After some quick, frantic thinking, Morty figured out a way to convince Rick to abandon his newest terrible plan. Or hoped he had, at least.
"Yeah, I guess that would be pretty silly. Oh, no. Wait a minute, Rick. Germs can't like, communicate or even think the way we do, can they? And making them big won't change that. So it sounds like it'd be a waste of your time either way. Too bad. Guess you should just go back to bed now, huh?" he said. Rick's expression instantly turned crestfallen, and Morty was sure that was the end of the subject.
"Right. I was *Achoo!* forgetting all about that. You see what I mean about not being able to think straight with this cold? Thanks, Morty. Y-you really helped Grandpa dodge a bullet there. That could've gone really bad really fucking quick." Rick admitted, slowly getting up from the floor. Noticing that he was a little unsteady, Morty helped him up again.
"Aww geez, you don't have to thank me for that, Rick. It's what I'm here for, y'know? Come on. Let's get you back to bed." Despite the false modesty, he was clearly proud.
"Yeah, yeah. In a minute, Morty. Help me over to my workbench first." Rick argued, resisting Morty's attempt to pull him back towards the house.
"Huh? Oh, sure. You need to sit down for a minute. I guess you did overexert yourself setting up that experiment. I've gotta say, even though it wasn't gonna work, I'm impressed you were able to do all that so quickly when you're feeling so poorly. I'm surprised you're even up already – I wasn't in the attic with Dad for long, and you were out cold when I went look for him." Morty mused, not noticing that Rick had grabbed two beakers and a Bunsen burner.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. Kinda sneezed myself awake. It was gross, but also a good reminder to myself that the sooner I do this, the sooner I'll be done with this whole 'being sick' bs." Rick replied. Before sitting at his workbench, he grabbed three test tubes of different colored liquids from the shelf above it, then placed them next to the other equipment he'd gathered. He pulled another petri dish from one of his pockets and added it to the newest assortment of things.
"Oof. That sounds unpleasant, alright. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with this thing, Rick. But you'll be okay soon. At least colds don't last long. I think. Wait. The sooner you do what, exactly? Ugh. Rick, what are you doing now?" Morty said, initially sounding sympathetic and concerned, then quickly becoming weary once he processed what Rick had just said.
"I'm doing *Cough!* what you reminded me I need to do in order for this experiment to work, Morty. If I'm gonna have any chance of reasoning with these germs, I need to make 'em sentient. Th-the most important part of this whole process, and I was forgetting all about it. It's a good thing you're here to help me out, Morty."
"No! I mean, thanks I guess… But this is still an awful idea, Rick. I thought we were done with all this and you were going back to bed!" Morty wailed, watching Rick debate what to do with the liquid-filled tubes. He kept picking them up, staring at them like he'd never seen them before, then putting them back down, sometimes rearranging them. Blue, red, yellow. Yellow, blue, red. Red, yellow, blue. It was, to say the least, not remotely reassuring.
"I will once I'm done! Of course, I won't need to then, since I'll be cured. Now get *COUGH!* over here and finish helping me, Morty. Oh, and bring those things with you." Rick instructed, pointing in the general direction of the experiment on the floor. Thinking he wanted the ray gun or maybe the used tissues, Morty was about to tell him no. Then he realized Rick was actually pointing at two items about a foot from the experiment - his nearly empty tissue box and the trash can from his room. While Morty retrieved the items, Rick finally decided to pour the contents of the blue tube into one of the beakers. After lighting the burner under it, he added the red liquid. It instantly started glowing.
"Here. Umm, is that what's supposed to be happening, Rick?" Morty asked as he placed the tissue box on the table and the trash can on the floor. He eyed the glowing solution suspiciously.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. That's fine. It's just, just doing what it needs to do." Rick muttered, now visibly struggling to keep his eyes open.
"I'm afraid to ask, but what exactly is the plan for this… stuff you're making? I'm guessing it's to add it to either the blood sample you took, or maybe one of those used tissues. And by the way, I'll help you clean up the rest of the mess, but you're picking those up yourself."
Rick sniffled and wiped his runny nose before answering, "Yep. Either that or inject myself with it, then take a new sample to work with. You see, Morty, there's potential downsides either way. If I give the entire virus sentience by injecting myself with the serum, I run the risk of it you know, trying to take over, like it's in charge."
"Uh-huh. Seems like a good reason to not do that. Also, even for you, that stuff doesn't look like anything you should put into your bloodstream. What happens if you only make a small sample of the virus sentient after it's outside your body?" Morty said wearily, still closely watching the glowing beaker.
