A/N: Sailing into Spider-Man 3 here... this has been difficult to write so far... I guess I'm sorta trying to justify MJ here... Always felt so sorry for her. She doesn't deserve the hate she gets... just think of what she was trying to deal with. 😣 I mean, I know, it was ridiculously hard for Peter too. They should've tried harder to listen to and understand each other. But I think they both learned their lessons in the third film. Just remember... they weren't dealing with ordinary human issues.

Note: The bold lines in MJ's diary are written by Peter...

Mary Jane left her apartment early that morning. She couldn't stand being alone a moment longer. But at the same time she didn't want to really be with anyone. So she went out, knowing that in New York, wherever you go, you are not alone, and yet you are always alone. Masses of people all around you, and yet not one of them paying the slightest attention to you. Each minding strictly their own business.

Struggling under the pain of her broken ankle, Mary Jane didn't get farther than Central Park. And that was perfect. Perfect in the solitude of the green trees and the yellow sunshine and yet, with the business of hundreds of people passing by. She found a stone bench beneath the spreading branches of an oak tree and sat down, laying the crutches aside with a grimace. Leaning her head back, she lifted her face to the sky and took a deep breath. It seemed so peaceful there. She stared at the endless blue sky, willing her mind to rest. She didn't even want to think about the diary. Not now. Somehow the bright sunshine seemed to calm something inside of her and she dozed off into the first peaceful sleep she had had in days.

She was startled awake when someone spoke to her and drew herself up against the far corner of the bench, almost protectively.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to wake you," he said softly and his voice touched something deep inside of her. She didn't answer, just stared, her heart beating so wildly it sounded to her like cannon fire. She knew him instantly, but he didn't seem to even recognize her. Maybe he hadn't really looked at her.

"It's alright," she murmured, unsure what to say. Perhaps this was the perfect time to explain. And yet… "Can I… ask you something?" she stammered, tentatively. He wasn't looking at her. He had turned towards the sound of distant sirens. And in another moment, he was moving off so quickly that she barely realized he was going before it was too late.

"Peter!" she called after him, rising before she even gave a thought to her ankle. "Peter, wait, please!"

But he was gone. Again. Just like he had vanished in her dreams. MJ slumped to the bench again, biting her lips to keep back a moan of pain. Not just pain in her ankle, but pain in her heart. Never had she known such loneliness, such misery.

And she wasn't even sure what it was that she was missing.

Back in her apartment that night, she pulled out the fateful little book and turned the pages back to the eve of the New Year. 2004. She was almost afraid to read, afraid of the memories that had died. But her curiosity and impatience was growing by the moment.

December 29, 2003

A new year (almost) and a new career! A new life is more like it!

I GOT THE PART!

I'm simply delirious with excitement! I couldn't believe it when I got the call. I have a lead role in a Broadway play. A BROADWAY play!

No more time to write. Peter is waiting outside the window now… we're going to swing up to the top of the Central Park tower to watch the ball drop and the New Year fireworks. No being squashed in crowds for me this year! I'm flying… in more ways than one!

January 1, 2004

Last night couldn't have been more perfect and beautiful. New Year's Eve has usually been something I dreaded. Well, it was sort of a love/hate relationship. I have always loved the thrill and excitement of the ball drop… the thousands, maybe tens of thousands of people all holding their breaths and then cheering until the ground seems to shake at the moment the New Year begins… and then those glorious fireworks. But the hours of standing in the freezing cold, being jammed up against people until you feel like a sardine in a can, not being able to squish your way through that crowd to get to a restroom or find something to eat. It's pure misery.

Well, last night, it wasn't. Peter and I sat on top of the Central Park tower and watched the crowds beneath us. I felt sorry for them, really. Because none of them could have been as supremely happy as I was. It was fearfully cold out, but with Peter's arms around me, I hardly felt it. At the moment the ball dropped and the New Year came in, he kissed me and never have I started another year in a better way. When he dropped me off at my apartment, he stayed for hot chocolate and we were up till nearly three in the morning, just being together. I hardly remember what we talked about… I know that we laughed a lot. I think we were slap-happy. It was so late and we were so tired. But so happy.

