, she was ready to reach out to Seia. Her emotions still rocked her like the waves of a storm, but she could calm herself just enough to try. Lorash tuned out Vori and Corr's muted conversation, barely audible up in the bridge of the ship, and focused her mind on the Sith. Images of Seia's desperate battle against overwhelming odds flooded in from her memory, tears building behind her eyes.
She felt nothing back, no familiar sense of that conflicted presence. There was only the cold of her room, the humming of the ship's ventilation, and the muted thump of the engine. It was as if the void between the stars itself had swallowed every trace of the sith warrior.
The jedi padawan tried to swallow the lump in her throat as fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. She'd cried so many times she'd lost count over the past three days and she was quickly growing tired of the sensations. If Eso had been there, he would have tried making some stupid joke to cheer her, probably telling her that even a rancor would choke on Seia and that the sith would be popping up momentarily. Yyrfh would have given his presence and maybe a concerned growl.
She could never imagine what Seia would say or do. There were only those words, burned into her soul as if by the heat of bleeding kyber: I will love you until the galaxy burns cold, my asha. Not even death will keep me from you.
Yet she was alone. Even the marks were starting to change, to fade. Vori had put a cream of bacta and antiseptic on them to speed the healing, something she had endured in silence. She hadn't spoken to him or Corr since the back of the speeder, slipping into a sullen silence whenever they neared her. Vori had tried to comfort her so many times and each time, she had simply shaken her head.
You have to let her go, Lorash, Nabeila counseled her gently. Trust that the Force will bring you back together if it is meant to be. You cannot let your attachment become resentment and darkness.
Why not? Lorash knew spite was leaking into the words, but refused to curtail it.
She felt Nabeila's sigh deep in her own bones. Pragmatism, if nothing else. Seia knew you as a light side force user. You will be more difficult to find if you fall into the darkness.
And if she's dead?
Nothing ever really dies, Lorash. It merely becomes one with the Force. She would have sought you out, answered you, if she had passed over. If she did not, it is because she is protecting you with her silence. There are those in the Empire who would want you found. Even if she struck down Zul and Dren both, she may not have evaded capture.
Lorash pulled in a shaky breath. Nabeila's logic made sense. Then I'll find her.
You are not ready, Nabeila warned. Seia's training greatly accelerated your physical capabilities and growing strength of will, but Niman relies on power in the Force as well. There, you are yet unrefined. To contend with those who would seek your end or be able to confine Seia, you would need a soul as keen and balanced as a razor.
Vori barely taught me enough to protect myself. He's a scholar, not a warrior. And that's if he's willing to keep training me. Corr keeps telling him that they don't know how deep the contamination runs.
There are many lessons I could impart, Lorash. I trained many jedi knights to combat sith over the course of my life. But if I am to do so, you must promise me you will not turn away from the teachings of the Jedi Code, and you must bear out that promise in your actions. Too many will suffer if you fall with such tools at your disposal and Seia will lose her chance at redemption through you.
Lorash hesitated, still sitting in the lotus position on the floor of her room. I thought you weren't certain she could be redeemed.
Do you know what 'asha' means in Sith, Lorash? The significance of the word.
No.
It is the Sith word for victory. Recite for me the Sith Code. You heard it many times in the course of your time with her.
Lorash swallowed hard, the realization building in the center of her chest as she called Seia's mantra into her mind. Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me. Lorash felt fresh tears welling up in her eyes again.
She thought of you as the breaking of her chains, the most priceless concept in the world to her. You are the only one I know who has ever held such a place in her heart. Do you understand now why I believe you could offer her a different path?
I don't know if I'm strong enough not to hate them, Lorash admitted, scrubbing at her eyes.
She felt a phantom squeeze of her shoulders, like Nabeila was sitting beside her and offering a tight hug. It will be the most difficult thing you do, taming your betrayal and hurt, but all things are possible through the Force. I will not lie to you: you will be tempted many times to act out in anger, to seek the satisfying path, to use your gifts for your own gain. You will stumble and succumb to that temptation at times, but perfection is not my requirement for my tutelage, only your best effort to be worthy and good. Is that an acceptable bargain?
Deep in her heart of hearts, Lorash still wanted to say no and bite at the hand offered to her in anger after Corr and Vori's abandonment of Seia. However, she knew that Nabeila had a point: she wasn't strong enough now to contend with the Empire to save Seia and needed a teacher.
If you teach me everything you know, I will try to follow the Code. Lorash felt defeated even as she made her agreement, feeling very much confined by the lessons she'd learned under Vori's tutelage already. The only time she'd felt free of everything was with Seia's kiss.
