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Mrs. Watson had insisted on staying to wash the dishes and going on to clean the entire apartment. She had settled Mary Jane once again on the couch and turned the tv to her favorite channel. But as her mother swept the floors and wiped the counter, MJ slipped the diary once again from its hiding place and turned to the place she had left off.

September 2, 2003

Seriously… another monster in town? I didn't even know that things like this could exist. But they do. They call him Doctor Octopus, or Doc Ock, for short. He's some kind of mad scientist who got four metal tentacles welded onto his body and he can control them with his mind. How creepy is that?

He robbed a bank today and, thank the Lord, Spider-Man was there to stop him. The crazy idiot went after Aunt May (and yes, I did hear all this from Aunt May, poor, dear soul. After all she went through with the Goblin… now this?) Anyway, he would have killed her, dropping her from the top of a building, but Spider-Man caught her and swung her to safety. Aunt May was just bubbling over with excitement and told me over and over how amazing it was to swing through the air like that. She also told me how she bopped Doc Ock on the head with her cane. I believe it. She's got a lot of spunk.

Aunt May actually used to be somewhat against Spider-Man. But she told me she was so wrong about him. Funny to think that she even listened to the newspapers in the first place. But she's an avid Spider-Man fan now. And she told me… and this is strange… but she said she wonders if he has blue eyes. I don't know what on earth made her think that. His eyes can't be seen. And I know that for sure since I've seen him up close several times. But the strangest thing is… I've wondered that too.

September 6, 2003

Wonderful news! Mom called me today and said the doctor told her that she is in remission. The cancer is actually starting to go away! I was so happy I went straight over to see her and we went out for lunch at her favorite restaurant to celebrate. Thanks to the earnings from my play, we were able to order just exactly what we wanted and finished up with chocolate-raspberry cheesecake. I actually lost track of time and almost missed the pre-performance rehearsal. Mom went with me to the theater tonight and I got her the best seat in the house. I thank the Lord she's recovering!

September 10, 2003

Very possibly the most eventful day of my life. Next to the day that I almost got killed by the Green Goblin… and the other day I almost got killed by the Green Goblin.

Guess what.

I'm getting married! And I hardly have the slightest idea how it came about. It just… happened.

There was a huge planetarium show tonight and a reception for John… he was the guest of honor. And I was the guest of the guest of honor. I didn't really understand what all it was for, but it was a really, really big deal. Like, the most important people in New York were all there. And J. Jonah was running around in circles, making mud soup out of everything. He's hilarious at times.

Harry was there, and he was busy getting drunk. I'm afraid for him. It's like this obsession to get even with Spider-Man has taken over his entire life. Don't think I've even written about that before… but he's gone crazy over it. He's changed. Everything's changed. I'm so tired of change. I want something constant in my life. And I suppose that's what brought me to this crazy situation I've suddenly found myself in.

Peter was there, taking pictures for the Daily Bugle, and he tried to apologize for missing my play. But… I can't think about him anymore. It's too painful. And I told him that. I need to move on. I have to, no matter how much I don't want to. I don't know him anymore. He told me he's been reading poetry and he started reciting some… some kind of a romantic poem. I told him to stop. I couldn't… I just couldn't. I almost wish I could take back these words, but they're already said. And I mean them.

I told him John has seen my show five times. Harry has seen it twice. Aunt May has seen it. My sick mother got out of bed to see it. Even my father. He came backstage to borrow cash. But my best friend, who cares so much about me… can't make an 8:00 curtain. After all these years… he's nothing to me but an empty seat.

I couldn't handle it any longer. I saw pain in his eyes. And I felt like a knife had just gone through my heart. I ran off… I didn't want him to see me crying. And I found John. That's when it happened. And it all happened so fast, I didn't realize what I did until after I did it. He told me there was something he wanted to ask me, and now all he had to do was find a romantic spot to do it. I told him to just ask me now. And so he asked me to marry him. And I said yes. Before I even thought about it.

But the more I think about it, the more I've convinced myself it was the right decision. Alright, so maybe I don't love John. But I like him… a lot. And I'm sure I'll learn to love him. I just need to move on with my life. I can't spend forever holding on to the shattered remains of a dream that is hardly even there.

