The second day of their current case was just as weird and disturbing as the first day, and Alex felt like she would need a full day away from everyone and everything to recover. Though that was never possible, since it seemed as if there was another unsub waiting in the wings to get their attention. Sinking onto the bed, she curled up around a pillow and stared at the window of their room, not really seeing out of it, as her eyes weren't focused on anything in particular. "I want to go home and hug Henry tight to my chest. Is that weird?"

Turning, she saw that JJ had already changed into her pyjamas before she had gotten into bed, and she sighed a little at how that was probably the best idea, as it would be difficult for her to get out of bed and change at this point. "No, I don't think that it's weird at all. I just want to unplug and decompress for a full day. Not even a week, just twenty four hours were I don't have to think about unsubs, or horrible cases, or grading papers. Just me, a good book, and copious cups of great coffee."

"That sounds like heaven, too."

Alex nodded, thinking about how Erin would say much the same, as well. "I used to take days like that when I was just teaching. After Amerithrax happened, I was in the classroom a lot more, trying to rebuild my reputation. And while working with kids, guiding them into their careers, is great and all, it can get to be a bit much when all you want to do is be in the field and hunting down unsubs."

"Did you miss it that much?"

She pursed her lips together as she thought about JJ's question, debating how to answer it without revealing too much about her past. "I did. I felt so betrayed and wronged by how things went down, and all I wanted was to be back there, in the action, proving myself. Instead, it took decades of hard work before I was allowed to be back in this place. Maybe that was for the best, but I can't say that for certain just yet."

"That makes sense, as it sounds like you were deeply hurt by events." Alex nodded. "And Strauss hasn't helped, has she?"

Alex licked her lips as she looked away from JJ, knowing that the truth would be too easy to read in her eyes. "Erin and I are still fumbling towards something that will work for us. My midnight calls have helped to bring me around to a place where I can start to be a little forgiving."

"That's good, truly. I know that it can be weird to try and make nice with someone who hurt you so deeply, but sometimes people truly do change for the better. If you had asked me that two years ago, I would never have said that about her, as I was so angry about being handed over to the State Department. And then everything with that happened, and I can't really talk about that time, other than to say that I was allowed to see a different side to Strauss than before, and it helped me to work out my issues with her. I'm not trying to push you towards something that you're not ready for, or to say that everything should be magically fixed by an 'I'm sorry', but sometimes it's better for your own heart to open up a little for the amends and then move forward, even if you're not going to pick up your relationship again."

"That's surprisingly good advice, thank you," she murmured before taking a deep breath. "I want to reconcile, though if you said that to her, I would deny saying it."

"I understand, and will not breathe a word about it to anyone. Is that what your argument with Rossi was about?"

"Sort of. There are other issues that we're going to have, in regards to things that he thinks he knows about, but I'm going to cross that bridge when I reach it." She was about to say more when her phone warbled out Erin's ringtone. "It's nowhere near midnight, why is she calling now?" she murmured as she picked up the device.

"Maybe something came up for her? Since it's still so early, I'll go talk with Spence for a little bit, to give you some privacy."

Before Alex could thank JJ, the woman was off the bed and out the door, shoving her keycard in the pocket of her yoga pants. Hurriedly, Alex answered the call, bringing the phone to her ear as she sat up and rested her back against the headboard of the bed. "Erin, why are you calling so early?"

"I, I needed to hear your voice. I just got off the phone with David, and it could have gone a lot better than it did."

Alex felt herself bristling with anger over the fact that she could hear tears in Erin's voice, and she took a few deep breaths in order to answer Erin kindly. "What did he say to you? Was it about our midnight calls?"

"Yes. He thinks he knows what's going on, and he doesn't like it. He doesn't understand that I…"

"That what, Erin?"

There was a long pause before Erin answered her. "I don't know if I can tell you. Because we're not to a point where we can afford to be tender with each other once more. I am. I want to be open and honest and raw with you, but I don't want to impose on you when you're just now finding your footing between us once more."

"Well, it's starting to affect me here in the field, because Dave is starting to get testy with your end of the midnight calls, and has been intimating that he knows that you're the one calling me. I've been loathe to let anyone other than James and Jen know that we've been talking, since it is so intensely private between us, and I want it to stay that way. Because this is a time of healing, even if I didn't see it as such when I figured out that you were the one calling."

"I should have been honest with you from the beginning."

"I wouldn't have talked to you, if you had been honest in the beginning. The subterfuge allowed me to get to know who you are now. I don't want to place pressure on your relationship with him, though, if you're serious about him. Even if he seems to think that this is a dalliance for both of you."

There was a surprising bitterness to her tone, one that she knew Erin would pick up on right away, and from the sigh that Erin let out, she was trying to think of what to say to Alex. "I told him when I got out of rehab that I shouldn't be in a relationship right away. Because we're asked to avoid emotional stressors for a year, in order to learn how to function in our everyday lives without alcohol. Well, given that I work with the BAU, I knew that that was an impossibility, so I agreed for something casual when it was clear that there were sparks between us. I didn't want serious at the beginning."

