Chapter 80

Big Dog.

She tried to contain herself, tried so hard to be an unfeeling stone. Conceal, do not feel! But it wasn't working. She couldn't shake these feelings, they were always present. Always itching at the back of her head, no matter how much she focused on other things there was still that voice chatting away in her head.

Raven opened her eyes and looked at her pale hands, her grey skin, skin that was as grey as a corpse. Maybe if she'd been born with a more natural skin tone then perhaps Azarath would be more accepting of her. But that was just delusional thinking, it wasn't the colour of her skin that made the other children of Azarath hate her, but the fact she was just odd. She liked creepy things, she loved spiders, and bats, and cobwebs. Love of such things was just not normal, but no matter how much she tried she couldn't change herself. She just liked macabre stuff.

Jealousy was another explanation for their treatment of her. Raven was the most powerful psychic on Azarath. Many techniques which most monks struggled for years to master Raven picked up instinctively. She was wrapping objects with her soul-self by age four. By age five she was moving things around with her soul-self. But though she was talented, she was also weak socially, she was shy of others. You'd think being so powerful would grant you some admiration from your peers, or at the very least your generation. But no. At the time she'd thought the other monks would hold out their hands and accept her. But no, her weak social confidence made her a target instead.

Why? The monks of Azarath were about peace, balance and harmony, it was practically part of their mantra. So why were they so judgemental and horrible to her?

It was like Raven represented everything they didn't stand for, but were too chicken to confront or confide in her what exactly that was. Perhaps if they told her it was something she could remedy. Maybe they didn't want it to be remedied, they wanted an enemy. So she had to suffer in ignorance of whatever crime she was unknowingly committing just by existing.

Raven shifted, she sat, crossed legged on a poof on the floor. Her short stature betraying her age. She felt much older than she looked, and she was only ten.

Across from her was a wizen old man with a very long beard, relaxed, cold eyes and wrinkles which betrayed the mans great age and a face which showed great wisdom. Azar. The founder of the Monks of Azarath, and her mentor and tutor. She'd liked to have called him her 'father' but they didn't have that kind of relationship. Raven didn't even know who her true father was, but by the whispers going around the temple he wasn't a good man. Or wasn't seen as a good man by Azarath. Raven had some childish fantasy that her real father was actually a good man who the order vilified for some stupid, petty reason, and she was just waiting for her father to come and rescue her from them; just like in the start of the first book in the 'His Dark Materials' series which she had hidden under her mattress. But Azar wasn't a bad man, he didn't judge her like the others, he was helpful, but though he was the Grand Master he had very little influence over the other monks and tutors.

He can't help me, or maybe he won't help me?

"Something troubles you child?" Azar had suddenly asked in such a calm and weak voice which made him sound so brittle. Raven's lips twitched, she wanted to speak, but she didn't want to sound like a child. "Speak freely, child."

"I… Everyone hates me." Raven said before she could think. "Why?"

Azar did not open his eyes. He looked content as he meditated in her presence. He looked like he was thinking of the best response for whatever wisdom he was about to impart.

"Why does it matter to you?" Azar asked. That seemed like a nonsensical question to Raven, but she answered it.

"It… it doesn't… it… it shouldn't." She stumbled, "But why? What have I done?"

Again Azar paused before he spoke. "We are all the bad guy in someone's story."

"Even you?"

"Yes, even me." Azar chuckled, "I think you'll find many of the tutors are rather pleased with your progress and your work."

"But it doesn't feel that way." Raven sighed. Sure, some of the tutors were like guardians and great teachers, but she didn't have any… 'connection,' with them. If that made sense.

"Let us continue to meditate. Remember your chimes." Azar fell back into meditation and Raven followed suit.

"Azarath Metrion, Zynthos." Raven said under her breath. But the old man was saying something else.

"Azarrox, Mentos, Zimbabway."

"What are you doing?" Raven asked raising an eye brow, "That's not the chant."

"Did I do it right before?" Azar asked.

"Yeah."

"Then why didn't you congratulate me?" Raven didn't know what he was getting at. What would be the point in congratulating him?

"Because you were doing it right." Raven answered like the good little student. There was a thought in Raven's head that was trying to click, but though she almost grasped it, it was just slightly out of her reach. Azar could sense this and did not interfere with Raven's turning wheels. "In life I'll never be congratulated for doing what is expected of me, but I will be criticised if I do something wrong?"

Azar smiled a mysterious smile.

"Master Azar, that is not what's bothering me." Raven said, though that was only partially true.

"Isn't it?" Azar asked mysteriously. Raven had the feeling he was just being facetious.

