*Trigger warning* SI, SA, and implied grooming. I tried to be vague with this but they are still there.
I watched the street lights pass in a daze. I had always had a feeling that this day would come sooner than expected; had even prepared a gift years ago. Some of my best needle work to date, in fact. But now that he had actually said the words I didn't how to feel. It itched at the back of my mind. A worry I couldn't assuage.
"Ash, are you okay?" Clearly, I hadn't been as quiet in my thoughts as I had hoped if my husband; who was normally content to drive in silence, was asking me questions on what was a touchy subject.
"I'm okay."
"But?"
I resisted the urge to sigh. Sometimes it was a right pain in the ass to be married to someone who knew you so well. I knew all too well he wouldn't let me lie, and I didn't have the stomach for it either. Perhaps that's why I answered. "I am worried."
"Well, that much is to be expected. He is going into marriage with his fiancée pregnant."
I clicked my tongue. To anyone else that would have been the concern too. Not that I hadn't also been worried about that. But when I thought back to our conversation on the matter, I had faith in Theo and Katy. Neither of them had shied away from my displeasure at their carelessness, but I was hardly in a position to criticize too harshly on that front. Jack and I had gotten physical far younger than twenty-five. No, my first concern is that they had chosen to keep their child in a half-hearted attempt to do 'right'. But when I asked them point blank if they realized they were never going to get a moment of peace for a bare minimum of eighteen years, they were both resolved. Katy especially seemed show a fierceness I hadn't seen from her. She claimed boldly she was going to provide a good life for her child, and that I couldn't understand as I didn't have any children. A knife twisted in that old wound, but I had long since gotten used to it. Mother had looked like she was going to say something, but I shot her a look. My meaning all too clear.
Don't.
I conceded to Katy, and decided that I really had no business browbeating them over this. Instead, I grilled them on their plans for the future. Both Theo and Katy answered my questions and father's. They worked together, and had put real thought into this. This eased some of the worry that I could see in my dad, but I still felt an unease. Like there was some threat creeping around the corner that would threaten this budding family. I shoved down on that feeling thinking it was simply my paranoia getting the better of me. In my unsettled state I had asked,
"Have you thought of any names for your son?" I realized I had errored when Katy looked surprised and maybe slightly hostile. The hairs on the back of my neck rose. It wasn't Katy or Theo who had set off that reaction. That feeling of someone watching this younger family seemed to have transferred to me. Fine. Better me than them.
"It is too soon to tell whether our child is a boy or a girl. And we will be keeping the names to ourselves until our child is born." I nearly winced. She mistook my slip of the tongue as a desire for a nephew and a dislike for girls. I wanted to sigh in frustration, but there was no way to undo the damage without making things worse. Instead, I smiled gently and agreed which only seemed to make Katy angrier. Theo patted her thigh a gesture that seemed to pull back his fiancé's ire.
The truck bounced on a pot hole dragging me back to the present. I realized I had been silent for a long time and Peter was still waiting.
"I have a strange feeling."
"Is this anything like the last strange feeling you had?" He was purposely vague, and while I appreciated it, I still had to slam the brakes on the memories that tried to rush forward. Some things I couldn't revisit. Not unless I was absolutely hammered.
"Yeah, something like that." It hadn't been nearly as hostile as the last time. This time it had been more like when you felt someone's eyes on your back. The last time had felt more like a beast was stalking close. And one had been far closer than I had ever… No! Back in the box! It took a few moments of careful breathing techniques before I was calm again.
"Is there anything else?" He had been kind enough to wait until the rising panic had been shut down to ask. Once again, I was reminded it was a pain to be around someone who knew you well enough to see past your defenses. I blew out a breath not sure whether to keep this part to myself or not. It was selfish and petty. My own inabilities thrown back at me and no one was at fault other than me. But I guess spouses were spouses because they could look at the ugly bits in their partner and still love them.
"I also feel I failed him all over again." The words were spoken softly, but they echoed in the otherwise quiet truck cab. Now it was Jack's turn to collect his thoughts. And I wasn't surprised when his first instinct was to comfort me. For all his mischievousness, he was also incredibly kind.
"Ash, you've done more for him than he will ever know. You sacrificed so-." That didn't make it right.
"And I made everyone he loves, lie to him." I hated liars, ever since I was very little. Yet for my own gain I had lied and asked others to do the same.
"That's not fair."
I shrugged, "Life isn't fair."
He snorted in disgust. "You know what I mean."
Yes, I did. A smile lurked at the corner of my lips. It was rare that Jack let his frustration show. He was normally much better at hiding his thoughts.
"Does that mean you won't tell him?
