April 3, 2002
Dear Diary,
That's a bit cliche, isn't it? Doesn't everyone say "dear diary"? Well, can't think of anything better to say. This is going to be one heck of a diary… I guess I can't get my thoughts organized well enough to make sense. But why bother? I mean… I have to make sense on school papers. I might as well give myself a break. So this is going to be a mess. But it's my own private mess. So who cares?
Anyway… so. Today. Today Mom gave me this diary… just a fun, no-reason-at-all sort of gift, I guess. She told me to record everything… the big things, the little things, the sad things, the happy things. Someday, she said, I'll be glad to have this. Remembering things is important. We'll see if anything good ever comes out of this diary.
I'll be graduating in another month and then… on to bigger and better things. I'll be moving on to the city. Doing everything I can to follow my dreams… on the stage. Just imagine! And New York is the best place to do it. Broadway… lights and applause… I can't wait for my life to begin. I just hope that it turns out to be what I want it to be.
I suppose I should note that this was supposed to be the best day of my life. That is, according to my father. Flash asked me today if we could go steady. He gave me a ring too. I suppose I should be thrilled. I mean… he's supposed to be the hottest guy in school. He's a football champ and all the girls are after him. Meaning all the girls are jealous of me. I don't know why. Honestly, I don't think I'd even be with him if it wasn't for Dad wanting me to be. I'd actually be afraid not to be with him… afraid of how Dad would react if I turned him down. Flash reminds me sometimes of a Neanderthal. I wish he'd keep his hands off of me.
Well, I'm not going to be under Dad's thumb forever. Another month and I'm taking charge of my own life.
Can't think of anything much more to say… I suppose I should go to bed. I need to get up early tomorrow, we have a field trip. It's a science exhibit of sorts. Has to do with spiders and radioactive experiments, I think. And I'm tired. Peter's still up though. Don't know how that guy stays awake in class. He's always up till all hours of the night, studying his brains out. He doesn't even need to… he's the smartest guy in school. And then some. I suppose I should explain. Peter Parker is the boy next door. His window is right across from mine, so I can see how late his light is on. Though sometimes I suspect he falls asleep with the light on and his face in his science book. He's been in my class since kindergarten. No one really takes much notice of him… he's the resident school nerd. But I think people really are unfair to him sometimes. He's a nice kid. We were pretty good friends in elementary school but... well... lately I've been running with such a different crowd that I'm afraid I've hardly talked to him since we've started high school.
Anyway, it's late, I'm tired, and there's no way I'm staying up all night, even if Peter does. So this is MJ, signing off.
April 4, 2002
The science exhibit was today and it was pretty amazing. The guide told us there are 32,000 known species of spiders in the world! That's a crazy lot of spiders. I should have taken notes. I might have just been able to write the science paper on spiders, made up of all the facts that I heard today. At least we get partners on the science paper. Otherwise I'd never survive. Let's hope I get a good partner. It's the end-of-term paper... and presentation... and the biggest part of our grade. I do remember some of the facts, mostly about the spiders' defense mechanisms. Like the spider-sense that warns of immediate danger. Or that some kinds of webs have the strength of high-tensile wire. Or that they can change color to blend into their environment. Actually, Harry told me that one. But I'm guessing Peter told him that. Harry Osborne is Peter's best friend, son of Norman Osborne (who is some kind of scientist millionaire), and in spite of his father is pretty much as dumb as me when it comes to science.
Speaking of Peter, he was taking pictures of the field trip for the school paper and Flash was really acting like a jerk. Kept bumping into him and messing up his pictures. Only one day and I'm already starting to think I made a mistake in taking Flash's ring, regardless of what Dad says. Peter asked if he could take a picture of me in front of some kind of genetically-modified super-spiders. I told him not to make me look ugly and he said that's impossible. He's really sweet. Always has been. Some people never change. And I'm glad of that. I need someone steady in my life... somehow.
Oh man… Dad's home and he's drunk again. I'd better go downstairs and see if Mom needs any help. Really can't wait to get out of here.
