Cell hovered in an empty and peaceful galaxy, observing its imperfect operations, noting each arhythmical supernova, each buzzing black hole, and hearing the explosive roar of its stars. Cell listened to the babble of its loathsome chaff residents for a while, as if stunned by the courage of this universe to present such a deeply flawed creation for the consideration of one such as Meta Cell. With a smirk of delight, Cell swept its arm to the side.
A five-pronged cleave slashed through the galaxy, ripping it apart and forcing a gory eruption of starburst, uncontrollable flares, and radiation in all directions. In mere moments, Cell's attack reduced the celestial region to a mere blotch of bright blaze. Relishing in the radiant shine of its destruction, Meta Cell extended its arms and began shaping the air in front of it. It was as if Cell busied itself with some kind of celestial, imaginary pottery class. However, Cell's intent was no fruit of imagination. The viscera of a torn asunder heaven heeded Cell's psychic command, swirling together and comprising a massive, beating organ. It was as if Cell had created a blood-pumping heart of the universe, forging blood and flesh from stardust.
After the transcendental creature was finished with its work, Cell lashed its tail over its shoulder. The tail widened, becoming a sort of satellite dish. However, instead of transmitting radio waves, the satellite dish blasted a sparkling jolt with an orange, black-starred orb in the center. Just like a vengeful deity that struck out life by throwing a meteor at it, Cell smashed a wish-granting orb onto the surface of the galactic heart of its creation. The mystical marble punched its way through the cosmic womb and buried deep inside the pulsating innards within.
"Hmm…" Cell hummed to itself. "Time sure flies when you're having fun. I almost missed out on the main attraction with this pleasant diversion. I would simply dread to keep my entertainment waiting. It's time to call them up."
"Are you okay, Xrix?" an orange-skinned alien in a tight and reflective dress-shaped bodysuit and donning V-shaped pink shades leaned in to comfort her colleague at the casting desk. "You don't sound like yourself today. It's as if you don't enjoy the sight of carnage and the sound of crying for mortal lives anymore…"
"What? No… I'm fine…" a green-skinned alien with twin antennae and violet, triangular dots all over his body tried playing off his colleague's worries. The two sat at the casting desk in front of a teleprompter, overseeing a galactic arena used by the remnants of the Frieza Army to train new soldiers, better able to restore the glory of the old Frieza empire and prevent the rampant loss of territory and control over the rapidly shrinking universe that was about to squeeze and snuff the life of the obsolete military unit out entirely. "Oh… Who am I kidding? I'm not fine. The test results came back yesterday. I definitely have space cancer."
"Oh no!" the female alien caster gasped. "Is there anything that can be done?"
"Maybe back in the day, when Lord Frieza was still in charge and we had healthcare on every planet part of the empire… No one's exactly lining up to treat a washed-up clerk of a, let's face it, defunct military organization," Xrix tucked his cheek and slouched over his desk during the ad break that went longer and longer each week because the income was less and less and the demands to keep the Frieza Army operational even on an underground organization level were higher and higher.
"You should take it down a notch, what if they hear you?" Xrix's female colleague gasped. "They'll execute you on sight!"
"Who cares?" Xrix collapsed on the table, pinching and caressing his wobbly antennae. "I'm going to die anywa…"
A loud rumble made the casters turn their heads up toward the source of the sound. It was some kind of unbelievable creature, humanoid, yet possessing a wagging, metallic tail. Muscular and fit, hosting a pair of straight horns on its head, yet entirely metallic in composition. Its armor was highly reflective in texture and the creature carried itself around like it owned the place. Considering it just phased through a solid spaceship hull meant to withstand the challenges of space travel such as meteor showers and various gravitational phenomena, it had every reason to smirk and feel confident.
"What's that?" Xrix's female colleague gasped, pointing at the majestic creature that hovered with its arms crossed toward the announcer's desk. "What are you doing? Stay on commercial!"
"But we've run out of commercials! No one's sponsoring us anyway, it's all just propaganda material…" A transparent red humanoid alien with a body similar to that of an amoeba, wearing jeans, a T-shirt, a sports jacket, and a backward baseball cap complained.