"People just don't like me, and I don't know why." Raven said again, "The order teaches us to not fear difference, but accept it. I am different, but I'm not accepted. Why doesn't the rule apply to me?"

Azar gave off the air of someone carrying a great pain in his heart.

"People often mean well, in how they present themselves, at least." He began. "There are monks here who do accept you. Those who don't are the ones failing in their duty, not you. In life, in the world beyond, it will not be like Azarath. There will be people like that in the world. If we made this temple a place safe from such behaviour we would never learn to rise above and tolerate it. We could never operate in the world outside."

"But it hurts." Raven said with genuine hurt in her voice.

"Of course it hurts." Azar reassured, "But what would you do to make yourself feel secure? What would you do to make yourself feel safe from emotional hurt? And when do you stop? How many people must you hurt in the pursuit of this ideal world for yourself?"

"I wouldn't want to hurt anyone!" Raven insisted, she just wanted people to treat her as 'normal' and an equal despite her differences. Was that too much to ask?

"You would." Azar said. Raven didn't see how she could hurt people, all because she wanted to feel accepted, be treated like a normal person, to stop the teasing and the talk that goes on behind her back. How could that cause people hurt? All she'd be doing is forcing them to shut up and make them treat her like a normal person. If it did cause them hurt then surely the hurt it caused them was well deserved.

She could tell Azar could feel or at least anticipate these thoughts in her head. He had that look on is face which said, 'This is not something I can easily teach you, it is something you must experience.'

In her ten year old mind there was nothing to teach or experience. People were just being horrible because they thought fair rules shouldn't apply to her. She'd give anything to have one friend, just one. In her view, the world she inhabits was just full of evil, it just dressed itself up as 'good'.

Raven got up in frustration and stamped over to the wall, she couldn't meditate with these thoughts running through her head. She felt like she wanted to take off, she wanted to run, and run and run and tire herself out to distract her from these thoughts. She wanted to vent, she wanted to hurt and she wanted to destroy. She knew such things were wrong and it took great mental effort to hold back the torrent of power she'd nearly unleashed. Her whole body twitched like a badly controlled puppet when the power piled up behind her chakras. She clenched her fists and her nails began digging into her palms with the strain.

"Let me tell you a story." Azar said. Raven stood, still seething with anger but she obeyed her master and returned to her spot and adopted the meditation stance. "There was a friend of mine, kind of eccentric, very intelligent. Though he's what you'd term as a 'Space Drifter' in a way. He told me of an experience he'd had while he was little. He'd had a dark day too, he didn't understand his place in the order of the universe, and so he went up into the mountains to seek solace and solitude. While there he came across a wizen old man, a monk of sorts, an old hermit. The hermit was sitting on a large rock, meditating quite peacefully and calmly. The boy knew this hermit and he sought truth and meaning from this person as his existence felt meaningless. The boy poured his heart out to this hermit, and the hermit sat and listened."

Raven was engrossed, she wanted to hear more. "What happened next?"

"The wizen old man raised a skeletal arm and he pointed."

"At what?" Raven was leaning forwards, eager to hear this wisdom, this mystery that was so profound.

"A flower." Raven's face fell. A flower? Raven didn't mind flowers, but she didn't see why this should be a revelation. It sounded more like something a hippy would point to. "Yes, a flower. More of a weed really."

Raven released a pent up sigh. She didn't care if it was rude or disrespectful to him, she wanted to express her frustration. Azar chuckled in the way wise old men do, he seemed like he expected her response, perhaps he even planned it.

From under his clean robes his hands appeared, holding something Raven didn't even knew he had. A plant pot, within was a single flower. A weed from the garden, it's head and petals a vibrant yellow.

"What?" Raven asked as Azar motioned for her to take it. She did and held it away from herself as if he'd given her a pair of his own socks. She looked at him up and down. "What else do you keep under there?" She asked dryly. Azar ignored her.

"I want you to take care of that flower." Azar said, "I want you to nurture it, look after it, help it grow."

Raven raised an eyebrow. "Is this some attempt to make me feel like a nurturing girl?" She asked a little disrespectfully. She was a girl, she was happy being a girl, she just didn't want to be a 'typical girl,' it didn't feel natural to her.

"Take care of the plant, Raven." Azar said, "and I am confident the lesson will come to you."

"How will this get me respect? How will this make people treat me like a normal person?" Raven asked.

"It won't, that is not the lesson."

Raven wanted to smash the plant pot there and then. But then she looked down at it. She felt its petals and its delicate leaves as she gently rubbed them between her fingers as if it could feel her delicate touch.