Then to work we go. Seia depends on us. Nabeila's shimmering figure appeared before Lorash in hazy blue, beckoning her to the cargo bay. Our first task is to recapture your calm. Misdirection comes most easily when you yourself are serene and undisturbed. A tranquil mind can project much more easily than one as conflicted as yours.
"How, Nabeila?" Lorash asked quietly as they walked down the narrow hall to the cargo bay. There were some of Corr's men in the bay, but they kept their distance from her and didn't seem to perceive Nabeila's presence. She found a relatively private space between the crates and knelt down across from the specter, setting her lightsaber in front of her knees just as she'd seen Seia do many times.
Nabeila extended a hand over her old weapon and it rose slightly from the floor, disassembling itself with a definite purpose until the kyber crystal itself was free. It looked like polished amber, but seemed every bit a mundane stone compared to the burning crimson of Seia's favored weapon even without it being ignited. The jedi force ghost seemed to guess where her thoughts had gone. Many can ignite a lightsaber and even wield it, Lorash, but it takes a powerful connection to the Force and to its wielder for a kyber crystal to truly sing. You have not had the time to attune to this crystal and doing so will give your mind something to focus on other than what troubles you. Hold it in your hands and meditate. See what you can sense of its nature and its history. The education will bring you more into alignment with it, so when you wield it, it will be an extension of you.
"What if I damage it with my anger?"
Even a Sith's kyber can be cleansed, something you should keep in mind. There is always hope for redemption, whether in a crystal or a heart.
Lorash gently took the floating cylindrical crystal in her hands. This was a piece of Jedi history that had lasted perhaps thousands of years and she felt its weight acutely, even though the crystal itself fit easily between her palms. She closed her eyes and opened her mind to the sense of it, feeling a faint hum of resonance.
It may take several days of meditation for you to truly connect with it. I was the last to carry it, so you will feel echoes of me. Use the time to harmonize with the stone and if I were you, I would conceal nothing from it.
Lorash nodded, feeling a faint coolness spread through her limbs as Nabeila stepped into her body and resumed her hiding place. She pushed her entire focus onto the crystal, doing her best to just explore the resonance of the kyber without dwelling on what had happened. Thoughts of rage at Corr and Vori flickered to the surface now and then, but she let them drift through her mind and then away without clinging to them. This task was more important: it was a step towards seeking Seia.
First came the anger as she sat and reflected, but that was quickly chased away by the pain and grief. The not knowing what had become of the sith was so much harder than even her feelings of betrayal towards Vori. She let her mind travel as it willed and it took her to soft kisses, longing, and the closeness and intensity of the bond that she'd experienced in training and leisure with Seia. Dinners aboard Eso's ship played for her with a bittersweet melody humming in her hands, camaraderie and love that she might never experience again. Moments of embarrassment at Seia's teasing took a fond gloss that pushed away the darker thoughts.
Even when the taste of salt touched her lips, Lorash didn't move her hands from the crystal to dry her own tears. If this little stone really needed to connect with her, part of that was letting it reflect her grief back to her.
Tucked away between cargo containers and so intently focused in the Force, Lorash didn't hear Corr and Vori's approach several hours later, nor any of the words exchanged. Her world was entirely internal, to the exclusion of all else. The Jedi master studied her as she knelt with her head bowed and her hands clasped around the stone.
"Is she bleeding it?" Corr asked, a hint of worry in his tone. "She was exposed to that sith for too long."
Vori held up a hand. "Leave her be, Corr. She is doing no harm."
I will love you until the galaxy burns cold, my asha. Not even death will keep me from you. Lorash clung to that thought, pouring every bit of love and longing she felt into the little crystal in response. If she couldn't tell Seia how much those words meant to her, she could tell it. The resonance in the kyber crystal rippled outwards like the ringing of a sweet bell, running like a shiver up her fingertips and arms. The amber was slowly taking on the faintest of glows, a warm yellow color gradually growing brighter and brighter.
The crystal sang back to Lorash, more than just reflecting her pain. As hours stretched on, it unraveled its own sorrows and longings. Impressions of Nabeila's regret lingered in it, bound up in the loneliness of waiting for centuries for a wielder. Lorash felt a fresh welling of tears by the end of the first day, when its song spread through her entire body, changing notes from pain and uncertainty to gratitude for her.
She did not move to sleep, eat, or drink. Instead, she delved deeper into the Force, slowly forging her connection to the crystal. The more she focused her mind, the more clearly she could feel it. Nabeila was silent, allowing her to go about it in her own way.