Before the female announcer could scream obscenities at the producer, Cell let out another rumbling hum while phasing through the announcer's platform and directly into the announcer's office. The cowardly cameraman and the crew all screamed out and bolted, leaving the stupefied female announcer and the apathetic Xrix to their fates.
"Would you mind, ma'am?" Meta Cell focused its glare on the female announcer. "You're in my seat."
Seeing how the announcer was hyperventilating, completely frozen in place with her eyes covered up with some kind of membrane from the spontaneous activation of a fear-induced biological response seen in her species, Meta Cell extended its arm and dissolved it into thousands of metallic wires that wrapped around the alien and moved her aside, dropping her petrified body into the corner while Cell hovered in her seat. When the transcendental one landed behind the announcer's table, it sneered at Xrix, who was still sulking in his seat.
"Excuse me, sir. Do you mind? I need to broadcast something and I've chosen this station because it's the only one able to reach every corner of the universe in this sector," Meta Cell asked Xrix to move politely. Although the depressed alien didn't reply, Meta Cell chuckled to itself, regardless. It lashed its metallic tail, plunging it into the back of the sulking alien. Instead of screaming out in pain, Xrix jumped up in shock but froze in place while the metallic tail pumped something solid and chunky out from its body. "How delectable. Cancer cells are wasted on the sick."
"I'm… I'm going to live!?" Xrix laughed out, jumping on his feet and staring at his shaking hands, still struggling to believe his chance at a second life. Meta Cell's eyes gleamed with light, as the apex predator prepared to reduce the foolish alien to ashes for bothering someone beyond its comprehension, but the sight of Xrix hopping around and screaming in glee made Cell's eyes return to black indifference. In awe of the goofy sight, the transcendental one observed Xrix skipping out of the room and taking off who knew where.
"In any case…" Meta Cell cleared its throat, extending its arm and turning it into elongated wires that wrapped around the incredible transmission technology used by the dormant remnants of the Frieza Army, desperate to recruit disillusioned fools who loathed the chaos of peace and democratic order from across the universe. Cell's wires effortlessly hacked the device and tuned it to Cell's authoritative command.
Bulma glanced up at the television attached to the kitchen corner, sipping on her coffee. Gohan was going to town on that corn chowder while Vegeta was enjoying himself some Earthling toast as well. While Vegeta couldn't have cared less for jam, the unwritten social contract between the father and his son said that Trunks could stuff his face full of jam as long as he traded his toast to his father for it. Seeing the unusual static on the television set, both Gohan and Vegeta looked up with curiosity.
"Hello, hello, denizens of Planet Earth," Meta Cell waved at the camera, appearing out of the blue and interrupting the usually scheduled programming of ancient police procedural show reruns. "Also, the rest of the universe, if you're feeling up for the challenge. This is Cell. The top of the food chain of the universe. In the last few weeks. I'm here to announce something interesting, so if you think you're strong enough to amuse me, up the volume, and if you're cowardly–turn off your television and start running."
"That's…!" Gohan gasped.
"Cell… That bastard!" Vegeta hissed.
"So that's Cell?" Trunks looked up with a face made sticky by tons of strawberry mush.
"To those who aren't familiar with me, I'd like to introduce myself. I am the one who transcends the laws of life and death, existence and non-existence, strength and weakness. Within my genetic material, you can find the code of all your DNA and a lot of genes of species that have long since gone extinct. Using my unimaginable power, I have liberated myself from the shackles of the food web and now am resting on the throne atop all things. I hunt whatever I like, and I fear nothing," Meta Cell smiled, breaking into megalomaniacal laughter of the one who triumphed in its lifelong dream and tasted the sweet fruit of genuine liberty at long last.
"I'll give you two things to fear…" Vegeta grumbled, punching his open hand with his knuckle while gnashing his teeth.
"Over the last few weeks, I've destroyed all the things I've found bothersome, but in their place, I built something of my own. It's a tendency that I intend to continue, so all of you chow across the universe better shape up, because if you don't–one day you and all the annoying, imperfect things you've come to know will be ashes and what replaces it all will be Cell!" Meta Cell laughed out, crossing its arms. "I don't care about bringing the end of all things, however. I am a firm believer that destruction without an offer for an alternative is pointless. It is for that reason I've replaced those inferior, pesky chaff I've trimmed with the perfect replacement–me. Well… My Cell Jr's, so to speak."