"Still reading through the old diary?" The voice broke through MJ's reverie and she quickly put the little book aside. "Finding anything interesting in there?" her mother smiled.

"Uh… yeah. Lots of things I forgot about," MJ forced a grin.

"Are you sure you'll be alright?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine." MJ nodded, trying to reassure herself just as much as her mother, whose face was lined with worry.

"I'll be leaving then. I'll be by tomorrow to check on you. But if you need anything, please call. I want you to take care of yourself, okay?"

"Sure, Mom. Thanks."

As Mrs. Watson left, Mary Jane turned once again to the words that fascinated and yet terrified her.

September 12, 2003

Breaking news! I can't believe it. I don't think I do believe it at all. But someone found Spider-Man's costume in a dumpster somewhere in a back alley. It's been confirmed to be the authentic outfit, but why on earth would he throw it away?

The newspaper headlines this morning are saying "Spider-Man No More". I just plain don't believe it. And I won't believe it, until I get positive proof. He's a hero. He wouldn't quit on us. We need him.

September 14, 2003

It's an interesting thing, this "getting married" process. John is so excited I think he's still on the moon. And it makes me happy to think he's happy. Louise… my costar… is possibly even more excited than I am. I've asked her to be my maid of honor and she's just overflowing with ideas. I don't mind leaving it to her… all the decorations and that kind of thing. I'm too overwhelmed to think of it all myself.

John wants to go "apartment shopping" tomorrow. Makes me nervous. I'm stepping into high class here and I'm afraid I won't fit in. He's named some of the fanciest neighborhoods in New York.

Well, I may have misgivings and I may be nervous, but still. John came to see my play again tonight, brought me a beautiful bouquet of roses, and took me out to dinner. He's really sweet and I enjoy being with him. I hope the time will come when I really do love him.

September 15, 2003

During my evening performance tonight, right smack in the middle of an important scene, I looked out into the audience and I saw… Peter. Just sitting there in the fourth row, smiling at me. And I promptly forgot my lines. My heart was absolutely soaring. And then I realized that the director was hissing my line at me from backstage: I am glad. And I said it with conviction.

I am glad.

But it only lasted until the play was over and I found myself out on the street again. After fighting off a crowd of autograph-seekers. Peter came up to me and told me I was wonderful. And for one moment, I realized that's what I wanted for the rest of my life. Acting on stage, and Peter smiling at me in the audience, and then being with him afterwards. But… it can't be that way.

He asked me out for dinner but… I'm… getting married now. And I told him so. If I'm going to move on, I need to do it 100 percent. And then he started talking in circles.

"I always imagined you getting married on a hilltop," he told me.

"And who's the groom?" I asked.

"You hadn't decided yet."

And so I told him, "You think just because you saw my play...you can talk me out of getting married?" I couldn't understand it. He told me that he had nothing to give but friendship. And sometimes he acts like he loves me and other times he seems to be afraid of me. It never makes sense.

"You once told me you loved me," he said. "I let things get in the way before. There was something I thought I had to do. I don't have to. Will you think about it? Picking up where we left off."

I told him it was too late. That we never even had anything in the first place that we can pick up. But he just said, "You don't understand. I'm not an empty seat anymore. I'm different. Punch me, I bleed."

And I almost wanted to punch him. I feel bad. Really, I do. I still love him. But I'm afraid to try again. He seems almost to be playing with my heart. But at the same time, I know he'd never dream of doing such a thing. My mind is just too twisted up in knots. I can't think straight. I couldn't stay and hear anymore. So I left. I looked back as my taxi drove off and saw him putting his glasses on. And then I remembered he had been wearing them during the play. Haven't seen him wear those since highschool. And there's something else too… something I can't put my finger on.

He's right. He is different. He's always been different, but now it's a different kind of different.

September 19, 2003

I couldn't believe what I saw in the news this morning! There was a terrible fire last night in an apartment in downtown Manhattan. The building burned completely to the ground. At one point, they realized a baby was still trapped inside. No one could get to her. The fire department was trying all it could. And guess who came along?

No, not Spider-Man.

Peter Parker, of all people, chanced to be walking by, ran in, and was able to save the baby. I can't believe he could do it! I mean… the firefighters are trained to do things like that, and they have all the equipment, and they couldn't do it. And here comes along somebody who's probably never been near a fire in his life, who has no equipment, who most likely had no idea what he was doing, and he saves a life.

