The first step was to find Athena. Hercules had never fought in a war before since he'd never been invited. Still, he knew one thing above all: his sister would take any opportunity to annoy or, better yet, defeat their brother. Ares didn't even know Hercules was against him, so he wouldn't be watching for him.

"Now, Hercules, it's dreadfully unfair odds in Thebes," Athena said from her war table. She manifested a map with models to demonstrate what Thebes looked like, with the massive gorge to one side of it and the seven gates to the city with armies marching on them. "Their current standing army is comprised of unwilling and untrained conscripts who didn't know that they were going to be called upon to fight. How will they even stand a chance?"

"Me," Hercules said bluntly. "I'm a god, and I'm tougher than all seven armies. I'll knock them off the field into that gorge there. So what do you think? Use me. I'll be your secret, ultimate weapon against Ares, and you'll get to brag about it for the next few centuries."

Athena stroked the down feathers on Ibid's chest. "That does have a certain appeal to it… There's something sudden about this… What is your motive in taking part in this war?"

Hercules blushed.

"Wait, let me guess." Athena leaned in closer to nudge him with her elbow. "It's about a girl, isn't it?"

"Well…" Hercules looked down at his feet, shuffling them nervously. "She petitioned me this morning, and I couldn't… um… She's a princess of Thebes, and they're gonna kill her if they get in. I can't let them hurt her." He raised his head, remembering the way she'd arrived at his sanctuary, bruised and shaken. "I won't let anyone hurt her."

"I see," Athena nodded and looked down at the table once more. "That does change things. You've never had a girlfriend, have you?"

"I still don't have a girlfriend," he clarified. But… hey, this is a pretty good opportunity for me. She's… so pretty…" His blush carried into his aura, and he sighed. His body sagged to one side, and he propped himself on the table. Nobody's ever asked me for help before… it felt…" he pressed a hand to his chest. "Meaningful."

"And we can't be letting the fair damsel down, can we, little brother?" Athena released a puff of elegant laughter that wasted no extra mirth. "We'll get you on a date with destiny as soon as we clear up this nasty business with the armies!"

"Great! I knew I could ask you. You're the smartest person I know."

"That's because I'm the smartest person in existence," she clarified. "So! Ares thinks he can pull a nasty trick on a vulnerable city. He's got something else coming!"

Alongside Athena, Hercules arrived on the field outside of Thebes, helmeted and ready astride Pegasus.

"Go survey the armies," Athena instructed. "With any luck, seeing a god standing against them will convince some generals to turn back and avoid bloodshed."

Hercules nodded. "Maybe I should talk to them too? It could make them feel guilty for what they're about to do."

"You're such a sweet little godling," Athena cooed. "But don't bother. You'll only spur them on to defend their honor. You have to unman them."

"So… I cut off their…?"

"No, no. Be the man they can't be and remind them of the battlefield hierarchy. Scare the living daylights out of them. Between the two of us, we can deal some real damage to some egos!"

Hercules and Pegasus usually maintained modest proportions. Pegasus was roughly the size of an above-average stallion, and Hercules was an above-average human, the right size to ride Pegasus without toppling off.

But their Olympian status made it no trouble to adopt a more monumental stature. Pegasus was initially fashioned out of clouds and had the ability to draw from the clouds around him to grow exponentially when required.

Hercules flew Pegasus in a circle over the first army he found and shouted down in a voice to match his new size, "Turn back! Do not assault the walls of Thebes! They are under the protection of the gods!" He drew his sword, and as he encircled the army, the wind from Pegasus's wings, as well as the drag of his sword, created a wind tunnel that lifted multiple soldiers off the ground.

He abandoned that group and flew toward the next. Nobody was prepared for him, but several from the ranks closest to the first army he'd routed had started to pull back before he reached them. "Get away from Thebes!" he shouted down at them. "This city is under the protection of the Mighty Hercules, Son of Zeus! Abandon this venture or suffer my sword!"

That sounded good, right?

A bright red light appeared on the field, and Hercules recognized it immediately. "Sport!" his older brother Ares shouted at him. Stop trying to ruin my war!"

Hercules shared a glance with Pegasus, who did the equivalent of rolling his eyes. If this was getting handled, it was getting handled now. He charged through the sky to Ares and landed in front of him. He towered over the squat god, even though Ares wore his helmet so high on his head that it added another head length to his height. "You're going to stop this war before it begins," Hercules told him through his teeth. "Enough games. This is a dishonorable farce, and you know it."

"I already set up a whole wing of the Underworld with Hades to house the casualties!" Ares protested.

"Tough," Hercules hopped off Pegasus and leaned over Ares, arms folded. "I'm not letting it happen. If you want to fill that wing of the Underworld, I'll wipe out everyone in these armies you brought, and they can go there."

"Hey, talk about not fair!" Ares stomped a foot. "You can't do that!"

"You're the one who cursed this place," Hercules said, nodding to the city without taking his eyes off Ares. "You know they can't win this war, but you've tipped the scales to make it ridiculously unfair for them, anyway. This is why nobody likes you."