"No, and neither will you." My tone dropped to something low and dangerous. This was something I would not compromise on. My charming husband met my gaze briefly. His pretty green orange eyes met my smokey blue grey ones. He acknowledged the words and the promise they carried before turning back to the road.
He sighed in defeat. "I won't break my promise." The word again hung silently in the air between us, and I didn't say anything. "That doesn't mean I agree with it."
I snorted. "It's better this way."
"I don't think he'll react the way you think. He's smart."
I laughed. Smart was an understatement. Wickedly clever and a cutting tongue to match. He was his parent's child after all. "I don't think he'll hate us prese. Just the lies to save face.
"You didn't-." He cut himself short, seemingly seeing the uselessness of that argument. "If anyone should take the blame it is me. After all, it was my family who-. SHIT!" He yanked the steering wheel hard to the right. My head cracked hard against the window when I turned to see what he had. A trailer from on-coming traffic had fishtailed, broken lose from its hitch. It barreled towards the front of our truck like a tank with rockets. Instead of hitting us head on; thanks to Peter's quick reaction, it speared into the driver's side door. Metal shrieked like a great dying animal. The truck listed to my side then my stomach dropped. We were falling.
Falling.
Falling.
Boom!
Darkness.
Pain lanced through my chest and head. Each breath felt like I had inhaled shards of glass. I sucked in small gasps, but my seatbelt was practically strangling me. Why? My mind felt too sluggish. Plus, the cold. It was still early autumn in the south, so it shouldn't be cold, right? I couldn't remember if it had been cold or not. It was very cold. Something about that instinctively kicked my brain into gear. Adrenaline shot through me. Then I remembered I wasn't alone.
"Jack!" I called out. My voice was barely above a raspy whisper and I immediately dissolved into a coughing fit.
There was no response from Jack. Fear uncoiled inside of me. What if he was dead? What would I do if-. No. I cut that thought off before it could consume me. I closed my emotions into a box in mind. We needed a clear mind for this. I forced my throbbing head to face about where my husband was. It was very dark, so I could only vaguely make out my husband's shape in the gloom. His hair was sticking straight up. Why? Then it clicked. The truck was up side down.
I needed to cut us free as gently as possible. There was no telling what injuries we both had. At the very least I had a concussion and a broken rib. Pain throbbed on both sides of my chest. Broken ribs, I corrected myself. Shakily, I reached for my belt knife. My fingers trembled and struggled with the latch. I nearly dropped the thing twice trying to maneuver it to the belt away from my limbs. Sawing away the belt sapped my energy far too quickly. It wasn't like my knife wasn't sharp. Something like this should have taken a few seconds at most.
Snap.
"Shit!" I swore as my knees banged against the cracked sharp plastic of the dashboard and my head slammed against the roof. How I swallowed the groan of pain I don't know. Every bruise, break, and every cut made themselves known. Judging by the lack of feeling in my left foot, I was not going to have a fun recovery. Thankfully, despite my newly acquired clumsiness, I managed to avoid landing on my knife.
"Jack." I called again. Still no answer. I fought against the cold feeling that was spreading through me as I dragged my mutilated body to him. The truck cab had never felt so goddamned big. Reaching into the darkness I touched his chest, which was warm and very wet. My hand moved to find the injury and stem the flow of blood. Then my hand touched something cold and metal. It took a few moments for my foggy mind to catch up with what my senses were telling me.
The trailer hitch. Tears stung my eyes as my brain mechanically put together what had happened. The hitch had punctured the car door and effectively speared Jack through the chest. White noise pervaded my mind. Its volume rose starkly deafening me to even the ragged wild sound that had been ripped from my own throat. Greif clawed my insides as if it were a living thing trying to claw its way out of my chest. Then all sound died. What little energy I had left seeped out of me. The cold that I had been fighting swept in with freezing intensity.
Ah. I'm dying. The realization was a blanket that smothered the smoldering fire inside me. That last bit of fight was leaving me. Damn it. Damn it! No! I grasped for straws. I had never been as devote as my parents, but just this once. God, if you're there? Give me one more chance. I'll protect them better. Faces swam in front of me. My mother, father, Jack, Ariel, and Theo.
Off in the distance I could hear sirens, but it was far too late for that. Light shined across my face, yet it was getting farther and farther away.
"Miss? Miss, hold on. We'll get you out of there." I couldn't make out the face of the person who was pulling me out of the truck, only their firefighter uniform registered. He laid me carefully on a stretcher. Only Theo's face remained in front of me.
"I'm sorry Theo. I think I will miss star gazing next week." Then it all faded away. My pain, the crash, my regret, even Jack's death was swallowed up. I was suspended in nothing for a long time. How long, I wasn't sure. Which was odd. Normally I was very good at telling how much time was passing. But here it felt as if years were passing and; contradictorily, no time at all was passing. I had no true way to measure it, but I was certain something odd had happened. There were eyes upon me again.