January 5, 2004

Now that the first bit of excitement is over, it's down to business. And business with a vengeance. I've been studying the script until my eyes ache. And singing until my voice hurts. I've got to learn all these songs… FAST. And there is choreography and everything. It's a race against time. It has got to be perfect by March 3rd. That's opening night.

My main song (and my biggest part in the play) is They Say It's Wonderful.

They say that falling in love is wonderful,

It's wonderful, so they say.

And with the moon up above, it's wonderful,

It's wonderful, so they tell me.

I can't recall who said it,

I know I've never read it,

I only know they tell me that love is grand, and

The thing that's known as romance

Is wonderful, wonderful

In every way, so they say.

To leave your house some morning

And without any warning, you're stopping people

Shouting that love is grand, and

To hold a man in your arms is wonderful, wonderful

In every way, so they say.

I'll actually be walking down a staircase with a nighttime backdrop of a starry sky while I sing. In a trailing gown and heels, no less. Makes me break out in cold sweat just thinking about it. I mean… what if I trip and fall?

Horrors! I won't even think about it. I'll just have to go slow and be careful. Very, very, very careful. Or my career's done for.

Well, whatever happens on opening night, for better or for worse… I'll be singing those words with all my heart… for Peter.

January 10, 2004

Boy, did I make a mess of things. My worst fears came true. Okay, I'm kidding. It wasn't my worst fears (since those are pretty awful) but it was terrible nonetheless. Yeah, I fell down the stairs during rehearsal today. Not all the way… I mean, fate was gracious enough to wait until I was on the fifth step from the bottom. So now I've got a twisted ankle. I just wrapped it up as tight as I could and I'm gonna try again tomorrow. I don't even care how much it hurts, I'm not going to let this get in the way of my dream. So, sorry, ankle, but you'll just have to suffer in silence.

In the meantime, I'm gonna see if I can convince the director to let me wear flats. Just for that scene.

January 11, 2004

Well, I think I've done it. I didn't get flats, but I do get a shorter heel, which is fantastic. And I was able to do the scene really well today, in spite of the fact that my ankle is killing me. In fact, it hurts so bad that I think I'm gonna quit writing. I'm just gonna eat cheez-its and watch tv. Oh. Let me change that… I'm gonna eat cheez-its and watch tv with Spider-Man. He just landed on my windowsill.

February 14, 2004

Only two more weeks. I'm so nervous that I think there's a permanent colony of butterflies living in my stomach. Or maybe it's frogs. Feels more like frogs.

Speaking of being nervous, I had a bad moment today. Well, maybe not bad, but it kind of scared me. Some random guy in a store noticed my locket and made a huge deal out of it. I was just like, "So Spider-Man's really popular. There's Spider-Man stuff for sale in practically every store in New York."

By now, I'm the proud owner of at least a dozen "I ❤ Spider-Man" t-shirts. I think Peter gets a kick out of it when I wear one.

Today being Valentine's Day, I… I actually had the most unusual Valentine's Day ever. But I've already gotten used to dates like this. After supper, we spent the evening on the rooftops, watching the stars. We do that a lot… just watch the stars. It's magical.

I am so in love.

Love you too, sweetheart.

March 2, 2004

Ha! Are you serious? Guess I shouldn't be leaving my diary open on the desk… Can't blame him for snooping… Oh well. Can't stay angry at ya, can I, Tiger? XOXOXO

Anyway. Tomorrow. Opening night is tomorrow. I don't think I can sleep tonight. I've been literally pacing my apartment. And this floor is really creaky, come to think of it. Look at that. I can't even sit still long enough to write. I'm going to bed. Probably to toss and turn for the next couple of hours.

