Chapter 1- Guilt riddled

"Kill the spare" Screams echoed, lights flashed and his competitor fell. The boy laid prone on the damp grass, his eyes unseeing, his grip on his wand slackened and the light from the tip dwindled out much like his pulse. Mirthless laughter followed and blood red eyes flared before the same spell that had haunted his past for 14 years barrelled towards him.

lurching out his bed, panting and drenched in his own sweat. He ran to the bathroom and emptied the contents of his stomach, the acidic burn did little but fuel his guilt as he splashed water on his pale face. His pitch black hair was everywhere and his bright green eyes were bloodshot and tear filled, he grabbed his toothbrush and tried to erase any evidence of his previous nightmare. He finished up and made his way back to his damp bed, Hedwig gave a concerned chirp as he climbed back in and turned on his side hoping to claim any traces of his previous sleep but it was no use, he tossed and turned until he finally became frustrated enough to stand up and begin to rummage through his wardrobe. He pulled out black joggers, a white shirt and a grey jacket and began to dress himself, his eyes wandered towards his school trunk with his robes hanging out and the black ink writing illuminated on the label. "Property of Harry Potter" he gently kicked the trunk in the corner of the room and began to quietly exit his haven and make his way downstairs leaving through the front door.

Harry began to walk down the street with his hands in his pockets as the morning breeze caused goosebumps along his arm and legs. The sun began to rise and the birds began to chirp, this had become a regular occurrence for him. Cedric plagued his mind and no matter what encouraging words his friends wrote to him his mindset would not change. Could not change. He approached Little Whingings local park and sat on one of the swings, it was too early for anyone to be up at this time so he was completely alone. The swinging motion was soothing and the fresh air awakened Harry fully, he had written to Sirius explaining the torment he was going through, the sleepless nights, how every little sound made him jump and reach for his wand. He had received multiple replies until eventually Sirius had informed him that he would be escorted to where he'd been staying soon enough. The clouds began to rumble and took on a dark hue spitting on Harry and dampening his clothes, the air began to take on a chill freezing him inside out in a way he had only felt a couple of times. He quickly stood up and drew his wands spinning in a circle looking for the cloaked demons he had encountered in his third year. Memories flashed. Cedric's death. The dementors on the train. His mothers scream followed by a flash of green. Harry dropped to his knees gasping for air and trying to block out his trauma, he stood on shaky legs and lifted his wand toward the dark figures dropping out of the sky in rapid descent. They got closer. 20 metres. 15 metres. 10 metres. 5 metres.

"Expecto patr-"

The feeling of being grabbed and forced through a tight rubber tube forced its way through Harry's body. It lasted for a few seconds before he landed on the cold hard pavement and his nauseous stomach gave a lurch.

"Wotcher Harry" a woman with a pale heart shaped face, dark twindling eyes, and short spiky hair that was a violent shade of violet

"hi" Harry stuttered as he grasped her outstretched hand and made to stand up "do i know you?"

"I'm with the order" she didn't feel the need to elaborate after seeing the confused expression on his face " later… Anyway, I was assigned by Dumbledore to guard you when those awful things attacked, quite lucky too. I had just switched out with mundungus and I don't want to think what could have happened if it was him there instead of me. Names Tonks by the way." Outstretching her hand for him to shake, which he did.

"Well thank you for the help, but won't I get in trouble with the Ministry."

"Nah don't worry about that, too far outside your designated area for them to be able to trace it back to you. If they came to your home and I did that then you would be in a hell of a lot of trouble, just be glad that whatever made you get up and go to the park may have just saved your spot at hogwarts."

"But I don't understand, why are they after me? I haven't done anything." Harry replied. Tonks began to lead them down an empty path.

"Things are changing Harry, Dementors sided with you know who during the last war and now that he is back I have no doubt their allegiance will once again fall to him." Tonks replied as they stopped in front of an open space and she began to scramble looking for something in her pockets.

"What about my stuff, it's still left at the Dursleys." Harry asked

"Don't worry about that, we will have your stuff sorted soon but first…" She finally pulled what she was looking for out of her pocket. It appeared to be a charred note of some kind, she handed it to Harry and the words read "12 Grimmauld place" as soon as he finished reading it, the note turned to ash and disappeared. A creaking sound turned his attention forwards as a huge old house squealed into existence, he looked around but the muggles who were awake at this time carried on with their day as if nothing happened.

