It seemed to Jasper that the wizards liked to torture him. He had been sitting on the pontoon where he liked to isolate himself since his arrival at Zabini Manor, but that day he found no comfort there. He struggled to keep his emotions and his vampire under control, feeling that on this day everyone saw him for the monster he was, from the lake-dwelling creatures to the wizards and especially Harry. His soulmate was gone, he'd been afraid of his reaction, and Jasper was horrified. Everything the wizards feared-that he would seek revenge on his tormentors, that he would become violent by reliving his memories-was justified, and that was why he wasn't at peace. Driven by his vampire, he wanted to make them pay for what they had done to him and were still doing to him.
Harry had come to him after Kingsley's departure to find out how he was taking the news, but above all to ask if the Minister was right to be worried. Jasper had hesitated to lie to him, but Edward's words had come back to him, the ones from the time he'd warned him that Harry hated being manipulated or kept in the dark. The couple had discussed it after that warning, and the wizard had explained why. Jasper had then been honest, he wasn't taking this news well, he understood the Minister's logic and, yes, if he found himself face to face with one of his tormentors, he would take revenge. The look Harry had given him had hurt his heart, but the worst had been his emotions. At first understanding, he had then been sad, disappointed, angry and finally, he had felt betrayed and afraid.
"I need some fresh air," he'd said before apparating away.
Jasper hadn't reacted; he was incapable of doing so at the time, unable to deal with Harry's emotions mixed with his own and those of his family. He'd watched him disappear as his heart ached and the idea of the wizard rejecting their bond seeped into him.
He had then left the manor to go to the dock, isolated from everyone, his heart aching. He refused to lose Harry, the young man was what had allowed him to rebuild himself since he'd brought him out of his cell, he was the one for whom he wanted to regain the man he'd been before his capture, the one with whom he wanted to be a gentle, loving man, not a bloodthirsty brute. Of course, he wanted to rebuild for himself too, but without Harry, that process would take longer.
He sensed assurance mixed with concern before the owner of these emotions was betrayed by her perfume. Rosalie sat down beside him in silence. They remained like that for a long moment, as before, the thought stretching his lips into a smile.
"You'd think nothing had changed," he whispered.
"It would only be the image, on the inside, nothing is the same."
His smile disappeared; he knew what Rosalie wanted to talk to him about, and he wanted to talk to her about it too. She had always been the person he was closest to in his family, she always expressed her emotions transparently and had always supported him. They'd found each other in the pain and regret that their vampiric life brought and had spent many hours in silence or talking without anyone around.
"If someone had asked you not to take revenge, would you have done it?" asked Jasper.
He knew she didn't like to talk about the men who'd assaulted her before Carlisle found her dying and turned her, but she was in the best position to understand what he was going through.
"If I'd known Emmett then and he'd asked me, maybe."
This sentence made Jasper feel better, even if it shook him. His desire for revenge, among other things, had kept him sane all these years, abandoning it made him feel as if he were legitimizing what his tormentors had done to him.
"Edward had a long talk with Harry and his friend Hermione before we came here," Rosalie continued. "They were very clear about one thing. If a vampire kills a wizard, he will be burned on the spot."
"When I told Harry I was thinking about revenge, he was angry, but he was also scared."
"Harry was never afraid of you."
"Do you think he was afraid for me?"
"That's what I think, I'm worried about you too, but if you decide to take revenge, I'll go and get them for you one by one."
Jasper smiled; he knew she would, and despite her lack of power, Rosalie could prove far more dangerous than he. In her fights, she was vicious, sadistic and magnificent, he who was used to fighting, training fighters and executing them, recognized her skills.
"Has he come back?" he asked, his heart heavy.
"No, but he'll be back."
"I hope so."
Rosalie looked at him, surprised.
"The bond hurts."
"He'll come back."
"I hope you're right."
"Alice and Edward have gone to Ron and Hermione's to get him. They'll bring him back."
The empath smiled sadly. He wished he'd gone and found his soulmate himself, if he hadn't managed to hold him back. Rosalie squeezed his shoulder for support and left. Jasper was grateful to her for coming and leaving him alone again, and turned his gaze back to the lake. In the distance, he could make out the gigantic silhouette of the Loch Ness monster. Even he was afraid of him, but watching it changed his mind. The animal resembled the dinosaur Hydrorion, with its "underwater flight" swimming style, gigantic size and disproportionate neck. The vampire's gaze didn't leave the creature's silhouette until night had fallen and he could no longer make it out underwater. He looked up at the stars, finding no comfort in them, but did not return to the manor. He felt in his heart that Harry hadn't returned, or if he had, he didn't want to see him. Whatever the scenario, returning would only drive deeper the dagger that had been lodged in his heart since the wizard's departure.
Hours passed with nothing moving, neither Jasper, nor the shadows around him, nor the pain in his heart. Edward's confused feelings preceded the disturbances to this immobility that the telepath provoked.
"He didn't come back with you," Jasper declared, his heart aching.
His brother sat down beside him and waited a few seconds before answering. The Texan didn't mind, he didn't need an answer, he just knew.
"No," Edward answered all the same. "It was only Ron when we got there, Hermione had gone to look for him. I think the two of them spent several hours talking, but his mind was confused when they got back. He immediately told us he was going to spend the night at his friends' house and didn't want to hear our arguments."
"He's mad at me."
"No, he's afraid you'll do the deed and be sentenced to death, he's afraid you'll alienate the wizard population and make his life a living hell. With Ginny's trial, he feels he's lost the closest thing he had to a family, so he's afraid of losing you."
"Has he told you all this?"
"Hermione thought out loud, I think she did it on purpose."
Jasper nodded, but said nothing, he didn't know what to think of this news.
"He told me he might be home tomorrow."
"Thanks."
"You shouldn't be alone, come with us."
"No, I'm unstable."
"Okay, uh... I know this isn't the time to tell you this, but you shouldn't make your stability dependent on him."
"Indeed, now is not the time."
Edward understood the message and left without adding anything. Jasper remained alone, motionless, lost in thought.