The winged man seemed to be waiting for them. He wore an "I know what you've been doing" smile as he directed Hercules and Megara to a pink room with heart-adorned marble walls. A pair of large, puffy-cushioned seats were arranged in front of her.
"Special delivery, Mom!" the winged god called.
Aphrodite herself was draped along a couch, eating cherries. "Oh, yes! You two! My newest favorite couple in all of Greece! Come, sit down! Thank you, Eros, you've been very helpful."
"All in a day's work," Eros said, then muttered for only the two of them to hear: "Thanks for falling in love on your own and sparing me the arrows. You won't believe the situation going on in Athens! Some maniac stole arrows because the girl he liked picked someone else! I'm gonna spend all day cleaning up after him!" He flitted away before either of them could respond.
"I hope the two of you enjoyed your picnic," the goddess said. "The erotes were aflutter today. Gods don't usually fall in love with mortals. It's usually something unsavory. I'm glad to see you're a trendsetter, Herc! Big news down at the arrow factory." She gestured for them each to sit on one of the seats.
"That's great." Hercules scooted his seat closer to Megara, and she felt her heart settle into a more comfortable pace. "The picnic was great, but there was just one little thing that bothered me. Hades sent a monster after us in the middle of it." Hercules took Megara's hand and squeezed it as if to reassure himself she was alive.
"That does sound like something he would do…" Aphrodite rolled her eyes. "He's probably jealous because he can't get a date."
"Maybe," Hercules said. "But I have to talk to my father about it, and I want to make sure Meg is safe and taken care of while I'm gone."
"You don't need to leave now, do you?" Megara asked in a voice much smaller than she'd intended. She didn't know how to navigate talking to other gods. It was a wonder beyond reason that Hercules had sparked such a connection with her. She wasn't about to push her luck.
"No, not now. But I'd like to get this handled soon. I can't let Hades get away with what he tried to do."
"Of course not," Aphrodite said. "And while you're here, I have a few tests I'd like to conduct."
"Tests?" both Hercules and Megara questioned in tandem.
"Not philosophy or astronomy or anything tough, but y'know, love tests! To see how I can help you!"
Neither of them had time to react before the chairs they sat on started moving.
Megara clung to the sides of her chair and squeaked as a semicircular marble table appeared in front of her. A scroll popped into existence in front of her, and a pen with a red feather stuck out from a golden inkwell.
"We're doing love homework?" Hercules asked incredulously from behind his own desk.
"Yes! It'll tell me how compatible you are! The better you'll be as a couple, the more I'll help you stay together!"
"How do we prove something like that?" Hercules asked plaintively. "Can't we just convince you to help by explaining our situation? We've made some plans. You can tell us if they'd work!"
A small squadron of erotes flew cooing into the room. They carried a pair of banners that were too large for any of them to handle on their own. When they unfurled the red silk, golden light shone through them to illuminate a series of questions.
"Okay, now, I want ya to answer honestly even if you think the questions won't make ya look good," Aphrodite said. "When I see the final answers at the end of this, I'll tell you whether I think your basic personality traits are compatible enough to last long term despite the forces that aren't in favor of you as a couple."
Megara stared at the papyrus laid out for her awaiting the answers she wasn't sure she had, then up at the list of questions.
Hercules seemed to be doing the same.
"Well, go on!" Aphrodite said. "When we're done here, I'm taking you to the spa!"
Megara shared one more befuddled look with the deity that might prove to be compatible with her, then bowed her head over her work. The questions didn't seem at all related to the topic, but many of them were easier to answer than she'd expected. She reached the end after covering both sides of the scroll with enough answers to make her question how well she'd ever known herself.
"Good job, you two!" Aphrodite snapped her fingers, and both scrolls vanished, only to reappear in her hands. They floated into the air, surrounded by a red-gold aura, and coiled together like a pair of snakes.
The two scrolls swirled in the air until, at last, they formed a single scroll and fell back into Aphrodite's hands.
"Did we pass?" Megara leaned forward for a better look, but she still couldn't read what had appeared on the final scroll.
While Aphrodite scanned the results, Hercules quietly stepped out from behind his desk. "I took your little test, Aph, but I'm not going to let anything or anyone tell me if I should be with Meg. I already know we belong together, but I have one major important question of my own." He waited for Aphrodite to indicate she was listening before he continued. "This isn't exactly your department, but there's overlap. Meg, do you want to tell her what the prophecy said?"
Megara sat up straighter as the memory shot through her mind. "Teiresias warned me and other girls in my family that some of us would die for love," Megara said.
"And you wanna know if that 'some' applies to you," Aphrodite concluded. "Would it make you feel better to know?" Aphrodite asked. "Maybe knowing is the worst thing for mortals. It steals your ability to enjoy life while you have it."
Megara bunched up her free hand in her skirt to contain herself. "I thought it might help… making up my mind."
"Uh-huh…" Aphrodite scanned the contents of the scroll one more time, then rolled it up. "You're dating a god. I don't foresee having to sacrifice yourself for him anytime soon. However, if you choose to have children with him, there's always the risk women run of making that choice. Any child of yours will have a greater than average chance of escaping both the womb and childhood, as demigods are exceptionally healthy. That said, this kind of prophecy isn't time-sensitive, so it could mean you live into old age before something happens. Does that satisfy your curiosity?"
Megara shrugged. Her head was starting to ache at the multiple avenues Aphrodite had opened up for her.
