Authors notes: (16/April/2020) In this chapter I've added something new, more details in the authors notes below.

Chapter 63

Sensory Deprivation.

Raven kicked off and flapped her arms. She held her breath and tried to float. Indeed she did float, but the moment she released her breath she began to sink again!

This was so frustrating!

Her feet touched the shallow floor of the TARDIS swimming pool and she pressed her back to the wall of the pool.

How could this be so difficult? Fish do this all the time! Seals do this all the time! How could swimming be so difficult?!

Since Raven had banned herself from using her powers she'd tried to find other outlets for her mind. First, she'd found a recorder in the TARDIS wardrobe, but after a few attempts to learn the frustratingly noisy instrument she'd lost her cool and it snapped into two. She'd like to pretend it happened by accident, but she did it deliberately. The next thing she tried was creative writing. Since her counterpart in the Land of Fiction was so good at writing she thought perhaps she should take up that hobby herself. She'd began by trying to write her adventures with the Doctor as if they were fictions, and she did find she enjoyed it. It was almost therapeutic, like it was a diary. But when it came to creating her own fiction, her own characters. That was more difficult. In the end, she just kept writing a character who was basically herself or just a parody of the Doctor. Soon she decided this whole hobby was stupid and promptly dropped it.

One thing she kept on top of was her meditations. They were far too important to skimp on. Without meditating she could not control her emotions, and if she can't control her emotions then she couldn't control her powers.

The one thing she decided to fix was her inability to swim, and her fear of deep water. Which is why Raven was in the TARDIS swimming pool and, rather humiliatingly, had a pair of inflatable water wings around her arms to stop her sinking. She just hoped to god the Doctor didn't come in and see her like this.

With the water wings, she'd gotten used to the movement of swimming and floating in the deep water where her feet could not touch the floor. She was calmer and she thought more confident. That was until she removed the water wings and tried to float by herself. Again, she waved her arms, kicked her legs out, but she felt so clumsy and weak. Without the water wings she kept going down quicker than the Titanic.

She put that out of her mind, put the water wings back on and just swam around again. Raven eventually got to the other edge of the pool and when she went to put her foot to the floor she was momentarily panicked that her feet couldn't touch the floor. She spread her arms out and tried to remain calm. She was safe with these things on her arms. Raven laid on her back and kicked out to send her back towards the other end of the pool.

It didn't take long for Raven to tire of this futile activity. She wasn't used to this motion nor the amount of physical energy needed to push her along. Usually, if she wanted to propel herself along she'd do it the same way she would when she flew. She'd use her powers.

Raven had only done two lengths when she decided she'd had enough practice and got out of the pool. She ran her fingers through her hair and caught her reflection in the mirrored wall. She was in a black, one-piece bikini she'd found in the TARDIS wardrobe and it fitted her perfectly.

The girl staring back at Raven was subtly different. She'd changed. Though weeks of swimming practice hadn't improved her technique the effort clearly hadn't been wasted because her arms and legs now had more of a shape to them. Before they were quite skinny, they were embarrassing. Now she had more pronounced muscles in her legs and forearms. Her stomach also felt more toned up, she realised as she placed her hand on it. The effect was it made her body look curvier.

But then she looked at her face. At her pale skin, her cold eyes and frowning face of a heartless monster and she realised how ugly she looked. She could alter her appearance. Maybe dye her hair, put makeup on or something. Sometimes she wished she was capable of regeneration just so she could alter how she looked. But she knew she'd still feel ugly on the inside.

Sighing, Raven moved to a deck chair at the edge of the pool, laid down and rested her aching muscles, dropping the water wings to the floor.

Raven wasn't sure she could get used to pretending to be a mortal. Her powers were just so convenient and easy to use. They were like extra limbs to her. Try refusing to use one of your arms and you'd quickly see how your muscle memory would always be tempted to use the arm.

Curiously, Raven reached up and plucked from the shelf behind her a book. The swimming pool, as it turned out, was next to a library, one far larger than the one in the console room and she didn't even know it existed until recently. In fact, the TARDIS swimming pool was partially in the library.

Raven had thought the Doctor was joking when he'd said there was a swimming pool in the library, and she was surprised to find books in this moisture filled room. But like everything in the TARDIS there was a twisted logic to it.

The book Raven had in her hand felt plasticky, organic-like. They were books from civilisations which spawned and still lived in the sea. As it was, these books needed to be constantly hydrated or else they'd dry out and fall apart. Hence, why there was a swimming pool in the library. It was mad but had a ring of logic to it.