Then a hand caught mine. It was as pale white as snow, as cold as ice, and the grip even more unyielding the stone. All I could see of this person was their hand. So, I studied it as it pulled me along. Judging from the general size and shape, I believed the person was male. His hand was clean and his nails were almost too perfect. But I could easily feel the rough callouses on his fingers and palm. It reminded of one of my marital arts teachers' hands. And this man's strength lent to the idea that he was combat capable.
I was about to ask the hand who they were, when I heard murmur of voices. I listened and it sounded like a lot of voices. And the language… it sounded vaguely Germanic, but none of what I knew matched with what I was hearing. It was gibberish. Louder and louder, it got until voices made my very being hurt. My being felt it was being shredded under just their voices. That was well past what I could feasibly stand. I yanked my hand back, covered my ears; which did absolutely nothing, and roared,
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Though I shouted with all my strength it was barely a whisper in comparison. Yet, mercifully, everyone went silent. I could feel dozens and dozens of eyes fixed squarely on me and knew they were not pleased. Swallowing back my instinctive fear, I dropped my hands to my side, squared my shoulders, and spread me feet so I could fight or flee as needed.
A voice in front of me spoke in that same Germanic sounding language. There was the impression that it was holding back its strength so as to not deafen me again. Then the fog lifted and I could actually see where I was. It was an amphitheater type room with me at its center. The room was divided into seven sections based on color. Green and blue were directly in front of me. From there clockwise the colors went yellow, red, white directly behind me, black, and gold. A quick glance showed most of them had the same number of people sitting in each section. Thirteen. With the exceptions of yellow, red, and white. Twelve were seated in yellow. No one was sitting in red. And there were fourteen people in white.
I wondered why.
"Ewigeliebe, are you sure this girl is the one? She seems much too frightened to be the Zent's guard." This booming voice came the man at the head of blue section. A man with startling blue hair and what looked like barbarian armor from a video game. He was even leaning against a decorative spear. His tone was arrogant and dismissive of me. The men around him snickered at me. It had been a while since I had been on the receiving end of such attitudes. I had long since broken the others in my unit of that. My pride pricked, I smiled at him flashing my teeth.
"Come see if you find me so timid without your armor. I bet that spear is compensation for your lack of manhood." The blue haired man starred at me as if I were a rabbit who had suddenly roared like a lion and flashed a lion's fangs. Then after two more seconds of stunned silence, the twelve men behind him broke in uproarious laughter. Some was directed at me, but I was surprised to see just as much being directed at; who I now suspected was, their leader. Several of them gave him a good-natured ribbing. Bitter memories started to stir from my own time with a group like this. I locked them back where they belonged in the back of my mind.
He leaned forward against his spear smiling cheerfully at me. "Perhaps you are more my kin after all."
"I doubt I have any relation to one such as you." I let my tone drip with condescension. I half expected us to continue this back and forth like I would have if… Except before the blue haired man could say anything further the female at the head of the green section spoke.
"You speak rather rudely to a God." I let her words and aggressive tone wash over me as I studied her. She was a beautiful woman. Not too tall, not too small, just the right amount of curves. There was a girlishness too her that prevented her from being elegant, but it suited her perfectly. She wasn't fighter, but the way she held her elaborate staff, she was not helpless either. There was strength in her straight spine. What's more, judging by little details in her face, I'd say she and the blue-haired man were siblings. She was probably older based on her attitude. It felt like she was trying to protect her little brother. Then her words finally fully clicked.
God.
As I looked closer at them, I almost nodded. Yes, these people were not human. There was an intensity about them that no human had. Almost as if their very bodies were made of colorful electricity. That was why their voices from earlier had hurt, I realized belatedly. So, there is a God… Gods… and Goddesses. Hmm. Unfortunate.
I spoke to her looking her straight in the eye. "If a God can be so easily offended by a mere human's words, then he or she must be a pitiful God indeed. Humans barely care about what another human thinks, much less what an ant thinks of them." In those eyes I saw a sea that was as deep as it was dark. It churned ominously in her narrowed eyes. Even I knew I was basically asking to be killed with that. I just couldn't stop myself. The most basic part of me whispered that I was here for a reason. If not, I would have been killed for my initial outburst.
Blue hair intervened. "Flutrane." His tone had a petulant whine to it, reminding me heavily of when mom asked younger Theo to do something he thought was 'uncool'. "I don't think she meant any harm by that. Jokes are all well and good." Several of the others in blue were nodding vigorously with him. The one called Flutrane did not look pleased with her brother, but at least I didn't feel like I was being crushed at the bottom of the sea anymore.
