Disclaimer: SVU and all of its characters were created by and are the property of Dick Wolf. I make no profit with this story, which is my own original work.

Olivia considered her answer carefully. She knew that whatever she said, the next words to leave her mouth could potentially make or break her partner's fragile mental state. One thing was for certain – she would be honest at all costs, but it was more a matter of how to phrase what she was thinking.

"It wasn't that I knew there was nothing to believe in. My upbringing had just been so different from yours, and I was never raised with anything to hold onto."

Although she had begun tentatively, Olivia felt her voice becoming stronger. Elliot was watching her intensely, hanging on to her every word, as though he believed whatever she said next might give him the answers to all the questions of life itself.

"You know as well as I do how trying the job can be, especially in SVU. The things we see there can test those with the strongest constitutions. It's why the turnover rate is so high, and most people burn out so soon after they start. Why you lasted as long as you did, and I'm still there, I don't have the answer to that. Some might call us gluttons for punishment."

Despite everything he was dealing with, Elliot couldn't help the small snort of laughter that escaped when his partner made that particular comment. It wasn't that what Olivia had said had been exactly funny, more so that the truth behind it had hit entirely too close to home.

"If I'm being completely honest, there were times back in the early days of our partnership that I envied you. Not just because you had a family to go home to, but also that you had something to hold onto. I didn't always understand where your faith came from, but I knew how important it was to you."

That meant something to Elliot. It always had. Even as conflicted and tormented as he currently was, he appreciated the lengths that Olivia was willing to go to in order to restore his spirit. Still, the guilt weighed heavily on his shoulders, and he couldn't help feeling like a fraud. To anyone else, he would have been ashamed to make his next admission, but in telling Olivia, Elliot knew he would only feel free.

"I burned my crucifix necklace. In a bonfire on the beach. I didn't feel like I had a right to wear it anymore. I thought maybe it would be seen as an act of penance, but I don't feel forgiven."

Taking her partner's hand in her own, Olivia pulled it up until Elliot's palm was resting flat against her chest. It was similar to when she had tried to ground him earlier. Likewise, she placed her own hand directly over his heart. Her next words weren't going to be easy to say, but they were what Elliot needed to hear.

"I think that is because the person you most need forgiveness from is yourself, El."

"I don't know if I know how to do that."

"It's not an instantaneous process. You'll get there. And you won't have to do it alone."

Elliot shifted again, drawing his hand back, and Olivia released him immediately, not wanting to hold him against his will. However, he wasn't protesting the closeness, merely trying to find a way to deepen the connection without aggravating the injury to his ribs. Ultimately, Elliot found that the best position for him was to not only lie reclined against the pillows, but to lean partially against his partner, accepting whatever comfort she was willing to offer. The conversation had tapered off – not because Olivia was done imparting advice, but rather because she had sensed Elliot needed a break.

After several minutes of contemplative silence, Olivia dared to speak yet again.

"There was one thing I may not have been entirely truthful about before, when I called myself agnostic. While I may not have have worshiped any particular deity or subscribed to any one faith, I wasn't without my own beliefs. And those beliefs never once failed me. All these years later, they still haven't."

At first, Olivia was beginning to wonder whether or not Elliot would question her in regard to what she had been referring to. He had kept quiet for so long, it was truly starting to worry her. But ultimately, curiosity got the better of him. Maybe it also had do with needing something else to hold on to.

"What did you believe in?"

"Not what, who. It was you, El. I believed in you. Even now, after everything we've been through, you're still someone I know I can count on. I just need you to believe in yourself again."

Elliot was silent as he absorbed what his partner had just said. She believed in him. Even at a time when she hadn't believed in anything else. While he wasn't sure he was ready to put trust back in his own abilities just yet as Olivia had suggested, he knew he could rely on her without hesitation. Maybe he could also count on the fact that her faith in him would be enough to sustain them both until the cracks around his fractured soul had healed.