Hercules moved to her side and took her hand. Though he met her eyes with softness, he was firm when he spoke. "I don't want her to die for me. There is absolutely no reason for that. I want to make her immortal, so it should be impossible for her to die for any reason."
Aphrodite pursed her lips. "Zeus would never allow that."
"Why were Psyche and Ariadne permitted but not Meg? Eros and Dionysus are the same rank as I am, and both of them got permission to deify their consorts."
"Zeus changed the rules because Dionysus was immortalizing and resurrecting anyone he liked for a while. It started with his mother, but he wasn't content with that because he hated the idea of death. Hades complained, yadda yadda, Zeus caved, and Dio went into such a slump that he changed his name and let himself go."
Hercules raised a brow at that. "And nobody so far has seen fit to object?" He tugged Megara to her feet and squeezed her hand. "I'll do it. I just need to know she'll be safe if I do."
"That's not a guarantee it's easy to make," Aphrodite sighed. "But your results are promising. Both of you make decisions based on practical reasoning, and you prioritize integrity. Megara enjoys excitement and adventure, and hey, Hercules, you're the god of adventurers! Your differences will strengthen your ability to work together and creatively solve problems. I have no reservations about the two of you as a couple. My only concern is that you'll have Zeus to worry about."
"My father is going to have to deal with it," Hercules said firmly. "He's omniscient but never has enough time to do anything important, and he doesn't waste his time checking in on me. There's plenty of space for new gods on Olympus. Once my father sees he can't stop me–"
"Don't forget Prometheus," Megara said, rubbing Hercules's arm for attention. "Your father may love you, but he might also use you as an example."
Hercules sighed. "You could be right…"
"But you're not wrong, either," Aphrodite said, arms folded in irritation. "I'm a fertility goddess, and only mortals care about that whole side of my domain! The gods come to me for relationship advice and beauty tips, and that's it! I'm a complex deity with lots of jobs!"
"That sounds frustrating," Megara said, cautiously stepping halfway behind Hercules in case Aphrodite's frustration spilled over. "But you know… maybe we could help."
Hercules cleared his throat. "We um…" he glanced down at Megara with a blush. "What do you mean? You want f-fertility blessings for… us?"
"That might be too much to ask for." Megara clasped his hand in both of hers and gave him a reassuring squeeze. Her eyes flickered in the goddess's direction. If this were going to work, Aphrodite had to think it was her idea. "The best way to showcase a blessing like that would be a big family, but we aren't ready for that. If my prophecy comes true, we'll never have that chance, anyway. It's probably hopeless since Zeus is the most powerful of the gods. If he doesn't want us together, none of the gods would dare stand up to him to change anything. I think we should consider splitting ways."
"What?" Hercules exclaimed. "Why-? No, we can't just-"
"She's already told us it's hopeless, so why hold out hope?" Megara sighed. "Nobody can salvage this situation."
"Now, hold on!" Aphrodite loomed over them in protest. "You two can make an offering for me, and if you dedicate your relationship to me, it'll definitely be my business!"
"Oh, I… I don't have any doves. I'm sorry, my lady." Megara bowed her head and folded her hands behind her back.
"There's more than one way to offer blood in my name. I also take sacred acts as payment. As long as it's done in my sanctuary, it's dedicated to me. But first? You two should get pampered! You both look like you need it!"
"Sacred… acts?" Hercules's voice was barely audible.
Megara rubbed his arm. She could handle this question. "Do you mean like in the scroll?"
"That and something else! After that assessment, it's time the two of you made this thing official! Once I've endorsed your relationship, it's done, and nobody can undo it. And then…" Aphrodite glanced around at her erotes. "Yes, I'm right." She clapped her hands, and the erotic flew away, then quickly returned with a large roll of red papyrus. "It's not the standard contract this time. I'll add a clause…" She frowned at the paper, then waved her hand. A few of the words reshaped themselves on the papyrus, and finally, Aphrodite nodded. "Yes, that'll do it."
Megara squinted at the scroll. "Is this… that's a marriage contract?" Her face burned.
Where had all her sensible thoughts flown to? She ought to have some excuse to wait, but every time she separated from Hercules, some other guy showed up to beat her into submission. He'd killed the last two, but the cycle might end if they were married. Either it would end, or it'd intensify.
With her teeth digging into her lower lip, Megara read and re-read the scroll, seeking certainty.
"I'd do it, but I need to know it's what she wants." Hercules turned fully to face Megara, took both of her hands in his, and lifted them to his lips. "I don't want to rush into anything. We've only known each other for a few days. But you've already changed everything about my life and put it into perspective. Everything that came before you is irrelevant. I can't imagine going back to that life, but… maybe I overcomplicate yours?"
"Hey, now," Aphrodite stepped up and put a hand on each of their shoulders. "This is bringing down the mood! I've declared this a good romance, and you have my endorsement, so now enjoy it!" She steered them through another door that Megara could have sworn wasn't there a minute ago.
"We've got a lot to sort through," Hercules said while Megara took in the misty pink haze around them.
"Ah-ah-ah! Not in my temple! I'm a lover, not a strategizer! My temple, my rules!"
"What... what's this room?" Megara squinted through the mist that smelled vaguely of cherries.
"Told ya I had tests to run," Aphrodite said. "That was the written exam. This one'll be more hands-on."
Megara looked over her shoulder at the goddess, but she was gone, and so was the door out of the room. "What... the...?" she started, but who was she talking to?
Hercules was gone.