"Your sister is right, Leidenschaft. This mortal showed you an excessive amount of disrespect." That cold voice came from behind me. Ice crawled down my spine. I turned to give the speaker my full attention. His hair was silvery white, and his skin was snowy white. He wore black robes trimmed in gold with glowing blue stones. I thought he might also have something akin to decorative chainmail added to it. Jack would have loved to see it. At his waist was a gold hilt of a sword set with white stones that glowed much like the blue ones on his clothes. This was the man who had brought me here. I wasn't sure why, but I got the vague feeling that he reminded me of my father. But there was none of my father's quiet kindness in those pitiless eyes. In fact, there was nothing that spoke of softness to this man. Not inch of give. If anything, there was madness in his eyes. Around his neck there was a faint line of dark purple. Like a bruise, but it was hair thin and barely visible. A curse. I shuddered. "You shall show respect to your betters."
I should have been frightened, should have been cowed by the winter storm that was this man. But then my eyes fell on the woman hiding slightly behind him. She was a pop of stark color next to him. Vivid red hair that reminded me of someone else who had been very dear. My heart ached before I could lock it away again. Seeing her and her haunted eyes lit something in my blood to fight back. I would not bend before the one who had done this to her.
"Respect my betters?" I was surprised my voice didn't shake with the force of my rage. Even to me I sounded calm and collected. All the while, that rage was seeping through me so cold it burned. Then it burst forth. "The last time someone thought they were better than me, I squeezed the life out of them myself." Not entirely untrue. I had killed Travis that way, and he certainly thought he was better than me. Though a bit of a stretch to imply that was why I had killed him.
"Brave words in the face of death." An icy wind swept towards me. Goose bumps burst out over me, and my joints ached with the fierceness of the chill itself. That was enough to inform me that this was no parlor trick. I even had to bite my cheek until I tasted blood to prevent my teeth from chattering. By some miracle I managed to shrug and continue my stare down. A voice warned if I caved here, he'd kill me, reason or not.
"I have already died once. Hard to be afraid of what you've already faced."
A new voice cut in breaking our stalemate. "We are getting off topic." When the man at the head of the white space looked away, I knew it was safe to do the same. I noticed several people in the crowd giving me approvingly looks. The man at the head of the black space cleared his throat when he realized I wasn't looking at him. If the man in white was romance novel material, the man in black was edgy protagonist material in looks. He gave off the feeling of being an endless void of space. Unending darkness that sucked away everything. His dark eyes focused on me were strangely gentle. "The reason you are here is to assist us in fixing the Garden."
Are you serious? I snorted. "Get a gardener." I was soldier, I couldn't do jack shit with plants.
The man at the head of the black section blinked at me as if he thought my response was surprising. But there wasn't anything I could do about that. Meanwhile, I could hear two female voices whispering in the background. That caught the leader's attention too. "Anhaltung, Grammalatur, explain yourselves."
"My apologies my lord. A slight translation error. Garden in this one's tongue means a place where plants are grown. Kingdom seems to be closer to your meaning."
Were they serious? I glanced around and felt no amusement, no deceit that would have come from someone playing a trick on me or trying to deceive me. "You are Gods," I could feel power radiated from them. The heads definitely had the most, but even the others were nothing to sneeze at. "Yet you can't fix your own problems?" There was more, I'd bet. Something they were keeping very close to their chests. If I didn't figure out what I would be in trouble. That I could feel it my in very bones. Alright, bait em with their pride then. See what shakes lose. "You need lowly mortal's help?" I looked directly at the man in white when I said this. The woman beside him covered her mouth I wasn't sure if she was gasping at my comment or laughing. But the whole room felt suddenly like gravity had gone way up. I was about to been crushed to the floor.
'One of these days, that sharp tongue is going to come back to bite you.' My father's words rang through my ears reminding me of my very bold and probably very stupid response back. 'Then I'll just bite back harder.' If I recall correctly, he had been especially exasperated with my response to that. Hopefully this wasn't about to be my comeuppances for those daring words. The pressure vanished as the man heading the black section spoke again.
"We could interfere in the Garden, but only with a human body."
No explanation of that needed. "No." My mind and my body were mine, and mine alone. I also suspected that allowing any one of these beings to be hosted inside of me would have consequences that I couldn't even begin to understand. Would it alter me? Could it alter me? Would my loves change? My personality? There were too many questions and no answers. Though, I suspected the answer was something I would not be okay with.
The man in black smiled, again reminding me of father. "Yes, I do not belief most mortals would want to house one of us, much less survive such an endeavor. Thus, instead, we would ask you protect our future Zent."