Even though Elliot hadn't said anything in response to her latest statement, she hadn't really needed him to. It was more about giving him food for thought than anything else. She hadn't been expecting an immediate answer. What she wasn't anticipating was for her partner's phone to ring, interrupting the contemplative silence of the room, or the way that Elliot pointedly ignored the device after a glance at the display. Not allowing him his usual methods of deflection, Olivia took it upon herself to answer, especially when she saw who the caller was.

"Hey, Ayanna. No, he's not fine, but I'm guessing you already knew that. I've got him, though, and I'm not letting him out of my sight. Yes, I'm aware of just how stubborn he can be. If you hear from her again, you tell Kathleen to call me if she needs anything, and let her know that I'm handling everything, okay?"

After talking with the OCCB Sergeant for a few more minutes, Olivia hung up, turning to face Elliot, who despite everything he was struggling with internally was watching her with an amused expression on his face.

"Why do I have a feeling that my two partners are teaming up against me?"

"Because we are. If you knew what was good for you, and could be trusted to take care of yourself, it wouldn't be necessary, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. So, in the meantime, you're stuck with me. Ayanna's going to be running interference with your family, who I understand you've conveniently left out of the loop."

Elliot opened his mouth to argue, immediately thought better of it, then promptly closed it again. Olivia was right, there was no excuse. Keeping his Mama in the dark was one thing, with her health issues, it was understandable why he'd want to protect her. But none of his children were babies anymore, and he was always promising himself to be more open and honest with them. .The truth was, he hadn't wanted any of them to know just how close they had come to losing the only parent they had left.

"I'll call Katie tomorrow. I just need another day to try and wrap my head around everything."

"I get it, El. I'm not going to force you. All I want to remind you of is that your family will be there for you. Don't shut them out."

Nodding his agreement, Elliot reached out his hand. Even though Olivia was sitting right next to him – so close that their shoulders were touching – he was craving a deeper connection. Whether it was a result of the medication having worn off, or a more underlying psychological reason, the wounds on his hands and wrists were starting to ache more than they had previously. The comfort of human contact was more soothing than any pain reliever a doctor could prescribe. Elliot still debated if he was worthy of such kindness, but he couldn't bring himself to deny the proximity of his partner.

How much time passed in silence, Elliot didn't know. He was about to say something – truly open up about what he had experienced – when his stomach growled loudly. Olivia's followed close behind, so much so, in fact, that it almost sounded as though their protests of hunger were in unison. Having not anticipated any more of an appetite today, even though the soup and sandwich he had eaten earlier had been satisfying, Elliot turned to face his partner, who was biting her lip in an attempt not to laugh.

"I was about to ask if you thought you could handle some dinner, but I guess you beat me to it."

"Funny. I know it won't come as a surprise that I'm not in the mood to go anywhere, but I'm going to put my pride to the side and admit that I don't want you to leave, either. While it's not exactly Wo Hop, there's a Chinese restaurant not too far from here that makes some decent egg rolls. Plus, they deliver."

Quick to agree, Olivia pulled up the name and menu of the place Elliot gave her on her phone, ordering a small selection of items that would appeal to them both. After entering payment information and the address and room number of the motel, she turned to the face the stunned man sitting beside her.

"Food will be here in about forty five minutes."

Not sure what to say about the fact that Olivia had paid for yet another meal for him, Elliot was trying to figure out how to argue. Apparently, he wasn't very good at it, because his partner easily anticipated what he was about to say, holding up one hand to stop him before he could so much as utter a word.

"Relax, El. You can buy me dinner when you're not suspended and actually getting a paycheck again."

Even though it was more than he could possibly hope for right now – that a woman of Olivia's caliber would consider him a friend, let alone anything more, Elliot couldn't help but feel a spark of hope. After all this time of asking her out and having been repeatedly declined, had she really just opened the door to the possibility of a date between them?

"Are you saying that you'll finally go out with me?"

Knowing that she had walked right into that one, Olivia shook her head. Not in denial, but in amusement.