Unfortunately, the book Raven had chosen wasn't very engrossing. It was about agriculture. She let the book slip from her fingers and slam into the damp tiles with a wet squelching noise.

Raven didn't know how long she sat there. Just staring into space as her numb brain just hovered in standby mode. She didn't know what was wrong with her. Her mind wanted her to practice her powers, to try out new spells and incantations, but her brain also told her not to encourage her powers in the hopes she'll somehow forget how to use them.

Raven looked around the room as her brain just went in circles.

Where did that come from? Her mind questioned and suddenly her attention was grabbed by something.

There was an alcove in the corner she'd not seen before. It was in total shadow and looked ominous and welcoming. Warily, Raven decided to investigate.

As she passed the threshold of the darkness the blackness lifted like a veil while at the same time the pool behind her vanished into darkness.

Raven was now in a large, low lit chamber made of ivory. The low lighting gave the room a very moon, blue hue to it. In the middle was a shallow pool and around that were six, tall, white pillars which extended upwards, holding up a large ring of silver through which shone a light. A light which had the pale blue of the moon to it.

The light and atmosphere were weirdly relaxing. For some reason, Raven felt drawn to this pool and she began to step into it, it was only twelve inches deep. When she did the room around her vanished and all that was left was her, the pool and the light around her.

Not liking this, Raven stepped out and the room returned to normal. That was weird. When she entered the pool it was like the world outside those pillars ceased to exist for her. Quizzically and cautiously, Raven returned to the shallow pool and allowed the darkness to rob her of her view of the outside of it. She looked around. Just blackness stretching out into infinity. Not a single sound could be heard. It was so quiet Raven could hear the blood rushing through her ears.

As her legs moved she heard the sound of sloshing water around her, but it wasn't echoing off anything. The sound just vanished, making it sound awkward, creepy. Unnatural.

Raven didn't know what this place was, but she was tempted to just lay down in the pool and relax. Cautiously, she did just that, and the darkness took more of her surroundings away. All that was left was the pale, blue disk above her. There was nothing else she could see or sense. No sound, no sight, no smell, her sense of touch even felt numbed after a few minutes just floating in the water.

Oddly, she floated better in this pool than she did in the swimming pool, her feet were off the floor and she wasn't panicking. In this pool she felt safe, safe to relax, safe to meditate, safe to let go.

The girl felt the water lap at her body. Raven didn't know why, but this place felt soothing. So much so she found her eyes began to droop it was so relaxing and her mind began to clear. This was so much like meditation, but she'd never experienced it like this before. There was no sound to hear, nothing really to feel, little to see, even her sense of taste and smell seemed dulled. All distractions were gone.

Her mind was going around and around in circles thinking about how calming and relaxing this place was, until she even stopped thinking about that and her mind became blank.

She didn't know how long her mind lay blank, she just knew at some point her mind began to wander.

The Doctor didn't understand why she needed to kill her powers, he didn't understand her. Raven wanted someone to understand her. She wanted company, she wanted people, for once she actually wanted to have friends. Not just the Doctor, he was something different to her. Raven wanted real friends, like the one's Rachel Roth had in the Land of Fiction. She wanted those friends back. She wanted a friend.

When Raven opened her eyes the light was different!

There were now dancing lights in front of her face. Her vision seemed to blur and swirl around her. It began to resolve itself, when it did Raven was somewhere very familiar.

The little girl sat in solitary and stared into the pond, her pale face reflected back at her with her long, vivid, red chakra jewel in the centre of her forehead, her shiny purple hair flowing down around her face, down to her stomach and small of her back. I'm different. She thought to herself, she looked up at the other monks of Azarath. All dressed int their robes of black, white or blue. Some of the children of Azarath played games with their psychokinetic abilities.

Some played hide and seek, or a version of it where the point was for one to sense out where everyone was hiding while the others try to hide physically, but also shield their presence from them mentally.

Another game involved flinging a ball around using only their powers. Catching it with their soul selves and batting it back at the other person. It was similar to badminton, only without the rackets or the nets. Just your psychic powers.

Some sat under trees in the sunshine and just studied their books, or meditated.

Raven however was not content to just sit down and read. She wanted to play, she wanted to make friends. Her mother encouraged her to make friends, but whenever she showed up in public Raven felt like her reception was cold. People didn't want to be around her and Raven didn't understand why.