"Zent?" I repeated the foreign word. I heard it earlier, but I still had no idea what it meant. When this God said it, his tone had an almost wistfulness to it. Kinda of like a parent that was talking about their grown child when they were still a baby. There was a strange power to the word. For some odd reason had my eyes drawn to one of the lesser beings in the gold section next to black.
"King," One of the ladies in the yellow section supplied when the man heading black looked to her.
I couldn't help the snort. The mother of all ironies, pulling an American to be the protector of a king. I may not have been as prolific of a reader as my mother, but I could easily see what kind of trouble this would lead to. "I am not going to babysit some rich brat nor am I going to be a leashed dog sent out to kill someone else's enemies." I let my contempt leak out.
Now, just about everyone in the room was looking at me with at least a little hostility. The man in white felt like a particularly strong blizzard, while the man in black felt like a black hole the pull me in and crush me into nothing. The lady in gold felt like the burning rays of the sun. Green felt like a torrent of water bearing down on me. Blue felt like raging flames. Yellow was quiet as was the lady with red hair. Despite so many against me, I held my head up. They needed me after all. I didn't need them. They needed me. So, the silence dragged on, both sides waiting to see what would happen next. The tension was building to bursting point. I was not expecting it to be so thoroughly shattered by laughter. It was female in origin and instead of coming from one particular section, it echoed through the large room. My skin crawled at the pretty sound. It caused the very core of my being to sing with delight and shudder from terror.
"What a delightful child. Such an amusing spectacle and with the family all together after so long. I just had to see what stirred everyone up." A woman was suddenly standing to my right and slightly behind me. Every fiber of my being screamed to run as far away as I could before she rubbed off on me. Rubbed off? That thought caught my spiraling mind and the more logical part of me started analyzing her.
She wore a large purple kimono type robe. Though it was more what Americans thought of when they thought of kimono. Indecently short, but still a stiffer material. Instead of wearing it over her shoulders and covering up her more than ample chest, the sleeves hung around her upper arms. This left very little to the imagination even with the ragged binding wrapping around her breasts. It was all being held together by a course obi. It was patterned with a riot of butterflies. Not single one was repeated on the fabric, and judging by their bright colors they were all toxic. All those vivid colors were ruined by numerous dark stains. As this woman walked past me, I caught sight of a whip tucked into her Obi while she carried a glaive in one hand as if it was a walking stick. Like her clothing, the weapon had a plethora of butterflies added to it. The blade had specks of rust across it. Despite this, I could tell the edge was keen enough to cut bone without any effort. Then I noticed this woman was barefoot. Her feet were covered in a thin layer of mud that flaked off as she walked. It was even splashed up much of her legs, up to her thighs.
"Why are you here, Chaoscipher?" The man in black had a very wary edge to his tone.
"Why, can't a mother come visit her dear son?" The way she purred the word son had my stomach heaving. It was disgusting just hearing it and I wanted a hot shower so I could scrub the nasty feeling off my skin. Disgust rolled off me in such strong waves that I was sure if I had eaten anything recently, I'd have vomited right there.
"Mother, why are you here? Truly." This time his tone was a combination of vexed and infuriated. But noticed there was a touch of fear too. He… all of them were afraid of her.
She sighed in the long-suffering way a mother did right before she guilted the absolute fuck out of her child. "I came to see what all the fuss was about. After all, my invitation seems to have gotten lost. But I know these things happen. I am, after all, quite forgiving." Someone snorted, but couldn't say who. So, she was the reason behind this. Of that I was certain.
"Say what you will, and leave, Chaoscipher." The woman in shining gold said firmly. Now there was a woman with some back bone. Her no nonsense attitude seemed to grate at Chaoscipher because she didn't even try to hide the contempt that twisted her beautiful face into something nightmarish. She snorted and strolled back to me, giving me a better view of the front of her clothes. The front was even dirtier than the back. My blood went suddenly cold. It wasn't mud that caked her feet and stained her clothes. It was blood.
"Well, (***********)" the name seemed to burn into my mind. "Since you asked, I am here for this child." She stopped in front of me running a finger almost seductively up my neck to just under my chin. Her nail was wickedly sharp, and her threat clear. Then her whole hand was gently pressing on my neck. I could see she was debating snapping my neck right there. Just because it would through a wrench in their plans. There was amusement and insanity in those eyes. Amusement won. Her hand dropped slightly as she continued to move around me until she was standing behind me. Her nails now pressed against my collarbone. If the man in white had been strong then this woman was more than equal to his match. Her nails scraped up to my shoulder. Gently at first; warning enough that I was not to move. But they gradually dug deeper and deeper. I was acutely aware of her presence. My skin burned white hot where she had touched. My sanity felt like it was slipping away as her madness invaded. Things I had shut away in the deep recesses of my mind bubbled sending me careening into my memories. I was only vaguely aware of that sickly sweet voice that right behind me.