"Let's just get you back to health first, then we'll decide who is dating whom."

While she didn't want to leave Elliot alone for any length of time, there was no question that Olivia needed to take a few minutes to herself. After determining that her partner would be okay if left to his own devices for a bit, she grabbed her bag and went into the bathroom, her intention being to take a quick shower and change into something comfortable.

Less than fifteen minutes later, Olivia was back, her hair freshly washed and still damp. It was starting to dry in waves that framed her face, and Elliot was trying his hardest not to stare. It was a rare occasion indeed that he had the opportunity to see Olivia free from makeup and so casually dressed, and the fact that she felt so at ease in his presence allowed him to relax even more, too.

After she had finished sorting her things, Olivia situated herself back on the bed beside her partner. While he greatly appreciated the moments of silence he had been afforded throughout the day, Elliot feared any more might have him going completely mad, so he reached for the remote, deciding that having the television on would provide a much welcome distraction.

The partners had been watching the tail end of an old movie when there was a knock at the door, signaling the arrival of their dinner. Olivia got to her feet first, and headed over to collect their food. She placed the overflowing bag on the table, and before she could ask Elliot whether he preferred to remain where he was or join her, he had managed to get himself upright and was on his way over.

"I think it's best we both eat over here, don't you? After all, thanks to my nightmare induced sleep earlier, we only have one bed with clean sheets."

"Fair point. Did you want water to drink with dinner, or would you rather I grab us something else from the vending machine?"

"What I want is more of that whiskey, but I'm not going to do that. Water will be fine."

Even though there were no plates to speak of, the two made the meals work, eating out of their respective takeout containers, and passing them back and forth between one another to share. For the most part, they ate their food in a companionable silence, and Elliot was grateful that Olivia wasn't trying to fill the void with conversation. He'd already talked more than he had planned today, and while none of it had felt forced, he needed some time to regroup. The television droned on in the background, keeping the room from being completely silent.

While Elliot had definitely managed to eat his fill, it was not as much as he typically would have consumed on a normal day. There were plenty of leftovers, but Olivia wasn't concerned. The room was equipped with not only a mini fridge, but also a microwave, and whatever remained could easily be reheated the following day. However there was one part of the meal that neither of the partners could willingly overlook, and with a smile, Olivia passed Elliot a fortune cookie, taking one for herself as well.

Like little kids, the two tore into the cellophane wrapped packages, breaking open the cookies to get at the paper fortunes concealed inside. As was always tradition between them, there were no secrets about what answers to the mysteries of life had been bestowed upon them, and welcoming the moment of levity to his day, Elliot nodded his head to the woman sitting across from him.

"You first."

Olivia's voice shook slightly as she read the words out loud, more because of the dose of hope she had been given than anything else.

"A lifetime of happiness lies ahead of you. Funny, I think I've heard something similar to that somewhere before. Must mean it's definitely going to come true, then."

To punctuate her statement, Olivia brought her hand up to clasp the compass resting at her throat between two fingers. Rubbing the pendant lovingly, she fixed a warm gaze at her partner, hoping it would convey the words she couldn't speak out loud just yet. Not because she wasn't ready – but because the man she was with wasn't in the right frame of mind to hear them.

"Your turn."

Elliot felt his own voice crack as he read. He had received fortunes that had hit home before in the past, but never so much so as this.

"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there is a light shining somewhere nearby."

The words had never been more true. Ever since Rita's death, and his subsequent encounter with Eric Bonner, Elliot had felt as though the shadows were practically consuming him. His crisis of faith notwithstanding, there was no doubt as to how much he was struggling internally. But, there was something else about the fortune that he could cling to – words that gave him as much hope as his partner's presence had from the moment she had set foot in this room. For all his despair, Elliot knew without question that the light that particular message had been referring to was about Olivia. It wasn't the first time she had been the one bright spot for him to cling to, and he wasn't going to make the same mistake of pushing her away again as he had in the past. No, this time he was going to grab on tight with both hands and hold on with everything he was worth. He didn't think he would survive if he tried to do it on his own.