"I don't know how to look after a plant." Raven said.

"It is very simple. You'll learn." Azar smiled that old, mysterious mentor smile she found so irritating. Then he motioned for her to leave him so he might meditate alone.

Raven carried the plant pot with her back to her dorm. All the while she looked at it. She had an impulse to smash it to the ground and stamp on it until it was dead. Why should she look after it? No one looked after her, if it can't survive on its own then maybe it shouldn't survive at all. It was a weed, it was a leech, she knew little about weeds but she did know it drew out all the nutrients from the soil and starved other plants around it, it was a menace. Was it supposed to represent her? Was Azar trying to say Raven was a weed soaking up everyone's evil impulses and actions? Raven so wanted to destroy this flower and whatever it was supposed to represent now. But still, she returned to her dorm and sat it down on a table.

I think I'd like you better if you weren't so yellow. She thought to it as she took some water in a cup and poured it over it's petals. I'd prefer you if you came in black.

Corentin moved like a dangerous animal. There was a limp in his step as he walked due to an ill-fitting prosthetic leg, but still he radiated 'dangerous'. In a way, Raven thought he was kind of cool if his appearance didn't reek of evil pirate.

The crew of this vessel Raven and the Doctor had landed on all looked awed and fearful of this six foot tall giant.

"Mister Tanner!" Corentin called in a weak and yet commanding voice, weak as in it sounded like he'd spent years breathing dust and it had left lasting damage. Another man approached. This one less muscly, but equally intimidating. He had the eyes of a man who was always watching, but had a shaggy appearance. "Have the prisoners been processed?"

"We're just about to, Big Dog." Mister Tanner said in a clearer voice that was quite regal and didn't quite match his appearance. He sounded more like a book keeper than a pirate. "We're just in the process of takin' the cargo."

"I shall speak to them." The bigger man said to no surprise of Tanner, apparently. The scarred man approached the moustached captain of the ship, Corentins one good eye daring him to give him an excuse to do something nasty. "You know who I am." It was a statement, not a question.

"You're the butcher." The Captain hissed. "Big Dog."

"Then you know what I am capable of." Corentin said. "Tell me, what were you doing in our sector?"

"It was our planned course, and…"

"You know this patch of space belongs to us. We do not allow trade routes to run through."

"You're occupying them illegally!" The Captain said back.

"Illegal to who? A bunch of pen pushers in the Earth Alliance." Corentin snorted, "We operate outside the Earth Alliances rule. We made it perfectly clear to your government that this patch of Wild Space is ours."

"I don't see how. Your group is nothing more than a bunch of terrorists and bullies, a bunch of alien hating, human supremacist arseholes!" The Captain spat, genuine hate in his eyes.

"'Alien hating'?" Corentin questioned calmly without humour but his tone suggested ridicule. "Terrorists and bullies, you might have a case for. But I find it humorous how the Captain of a human crew accuses me of Alien hating?" Corentin's pirate crew began to laugh. In fact, some of his crew made different noises that were not made by human vocals. Looking around at the crew Raven found out why all these different noises were being made. Corentin, or Big Dog or whatever he was called, his crew were all different species under their armour. One was a dull brown humanoid with leathery skin and wrinkles on his cheeks. Another was green and lanky with only one eye where its mouth should be if it were human, and so on. The only humans were Tanner, Corentin and the one soldier who found Raven and the Doctor. Except for three, Corentin's crew was more diverse than this ships, whom were almost exclusively human. The captain looked utterly bewildered by this, as if someone had told him the sky was brown and bricks were edible. Corentin turned back to the ship's captain, his point made. "Never believe what the News Casts tell you."

"What are you planning to do to us?" The Captain asked with defiance in his eyes.

"Good question." Corentin said, "We're going to leave you alive. We'll escort your ship out of the system where we shall disable its engines and thrusters and leave it floating out in the void."

"You're condemning us to death!" The Captain shouted, "We only have enough food and water to survive two or three weeks!"

"Don't be so melodramatic!" Said Mister Tanner stepping around Corentin "We'll leave you with your communications array. You can call for someone to assist you." Corentin gently waved his arm and Mister Tanner stepped aside to give his boss the metaphorical podium.