Oh, by the way, the whole of Manhattan is getting ready to have a Spider-Man festival. Literally. There's going to be a parade and a speech and they're going to give him a key to the city. If he shows up, that is. I don't know if they're exactly counting on him to come or not, since they said they'll donate it to City Hall if he doesn't. But I have it on full confidence from Peter that Spider-Man most certainly will be there. He deserves it. They've given him a rotten time of it for the past three years, when all he's done is save lives and clean up their city.

You're gonna do great tomorrow, MJ. Light up Broadway for me, okay?

March 3, 2004

It's midnight. But, like last night, I'm too excited to sleep. I can't believe how well it went! It was fabulous… Absolutely fabulous… when the curtain went up, I had chills going down my spine, it was so amazing. And the audience out there! The place was absolutely packed. And Peter was in the first row. I've never seen him smile so big.

Harry came too. It was pretty much the first time I've seen him in absolutely months. He gave me the most enormous bouquet of flowers I've ever seen in my life. They wouldn't hardly fit through the door. So I didn't even bother trying to take them home. But Peter's flowers are on the table and they're beautiful. Harry is absolutely sullen nowadays. He just… glowers. At the entire world. I don't know what is up with him and Peter. He acts almost like he hates him now.

But tonight was too wonderful and perfect to think about that. At least, not now. Peter and I went out to Central Park afterwards. He spun a web up in the trees and we watched the stars for hours. I still haven't gotten completely used to all this Spider-Man stuff… I mean, seriously. Who gets to sit on a giant spider-web with their boyfriend? A spider-web that he made…

But it's wonderful. Everything's wonderful. My life is perfect tonight. For the rest of my life, I want to sing on Broadway, with Peter sitting in the first row. It just doesn't get any better than this.

Which kind of frightens me. Maybe I'm just paranoid. But when everything is perfect, doesn't that mean that things can only get worse? I have this feeling I can't shake that there is trouble up ahead. But there is no reason for me to feel that way, so I'll attribute it to paranoia, forget about it, and just bask in the perfectness of tonight.

March 4, 2004

Harry was in a terrible accident last night. The details are so fuzzy, I'm not entirely sure what happened. They just said "hit-and-run". Peter found him in the street and took him into the ER. They thought he was going to die, but he pulled through, thank God! What on earth they were both doing in the street at two in the morning, though, is something I can't understand. I mean, with Peter, it makes perfect sense. He's out at all hours of the night. But Harry? I wonder if he was drinking again. His father's death has all but destroyed him.

I went to visit him today and he looked great. In spite of the huge bandage on his head. And he was so happy… Happier than I've seen him looking since we graduated from high school. I've missed the old Harry. More than I remembered. And then I realized why he's so happy.

He's completely forgotten all the events of the last few years. He's practically back in high school again, mentally. It's insane. Poor Harry. I pray he can get his life straightened out again. I wish I could help him more. But he's shut both me and Peter out for so long. Maybe his amnesia will let us all be friends again. And when he works through it, then old trouble won't matter any more.

Later…

I just saw the review for my performance last night. I can't believe it. They hated it. They hated ME!

"The young Miss Watson is a pretty girl, easy on the eyes, but not on the ears. Her small voice didn't carry past the first row."

I went to show it to Peter and he just gave me the usual pep talk. He didn't even seem concerned. He acted like if Spider-Man can take all the critique, so can I. But this is different. Well, not really. I guess I was hard on him. I'm just terribly upset. My entire career is at stake here.

And then at the absolutely worst timing ever, Peter got an alert on his police radio and had to leave. I'm getting tired of him always disappearing when I need him most. I really don't know what I want. I'm freaking out here. Last night, everything was so perfect and I was standing in the clouds. And today, I'm just poor, pathetic Mary Jane again. The flop that my father always said I'd be.

I still feel bad though… when Peter was leaving, he looked at me expectantly and said "Go get 'em, Tiger?" That's been our catchphrase. I just rolled my eyes at him. I didn't even wait for him to get back. I really could have handled that better.

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