With a frustrated groan, Peter swept aside the clutter on his desk and slammed down the stack of papers on its surface. He had been seeing the warning signs for so long… why hadn't he put it together long before this? There it was, written in bold, black ink, just as clear as daylight. "Outcomes of DNA Regeneration" and, half a page below it, "Decay Rate Algorithm". "Of course!" he grit his teeth. "The lizards! Idiot! I'm an idiot!" He flipped rapidly through the pages, noting the equations, notes, and calculations that followed, each one further confirming what he already knew was true.

"More of that Parker luck, I guess," he muttered angrily. "Can't trust anyone, can I? Never know when someone you're close to is gonna just turn into a supervillain and try to kill you."

If this monstrous possibility could at all be revoked, there was only one way to do it. And it would be incredibly difficult… an antidote to counteract the effects of DNA regeneration. Taking into account his own Decay Rate Algorithm. If only he had never come up with the stupid thing! He could see, plain as day, that the algorithm was the final factor in making Dr. Connors' calculations successful.

Spreading out the pages of Dr. Connors' report over the desk, he automatically began reaching for supplies, making note of things he would need to get. Maybe he could take them from the lab at the university… he had often borrowed supplies for different experiments and class assignments. If he could just get it to work… he knew he didn't have much time, nor many chances. There was no telling when and where the Lizard would attack next… or how destructive he could possibly be.

March 6, 2004

Yesterday was a nightmare. Couldn't have been worse if it tried to be. I know, I know. This is the girl who's been kidnapped by monsters twice, saying that a fairly normal day was a nightmare.

I got fired yesterday.

March 7, 2004

I never had a chance to tell Peter about losing my spot in the play. And now I don't think I want to tell him. Today was the Spider-Man parade. I've never seen Peter so excited. Except the day when I got that stupid part. So I kept it all to myself. That's when it got really bad.

Some annoying girl was up on this huge podium, giving a terribly emotional speech about Spider-Man. Apparently, he saved her life a couple of days ago. I think I remember reading something about it in the newspaper, but I haven't been paying attention to anything much lately. And he didn't say anything about it to me. Anyway, right in the middle of her speech, Spider-Man came swinging down from the top of a building straight into the crowd and they all went crazy. I can't think of anytime I've ever heard screaming like that. Everyone was jumping up and down and all but squashing each other trying to get closer. He swung up to the top of the podium and hung from the top, upside-down. The crowd started screaming at the girl "Kiss him! Kiss him!" And I couldn't believe it when she did. She pulled his mask halfway down and kissed him… just the way I did years ago. I hated her for doing it. And then I realized that… he let her do it. And he kissed her back. I felt sick. And I still do.

March 8, 2004

I met Peter for dinner tonight. At the fanciest restaurant in New York, no less. I can't believe he even attempted to afford it. I really wish it had been anywhere else in the whole of Manhattan. He told me it was a special occasion, since I'm on Broadway now, and my heart sank. I tried to tell him, but I never had a chance. He went on and on about Spider-Man again and then that stupid blonde from yesterday showed up. She was all over him and I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying something I'd probably regret. She was still gushing over the fact that she got to kiss Spider-Man.

"After all, who gets kissed by Spider-Man, right?" she said.

"I can't imagine," I answered, but I was thinking, Girl, if only you knew. Now, back off.

Apparently, she's in Peter's science class at college. His lab partner, no less. Gwen Stacy is her name. And he's never mentioned her before. I feel… betrayed. I asked him, "When you kissed her, who was kissing her? Spider-Man or Peter?" He acted confused. But I know that he knows exactly what I meant. Is he trying to push me away? He says that he isn't. That he loves me. But I… I don't know what I'm thinking right now. My whole life is coming crashing down on me right before my eyes and I don't know what to do about it.

March 10, 2004

Oh, great. Just what we need. Another monster in town. ANOTHER MONSTER?! Are you kidding me? Next thing I know, this guy's probably gonna kidnap me and take me off to his evil lair or drop me off the top of a building. Just what I need right now.

This guy they're calling Sandman. Because that's exactly what he is. A giant man, made out of sand. Where do these guys come from?

I feel like I'm distracting myself from the issue at hand here though. Aunt May called me today and said that they've found out something new about Uncle Ben's death. The man that they thought was responsible, wasn't. And the actual killer has escaped and is at large. Flint Marko, I think his name is.

I went to see Peter as soon as I heard. I knew this would be hard on him and I just wanted to let him know I'm here for him. But apparently, he didn't want me to be. He said he was fine. That he didn't need my help.

Fine, then.

March 11, 2004

Got a job as a singing waitress at a jazz club. Pretty pathetic step down.

March 12, 2004

I was lonely today. Really lonely. Peter doesn't seem to want me around right now and I just desperately needed to be with someone. Anyone. So I did something that I'm afraid was rather foolish. I called Harry and asked if I could come over.

We had fun together. Lots of fun. Just like old times. Made omelets… or at least, tried to… danced in the kitchen to ridiculous old rock songs, of all things, laughed and talked for hours. And he showed me a play he had written for me in highschool. It was really sweet. But then… he kissed me. And I let him.

I felt terrible. Here I had gotten so mad at Peter for kissing Gwen and now… I kissed Harry. I didn't mean to. Really, I didn't. I feel almost sick just thinking about it. I had to run out and Harry was calling after me to stay. I've made a horrid mess of things.