After this, I guess I'll have to believe that Spider-Man really is gone. Because if he wasn't, he'd have shown up at that fire and saved the baby himself. But I guess there's more than one kind of hero in the world. 9-11 certainly proved that and I was there, so I should know.

September 21, 2003

Poor Aunt May. She's had to move out of her home. Found an apartment pretty close to mine. I went over this morning to visit her. She was so glad to see me. She's such a sweetheart! Sitting there all alone, surrounded by piles of boxes. I went to work immediately, helping her unpack, in spite of her protests. I couldn't leave her like that. But of course, Peter showed up probably fifteen minutes after I did. Between the two of us, we got a considerable amount done. And then John called, wanted to pick me up to go look at another apartment. I'm ashamed to say I was reluctant to leave. And I'm ashamed to say that I did leave.

The apartment was beautiful. Fancier than I could have ever imagined myself living in. We decided to get it. We've further decided on a Florida honeymoon. John wants to show me the Kennedy Space Center. And a couple of weeks on the beach sounds heavenly.

September 22, 2003

Today was a strange day.

John and I were working on our guest list for the wedding. Or rather, I was working on it, he was just laying on the couch. I actually crossed Peter's name off the list. I guess I just chickened out. I just knew that I couldn't stand up there and say "I do" to John, with Peter sitting there in the audience and looking at me with those blue eyes. I'd probably end up saying his name instead of John's or giving up entirely and running out of the wedding. It would just hurt too bad.

That's when I decided to do something crazy. I asked John to put his head back and I kissed him upside-down… the way I kissed Spider-Man in the alley, so long ago.

I don't know why I did it… it seemed almost… desecrating… to try it with someone else. But Spider-Man aside, there's something seriously wrong with this. This wedding, I mean. I'm terrified. I don't know how I can go through with it. I need… dare I write it out? I need to talk to Peter. Now. Before it's too late.

oOo

The clock tower was tolling the hour of seven as the evening shadows fell over Columbia campus. Peter's third and final class of the day had ended only a few minutes ago and he was rushing down the hallway.

"Always in a hurry," he muttered, annoyed, as he turned the corner, mentally kicking himself for being careless. He had left his backpack in Dr. Connors' classroom and consequently, would be late in turning in the essay for the class that had just ended. Another ten points off, he thought in disgust. Finding the classroom dark and empty, he retrieved the backpack and was about to leave the room, when he stopped. The door to Dr. Connors' adjoining lab was ajar and the light was on. And, strangely enough, he could feel a faint tingle of the spider-sense coming through the open door. Could something possibly be wrong in there? Frowning, he edged his way toward the lab and peered cautiously inside. No one was there. He stepped inside, scanning the expansive workspace, his eyes not missing a single detail as they roved over the shelves of test tubes, the scattered papers on the desk, the binders and files lined neatly along the walls. Oddly enough, along the back wall was a deep bookcase lined with cages of lizards of all shapes and sizes.

"Lizards. Why lizards?" Peter shook his head as he moved over to the far wall. The lizards seemed harmless and unobtrusive enough… just plain, ordinary lizards, that was all. But coming after last night's attack, it somehow seemed strangely ironic. Not seeing anything constituting real danger, he shrugged and turned away. As he passed the professor's desk, he felt it again… just the slightest touch of the spider-sense. It was enough that he couldn't ignore it and he bent over the desk, staring at the extensive lab notes that covered the entire expanse of the top.

"Outcomes of DNA Regeneration" was written neatly in capital letters across the top of one page, with several pages following of carefully-calculated equations. Near the end of the packet was a formula titled "Decay Rate Algorithm". His formula. The one he had written for his research project on cellular regeneration possibilities last term. This was it. This packet of papers was somehow… someway causing the spider-sense to go off. Alarmed, Peter snatched up the papers and ran them through the scanner that stood near the desk, loading them onto his flash drive. Whatever was written on those pages, if it was enough to set off a sense of danger, he would have to investigate. He barely had slipped the flash drive into his backpack, when the spider-sense forced him to turn, tensed and prepared for battle or flight, whichever was necessary. But it was Dr. Connors who stood in the doorway of the lab, looking at him with a slightly bewildered expression.