So she spent her days just playing by herself, using her powers to lift up stones and rocks to fling around the place, or funnel water up in a spout, or create a portal under the pond where the water would drain out into another portal she'd create at the top. She'd then sit and watch the water drain back into the pond, if that made sense. She'd also manipulate and play with the stream. Passing her hands through it, then sticking her entire face in it and getting wet. It was cold, yet refreshing. Raven did so like to get wet. Water was fun.

She edged her way a little closer to the steep edge of a rock formation hanging over the pool, and tried to make the deeper pool form into funny patterns. As her hands danced around shapes were made in the pool. She loved it

Looking up, she saw someone sitting by the pool in meditation. A boy, he was a young teen, maybe thirteen, and he looked so cold, calm and serious. Raven liked him, he looked kind of cute for his younger years. She, herself was only ten years old.

Ducking down behind a boulder Raven smirked, she was in a mischievous mood and she wanted someone to play with. She conjured some power and waved her fingers, she wasn't going to hurt the boy, she liked him too much, but she wanted to get his attention without actually showing her face.

"Azarath, Metrion Zinthos." She whispered to herself, and she unleashed her powers on the water. It erupted out and sprayed the male monk in the face. Rudely awakened from his meditations he leapt up and scanned for the perpetrator of this trick. But Raven had ducked down, giggling like the little girl she was.

She peaked around the side and watched as the boy sat back down again and tried to meditate. Raven struck, this time dumping a load of water onto the boys head. He got up again, angry but level headed. He had such a mastery of his emotions. With her help he could be the best at it.

Again, once he'd settled down Raven reached out. The boys eyes snapped open and looked directly in Ravens direction. The next thing she knew the boulder in front of her exploded into shards of rock, Raven herself was caught in the blast and she was forced over the side and into the water.

The deep, deep water; I can't swim!

She struggled, she strained, but it was like cold fate was swamping over her and dragging her down. She felt her fingers brush the surface of the water, but she wasn't able to rise back up. She couldn't focus, she couldn't think, all she could do was panic. She hated water, she hated water!

"HELP!" She tried to scream out into the water. A mistake, as her exhaled words were replaced by water.

Something snaked around her stomach, an arm, and slowly she was being forced to the surface by legs much more powerful than hers.

Raven and her saviour broke the surface of the water and gently they swam together to the edge of the pool where the saviour pulled her up. She rolled onto the side and coughed up the water which had already gone down her gullet. The saviour slapped her on the back, trying to get the rest of it out.

"Are you okay?" Said the voice of a boy. Raven looked up and she saw herself staring into the green eyes of the cute boy she'd been annoying. She felt like her brain and heart had all frozen. He was such a good looking boy closer up.

"Umm… Uhuh." Raven nodded. She pushed the long strands of damp hair off her face. Her tongue rolled uncomfortably in her mouth.

"Sorry, I didn't know I'd do that." The boy said, his hair such a lovely brown under his hood. "My name is Gallrick, by the way."

Raven's tongue scrapped the back of her front teeth with nervousness. "Ra… Raven."

"Cool. Was that you splashing me?" Raven felt her cheeks go a little red with embarrassment.

"Yes. I'm… I'm sorry." She looked away sheepishly.

The pair now sat in awkward silence. Was the boy shy of her too?

"Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my meditations." He looked down at Raven. "Would you like to join me?"

Inside her spirit was doing backflips. "Really?" She asked, before toning it down to sound more level headed. "I mean, I'd love to." The pair, now soaking wet sat in the warm evening sun, hoods over their heads as they recited the meditation mantra.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos, Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos, Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos." Or that's what Raven chanted. Gallrick was chanting something else, a string of verbal tones instead of words. Weird, yet it was oddly interesting at the same time. He clearly wasn't from Azarath, and Raven found him fascinating for that. It meant he didn't have the tainted view of her that the others had.

Though her mouth spoke the meditation mantra, deep inside she had one thought.

Do I have a friend now?

Raven gently drifted back to consciousness her eyes struggling to hold back the hurt she was now remembering. Why was she even remembering that? She didn't want to remember that, she wanted to forget it.

Gallrick. That little! But no, forget it. He was in the past. He didn't matter.

Oranges and Lemons,

say the bells of Saint Clemons...

She didn't know how long she stayed in that pool. A few minutes? Hours, maybe? But when she emerged she felt strangely calm and at peace with herself.