March 13, 2004

You know what? I think everything and everyone would've been better off if I'd died years ago. Including me. Like, I can't even believe what is happening to me. Neither can I believe that I'm even managing to write this down. Cause I should be curled in a ball on the floor, wishing I was dead. Actually, I was doing that, for a really long time. And now I'm being weird with myself cause I kinda feel like this is a nightmare.

This morning, Peter called. I heard his voice over the answering machine and he was trying to apologize. I was going to pick it up… I really, really wanted to make it up to him. But then… the Green Goblin showed up at my apartment. Yeah. The GREEN GOBLIN! But… it was Harry. Harry Osborne. He is now a Green Goblin. And he is completely demented. He grabbed me by the neck in a strangle hold and said "If you want Peter to live, you're going to do something for me."

He told me to break up with Peter. And I told him I couldn't do that. That I would NEVER do that. And he smashed me up against the wall and said he would kill Peter. Tear him to pieces in front of me. And I was afraid. So afraid, that I agreed. Then he dropped me like a sack of potatoes and told me that he'd be watching to make sure I did it. He was gone a moment later. I must have lain on the floor crumpled in a ball and crying for hours, too stunned and hurt to move. He hurt me… he really hurt me! There was even a dent in my wall. And while I was laying there, something suddenly clicked into place. The Green Goblin… the original one… must have been Norman Osborne himself. And he tried to kill Peter. Now the son has taken his place. This is so sick and messed-up.

I called Peter and we met on the bridge at Central Park. I swear I've never felt so terrible in all my life. Like something was trying to choke my heart out. And I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to do it and yet… so afraid that I would. He was so glad to see me, poor thing, and he brought me flowers. All I wanted to do was throw my arms around him and tell him how much I loved him. But Harry… I mean the Goblin… was standing behind a tree, watching and listening to every word. I was paralyzed with fear. I tried to think of something to say… I had rehearsed it over and over, but this time, I could hardly act at all. Maybe I am as bad of an actress as they say I am. I told him it wasn't working and that… I didn't want to see him anymore.

I was already crying. But I wasn't expecting him to start crying. And when he begged me not to do it, my heart shattered. And then…

Then… he pulled out an engagement ring. A beautiful one. Sparkling in the sun. But… oh… it was nowhere near as beautiful as those blue eyes… I had to look away… He said, "You know what I want for us?"

And as if it was possible for a heart to break twice, mine did. Fragments upon shatters. I told him I was in love with someone else and then I just ran away. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and I'd die a thousand deaths if only I could have prevented it. Goblin stepped out when I ran past and said "Bravo". If I could've, I'd have plunged a knife straight into his heart. Choked the life out of him with my bare hands. But I couldn't. So I just ran.

I feel like my world has ended. Like I'm dead now and just a shadow of what I used to be.

Why? Why me? Is this just the punishment I get for falling in love with Spider-Man? I need Peter. I need him now. I need to feel his arms around me.

But I can't go to him. No matter what.

March 15, 2004

There's been weird reports going around about Spider-Man in a black suit. Don't know where that came from. Never seen Peter in anything but the familiar old blue and red. Can't understand why he would change it. I mean, a black suit is kinda creepy. I've seen pictures, and I don't really like it.

You know, something's wrong. I mean, more wrong than what I already know about. Something I can't put my finger on, I just feel it.

I have a feeling that this black suit has something to do with whatever it is that's wrong.

I hate to admit it, but… I'm scared. I'm terrified.

March 17, 2004

Today was just supposed to be another day at work. Well, in my world, we don't get such a thing as "another day at work". Tonight I was called up to the stage to sing, as usual, but just when I was about to start, Peter was suddenly there, playing the piano. Playing really well, which was weird. What was even weirder was the way he was dressed. Solid black. And his hair was hanging in his eyes and he even had… eyeliner? And the first thing I thought was WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? I mean, I've totally had enough of all this… weirdness.

But it never stops when it's supposed to. Peter said "This is for you," and then he jumped up from the piano and started doing this weird dance thing all over the restaurant. He even took off his jacket and threw it at my head. Gwen was with him and he danced with her. I know he was trying to make me upset. But this isn't like him, not at all. I half-forgive Gwen now… she saw him glaring at me and actually came up and apologized to me before running out of the restaurant. I decided the best thing to do was ignore him. But he came up behind me and just said "Hey." in a really strange voice. I turned to look at him and there was something frightening in his eyes… a sort of haunted, vacant look I've never seen before. I asked him what was wrong with him and he said "You."

They tried to throw him out, but he suddenly freaked out and started throwing people all over the place. I tried to stop him, but he swung back and hit me. HIT me. Knocked me over. And he looked at me and that strange look in his eyes suddenly turned to pain. Pain and… fear. Horrifying fear, like I've never even imagined. That's when I noticed the black suit beneath his shirt. I don't understand it. But whatever's wrong must have something to do with that thing.

I couldn't even think what to say. I remember saying "Who are you?" and he answered "I don't know." His voice was… shaking. He saw me staring at the suit where his collar was unbuttoned and he covered it up like he was ashamed. He was gone the next moment. And I've prayed for him, ever since. Prayed so hard. I want to help him… but what can I do? Nothing… nothing at all… but wait… and pray. He'll have to fight this battle on his own... and somehow I know it will be the hardest battle he's ever faced.

I can hear the church bells ringing, just down the block. I've heard them a thousand times, but they seem different tonight. It's as if they're tolling the end of… something. And the start of something new.