"Parker? You're here late. Isn't your last class at four?"

"I… uh… forgot something," Peter answered indifferently, being absorbed in scanning the room and the doorway behind the professor. He couldn't figure out what was wrong, and the feeling wouldn't go away. "I should be headed out now."

"You know, Parker," Dr. Connors slipped a lab coat over his dress shirt, impatiently tucking his empty sleeve out of the way. "I've been doing some calculations with that algorithm of yours and, let's just say, that I am absolutely amazed. It's brilliant, Parker. And how did you even come up with it?"

"I just did," Peter shrugged. The decay rate algorithm wasn't something he'd thought a lot about. But lately, since Dr. Connors had gotten into the subject of cellular regeneration, especially using the DNA of other species, he had been brainstorming about potential side effects. Like invasion of the host DNA by the foreign species. The decay rate. The algorithm had come completely off the top of his head, on the spur of the moment.

"Absolutely amazing, Parker," Dr. Connors shook his head. "You know, you're the most brilliant student I've ever had in all my years of teaching, Parker. That paper you wrote on DNA regeneration was the best work I've ever seen. And I've seen some good ones in my time." He set down the test tube he had been fingering and turned to the young man, laying his one hand on his shoulder. "You have a gift, Peter," he smiled, using his first name for the first time. "A rare gift. And I certainly hope to see you put it to good use. You have great things ahead of you. Perhaps you will be the one to cure cancer or to enhance human performance so that we can do things we've never done before. Who knows?"

Peter felt the blood rushing to his face and his heart was sinking. There was nothing he'd love to do more than follow his dreams… that of pursuing his passions and finishing his degree. Digging deep into research and experimentation… discovering things that no man ever had before. Building on the work of the greatest minds in history. But he had a responsibility… a duty that could not be denied. No matter how hard he dreamed, the most important things in his life were fulfilling that duty and providing for… his train of thought stopped dead as if it had run into an impassable barrier. He straightened, his eyes growing wide. There was something there in his mind that he couldn't bring forward. Dr. Connors was talking again, but he could scarcely hear the words as he struggled inwardly. Provide for who? There was someone… someone that he needed to protect. To care for. But his mind was blank. With a silent groan, he shook off the feeling and focused on the professor's words.

"I hope you won't miss out on tomorrow's lecture," Dr. Connors was saying. "I plan to expound on my studies in DNA regeneration. And there is also that short essay due tomorrow," at the look that crossed the young man's face, the professor realized he had forgotten. "You better get home and get some sleep. Sleep and study, those are the two most important things now, and not necessarily in that order. Understand, Parker?" He was grinning good-naturedly. Peter nodded mechanically as he shifted his heavy backpack onto his shoulder.

"Thanks, Dr. Connors. See you tomorrow."

The spider-sense warning faded as he left the lab and turned down the hall, but it didn't disappear completely. As much as he wanted to go home and follow Dr. Connors orders, he felt apprehensive about leaving. He should at least stay until he knew what was wrong.

"Coffee," he muttered under his breath as he passed his hand over his tired eyes. Coffee had become practically a drug to him in the past couple of years… being the one thing that could get him going again when his super-human energy seemed to be draining away. That didn't happen often, but going as he was on three hours of sleep in the last forty-eight, coffee was an absolute necessity.

As he walked through the back hall of the science department, trying vaguely to remember how to get to the café from there, his spider-sense suddenly started ringing so loudly that he could hardly hear his own thoughts. It seemed at times almost to overthrow human thoughts and senses, throwing him into a primal instinct for fight and survival. This was one of those moments. In a lightning-fast motion, he spun around to face the source of the danger and he felt a chill run down his spine as he saw the Lizard towering over him. Strangely enough, the creature was wearing a lab coat and carrying a tote bag, overflowing with test tubes and syringes filled with a green substance. The creature snarled, advancing toward him with a well-aimed swipe of his claws. Peter dodged, jumping to the ceiling as the Lizard twisted its head up in a semblance of shock.

"Peter Parker," it hissed, narrowing its dark eyes which looked strangely human in the midst of the green, scaly flesh.