"That's horrible!" Gohan gasped, gripping the ends of the breakfast table with his hands, but controlling himself and refraining from breaking Bulma's furniture needlessly. The teen gritted his teeth, spacing out and getting lost in righteous fury and calling for vengeance for all those snuffed out and hurt by Cell's delusions of grandeur.
"In my favorite, select few worlds, I've planted the prize that Planet Earth should be most worried about–the Ultimate Dragon Balls. Of course, I've saved the last one for myself. If you intend to save Planet Earth from its impending doom – you better come and claim them!" Meta Cell leaned toward the camera before bursting into laughter again. "Of course, all of those worlds are inhabited by my favorite of my Cell Jr's, so it won't be easy. But, unlike my murderous descendants who have no tolerance for weaklings, I believe in all of you! If you're a powerful warrior in this universe and hate the way I handle things, come and do something about it!"
"Hmph, Bulma, ready a spaceship with an Ultimate Dragon Ball radar!" Vegeta barked out an order for his wife, who only shushed him and upped the volume.
"Simmer down, Vegeta! There's no use in rushing off, let's hear all of Cell's conditions first. There may be a hint of how to defeat it somewhere in there," Bulma hissed.
"Now, if you rascals on Planet Earth have been keeping track, you've got exactly three days left to retrieve the Ultimate Dragon Balls and return them to Planet Earth. Believe it or not, that was my intention. I've made sure to put my Cell Games arenas considering the speed of the Capsule Corps spaceships. That way, you have one day to arrive there, one day to retrieve the Ultimate Dragon Ball, and one day to return. If you do a good job in the Cell Games–you'll even have some extra time left!" Meta Cell smiled at the camera before letting the stand drop on the floor while the apex predator walked away and back behind the announce table.
"That being said, I will not punish you for breaking the rules. The only rule in the Cell Games is–go wild and have fun! All of you can come straight at me if you want, you can have Yamcha skip you around all those arenas while you collect the Dragon Balls one by one working as a team! If the sky's your limit–stay home and accept your end. Only those who don't recognize any limits have the potential to succeed in the Cell Games! The Cell Games begin from the moment I cut this transmission and end when either Planet Earth is ashes or when I am defeated. And with that, my delicious prey, I bid you all adieu…" Meta Cell gave the staticky camera one last cheeky smile before clutching its fist and obliterating the Galactic Arena by crushing it from abhorrent psychic pressure that reduced an entertainment space station to the size of a golf ball in a fraction of a second.
In a blink, Meta Cell opened up a pixelated rift behind it and hovered back through it, transporting itself to the chosen world where Cell itself would safeguard one of the Ultimate Dragon Balls. There wasn't a chance in hell that Cell would miss out on all this fun.
Pudgy, marshmallow-like puffs with reflective black eyes hovered around a Neo Tsufurian red and pink natural armored shell, covered with regal golden shoulder, chest, forearm, and shin pieces decorated with cosmic jewels found nowhere else in the entire universe. The peerless creature stared at a hi-tech monitor stuck to a futuristic skyscraper of an alien city that had just finished displaying this haunting transmission to all of his precious Neo Tsufurians.
"Baby-sama…!" the cloud-like fluff exclaimed in a high-pitched voice.
"Don't worry," Baby Hatchiyack turned around with a stern look. "If this Cell creature makes its way to our planet, deciding it sees the Neo Tsufurians as prey, it will have to answer to me. But… Something tells me that King Vegeta and his allies won't be taking this challenge to Planet Earth lying down. We have nothing to worry about, New Planet Plant is perfectly safe and is under my protection."
"B-But… Baby-sama…" The fluffs, some of whom had formed wings around their ears, some of whom had tendril-like growths at the tops of their heads, and some of whom had grown stubby and disproportionately tiny arms and legs, whined out, crying in terror like the undeveloped children they were.
"That is enough," Baby Hatchiyack crossed its arms, making the whiny fluffs of newborn Neo Tsufurians settle down after the leader of the Neo Tsufurian race silenced them with the authority of a strict father who put his foot down. "To fear Cell is to undermine my authority. To worry about invasion is to suggest that I'm incapable of protecting all of you. If someone wishes to challenge me, thinking they could do better as the leader of New Planet Plant, feel free to step up…"
The undergrown tufts all scurried away to their cars and ordinary chores. After all the fuss over Cell's announcement of the Cell Games, it was only the Machine Mutants who tended to the well-being of both the New Planet Plant and the Neo Tsufurian seedlings by occupying all labor that kept the planet going and its economy flourishing who didn't give the threat of Cell even the slightest consideration.
