"You do realise that none of us win in this scenario, right?"
Alex looked up at Rossi, and gave him a slow nod before gesturing for him to take a seat across from her. JJ had taken the daughter home, and they were just waiting to wrap a few things up, which allowed this down time. "I do. I know that she was going to talk to you, about where her heart is, and I take it that discussion happened?"
"Yeah. I knew that it was coming, but it still took me by surprise. As far as breakups go, it was one of the easiest I've ever experienced. When are you two going to come out with your relationship?"
"We don't have one, yet. She's encouraging me to talk to James, to try and repair the fractures in our marriage in order to make my life easier. Erin doesn't believe that she deserves a soft landing, and she'd rather pine away in silence than move together. Dave, I honestly never meant to hurt you. I didn't realise that things would so quickly mutate into something akin to whatever this is."
"Because you didn't know who was talking to you at first?" She nodded. "That's classic Erin. She hid her true self away in a persona that doesn't quite match the outward persona she puts on. Just, take care of her. I do love her, even if I fully recognize that we were drifting apart for the last few months."
"I will do my best to hold her heart softly in my hands." Alex drew in a deep breath, about to say more when Reid began to talk with someone on the phone. From the slight shift in the tone of his voice over the course of the conversation, Alex knew that there was something incredibly wrong with the person he was talking to.
"We'll be there right away, Jen." Reid ended the call, meeting their eyes, and Alex nodded as she got to her feet and began to head over towards the door, where Reid was waiting, an anxious air about him. "JJ's in trouble, we need to get back to that house as soon as possible."
They nodded in tandem, all thoughts of personal talk driven to the back of her mind as she followed after the others, slipping into the SUV that Hotch was driving. The drive was silent, as if they were anticipating something truly horrible happening, and Alex felt like she was going to crawl out of her skin as they approached the home. It was so dark inside, as if all the light had been sucked from the place, and Alex shivered as they hurriedly slipped into vests before heading inside. Spencer and Derek were the first to head towards where JJ was, and Alex tried to not think about everything that could possibly go wrong that evening.
Finally, though, everything was under control, JJ was safe, and to her complete and utter shock, the woman was turning to her first as she burst into tears. It was easy enough to guide her away from the prying eyes of the rest of the team, and Alex tried to soothe her gently as they climbed into the back of one of the SUVs. "I'm glad that Spence understood what I meant," she was able to whisper after a few moments, and Alex nodded as she allowed the younger woman to burrow into her. Alex knew that she was almost the same age as Ethan, and that thought was enough to send her own emotions into a downwards spiral. Tears pooled in her eyes as she struggled to keep a tight leash on her reactions, not wanting to cry when it was JJ who needed to release all her negative emotions.
"Are we all ready to head back?"
Alex looked up to see Hotch smiling gently at her, as if he understood that they were both emotional at that moment. "I think that we are, Hotch. Will it be just the three of us?"
"I thought that best, yes." She gave him a small nod as he turned the vehicle on and began to drive back to the BAU. JJ continued to cry the entire drive, and Alex was loathe to let her go, since she was so aware of how much support could help someone when they felt like the entire world was falling down around them.
By the time they were back in Quantico, it was almost midnight, and Alex immediately knew that she would be heading over to Erin's in order to decompress from the events of the day. After gently pulling away from JJ, Alex grabbed her bag from the back of the SUV and got her keys out, jogging over to her car and getting behind the wheel. She didn't really remember the drive over to Erin's house, as she was so occupied on her thoughts of what had happened that evening. If they had been even two minutes later, JJ might not be there any longer, and a part of Alex knew that she would be handling that even worse.
Parking behind the garage, Alex took a few deep breaths before she climbed out of the vehicle and made her way up to the front door. She didn't even need to knock before Erin was opening the door, giving her a gentle smile. It was the same smile that she wore every time Alex had been upset in the Academy, and it almost caused her to break down in that moment. Alex's lower lip trembled as she dropped her bag onto the floor of the foyer, and Erin nodded without saying a word as she took hold of Alex's hand and led her upstairs. "The guest room or my room?"
"Wherever you'll wake up next to me?"
"Of course," Erin replied kindly, turning them towards her bedroom and shutting the door quietly behind them before guiding her towards the bed. With brisk fingers, Erin unbuttoned her blouse before slipping it and her jacket off her shoulders, letting the garments fall to the floor before she crouched down and slipped off Alex's shoes and then unfastening the closures on her jeans and tugging them down her legs. There was nothing sexual about the disrobing, and Alex found that she wasn't embarrassed to stand by the bed in only her underwear, watching as Erin went over to the dresser and pulled out two nightgowns before coming back to her side. "Here, put this on," she said lowly as she set Alex's nightgown onto the bed before changing into her own nightgown and then slipping beneath the covers.
Alex hurriedly unfastened her bra, allowing it to join the pile of their clothes on the floor before tugging the nightgown over her head and joining Erin, holding her body as straight as possible as she tried to control her emotions. It was a losing battle, because as soon as Erin reached out to stroke her hair, she let out the tears she'd been holding back, the sobs tearing harshly from her throat as she allowed Erin to tug her closer to her side and Alex melted against her as she listened to the woman hum quietly before she kissed her forehead. "Do you want to talk about it tonight? It is midnight, after all."