"But then your heart settled and became attached."

"Of course it did. Sex was never casual for me. You found that out soon enough."

Alex nodded as she rubbed her lips together, feeling like she was too close to tears for comfort. She didn't want to bowl over Erin's feelings, after all, and she was dangerously close to doing so by opening herself up to these feelings. "I was head over heels in love with you after the first time that we made love. I don't think I ever truly thought of it as sex, you know? But we were so young, and it was so heady and new to me, and I just blindly leapt into something."

"It was a blind leap for me, too, Lexie." Again, the soft use of her nickname, and for the first time in too many years, Alex felt her heart respond with a pang of want. "There were so many tender moments between us, and I wanted so desperately to be yours. You were my best friend, and lover, and teacher, and all I wanted was to bask in the light of your sun until eternity ended."

"We were both of that mindset. And then Alan barreled his way into our lives."

It had been so long since she had thought about the moment Erin's parents had introduced Alan, with the clear understanding that she was to stop whatever was happening between them and switch her focus to the one person who could give them the things that they wanted from life. "That was the first time that I cut the rope out from under you. You should have seen it coming during the Amerithrax case, Alex."

"It seems to me that you weren't the one holding the knife, Erin. Your parents were quite clear in their letter to me that they would not hesitate to cut you off from them and the rest of your family, should I allow our misguided fumblings continue."

"What?" Erin gasped out, and in that moment, Alex realized that she had never told Erin about that letter.

"I, I thought that I showed you that letter," she said quietly as she licked her lips. "I didn't mean…"

"I'm glad to know. I thought for so long that I was the reason that you so quickly started a relationship with James. I wish…I wish that we could be tender with each other now. I wish that I could be there, and knocking on your hotel door, and then falling into bed with you. Not to have sex, but to talk the night away face to face, and then slip off to sleep with your arm around my waist. But we can't have that, I ruined that, and I don't think that I'll ever forgive myself for that transgression."

Alex's heart cracked at the true sorrow in Erin's voice, and a tiny sliver of hope began to push apart those cracks, allowing a bright light to shine forth. "Maybe, maybe we can have some small bit of tenderness back in our lives. We've made enough baby steps towards this level of intimacy that maybe there is room in my heart to allow you back in a tiny bit. I can't make any promises, because there are still sore spots in my heart, but perhaps we could start working towards the friendship we once had?"

"Really?"

"Really. But I also want to kick Dave's shins for hurting you. There is no call for him to be upset with our calls, since it's not like we're going to fall back into our previous relationship. Even if James thinks that I still love you. I mean, that is what you were going to say earlier in our conversation, wasn't it? Before something held you back?"

There was a long pause, and Alex mentally kicked herself, wondering if she had pushed things too far, too fast. Finally, though, Erin replied in a small voice. "Yes. I don't think I ever stopped loving you, ever. Even when I knew that I couldn't have you. You don't turn off parts of your heart like it's a machine."

"I think I'm starting to realise that. I'm not ready to meet face to face, but I wouldn't mind texting with you, on occasion. Or emailing. Alongside our midnight calls, because I truly don't want those to end. Not when I've come to depend on my Louise so."

"Yes, well, Louise has found herself depending on the steadiness of her Alex. And I am forever grateful that our hearts have moved to this place. I was tearing myself up with trying to hide the truth from you, since I know that you hate lying. I, I should go. I'm going to settle into the tub and read a good book in an attempt to calm my heart a little more. Stay safe out there, I don't like this case."

"I feel the same way, it's just so weird. And I look forward to our next communication, whatever form it takes." Before she could reveal any more personal details about herself, Alex ended the call, hoping that Erin would understand just why she had been so abrupt.

I might email you tomorrow, Lexie. There are still some things easier to write than say. Take care. Yours, Erin.

That sweet text made her smile widely, and Alex sighed a little as she plugged her phone in, just as JJ was returning to their room. "All finished with Erin already?"

Alex shrugged, knowing that JJ had kept that particular secret for so long that she didn't have to worry about some minor details being shared. "She just needed some reassuring that everything was all right between us and between Dave and myself. He's being a bit of an ass, I guess, and reading more into our calls than what's truly happening. I know that you know this stays between us, but I would love to just smack him, hard, on the shoulder, for hurting her."

"I can understand that sentiment, Alex. Just, tread carefully. It wouldn't do to have any of you hurt by rash actions."

"I know. But thanks for the reminder. Now, how about we talk about more neutral topics? Like, how do we think this case is going to end?" JJ nodded as she plopped down on her bed, crossing her legs beneath her as they fell into a deep conversation about the case and unsub. And as long as Alex was able to keep her mind off her current situation, she knew that everything would be all right in the field.