April 5, 2002
Wow, it's late. Today was a really weird day. A really long day. It was Flash's birthday, actually, and I don't think he had a good day. At least, not at first. Later on, of course, he showed up in some fancy car and took me out for a ride. Told me not to scratch the seats. Well, I'm not a dumb little kid. But anyway…
As far as weird things go, the first thing was that I slipped and almost fell in the lunchroom today. Still not sure how it happened, since it happened before I even realized what was going on. But right before I landed on the floor, Peter jumped up and caught me with one hand and my lunch tray… and all my food… with the other hand. It was pretty amazing. Never seen anyone do something like that before. And that's when another weird thing happened… I noticed Peter's eyes. Never really looked at him before... as in really looked at him. He wasn't wearing his glasses and he has blue eyes. Beautiful blue eyes. I asked him if he got contacts, but he just sort of awkwardly grinned at me. But it was cute.
Then things got even weirder. It looked almost like Peter actually slung a lunch tray at Flash, but it was kind of an accident... And then he abruptly walked out of the lunch room, dragging the tray behind him. It was odd. I've never laughed so hard in my life. Mostly because Flash kind of looks good with macaroni and peanut butter in his hair. Everyone was laughing. Except Flash, who followed poor Peter out in the hall. And naturally, everyone else followed Flash. What happened after that was the craziest thing I've ever seen on what was supposed to be a regular school day. Of course Flash tried to punch him, but Peter dodged and Flash just ended up denting one of the lockers. That made him madder. I tried to stop him, but no one's ever yet been able to keep Flash from beating the tar out of whoever he wants. Just last year, actually, he beat the tar out of Peter. Can't remember why. But that didn't happen this time. Peter Parker, the science nerd, the guy that couldn't make the basketball team, dodged every single punch Flash threw at him. And dodged him lightning fast. Once he even bent over backwards so far his head almost touched the floor. And then he jumped over him and did a triple flip in mid-air. The hall was dead silent. I still can't decide if I was just dreaming or if it really did happen. Especially when Peter grabbed Flash's wrist and twisted his arm around, then punched him in the stomach and sent him flying about twenty foot down the hall. It was sort of creepy, actually. I've never seen anyone move like Peter did. And the kind of strength that would go into a punch like that is insane. I shouldn't say this, but it felt good actually… watching Flash get what he deserves for once in his life. I hope he learned a lesson from it. But his skull is hard as a rock. I doubt any kind of sense ever goes through it.
Talked to Peter tonight. Dad was in a rage and I needed to get out and Peter happened to be taking the trash out. He sorta tried to explain about what happened today, but didn't actually end up getting around to it. We ended up talking about our plans after graduation. He wants to get a job as a photographer and work his way through college. I told him about my dreams of acting… something I don't really talk about to many people. Wouldn't even dare to tell Dad. But there's something about him that makes you want to confide in him. I'm writing down here what he said to me cause I never want to forget it. He's the first person besides my mom to actually show faith in me. And encourage me.
Other than saying that he cried like a baby when I played Cinderella (which was in the first grade), he said "Even so. Sometimes you know people. You can just see what's coming." I said "What do you see coming for you?" and he answered "I don't know. Whatever it is, it's something I never felt before."
"And what for me?" I asked. And he told me "You're gonna light up Broadway."
Light up Broadway.
You know… he's taller than he looks.
Mary Jane grinned and shook her head as she read the entry. "Funny," she mused. "I don't remember that. Guess there's probably a lot of stuff in here that I've forgotten. Man, I haven't even seen Peter in years, just here and there every once in a while. Gonna light up Broadway, eh? Maybe someday." She frowned suddenly as she read the next entry. That, certainly, was something she'd never forgotten.
April 8, 2002
Been a little in shock today. Ben Parker, Peter's uncle, was killed last night. Shot by a car thief who was found dead later in a back alley. Funeral's day after tomorrow. I don't feel like writing any more about it. Ben Parker was a good man. Always so kind to me. I'll miss him. Poor Peter! Ben was a father to him.