Seia had pushed her grasp on sense in the Force more than any other of her abilities. That focus was paying dividends now as she fed more and more of herself into the crystal, until she felt the limits between it and her blurring.
By the time Vori moved to wake her on the second day, the crystal burned so brightly in her hands even without ignition in a lightsaber that he could see the amber glow leaking between her fingers.
This time, the jedi master gently shook his padawan's shoulder to rouse her from her meditation. "Lorash, you need to eat."
Lorash felt the sting of anger in her heart as she opened her eyes. It was hard to even look at her master right now with the wound fresh and biting. Concentration broken, she felt the singing of the kyber recede abruptly. It didn't completely stop, however, still humming in her hands with the warmth of familiarity. "I'm fine," she said curtly, ignoring the way her stomach twisted sharply in hunger at the smell of fresh soup and bread he held out for her.
"Please," Vori said, his worry clear in his voice.
She still wanted to lash out, but her promise to Nabeila felt even clearer after communing with the crystal. "Fine. Leave it here."
"We need to talk, Lorash," he said gently. "Tython and the twins are waiting for you."
"Then talk." Lorash carefully reassembled the lightsaber, snapping together pieces around the glowing amber. The screws fit into place and tightened seemingly on their own, no doubt Nabeila's doing. Lorash still hadn't invested much time or energy into learning how to move things with the Force. She could shift a pebble, but dexterity required skill.
"I want to talk about the sith that you were with." When Lorash glared at him, Vori forged ahead anyway. "I warned you many times about the temptations of the Dark Side. That it would only bring you pain."
"You abandoning the person protecting me to die caused more," Lorash said bitterly. It was the most she'd said to Vori or Corr since the incident. "I thought I could trust you to at least hear her out, Master." His title burned on her tongue in anger, which Lorash made no effort to hide.
"I know you're hurting, Lorash. I never meant for you to feel this way. I am sorry we were ever separated."
"I'm not." Lorash felt the surge of anger building, and with it came those tears of overwhelming emotion. "You know that I'm hurting, but you won't lift a finger to help her. You know I love her and treat her like she was some corruption—"
"She had her own intentions towards you, Lorash, and the Sith deal only in lies."
Lorash sucked in a deep breath, forcing herself to not immediately lash out at him. "What we shared was not a lie. If you bothered to ask me about her instead of lecturing me, you would know that."
Vori hesitated. "I am worried about you following the path, Lorash. I can see the hatred in you. It's not like you."
"If I can't be a jedi, say so," Lorash said forcefully. "All you have to do is let me go and the Empire will do the rest."
He shook his head. "Do you really think I want you to die, Lorash?" he said softly. "I want you to live. I want you to let this go."
Lorash stood up, still holding her food. Her legs almost buckled immediately from holding the same position for so long, but she stayed standing through stubbornness alone. "I can do one of those things," she said bluntly.
"So if she returns?"
"I promised I wouldn't leave her and I've already failed in that regard twice. It's not happening again."
Vori looked up at her, expression soft and disheartened. "You cannot let her games sway you. I don't want to see you fall."
Lorash felt her temper start to rise again, despite her best efforts to calm it. "You told me to have compassion for every living thing. To treasure any and every life. Why should I revoke that love because you don't approve of her? Do you not hear the hypocrisy in that?"
"Attachment will only destroy you in the end, Lorash," Vori said firmly. "I have seen it utterly ruin the Order and cause incalculable harm."
"Maybe you can't tell the difference between freedom and slavery from where you're standing, but I don't agree with you. Clearly I'm not fit to be a jedi master," Lorash said bitterly. "Maybe not a jedi at all. If you're so afraid of me and what I'm becoming, then say so!"
Vori tensed and stood. "It would be unwise of me to allow you to complete your training in this state, Lorash. With time and reconciliation to the Code, you could still become a jedi. I am not unreasonable."
"You owe me an apology." Lorash's voice stayed low and steady as she glared down Vori. "I trusted you to help me and you failed me. If anyone here has contrition to render, it isn't me."
"Lorash, please," Vori said. "Corr's companions will want you contained if you are behaving in such a way."
She shook her head and set the food aside, picking up her lightsaber. "They mean to imprison me and you're going to let them?" she said bitterly.
"Not imprison," Vori said quietly. "Contain you to Tython until you have mended what was broken and are ready to turn away from this anger."
Lorash gripped her lightsaber tightly, but knew she wasn't going to be able to fight any number of them off without making her position worse with Nabeila. It would give her a time and place to train, until she was ready to make her escape. "Tython it is, then," she said bluntly. "But if I were you, I wouldn't hold your breath."