"You all haven't forgotten, have you? Any mortal you bring here who rejects you becomes mine. And I can offer her exactly what she wants." She cackled. But I was hearing a different laugh from a different time and place.
Travis.
A feral sound worked up my throat and I lashed at his smug face.
"Enough! The girl hasn't chosen yet!" That was a distant male that I didn't know.
Chaoscipher chuckled heartedly. "Seemed like she has to me. Well, if you all can calm her rage. I'll return her to you. If not, I have a little fun by releasing her into your little Garden."
I launched myself at Travis, clawing at his pretty face. Punching, kicking; hell, I'd have ripped out his throat with me teeth if I could have reached him. Then he gave way to my darkest memories. Each one competing to see which could scream the loudest in my mind and heart.
A bathtub tinted red. Unnaturally pale skin against soaked fiery red hair. Failure.
Icy hands reached to pin me down, only to retract just as quickly as they were burned by the madness that had been left let lose.
Travis contemptuous laughter. "Good luck proving it to the commander." Betrayal.
Water washed over me only to evaporate against the rising heat of hatred.
"My husband wasn't even there. The skank is making it up for pity points. Jealousy.
Fire met fire, but the flames inside me simply swallowed them.
"If you do not let this go, you will be court marshaled! She is dead. Move on." Cowardice.
Wind buffeted against me trying to smother the rage. Instead, it only fed it.
"As if you want anything other than our money. Neither you nor that thing will get a cent." Pride.
Darkness swept in with specks of light surrounded me. An endless night sky locked all around me. It was so beautiful it broke me. A wild sob ripped from me. Then a merciless voice inside of me sneered,
"You will never see the stars with Theo again." Grief.
The fire that had started to falter under the stars exploded back to life into a great conflagration. Screams that weren't mine echoed around me.
The man in black shouted, "Control yourself."
How, I wanted to sob. It hurt. It all hurt so much damn much. This kind of pain was not something I could stand any longer. I had shoved it down for so long it had more strength than me now.
"Ash." That voice was gentle, barely a whisper. Yet it cut through the roar of the flames. Reminding me of the walls I had built. Slowly I built them back up around those old wounds and shut them off. The pain disappearing with them. "Ash." He repeated. The flames were pulled back as well. I shoved them into their own fortress that I built of metal and locked the door firmly against them. I could feel his hands on my back. Tears threatened to spill out, but I wasn't so far gone that I let them. I turned to see the handsome man I married crouched down next to where I had collapsed. The deepest part of me wished throw my arms around him and hug him, but his hands caught my eyes. They were flaming red and covered in blisters. Then red shifted behind him.
I looked at the Goddess with hair similar to Ariel's. She had brought him here. Something inside me stirred at this. It felt slimy, bitter, and broken. Chaoscipher. She was inside my head. I opened my mouth to shout a warning, but the words that came out were not my own.
"You dare?! Can't even save your own daughter or husband so you throw someone else in to clean your mess, Geduldh. You stupid bitch!" I spat the words and felt Chaoscipher's rage as if it were my own. I couldn't keep my mouth shut against the vileness that spewed forth. I stood intending to run. To lessen the damage.
Beside me, Jack stepped between me and the Goddess, clearly unaware I was possessed. "Ash! That is enough! Theo would be frightened if he saw the face you are making." I knew he was right, but my mouth refused to obey me. Rage and frustration boiled my blood. This was my body. It would do as I willed and no one else. Then I saw the sword hanging from the belt of the man in white. He was getting ready to move against me. Fine. If this body wouldn't do as I wanted, I would break it. I bolted at him. Chaoscipher didn't seem to understand what I intended. She thought I was going after Geduldh's husband for the injury to my own. Only the frozen man himself seemed to realize what I intended. He smirked as I got into reaching distance of him. That shot the madness swirling inside me up to new heights. She hated him. I grabbed the hilt, and he allowed it. Too late for Chaoscipher to stop ourselves. I pulled the shining white blade free. Almost instantly cold pervaded my body. It was the stillness of death and I was much too weak to wield properly. But I didn't need to swing it around. A small cut on my neck would be enough. I didn't even feel a sting, the edge was so sharp. Ice was creeping in as my strength was waning. It was a familiar feeling that I willing sank into.
Pitiless eyes watched me. There was a glimmer of respect there. He reached to take back his weapon only to be surprised by my grip. The blade was particularly burned against my skin. But as I watched him I sudden the desire to warn him of Chaoscipher. She was shrieking in my mind at just the sight of him. Her hate beyond what even I felt for Travis.