April 27, 2002
Been a while since I've written. Guess I decided it was just too much to write every day. I'll just write when I feel like it. Which is mostly when something happens out of the ordinary. Like the fact that I have an A plus on my science presentation. I got lucky and was teamed up with Peter. Harry too, since there was an uneven number of students in the class. Peter did the research and made it make sense to us, Harry wrote the paper (with lots of help from Peter and some rather feeble input from me) since he's great at writing, and I got to do the presentation. Most of it. Which was great, since it was acting of sorts. Peter actually suggested that I do that part. He said I'd be amazing. The three of us had a lot of fun over that project. More fun than I've ever had on any school project. And it was one of the last school assignments I'll ever do, so it was a good way to end it all. We met up almost every night after school at Starbucks and worked over lattes and donuts. Actually, we laughed more than anything else. Harry is great. He has one of the best senses of humor I've ever known. Peter is pretty funny too, but there's always something serious behind it all.
Only three more weeks until graduation! Can't wait to head for the stars!
May 3, 2002
I've just about had it up to here and beyond with Flash. He's acting like a major jerk. Driving me crazy. I need to break up with him…
I've had enough going on already with Dad. I don't need any more jerks in my life. Dad treats me like nothing more than a useful object because I can wash dishes and sweep floors. He says my dreams of Broadway are nonsense and I'll never be any good. That I should give up such "trash" and focus on housework. And, I mean, housework is fine. But I'm not going to give up on my dreams to do nothing but housework. I have to balance my life. And Flash… well… he treats me like some sort of a trophy. As if my only merit was my looks. He doesn't care about me as a person at all.
Most days, if it wasn't for Mom and her words of encouragement and the love I know she has for me, I think I'd just give up entirely and have a nervous breakdown.
May 13, 2002
Only five more days until graduation! Emma and Louise invited me out to spend the evening at the mall, but I have a final in geometry tomorrow. Not looking forward to it. As fun as it would have been spending time with Emma and Louise, it would have been a bad idea. I came straight home from school and it's only four in the afternoon. I've been trying to study. And not succeeding.
So yeah, I shouldn't be writing in my diary. But I'm tired of trying to understand this stuff. And now, of all things, Peter is sticking his head out of his window and waving at me. I guess he wants something. Later, diary.
May 14, 2002
I just got another A to add to my record! Well, an A minus. But still. This is awesome… Even Dad actually seemed proud of me. And graduation in four more days. I've got a straight A report card. Last night Peter and I did a crash course in geometry and he helped me straighten out all the concepts I was worried about. I actually passed the test. All that's left is an English test, which I'm not worried about at all, and then I can just focus on getting ready for graduation.
May 18, 2002
One of the greatest days of my life. That will stay true, no matter what else happens to me. I did it. I graduated high school. And, as an aside, I broke up with Flash. I'm done with him.
I had hoped to go out with Emma and Louise after the ceremony, but they had family plans. Almost spoiled the entire day for me. Until Harry invited me out with him and Peter. We went out for lunch, since Harry had something planned with his father that night. We had so much fun. Wish I could write it all down here. Mom and I went out for chocolate-raspberry cheesecake tonight. Dad didn't even join us.
I suddenly feel sad… everything's going to be changing now. Peter and Harry just got an apartment in the city, so they'll be moving up next week. Emma is heading off to Columbia and Louise and Flash are going to Cornell. (Not that I care what on earth Flash does, just saying.) Me, I'll be foraging around for an apartment and a job and going to all the auditions I possibly can. Just maybe I'll find something. On a night like tonight, anything seems possible.
Peter's still up… and it's past ten o'clock. But of course, I'm still up too. He's not studying… looks more like he's… wait a minute. Is he actually… sewing? Okay… that's weird. Whatever. Maybe he's fixing a hole in his pants or something.
You know, that's one thing I'll miss. Peter's light outside my window.
"Been a long time," MJ sighed. "I miss those old days. High school was so much better than I thought it was at the time. A lot easier. I ought to call Peter up at some point, see if we can meet up. But Harry's gone now… been gone for a long time. It'll never be like old times again."