"Then I'll definitely have the advantage of these stupid germs not trying to take me down from the inside. *COUGH!* That is, more than they already are. But there's also a possibility they'll attack us once they're out in the open and several million times their original size. As much as I hate these microscopic assholes, I can't really blame 'em – I'dfreak the fuck out too under those circumstances." Rick continued. He grabbed another tube, this one containing a pink liquid.
"Wait, that's what's going to happen?! And you're this calm about it?!" Morty asked. He didn't know how it was possible, but this just kept getting worse.
"It could happen. It's not necessarily going to. I mean, before I give them rational thought, the enlarged germs will basically be stupid, panicked wild animals. But so long as we react fast enough and apply the mixture the second they're big enough to see, we should be able to avoid that. Then everything will be fine, Morty!" Rick argued, pouring the pink liquid into the second beaker.
"Okay, no. Absolutely not. We're not doing this, Rick. I'm sorry, but none of these are acceptable risks for trying to get rid of a cold! Like I said before, it'd be different if you were seriously ill with some space disease like what you pretended to have. I'd still think your idea sounded crazy, but I'd be willing to go along with it, since, like, that might be the only way to save you. But you're gonna be fine in a few days, and you aren't even that sick to begin with! So let's get all of this put away, and you please just go back to bed." Morty protested, reaching for Rick's current project.
"No! Fuck you, Morty! I thought you wanted to help me feel better. *Cough!* *Cough!* Clearly that was a lie." Rick refused, leaning forward and wrapping his arms protectively around the things on the table.
"Of course I do! But none of this is going to do that, Rick. Best case scenario is you'll just make yourself sicker. And in case you haven't noticed, things rarely go best case scenario with you."
"He has a point, you know. Now's also as good a time as any to tell you, that's not even an enlarging ray you set up over there." the garage AI chimed in.
"Yeah, I thought that didn't look right." Morty agreed with a sigh, glancing over at the other part of Rick's experiment.
"Sh-shut up! Both of you, just shut up! I'll show you two Doubting Thomas assholes a thing or two. Just you wait." Rick snapped, hands shaking a little as he added the yellow liquid to the pink. At least this combination didn't start glowing, which the first mixture was still doing. It had also started flashing every few seconds. Still keeping close to the table, Rick turned his head slightly to glare at Morty smugly.
"I'm supposed to be impressed by this? You clearly don't know what you're doing right now, Rick." Morty sighed.
"Hmmphh. Just you *SNIFF!* wait, Morty. Ha! It should be ready now." Rick mumbled, watching the second mixture start to bubble. He picked it up and added some to the first concoction, careful not to look at that one for long – he'd never admit it, but the sight of the pulsing, glowing liquid had brought back the dizziness from earlier in full force.
Morty watched apprehensively. He fully expected a huge explosion, and to have to pull Rick away from it. Instead, the new solution bubbled nearly to the top of its beaker, then stopped. The flashing and glowing also finally ceased.
"Yeah! Step 1 accomplished, baby!" Rick bragged… either ignoring or oblivious to the fact that the beaker containing only the combined pink and yellow liquids was still bubbling. He started coughing again, and mumbled through it, "Ugh, and not a moment too soon. *SNIFF!* H-hang on a minute." He grabbed another handful of tissues and blew his nose loudly. While Rick's guard was down, Morty boldly pulled away his three blankets. Initially, Rick froze in place, unable to react to the sudden change.
Then, he whirled around furiously, yelling, "You little turd! That's so mean! You can see I'm fr-fr-freezing, Morty! Give those back!"
"Why? You're gonna be all better any minute now thanks to your little project there, right? Doesn't sound like you'll need these." Morty taunted, backing up a few steps further from Rick.
"I won't need them then, but I still do now! Give them back!" Rick argued, lunging towards Morty. He missed, and nearly fell over.
"Uh-uh. You want these back, come get them, bitch!"
Morty was now waving the blankets like a matador's red cape. And like a bull (albeit a shivering, stumbling bull), Rick charged at him again. This time, he managed to make contact, knocking Morty to the floor. He fell down with him in the process, but wasn't concerned with that.
"I said give those back!" he ordered again, trying and failing to pull the blankets away from Morty.
"I will once you go back to bed! I'll get you every blanket in the whole damn house if you'll just do that!" Morty yelled back, tightening his grip on the blankets. Rick thought it over for a few seconds – that was a tempting offer. Shaking his head, he instead resumed trying to pull the blankets away from Morty.
"This isn't fair, Morty! A sneak attack, and when you know I'm not at full capacity? *COUGH!* That's a real dick move!" he complained, swatting at Morty's left arm and hoping that would make him lose his grip.