As she passed through the shifting darkness and back into the swimming pool she was almost startled to see the Doctor looking through the bookshelves in his shirt sleeves.

Raven glanced down at the water wings, which were next to the deck chair. A little redness came to her cheeks. Her swimming lessons were a secret she kept from the Doctor. She just felt so silly being so powerful and yet it was deep water that defeated her.

"Morning, Rae-Rae." He called to her.

"What are you doing here?" She demanded.

"It's my library." The Doctor countered. That was true, but it seemed a coincidence they would be in the same place. "Having fun in the TARDIS zero room?"

"Zero room?"

"I've used one once before. It's a place where a Time Lord can retreat to after regenerating." The Time Lord said, "It cuts out a lot of interference from the universe allowing the mind to properly heal."

That made sense. That's why it was so peaceful in there. "Do..." she hesitated, "Am I supposed to see visions in there?"

"It can present a reflection of what's in your mind. Struggles and concerns, concepts and battles happening under the surface." The Doctor paused as he ran his fingers along the spines of the books. "Pay it no mind. You'll be driven insane trying to interpret it all."

"That should be written at the start of the TARDIS manual." Raven joked flatly.

"Now let's see." The Doctor said. He usually said that to mean 'I'm going to ignore that comment and pretend you never said it, because you're right.'

He continued musing as his fingers rolled across the spines of the books looking for something. Mid-stride he scooped up a towel and threw it at Raven. She caught it and began drying her hair down before wrapping herself in it like it was her cloak.

The Doctor moved to an area where the pool part of the library ended and the main library started. This library was massive, the size of the TARDIS control room, and it was filled to the high rafters with stacks and stacks of books. Ornate desks with reading lamps dotted the floor, just like in a library. At the far side there was a massive, tall gothic-style window frame which reached to the ceiling. Beyond which were the swirling colours of the Time Vortex.

Suddenly, the Doctor stopped at one of the ornate desks. On the desk was a book which looked like it had sat there for centuries by the thick layers of dust upon it.

The Doctor blew off the dust and held it up.

"Oh…." His voice sounded grave. "This is overdue, and by a good few centuries!"

Raven's brow furrowed. "How can a book be overdue in a Time Machine?" She asked.

But the Doctor didn't answer. Instead, he turned to her and asked her one simple question.

"Ever been to Devils End, England?" The Doctor asked. Of course she hadn't!

"Sure, it's my favourite holiday destination." Raven rolled her eyes.

"Marvelous!" He clapped his hands together. "We could both do with a holiday."

"I'm not going anywhere!" Raven said hurriedly.

The Doctor stopped and looked at her, he cocked his head to one side. "Raven, your powers are only a curse if you let them be a curse." He said.

"I don't care, I'm not going." Raven said sternly.

"Well, I am. It'll give me a chance to try out my new car." He said, and without another word the Doctor walked off out of the library. He meant that stupid bubble-like car in the garage. He'd finally finished it.

"And I hope you enjoy your drive in that tin box." Raven said back to him. Having ridden in similar cars before, either in Kasey's mindscape or in the Land of Fiction from Raven's perspective that tin car was a death trap waiting to happen.

The Doctor's going to be driving it. She reminded herself. At high speed, probably around twisting roads. He could hurt himself. He could crash! Plus, knowing the Doctor he's probably about to step into some big danger of some sort.

Raven closed her eyes and groaned deeply in resentment as her mind made itself up.

"Doctor, hold your horses." She groaned just loud enough for her voice to carry. "You'll need someone to bail you out of trouble."

"Trouble? Me? How do I get into trouble?" The Doctor asked back.

"That's a question I ask myself every day." Raven fired back as she disappeared into the TARDIS wardrobe to get changed.

To Be Continued...

Authors notes: (16/April/2020) The new thing I've added is the vision/memory Raven has of her time at the temple as a younger version of herself. This is going to tie into something which happens later in this arc. Also, I'm going to update other chapters in this arc to have similar memories. This is all in an effort to fix an arc I was never really happy with to start with. Feel free to read on, as the ending will not change, but part of the journey will. I haven't actually finished writing all the extra bits, you see.

What Raven went through was similar to a sensory deprivation tank.

I never intended to write her vision as something so vague. I wrote it as an outline I wanted to expand upon. But upon reading it the lack of detail I think adds to the vagueness of the vision that I'm going for.

Of course, Raven will have to learn how to swim sometime before the start of the TV show because I'm sure I saw her floating in deep water at some point in the TV show.