"What! Hey, that's a low blow, Sport! Mortals need war! It gives them something to strive for! Not like your petty little athletic competitions, this is something with real stakes!" Ares poked an accusatory scarlet finger against the armor covering Hercules's pectorals.

"Yeah, and those stakes are generations of suffering mortals who never did anything to you and don't deserve what you've done to them," Hercules responded to his brother's goading with a hard shove to the ground. He yanked the helmet off of Ares's bald head and snarled down at him. "You're a pathetic, grasping toad with bad manners and worse body odor. You wanna talk stakes? Fine. Let's handle this one on one. If I win, you lift the curse off of Thebes and help them recover from this stupid vendetta of yours."

Ares gasped. "Me? Fight you? Sport! You're Dad's favorite! He'd smite me!"

"Let me deal with Dad." Hercules reached down and picked Ares up by the breastplate, making his stubby legs kick helplessly in the air. "You? You're going to have to deal with me."

"Okay! Okay!" Ares waved his arms around just as pathetically as his legs. He scrambled to compose himself, and failing that, said, "If i win, you have to help me with my next war campaign! You're… way scarier than either of my boys. And I named them Fear and Terror!"

"Charming," Hercules drawled and tossed Ares to the ground. "I know those idiots. You did a great job with them, by the way."

"Thanks– hey!"

Hercules drew his sword and aimed it at Ares. "Are we doing this, or what?"

"Yeah! We're doing this!" Ares grew another few sizes to try and equal Hercules. "And you're going to be sorry you finally decided to care about war during the mother of all wars!"

"I'm only sorry I haven't gotten involved sooner," Hercules snarled back at him.

By his calculations, his brother was too close to the walls of Thebes. If he wasn't careful, he might charge into the walls and damage them irreparably. He had to be careful.

Ares charged at Hercules with his sword raised, roaring with the rage of all the armies that were still arrayed against Thebes.

Hercules waited.

Ares was all bluster. Always had been.

All Hercules had to do was wait. Once he was in range, Ares swung at Hercules, who met that swing with his sword and stepped in closer while the blades were locked.

"Huh?" Ares barked, but Hercules had already unstrapped his armor.

One good yank was all it took to toss Ares's breastplate across the field and land it in the gorge, where it could not injure bystanders.

"Hey!" Ares screamed. He was now in his linen undergarments, leaving his hairy barrel chest on display for all to see. He moved to cover himself, and Hercules took his sword.

With both swords in hand, Hercules angled them at his brother's neck. "Yield!" Hercules snapped at him.

"Okay, okay! I yield!" Ares raised his hands in surrender.

"On your knees," Hercules ordered.

Ares obeyed at once.

"Release the curse," Hercules demanded.

"The curse is gone!" Ares's words echoed across the field and into the city.

"Take these men home and apologize to them for bringing them to battle against the God of Heroes. And then go back to your sons and beg them to grow personalities." He threw Ares's sword down with disgust and walked backward from him.

He didn't trust his brother not to take the coward's advantage if he turned his back.

Athena arrived at his side and then pointed at Ares. "Ha-ha! Loser! You're a loser! Look at you, losing!"

"Thanks, Athena. You've been super helpful today," Hercules said.

"Oh, you're welcome. I've just spoken to Prince Polynikes and explained to him that this war is over. He's taking his troops back into exile. Go, team!"

Hercules cheered with mock enthusiasm but then realized what he'd actually accomplished. He cheered for real that time and ran to Pegasus for a celebratory headbutt. "Thebes is free!" he declared. "I saved a city!"

He'd done something. It was better than he'd thought.

Not only had he done something, he'd done it knowing that a beautiful young mortal girl had asked him to do it. "Athena, can you… clean up around here? I've… um. I've got a date!"

A face appeared in the clouds. "Now, hold on, son!" Zeus called down to him. "Isn't there something you forgot to do before your first anti-conquest?"

Hercules counted on his fingers. "Er… Trash talking… show of force… wagering… duel… save the princess…?"

"You were supposed to ask me!" Zeus called down. "War doesn't fall into your domain!"

"This was an act of heroism, and I am the god of Heroism!" Hercules contended and posed with his fists planted at his sides with his elbows cocked out to display his arms.

"Yes, and we're very proud of you," Zeus said in a not-at-all-condescending tone. "But we've got to have a talk about boundaries first!"

Hercules made an incredulous noise. This was really getting in the way of his date. "I just rescued a city!" he didn't sound too juvenile, did he?"

"Go, it'll be fine," Athena whispered in his ear and winked at him. "Dad's just upset you didn't invite him to watch. Give him the rundown. You were spectacular!"

"Thanks," Hercules bowed his head as his heart swelled with praise. "Have I ever told you that you're my favorite sister?"

"I knew it instinctively. Now go on, and if you meet up with Aphrodite before seeing that girl again, it couldn't hurt."