"She… wants… you… to suffer… Die… cause… you… killed…" The connection to Chaoscipher and all her knowledge stopped. Her presence seemed to flee from the ice. I wasn't a fool. She left on her own accord. That information that had just disappeared she did not wish to share… No. She didn't want to remember it. But the hate was still there. I let go of the blade. Finally, I was free. And I was tired. So very fucking tired.
"Ash!" Jack's hands went to my throat trying to stem the flow.
The man in white; Ewigeliebe, turned to the man in black. "This has been hard on my wife. We are going home." Then he, the woman in red, and his twelve people vanished. Good fucking riddance.
"Can some please help my wife?!" The panic in Jack's voice hurt. I felt bad about doing this to him, but I couldn't really explain that I had a crazy person in my head.
"Heilschmerz."
A woman in green came over to us. She held a hand over me and soft green light fell down on me. I could feel the cold recede and the wound on my neck closed. Jack looked on in awe and shock. He pulled me farther into his lap and squeezed me tightly. All I could do was groan a little. I might have been healed, but I had almost no strength. So, I remained laying against my husband's chest while he held me. I looked to the man in black who by now I had pretty much assumed was the leader of this collective band.
"What was that?" My voice rasped.
"My mother." Poor bastard. But that really didn't answer the question and he recognized that. "My mother poured her mana into you." Mana, as in magic? I glanced at Jack and he seemed to be thinking along the same lines as me.
"What does that mean for me?"
He didn't look pleased. "We will have to find you a much stronger host than we initially planned. Or else her power will overflow from you and pollute the Garden. On the bright side your spouse seems to be good at quelling that power. So, we can send him along with you." They were presuming an awful lot. He sensed my thoughts. "Unless you'd rather be my mother's play thing instead. Your line is strong so we could find someone else to fill the role."
My line? My brain took a few seconds longer to catch his meaning. Everything froze when I did. I remembered the feeling of someone focusing on me and my family. It had been these people. I forced myself to my feet dragging Jack behind me with what little strength I had left. "Don't you dare touch him. If you, any of you lay a hand on my family, heavens help you because I will turn not just your precious garden to ash, but I will come for you too." With her power beating in my veins, I could do it too. Jack tried to calm me, but there was no calming this threat. I made sure to hold the man in black's dark eyes. He met my gaze and smiled with an equally stone-cold expression.
For a brief moment I thought I heard Ewigeliebe say, "Perhaps you are my kin as well." I ignored that fanciful thought.
"If I do this, protect your king. You will not lay hands on my family?" For them alone would I bend, but I would still bite if given the slightest chance.
"If you protect the rightful Zent," he placed heavy emphases on the strange word. "We will have no reason to summon any from your family."
"What about my husband? That bitch said that any who reject you here become hers."
"Yes." He turned to Jack. "Will you also serve this purpose? It might be good to have someone who can keep the young lady stable beside her."
"So long as I can follow my wife."
I gave him a glare. He hadn't even really thought about it. But he smiled and said, "You promised. Tell death and beyond." I wrinkled my nose. I did promise. But I did not like dragging him along with my selfishness.
"Good. And in case you planned to cause trouble," The man in black stared me down with a knowing look. "The first to suffer our wrath with be your husband."
I smiled flashing me teeth. "Same to you. First person I go for would be your wife." Now that we were clear with our threats, several beings started winking out of existence or maybe just away from this place.
"My people will see that you are dropped in the Garden safely." Then the man in black the woman in gold and most of their people disappeared. A single man in black stayed. I got the sense that he was little more than shadows. All the quiet dark places people avoided and ignored. A quiet listener who watched and hid all those in his darkness, but did not intervene. He walked over to Jack without a word. My husband looked from the man to me.
"I'll find you." He promised before both of them vanished. I fought the urge to reach out to him when he vanished leaving me alone… Or not. I could feel someone's eyes on me, even though I couldn't see him. Pivoting around at slow pace, I tried to locate where the feeling was coming from in the now empty room. It wasn't until I was facing the blue section that I was sure I had found the watcher. I still couldn't see him, but I could feel his amusement.
"I know you're there!" I snapped finally impatient with this game.
A soft chuckle came from relatively close to the front of the blue seats. A man with pale silver hair and bright silver eyes lounged in front of me. "You can see me after all. I had wondered when I was…" He let that thought trail off. "Interesting." He flashed me mischievous smile that had all of Jack's charm to it. But this man was definitely not Jack.
"I don't want to hear that from a peeping Tom pervert." The words were out of my mouth before I could truly consider where they were coming from.
He chuckled darkly. "You can see what we are."