By the time Chayote's feet touched down in the Capsule Corps backyard garden, everyone had already gathered. Even the likes of Yamcha, who was missing in an entirely different and otherwise inaccessible void of pure paradox. What surprised the hysterical Saiyan the most was seeing both Lapis and Lazuli together, ready to tackle the Cell Games as a tag team, also–it was highly unusual to see Goku having already arrived. Usually, the showoff was egregiously late.
"Did you get any good training in, Chayote?" Piccolo wondered, raising two fingers for a nonchalant greeting. "I can't sense it off you. Your Ki is incredibly calm."
"That's because when I let it go wild, I don't think even I could make it stop anymore…" Chayote smirked, flashing a cocky pose, pointing at herself with her thumb.
"Chayote…" Bulma approached the Saiyan, stopping halfway as the two women, sharing a complicated relationship, one to have previously been defined as that of a mentor and apprentice, but soiled by the fact Chayote made out and had a child from a future version of Bulma's pre-schooler son, and occasional butting of heads, awkwardly glared off to the side. "We've called everyone together because it's time. Cell has issued his challenge…"
"It's okay," Chayote calmed Bulma down. "Upa clued me in. He overheard it from Krillin explaining it to Piccolo."
"And Krillin heard it from me on a phone call…" Bulma nodded with a polite smile. "We're lucky to have you on our side. Go smash some heads out there!"
"I intend to," Chayote nodded. "Jeez… I think Kakarot making it here before me is a bad omen. Am I that late?"
"Not at all," Bulma pointed out. "In fact… Well… You should talk to Son-kun. I don't know what kind of training he did, but… It made him… Weird… Somehow."
"Weirder?" Chayote flashed a smirk, excusing herself and approaching Goku to greet him. "Kakarot, did you waste your time learning manners and social cues to have gotten here in time?"
"Yo!" Goku greeted Chayote with a hearty salute. "No, I just knew it was time. I don't want to explain it yet because I don't want to cause a whole thing, but I just… Knew. I can sense that you've gotten unbelievably, just crazy-strong! Incredible!"
"Wait, you can sense it?" Chayote squinted her right eye, challenging the fact that only an irrelevant sliver of her power was simmering just to keep her alive. The Legendary Super Saiyan had to seal most of her wild power away so as not to threaten the integrity of the entire cosmos.
"Of course!" Goku snickered, rubbing his nose in embarrassment at gloating to Chayote's face after all her hard work. "I sort of expected to leave it to the next generation after Cell, but it's just really not fair how strong you've gotten. They won't have too much chance to show off their strength with an insurmountable barrier like you around."
"Bulma was right, you did get weird," Chayote raised her eyebrow. "What kind of training did you do?"
"You'll find out in due time," Goku assured Chayote. There was some strange aura coming off him. Almost as if all of Goku's usual traits, his aloof attitude, but also his capacity to inspire limitless hope and optimism that things will turn out just fine, somehow, the adventurous Saiyan found a way to multiply it all by a billion.
"Alright, listen up!" Vegeta barked out, taking center stage and snuffing out the small talk amongst the reassembled group of Earth's last line of defense. "Cell's built itself six planets with six Ultimate Dragon Balls on them, all inhabited by Cell Jr's. We can use the Dragon Radar on our spaceships to track them. We'll split up into teams and tackle one planet for each team, then, we'll hurry to Planet Earth to bring the Dragon Balls back home before the deadline!"
"Hey, Vegeta got his groove back, nice job, Gohan!" Goku winked at his son.
"H-Huh!? H-How did you…!?" Gohan stammered out.
"That's a risky plan," Lapis crossed his arms, stepping up to Vegeta with a challenging glare. "If one team cannot defeat the Cell Jr. and secure the Ultimate Dragon Ball–we're all screwed."
"Yamcha can transport us in an instant," Lazuli backed up her brother. "He can bring us all to Cell and we can kick its ass and make it surrender us the Ultimate Dragon Balls!"