"Of course, there is the chance that no one will come looking for you." Corentin said, "There are plenty of dangers in the void. Solar storms, space whales, the Wirrn." The 'Big Dog' took a drag on his cigar in his mouth to give the crew time to consider this. Raven knew what solar storms were, but knew nothing of these space whales or Wirrn things. She wanted to ask the Doctor, but he was too focused on the situation. Corentin removed his cigar and addressed the crew again. "However, you have the option to join us. Any who wish to leave the oppression of the Earth Alliance and join us shall be treated fairly and be granted a place within Safe Harbour, our home. All are free to join. We have no speech laws, no favouritism to any species, you will fly or fall based entirely on your merit. But remember, you enter Safe Harbour and you leave your prejudices, and whatever feuds you have at the door. Whatever transgressions one may have committed in the past, forget them. You may even choose to leave Safe Harbour whenever you please, but be aware that the Earth Alliance does not treat deserters with much respect. So be sure, be very sure."

The Doctor raised his hand like a school kid with a question.

"No questions." Corentin said, "That is the choice I give you."

"Oh no, I'm volunteering." The Doctor said cheerily.

"You are?!" The moustached Captain exclaimed.

"You are?" Raven echoed.

"What better way to get to the TARDIS?" The Doctor whispered, "I'm a doctor!" He called out to the pirates.

"Doctor? Good, we could use some more med-techs." Corentin spoke. Then his one good eye fell on Raven. Their eyes met and Raven felt a cold shiver run down her spine like he knew her. Raven held her gaze and her breath.

"This is my niece, Raven." The Doctor said, putting his hands on her shoulders in a protective, parental way. "She's under my protection." The Time Lord gave Corentin a warning look.

"No harm shall come to the girl." The tall man looked into Raven's eyes again. She could tell that he did recognise something but couldn't put his finger on it. After staring for what felt like more than a comfortable moment Corentin broke his eye contact. "Anyone else?" He asked and several others put their hands up.

"You'll all be punished for this!" The moustached Captain shouted to his crew as more hands went up. "If only my old crew were here, we'd sort this rum lot out." He then rounded on the Doctor. "And you. Stowaways! How dare you throw yourself in with his lot!"

"Perhaps I wanted to." The Doctor said in a playfully, mysterious way. "Perhaps I stowed away knowing this ship would be attacked."

"A spy!" The Captain concluded.

"Why is it always got to be a 'spy'?" The Doctor asked, "You take all the fun and mystery out of it all."

"Do you know what the penalty for spying is?" The Captain fumed.

"Is it any lesser than the penalty for stowing away, only without the pot of tea beforehand?" The Doctor asked dryly. Though externally Raven was none reactive she felt something in that quip tickle her mind with humour. The Captain clearly didn't appreciate the attempt.

"It is rumoured that the Earth Alliance has it's methods of dealing with traitors." The Captain said ominously.

"So I gathered." The Doctor said, then added flippantly. "I've survived torture before. Last time, I was tied down to an uncomfortable chair and forced to watch all the unfunny bits from Monty Pythons Flying circus."

"You mean there were funny bits?" Raven added flatly. The Doctor had sat her down to watch shows like Monty Python, the Goon Show, the Goodies and so on, all classic British comedies that were so old and stale it felt more like her brain was being assaulted than entertained. She thought they were all childishly stupid, and not once did they raise a laugh out of her. Not one… Okay, that bit about Brian not being the messiah, but a very 'naughty boy,' she'd struggled to keep that laugh down; and the bit with the Black Knight, again, she'd struggled to keep her frown in place. But apart from that, she could proudly say she remained as stone faced as a statue.

"Don't mind Raven." The Doctor said, "She's a bit of a philistine. You know, she doesn't even like the Goodies!"

"Somehow, I think the universe can cope with that revelation." Raven said dryly. The Captain looked from one of them to the other like they were insane.

Over half of the ship's crew joined Corentins pirate gang, or Raven assumed it was a pirate gang. The Doctor and Raven got up to join the rest as they were herded up and into shuttles to fly to wherever Big Dog was based at.

There was one soldier who seemed to delight in pushing and shoving Raven. She kept her anger in check, but it was really pissing her off that he'd singled her out. She looked back and saw it was the soldier who thumped her in the stomach. He shoved her again, he was certainly going to get it if he kept doing that.

Sadly, Raven and the Doctor were being transported separate from the TARDIS, which meant there was no way of slipping away and escaping.

The one thing Raven did feel was the gaze of Corentin. He kept glancing at her like he knew her, and it was starting to creep her out. Raven had no idea where Corentin was taking them all, and what for, but she had a nasty certainty it wouldn't be for anything angelic.

To Be Continued…

Authors notes: I decided to add in some flashbacks to Raven's time in Azarath as a younger girl in this storyline because I think it might be interesting to explore, and if it works it'll be mirroring something that's going on. ;)

I couldn't find much information on what Azar was like. So I wrote him as Dumbledore/elderly Obi-Wan Kenobi kind of mentor.