I frowned at him. "I don't think that's quite right. When I look at your… kind." Thankfully, he didn't seem to take offense. "I see your power. It's kinda like looking at movie. I see bits of your past? Well… more like events that are important to you guys. Your epithets." Which is how I saw this man creeping on the ladies in green. Hence my earlier word choice.
"Fascinating. What about the man in white, Ewigeliebe? What did he feel like to you?"
"Death." Father and husband twisted and corrupted. That last part I kept to myself, but I got the vague feeling that this man might have seen it. He didn't comment on it, so it was hard to be sure.
Instead, he whistled softly. "I suppose mortals would see him that way." Then he clicked his tongue. "What about Chaoscipher?"
I shuddered. "Chaos." Change corrupted by grief and hate.
"Very good. But I suppose that much was obvious." What was the point of this inane chatter. He wanted something. It was separate from what the group wanted with the Zent. He grinned at me, clearly, he could tell where my thoughts had gone. But he wasn't planning on make things easy on me. "What about Flutrane?" It was causally asked, but something about it had my intuition stirring. This was fishy.
I played along, watching him carefully. "Water, spring, growth, and change." It was the word change that made him a little twitchy. Ah. I nearly cackled. It was like the first time Theo had liked a girl. That was the expression on his face was the exact same. I could feel my own lips pulling up. He realized his mistake then. Too late. "She was the one you wanted a peek of." His frown became a scowl and a touch a blush crossed his cheeks. A God should not be this easy to tease. There should be rules against this. My laughter finally bubbled up. His scowl deepened when I snickered.
"What about Geduldh?"
Remembering the red-head all my amusement died. She was a bitter reminder of all my greatest failures. "Earth, mother, and unconditional love." The words left a sour taste in my mouth that burned. After a beat of awkward silence, I asked tiredly. "What do you want?" I wasn't in the mood for games any more.
He sighed dropping all previous mischief and charm. "You can still feel her, can't you? Chaoscipher."
I nodded. I could see feel an echo of her in my head. Like a parasite that had been left under my skin to feed off me and grow stronger. It was infecting me, making me more volatile. More like her.
"Then you realize her power will likely consume you. That same madness that has held her for millenniums."
"What's it to you?" He was one of Leidenschaft's people. Why did he care… I stopped thinking back to the strange set up in this room. Particularly the red section. The owner had moved to white, but what about her subordinates? Surely, she hadn't been alone. That brought the question could the others have served other Gods? Had this man served someone else before he served Leidenschaft? I remembered Chaoscipher was the man in black's mother. Her power was about on par with his as far as I could tell, but if she had been more powerful before her madness. And she said Ewigeliebe had killed someone. Had that God been the one that this man served?
"I think you can save more than just the Garden."
"What's in it for me?"
He looked at me with pity. The silver of his eyes swirled like he was looking at something very far away. "A chance to save your new family."
"I wanted my old one."
"That, I cannot give you." But I suspected someone else could. Chaoscipher's words rang in my ears, 'And I can offer her exactly what she wants.' "But I can at least give you some strength to hold her off; so long as you don't choose her. Being Amonet's creation rather than hers has its perks." I had a name. So at least I would have a starting point to search for my answers. A plan slowly formed in my mind. I would take him up on his offer. I really didn't have a choice since I didn't want to be consumed like that again. And I certainly didn't want Jack to suffer because of me.
"Alright."
With my permission given, he reached out and covered my eyes with his hand. There was an uncomfortable itching feeling in them until he took his hand away. It also felt very intimate, in a way that made me wrinkle my nose in distaste. I had to fight the urge to slap him. He seemed to be admiring his work until he chuckled.
"My colors and Geduldh's suit you." I had no idea what he meant, but it felt like he had just said something very lewd.
"I see why the lady of spring has no interest in you." With that last barb he shoved me. The room vanished. Dizzy spun my brain to painful levels. Nausea assaulted me and the sour taste of bile filled my mouth. I threw up again. My stomach felt like a sea urchin made of metal and glass shards was trying to dig itself out of me. FUCK! I vomited again.
" # $%&% ^*&& **(&*!" What was that? Then with a sickening throb, the words spoken by the woman holding my hair back translated themselves for me. "My lady, stay calm, medicine is coming." Not to long after that a small glass jar was forced into me. The liquid quelled the urge to vomit. I sighed in stark relief. Where the fuck was I?
author's note: I understand some people might not be okay with the direction I went with for Chaoscipher. I ask that you trust me. This was not a decision I made without thought and I have actually been dropping little hints about this.
I am curious to see what people think of what happened to Minerva with her interaction with Chaoscipher. Cause depending on how the readers interpreted that I might have to so some edits. So, your thoughts will be very much appreciated in the matter.