-April 2, 1820-
"I'm so glad you two are here," Pen said, standing as Eloise and Colin were guided into her drawing room. "My first dinner party in the city."
"We are very willing to come over as often as you wish for practice," Eloise replied, leaning in to give Pen an enthusiastic hug.
They had grown even closer in recent years, with Eloise such a frequent guest at her country estate. It was such a comfort when Lord Debling had left. Pen had worked all day, keeping up with managing the estate. But every evening, she had the pleasure of a leisurely supper with her best friend and whatever other guests were around, chatting and playing games far into the night.
"Good evening," Colin said, a little more reserved than his sister. It was only to be expected, having so little contact with him over the years. Hopefully tonight could restore much of their old camaraderie.
He looked good, in his dark suit. His waistcoat was a medium blue, with a subtle design of birds swooping over the fabric, bringing out the colour of his eyes.
The meal was many favourites from their childhood days, and they soon got comfortable teasing each other like old times.
"So, where have you travelled to in recent years?" Pen asked, after topping up their wine glasses. They were on their third bottle now, and feeling much more mellow.
Eloise groaned loudly. "Oh God, don't get him started. He drones on and on without any prompting as it is."
"Hey! I don't complain when you get going about the abolition movement, or suffragettes," Colin sniped back playfully.
Pen glanced between the siblings, loving their easy banter. She had always enjoyed being around the Bridgertons for this reason. "Come on, let's move to more comfortable seats."
"OK, but I'm bringing along this tray of biscuits," Colin said, his appetite as strong as ever.
Eloise scoffed. "It's shocking you haven't doubled in size, with the way you eat. You are getting too old to devour desserts like a growing boy."
"I'm not old," Colin objected, settling on the settee next to Pen. He placed the tray of biscuits on the low table near them, grabbing one to crunch on.
"I'll be back in a few minutes," Eloise excused herself, her steps a little wobbly as she exited the room, likely seeking a chamber pot.
Pen looked over at Colin, realizing then that they were completely alone. It suddenly seemed like he was sitting quite close. "Um, you have some crumbs, just there…," she said softly, waving to her right cheek.
Colin shoved the rest of the biscuit into his mouth, chewing on it happily. "Like here?" he asked, brushing along his cheekbone.
"That is no where near where I indicated," Pen chuckled.
"Then you do it for me," Colin sighed, leaning towards her.
His sudden closeness sent a tingle of awareness through Pen, and she tried to keep it from showing on her face. "You are ridiculous," she proclaimed, brushing her hand lightly over his cheek, his whiskers slightly scratchy against her fingertips.
His eyes were intent on hers, a very deep blue in the faint light from the candles nearby. He hadn't straightened back up, still leaning closer to her than normal. She felt frozen under his gaze.
"Why are you dancing with all those men lately?"
His voice was not very loud, but she heard every word. His eyes seemed to heat up a bit, with anger perhaps? It reminded her of the time Colin had confronted her Cousin Jack about his fraudulent rubies. Asking a direct question, and following it up with his intense stare.
"What men?" Pen scoffed, finally dragging her gaze away, and plucking at the fabric of her dress.
"Lord Morrison! At the last ball. That man is awful. And Lord Thompson! He's far too attached to his mother," Colin quickly argued back.
Pen rolled her eyes. "It's just dancing at a ball. I can hardly decline them. It's not like my dance card was full."
"What are you two arguing about?" Eloise asked, as she returned to the room. She gathered her wine glass from the dining table, and topped it up.
"I'm just encouraging our dear friend to be more particular in her suitors," Colin said, grabbing the glass from Eloise and taking a large swig from it.
"Hey!" Eloise protested with a laugh. She went back to the table and came back with the other glasses, both filled to the brim.
Pen accepted one, and took a small sip. She found a couple glasses was enough to put her in a chatty mood, with a few less inhibitions. She had had three, at least, tonight.
"They aren't suitors," Pen argued back. "They are just dance partners."
Eloise tilted her head slightly. "But didn't you say a few had called on you last week? Lord Ambrose was one, right?"
Pen scoffed. "He is rather handsome, but I wouldn't consider him a suitor. I can't stand gamblers."
"A few called? Here?" Colin repeated, clearly shocked.
Eloise sent him a perturbed glare. "Where else, dear brother? At the bookshop?"
Colin turned his head to Pen. "Who else has called on you?"
She waved a dismissive hand. "The same gentleman who have danced with your sisters and our friends over the years, resulting in nothing. Lord Weaver, Lord Stanley-"
"I remember you mentioning Lord Lumley. You seemed to like him," Eloise interjected.
Pen nodded. "We at least share a love of books. He promised to lend me some."
"Do you want it to result in something?" Colin asked, the wine of the evening making him bold in his questions.
"With Lord Lumley?" Pen shot back, a bit irked at Colin's probing into her business.
He huffed, clearly getting frustrated. "With any of them!"
Pen glanced at Eloise, silently imploring her for help.
"Dear Brother, you really should back off. You are not Penelope's parent or older brother. She is a widow and can do as she pleases. She doesn't have to answer to you or anyone else."
Colin gulped down the rest of his wine, and set the glass down. He got up, striding back and forth the length of the room.
Pen and Eloise just watched him, shooting each other amused glances at times.
Finally Colin stopped, glaring down at Pen. "You just don't know what these men are really like. What they talk about, when they are away from women. Some of it is quite disturbing."