"Only the secret keeper can reveal the location. That note was written by Dumbledore who in this case is the secret keeper, you will be safe here, it's under the fidelius charm." She led him towards the front door turning the handle and opening it up. They entered through the door into a dark dingy hallway, wallpaper was coming off the walls, pictures and mirrors were slanted and an eerie silence filled the house. They moved down the hallway briefly, stopping as Tonks tripped over a troll-leg umbrella stand, hiding his snicker and continuing as if nothing happened, Tonks quickly moved in front of him and opened their nearest door. The eerie silence was broken and chatter filled his ears as Tonks and him stepped in the room. Mrs Weasley was bustling around the kitchen, pots and pans clanging as she prepared breakfast, Mr Weasley's sat at the table, a cup of tea next to him and the daily prophet laid in his hands, Harry couldn't see much but he managed to make out a picture of him after the third task. Tonks cleared her throat causing both the Weasleys to look up. Mrs Weasley squealed and pulled him into a bone crushing hug as Mr Weasley made to stand and shake his hand

"Harry dear, what are you doing here? We were told you wouldn't be coming until next week." Mrs Weasley asked

"Dementor attack Molly, got there just in time to apparate us out and here." Tonks stated

"Those foul despicable creatures, thank god you're alright Harry. You must be hungry, come let's get you something to eat" Mrs Weasley pushed him down onto a chair and put a plate of egg, bacon, sausage and hashbrowns in front of him which Harry eagerly began to eat. He turned his attention towards the daily prophet that Mr Weasley had been reading and got a closer look.

"The boy who lied." Harry mumbled to himself pushing his plate away not hungry anymore

"The ministry is repudiating yours and Dumbledore's claims. They're sticking their heads in the ground hoping this will all blow over and so most of the wizarding community has followed their example. They've been targeting Dumbledore too but we have been busy recruiting and we have no doubt that you know who has been doing the same." Mr Weasleys replied

"That's enough Arthur, let the poor boy finish his breakfast." Mrs Weasleys admonished her husband who sighed, folded his newspaper and began to eat

"Right i'll be off to collect your things Harry" Tonks said as she ruffled his hair and left the room.

The room was silent as Harry continued to eat and the Weasleys continued doing their previous tasks. Harry was filled with glee at the thought of not seeing the Dursleys for another year which made him forget about his earlier forlorn mood. Footsteps resonated down the stairs and echoed throughout the kitchen, the door creaked open as Hermione and Ginny entered the kitchen

"Harry!" Hermione squealed as she ran to hug Harry, who had just got out of his chair to avoid being tipped over. Harry returned her hug and noticed she had grown over the summer, her hair more curly and skin tone darker than before. They broke apart and Harry gave Ginny a polite hug who he noticed didn't blush like usual and had also grown over the summer, her freckles had doubled and grew her hair out.

"Became quite the ladies man since we last saw each other, Harry!." A deep voice called out causing Harry to turn his attention towards the door. Hermione and Ginny parted allowing to run into his godfathers arms

"Good to see you, kiddo." running his hand up and down his back and holding his head close to his chest. He nudged Harry back, hands still grasping his shoulders and a concerned expression on his face "What happened? You weren't supposed to be here for another week."

"Dementors. it happened so quickly and before I could react Tonks had apperated us here." Sirius sighed and stroked his forehead his brows furrowed

"Best let Dumbledore know, Dementors going into muggle neighbourhoods just doesn't happen, well not since…well before you were even one years old Harry ." Sirius said gravely

"That's enough, there's no need to ruin breakfast with such unpleasant topics" Said Molly

"Your right of course Molly" Sirius replied as he took a seat at the end of the table and began to dig into his breakfast subtly smirking and winking at Harry. The general murmur in the room picked up in volume as more people began to join ranging from the twins who threw their arms around his shoulder from Ron who took a while to even realise he was even there and began to fill his plate. Tonks joined midway through huffing and puffing as she hauled his trunk. Harry immediately jumped up and helped her take it to his room, she quickly shared her thoughts on the Dursleys making Harry like her immediately. The rest of the day was spent splitting in groups and cleaning out the dust and dirt that the house elf neglected and anything considered dark were left to the adults, with achy knees and rough hands Did everyone gather for dinner where they talked about their summer and any other topics that didn't dampen the overall mood. It was a few hours later before Mrs Weasley beckoned everyone to bed, which is where Harry was now staring up at the ceiling of his new room as Ron's snores echoed off the walls.

He admired the ceiling, weaving his eyes between the intricate patterns trying his hardest to keep awake, but it was no use his eyes began to gently close and breathing began to steady as he drifted off into the hell that was his own mind…..

Harry opened his eyes and stared up into the starry night, screams could be heard raining through the air and his back laid damp against the grass. He sat up seeing a familiar crowd surrouding the area in which he portkeyed back from little hangleton, he began to warily approach his steps crunching under the frozen grass. A complete eerie silence fell upon the crowd. Every eye turned to him and began to slowly stand up and sluggishly make their way to him. Harry started walking backwards feeling for his wand and coming up empty, faces he recognised such as Amos Diggory and Dumbledore looked outright terrifying with no emotion being present, The crowd began to chant.

"Your fault…Your fault…Your fault"

Harry began to hastily back up before he slammed into something behind him, he turned around looking into a pair of identical green eyes and the same pair of crooked glasses. No emotion was present on his face and his mouth opened. The crowd fell silent.