"H-Huh?" Yamcha scratched his cheek, wide-eyed. "I mean… I could… But how do we know which planet has Cell on it and which ones have Cell Jr's? Also, didn't Cell make more planets than six? We pretty much have to use the Dragon Radars on our spaceships to find the right ones. Cell's Ki isn't exactly the most sensor-friendly with Cell being part Android and part… Everything else."
"Yeah, we can only sense it when Cell wants us to," Krillin nodded in agreement.
"Actually, I can sense the Ultimate Dragon Balls inside Cell and the Cell Jr's," Goku raised his hand, smiling like he hadn't just dropped the most ridiculous bomb into everyone's laps. "I can't tell which one's Cell's, but I have a strong feeling that Cell's got the Four-Star Ultimate Dragon Ball."
"Huh? Why's that?" Krillin wondered.
"Cell wants to fight Son the most," Piccolo answered for Goku. "It makes sense that Cell picks the Dragon Ball with the most sentimental value for Son to safeguard. Besides, it wants Son to be able to recognize him. The worst thing for Cell would be to miss out on its chance to fight Son with all its unbelievable power."
"Okay…" Bulma stepped out into the middle, pulling out a cybernetic panel with a list. "I've drafted a list of all of you knuckleheads and split you up into teams, based on your relationship with each other and how effective I believe each of you would work in a Tag Team. If anyone has any objections, I don't want to hear them, because there's no time."
"W-Wait, this has to be some kind of joke!" Bardock flipped out, flushing with frustration as he stared at his name alongside Piccolo's.
"Seriously, Bulma? Me and that loose cannon?" Vegeta turned to Bulma with a vexed glare, though somewhere deep behind it there was a hint of trust in his wife's call. "I thought she hates my guts… How are we meant to work together?"
"W-Wait up, where's me on that list?" Trunks hopped in the air, seemingly having forgotten that his unruly strength provided him with the gift of flight. "Who am I paired up with?"
"You aren't going, young man!" Bulma yanked on Trunks' ear, pulling him aside from all the adults contemplating their teams and working on accepting them deep down.
"Not fair!" Trunks whined out, crossing his arms and sticking his tongue out at his mother. "I trained with Gohan all that time!"
"Silence!" Vegeta barked out. Trunks stiffened up with wobbly lips that threatened to burst into a loudmouthed whine at any point now.
"While your father's away, you can use his training simulation system for your video games," Bulma made Trunks fist-bump the sky with boundless cheer and swoop back to the Capsule Corps building, itching to get his head start on some hardcore virtual reality gaming.
"Tsk, you spoil that brat!" Vegeta sneered off to the side. "I should've beaten him to a pulp. At least that way he'd have grown stronger from the near-death experience and known better than to question the superior strength and authority of his parents."
"Why don't you focus on Cell and leave taking care of Trunks to me for now?" Bulma tapped her index finger at her elbow as a nervous tick.
"These pairings are optimal," Ultimate No. 16 proclaimed, speaking up for the first time.
"I don't have any issues. I'd have worked with Lapis anyway," Lazuli nodded in agreement.
"Alright, Krillin, let's tear it up like old times, huh?" Yamcha gave his old pal a fist to bump. "Worried you're not paired up with your wife? I'm not going to be as kind as her and watch over you. A fair bit of warning, I'll leave you in the dust!"
"I am glad, actually," Krillin didn't leave his friend hanging. "Glad because, unlike my wife, I know I can beat you and come out looking like the hero for once."
"Heh, guess Bulma tied the two of us up, huh, Gohan?" Goku snickered.
"I guess so, Dad," Gohan nodded with a brave smile. "I look forward to seeing the results of your mysterious training."
After splitting off into teams, Goku and Gohan, Chayote and Vegeta, Piccolo and Bardock, Yamcha and Krillin, Lapis and Lazuli, Ultimate No. 16 and Super One-Nine headed out to their spaceships, ready to take off and head to their Cell Games arenas. The greatest Ultimate Dragon Ball scavenger hunt began with a bang and the smell of burning spaceship fuel as the rumbling spacecrafts blitzed off sparkling into the sky until they turned into just dots on Bulma's radar, with no hint of them having ever been on Earth to be seen.
The Cell Games have begun at long last.