"Oh really?" Eloise tugged him down to the chair beside hers. "Please tell us!"
"Oh yes, it's been years since I had any good, juicy gossip," Pen chimed in.
Colin scoffed. "You likely just miss that horrid newsletter, Lady Whistledown. I'm so relieved she stopped publishing that crap."
Eloise sent Pen a small smirk. Even after all these years, she had never revealed her secret.
"Pen already mentioned that Lord Ambrose has a reputation as a gambler, and he's having money issues. Anything to add?"
Colin opened and closed his mouth a couple times. It seemed to take a few moments for his inebriated brain to click into gear. "He is desperately looking for a wealthy wife lately."
"OK, so he's off your potential suitor list. You mentioned Lord Weaver and Lord Stanley," Eloise nodded, getting into this. She turned to her brother. "Anything more you want to say about them?"
It went on like that for a while, with many of the ton's younger bachelors' bad behaviour revealed.
"Well, this has been an interesting discussion, but I don't really know if I even want to marry again," Pen said, setting down her empty wine glass. "I would consider it if it was a love match, but I'm in no hurry."
"Won't you be lonely?" Colin asked, his brows drawing down a little in concern for his friend.
Pen shrugged a shoulder. "The last few years, since my husband left on his voyage, I learned a lot. I am quite content if I can devote some of my time to meaningful work. Before, I oversaw the estate. Now, I want to get more involved in some charities-"
"Or noble causes, like the fight to get women the vote," Eloise added in.
Pen agreed, although clearly not as passionate about the issue as her friend was. "I also learned that it's good to cultivate friendships with people you find interesting. I plan to entertain a fair bit, hosting small dinner parties like this where everyone gets a good chance to talk and get to know each other. I was never lonely, with such lively people around."
Colin nodded, taking this in. "Don't you want children?"
Pen took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "This may be hard for you two to understand, coming from such a loving, close family. But my family was so much different. My parents married because it was a practical match, not for love. My mother hoped for security, but my father gambled, so we didn't even have that. Maybe it was because they never had a son, but I often felt like my sisters and I were more of a burden than valued family members. Look at the idiotic way she presented us at court! All three of us the same day. It would have been much better to do one each year, so she could have given us individual attention."
"Or at least delayed your's a year, to be with mine," Eloise added.
Colin was still confused. "So, because of your family, you don't want one of your own?"
"I don't think I have to have kids to be happy. But if I have a love match, I would consider it. If we could raise the children in a family setting more like your's," Pen clarified, and turned to Eloise. "It's the same for you, isn't it? You will stay a spinster unless you find a true, deep love?"
"Oh God, keep me out of this. You love dancing and chatting with bachelors, but you know I find most of that onerous," Eloise groaned, standing up, only wobbling slightly. "Come, dear brother, it's quite late and we mustn't overstay our welcome."
Colin rose, looking a bit reluctant to leave. Pen guided them to the front doors.
Eloise gave her an enthusiastic hug, and kissed her cheek. "You are a wonderful host, as always, and I'm so glad you are living in town. Close by, so we can see each other often."
Pen returned the hug just as warmly. She echoed similar words back to her friend.
Turning to Colin, there was a moment of their old awkwardness. Finally, he gave her a light hug, his arms encircling her shoulders, but keeping the rest of their bodies far apart. His face dipped down, whispering a soft "Goodnight, Pen," into her ear, and kissing her cheek lightly before he straightened back up.
The show of affection rattled Pen a little, and she barely got out her own farewells before they left.
As she walked to her bedroom, she puzzled over her reaction. She had been around men in social settings more often in the last month than she had for years. It was good talking it over with her friends tonight, thinking about how to handle it. She found most of the attention pleasant, enjoying the dancing and chatting to get to know them better. She was always curious to learn more about people, likely a remnant of her Lady Whistledown days. But none had sparked any real romantic interest in her, so far.
Colin, giving her a light, friendly hug, and that cheek kiss, set her off more than dancing with any man at all these balls. And that whisper in her ear… his deep voice so close… it just sent a tingle down her whole body, remembering it.
Her maid helped her to change into her sleepwear, and brushed out her hair.
Once in her large, comfy bed alone, the banked fire giving off a warm glow, she gazed up at the ceiling. Was this her old foolish feelings for Colin being sparked again? She sighed, remembering how hopelessly in love she had been. Such a young girl, innocent, full of unrealistic love. A crush, really, since he had never shown any signs of returning romantic feelings towards her. Always treating her like a friend. Even helping her find a husband.
It would be best to keep things friendly with Colin, but avoid anything too close with him. He would always have a fond place in her foolish heart. But she was a grown woman now, not an idealistic virgin, and she could take action, control her feelings.
…
-A/N: Ahhhhhh…. First loves always have a piece of our hearts…
-There will be about 10 or 11 fairly short chapters. I will post daily up to chapter 6, and likely once or twice a week after that. The final chapters are drafted, but need to be polished up a little.
-Thanks for supporting this story so far. It's a little ususual, so I appreciate you going with it. :D
-I've only watched the Netflix show, and never read the books. Please excuse any errors / changes I've made to the characters in comparison to the remaining books of the series. For example, I have no idea when Eloise marries in the books, but in this AU, she has spent more time at the Debling estate in recent years, likely reading books about her various social justice issues and doing political activism to some extent. She's happy as a spinster for now.