"It's for your own good, Rick! And since when do you give a shit about what's fair?!" Morty scoffed. He kicked Rick's right leg in hopes that would knock him down. It almost worked. Rick, barely managing to keep his balance, pinched the side of Morty's right hand hard enough to loosen his hold on the blankets.
"Ah ha! Yes! I win!" Rick exclaimed, almost entirely pulling the blankets away from Morty.
"No the fuck you don't! This is so stupid, Rick! And it's gonna stop now!" Morty shot back, shoving Rick backwards and pulling the blankets as forcefully as he could. Rick almost lost his hold on them, but just managed not to, also pulling with as much strength as he could manage. Refusing to let go, Morty ended up being pulled on top of Rick, who tried unsuccessfully to push him off.
"Really, Rick? How long are you planning to keep this up?! Stop fighting me when I'm only trying to help you!" Morty yelled, growing more exasperated by the second.
"Oh, yeah. Some help you are, interfering with my experiments to get rid of this damn virus, and trying to take away my one source of comfort. Great bedside manner you got there, Morty. *Cough!* *Cough!* You should be a doctor when you grow up." Rick said sarcastically, kicking Morty off him again. Morty rolled his eyes at Rick's dramatics for what felt like the hundredth time that morning.
"Well, I couldn't possibly have a worse patient, now could I? And stop with the guilt tripping, because it isn't going to work." he replied crossly. The combination tug of war/wrestling match continued. Sick and clearly losing steam as he was, Rick was as stubborn as ever.
Ending up on top of the tussle again, he started to say, "And another thing, Morty! I, I… *AH-AH-ACHOO!*"
"Gross. Completely expected, but still, gross." Morty sighed. At least being sneezed all over had brought the fight for the blankets to an end. And Rick, for his part, had the decency to look embarrassed. The two of them slowly sat up, the blanket pile now on the floor between them.
"S-sorry. I uh, didn't mean to do that. I mean, it was kinda your fault, too… No. Nevermind. I'm sorry. Here you go." Rick mumbled sheepishly, handing Morty the tissue box as a peace offering.
Morty took it and used the last of the tissues to wipe off his face, saying, "Yeah, well you'd better get used to sharing these things, since any chance of me not getting your cold just went out the window."
"Yeah, sorry for that, too. You know, Morty, so long as my experiment works, I, I'll do it for you, too. I mean, it wouldn't be fair to cure myself but just let you suffer. I won't do that to you." Rick offered. Morty was about to tell him the experiment wasn't going to work, but it wasn't necessary.
As if on cue, the beaker containing the bubbling liquid overflowed, tipping over in the process. It quickly ate a hole through the table, but fortunately didn't continue through the cement floor.
Looking over his shoulder at the new mess, Rick sighed and admitted, "This isn't, it isn't going to work, is it?" Morty just shook his head, annoyed it had taken Rick this long to figure that out, but relieved he finally had.
"Ugh. I feel like shit, Morty." Rick groaned, slumping forward and starting to shiver again. Morty's expression softened a little. Yes, Rick was driving him crazy and making what should have been a minor problem into a disaster. But he was also clearly miserable, and Morty felt bad for him.
"I know you do, Rick. But it'll be okay. You'll see. Here." he said gently, getting up from the floor and draping the blankets around Rick's shoulders again.
"Yeah, sure. I guess. If you say so." the mad scientist mumbled, pulling them tighter around himself. Morty quickly realized that, while he'd finally managed to talk his grandfather out of his experiments, Rick was now back to his original plan of wanting to sulk on the garage floor all day. Morty wasn't about to let him do that, either.
"It will. You just need to get some rest. Hey, if you don't want to go back to bed, let's go watch TV. It'll distract you from feeling sick, and the living room's a lot warmer, so you'll be more comfortable. Sound good?" he offered, reaching to help Rick off the floor yet again. Rick nodded weakly. Just then, the previously stable beaker resumed flashing and glowing. This continued for a few seconds before it exploded.
"*SIGH!* Come on. Let's get out of here." Rick said defeatedly, grabbing onto Morty to steady himself as he stood up.
"Hey, umm, garage? Do you mind dealing with all…this?" Morty asked, gesturing to the series of messes.
"Sure, Morty. It's not like I have anything better to do today." the AI replied sarcastically. Several robotic arms emerged from the walls and ceiling and began to clean things and repair damage. The ones dealing with the used tissues and petri dishes wore gloves.
"I mean, you kind of… don't? But thanks just the same." Morty replied.
"Whatever. But I guess I shouldn't complain. My day is going to be a breeze compared to yours." the AI scoffed. Morty opened his mouth to argue, but quickly realized she was right. He closed the door, sincerely hoping this was the last time he'd have to drag Rick out of the garage today.