"That curse was meant for you. How many more innocent lives need to be taken just so you can live out your pathetic one." His clone pushed him and Harry was thrown back at breakneck speed into the maze, he landed in a heap and he struggled getting up fighting through the pain. His eyes widened taking in the huge dead Acromantula dead at his feet, remembering this being the same one him and Cedric had taken on together. He heard footsteps running next to him straight for the cup and a flash of black and yellow uniform appeared in his peripheral vision. He instinctively darted to the cup like a bullet easily overtaking Cedric and leaped forward clutching the cup before Cedric even had a chance. The familiar feeling of being hooked by the navel took place as he spun repeatedly. He finally stopped and his eyes were filled with darkness. The only source of light was the illumination coming from below the door he now recognised as his cupboard. Banging and shouts rang through his ears and he clamped them shut hoping to escape this nightmare. The shouts subsided until he heard a woman sobbing outside his cupboard, a huge bang echoed through the cupboard shaking his door as the woman began to scream.

"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry"

"Stand aside you silly girl….. Stand aside now!"

"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead-'

"This is my last warning"

"Not Harry please… have mercy…have mercy…not Harry! not Harry! Please- I'll do anything."

"Stand aside- stand aside, girl."

The light beneath his door turned green for a split second before the woman's cries died along with her. The door slightly creaked open and Harry cautiously climbed out but there was no woman or man, no evidence of the previous banging and rumble that had previously made its way to his ears. He straightened out and almost began to hyperventilate as excruciating pain made its way through his scar, dropping him to his knees, but as quick as it had come it was gone. A dripping sound filled his ears and he followed the sound like a moth to a flame, except it wasn't a faulty tap it was blood dripping from Petunia's countertop onto her perfect carpet and leading outside the door into the garden. The blood ran along the grass and towards the shed that held dudleys bike and other useless things his cousin didnt use. He picked up a rake that was in his garden and headed towards the shed slowly opening it, putting the rake into an defensive position. He dropped the rake. There laid everyone he cared for: Ron, Hermione, Sirius, Dobby, Remus and many many other lifeless eyes stared back at him, tears leaked from his eyes and he collapsed onto his knees. The words "Your fault" reverberated into his brain

"STOP….PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU PLEASE JUST ... .STOP ... .STOP... .SHUT UP!" Harry shot out of his bed and drenched in sweat and held back his retching reflex. He darted out, the room and ran into the kitchen turning on the tap and drinking copious amounts of water, when he was doing he began to splash it on his face in the hopes that he would wash away any remnants of his previous nightmare. He turned the tap off and leaned on the countertop gasping for breath and trying his hardest to hold back his sobs. A creak made Harry quickly turn around to find Sirius standing in the doorway with a forlorn look on his face.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked. Harry shook his head wildly

"Listen Harry please…i know you feel guilty about what happened but it wasn't your fault, sometimes these things happen and you can't do anything but watch as fate takes it into her own hands."

"But if i didn't tell him to take the cup with me he would still be alive."

"True and if he never entered in the first place he would be or if he was a year younger or a smidge less brave, we can't control these things, we are all dealt a hand at life and well kiddo your cards weren't great. That doesn't mean we whine and sulk about it… no we go out there and get ourselves a better hand… we never give no matter how hard it gets… your parents knew that more than anyone."

"I know it's just…everytime i close my eyes I see his face… I just want it to end." Sirius drew Harry into a hug rubbing his back as finally Harry broke down

"I know it's hard believe me, some of the stuff I saw still rocks me to my core ... .but you can't live in the past and forget to live your future… Make his sacrifice worth it use it as a daily reminder to be kinder to people or help someone out from time to time because that's what he would have wanted, his memory carried out in the actions you take towards other people and you can take that lesson anywhere you go" Harry began to drift off on his shoulder and once again fell to sleep and for the first time in months was it a peaceful one.

—-

It had been just less than a month since the nightmare had happened and he was currently waiting at the front watching the Weasleys bustle round for last minute packing before they left for kings cross. His nightmares lessened after that night, still the occasional one popped up but he remembered Sirius words and little by little they began to fade. Hermione was crowned a prefect along with Ron much to a Harrys jealous displeasure but he quickly got over, no need to cause a fuss over something so stupid. He was up late into the night playing chess with Ron while listening to quidditch through the wireless and regretted not going to bed early as a yawn racked his body.

Eventually it was time to leave and they got into the taxis Mr Weasley had ordered in the hopes of trying to blend in with the crowd. He wasn't sure if it was to blend in or just because Mr Weasley wanted to enjoy the experience. Most likely the latter. They arrived shortly afterwards and ran through the magical barrier, everytime Harry was amazed by the train and couldn't help the big goofy smile that made its way onto his face. They began to board the train giving final hugs to Mr and Mrs Weasley who was in such a frantic state she managed to give Harry two hugs. he nodding to the rest of the order and their scraggly stray who was up on his hinds legs and being scolded by Mrs Weasley to act more like a dog. The train whistled and began to click and clack as it slowly departed, the student body watching on as the scruffy dog began to run along side the train. Harry gave a sigh, another year… what could go wrong.