"No," she choked out before burying her face in the space between Erin's head and shoulder, turning into the pillow to muffle the sound of her cries.
"All right, just go to sleep, then, and we'll pick this up in the morning." Alex nodded before fairly clutching at Erin's waist as she fought to allow sleep to claim her. Somehow, she managed to drift off to slumberland, because the next thing she knew, the delicious scent of coffee was wafting up her nose. Opening her eyes, she found Erin just taking a seat on the bed once more, two mugs in her hands. Hurriedly, Alex also sat up, resting against the headboard as she held out her hand expectantly. "We'll eat after we talk?"
"Okay."
Erin gave her an encouraging smile as she sipped at the coffee, and Alex followed suit, waiting for the woman to ask her first question. "I take it that something bad happened last night?"
"Yes. Normally cases close to home aren't that bad, we can always come home and regroup, but this case was on another level. The unsub killed her mother, killed her sister, and tried to pin it on her father, since he did have a legitimate mental illness. We never caught on to the fact that she was off balance until JJ brought her home, because we thought it was all over. She had a gun trained on JJ, and one wrong move would have resulted in her death."
"You're close to Jennifer, aren't you?"
Alex nodded as she took another sip of her coffee. "Though she's a little older than Spencer, she's still of an age to be my child. And, well, she's kept our secret for all these months, never breathing a word to anyone else on the team that we were talking, and I know that she didn't have to protect us like that, because we are both adults, and there's nothing inherently wrong about calling each other at midnight. Or showing up on your doorstep so late in the night, and have you allow me inside. Because you're my friend."
Alex's voice broke on the last word, and Erin nodded as she reached out with her free hand, setting it on Alex's knee as they continued to drink. "But we're not just friends at this point, are we?"
"I honestly don't know how I would classify our relationship at this point, Erin. I love you, and I've told you as much. You've told me the same thing. We've slept together twice, and…"
"Yes?"
"You're the only other person that I feel comfortable enough with falling asleep together, either on the phone or in the same bed."
"If it tires you out too much, we can move the calls up a few hours for you, when you're on the West Coast."
"And break our tradition? No, I'm used to the times by now, and I look forward to midnight. I look forward to you. And that's probably what scares me the most, the fact that you have so quickly wriggled your way through my defenses to take gentle residence in my heart. You're home, and it feels right. But it shouldn't feel right because James is also home, and it's not fair to him that I have two homes like this. But I don't want to give up either, either. Which hush, I know that's a weird coupling of words, but it's the most precise that I can give you at this time of morning, even with the coffee."
Erin giggled, trying to hide the sound with her mug, but Alex still rolled her eyes a little as she finished the coffee and set the mug aside. "I put one of my homes up for sale. It turns out that it didn't fit me any longer, but the one I'm currently renting might give me notice sooner than I'd like."
Alex nodded as she felt her eyes well up. Everything that had happened with JJ and Dave and Erin was just a little too much, and she wanted so badly to break down in Erin's arms and allow her to shield Alex from the outside world for just a brief span of time. "I think that I might be ready to offer a longer lease, actually?"
"That's good to hear. Would you like to head downstairs now and make breakfast?" Alex nodded, a few tears shaking loose from her eyes to streak down her face, and Erin leaned in to swipe them away before getting to her feet and holding her hand out to Alex. It didn't take her long to clasp it and allow Erin to pull her to her feet. Alex looked longingly at the closet, wanting to be in something other than pyjamas as they started the day. "Do you want to change before we eat?"
Alex nodded as she crouched down and picked up her bra. "I just don't feel ready for the day if I'm in pyjamas for breakfast." Erin gave her a small smile as she padded over to the closet and pulled out an oversized sweater and a flared skirt before handing them to Alex. Heedless of her nudity beneath the nightgown, Alex pulled it over her head, seeing that Erin was blushing a little as she looked away. Hurriedly, she fastened her bra and pulled on the sweater before looking at Erin once more. "Thank you for this, by the way."
"You're welcome. Though I should feel a little put out."
"Why?"
"You're always falling asleep on me, when we end up together, in person. I, I want to have friend dates where we talk at length, without us ending up asleep. Does that make me selfish?"
Alex reached out and stroked Erin's face as she shook her head. "No, because you deserve that courtesy. We'll have to set up a time for just us, when I'm home next. Because our conversations over the phone have pulled us so close together, and yet I still feel like there are parts of you that I don't know. We've changed so much in the years that we spent apart, and," she said as she yawned. "Dammit, I don't mean to just yawn like this."
"It's all right, darling. The caffeine just hasn't kicked in yet." Alex nodded as Erin leaned in and kissed her lips with a tender touch. "Your Louise will always look forward to the tomorrows you can give her." She gave Erin a small smile before giving her another tender kiss, and they sighed in tandem before Alex finished changing and then holding her hand out to Erin.
"Let's go make breakfast now, we can focus on tomorrows when they come," she said quietly and Erin nodded as she took hold of Alex's hand and led her from the bedroom, everything seeming to slip into place inside Alex in that moment, though she knew that it wasn't the outcome she had been expecting.