After a few moments of silence, Olivia's voice filled the void.

"Sounds like we both got the words we each needed to hear. I know you tease me for it sometimes, but I'm definitely going to be keeping this one."

"Me, too."

Sensing that Elliot needed a few minutes, Olivia stood and began cleaning up what little mess they had made. She packed up their remaining food and stored it in the fridge, then disposed of the trash. Returning to the table, she picked up her treasured fortune, and carried it over to her bag, tucking it into her wallet behind a recent photo of Noah.

"So, I don't know about you, El, but I was thinking of just making it a quiet night. If you're up to it, we can just keep watching the classic movie channel for some mindless entertainment."

"I like the sound of that. Just give me a few minutes, and I'll be ready."

"Take as long as you need."

While Elliot was in the bathroom, Olivia kept herself occupied by continuing to tidy up the small space. It wasn't particularly messy, she just didn't want anything to upset her partner more than what he was already dealing with. As for the veritable elephant in the room – the bottle of whiskey that Elliot had mentioned on more than one occasion as being a great temptation – Olivia had opted to move that out of sight for the time being. It had nothing to do with her trust in the man she had come here to see, because if he had said he wasn't going to drink anymore she believed him. Rather, she didn't want it out in the open to taunt her partner when he was already struggling with so much internal turmoil. In her own dark days, wine had been her vice, and Olivia only wished that someone would have done for her like she was doing for Elliot now.

The sound of a door opening caught Olivia's attention, and she glanced over toward the source of the noise to see her partner exiting the bathroom. While he was moving considerably better than he had when she first arrived, it was obvious that he was still in pain. Now that a fair amount of time had passed since he'd had anything alcoholic to drink, Olivia felt more comfortable asking Elliot whether or not he wanted to take more of the prescription pain relief the hospital had given him. She wasn't surprised when he refused, but felt a bit more at ease in knowing that he wasn't denying them completely, only delaying in taking them for a bit longer, so the dosage would help him effectively sleep through the night.

"You look like you're hurting, El. You should get back in bed."

"I was thinking about that, Liv. I know it will be awhile before either of us is ready for sleep, but I can take the bed with the messed up sheets. Either that or I can sleep on the floor."

Elliot knew he had made a mistake as soon as the words were out of his mouth. There would be no escaping it now – the withering Captain's glare that he was helpless against, and if she spoke to him in that commanding tone again, all would be lost. Then again, he supposed he had brought it on himself for being an idiot. There was a time and place for chivalry, and while his intentions may have been pure, offering to sleep on the floor while nursing injured ribs and the wounds that he had been inflicted with was not one of the smartest decisions he had ever made.

Holding up his hand in an effort to delay the onslaught of disparaging words that were about to come his way, Elliot tried to make an attempt at defending himself.

"You don't have to say it, Liv. I realize I'm an idiot."

"I'm glad you figured that out, because I was starting to wonder just how bad your concussion may have been that would prompt you to even consider that sleeping on the floor in your condition was a good idea."

Moving as quickly as his battered body would allow, Elliot lowered himself carefully to sit on the edge of the bed that he had previously occupied. He said nothing when Olivia stepped close to help him swing his legs up onto the mattress, and ensure that he was adequately supported by plenty of pillows, even grabbing a few extra from the other bed that had remained unscathed by his earlier nightmares.

"We can always have housekeeping come by tomorrow and put fresh sheets on the beds. For tonight, though, unless you object, we're going to be sharing. I promise that your virtue is safe with me."

Even though he was trying to be stoic, to remain locked in his guilt and self loathing, Olivia's words had stuck a chord. The only thing that kept Elliot from truly giving in to his laughter was his previous experience with this type of rib injury, and he knew that if he didn't control himself, it would only bring him more pain. He also was aware of how much she understood that, and would not take offense. However, even though he hadn't cracked up completely, he was unable to keep a smile from breaking free.

"I just didn't want to force you into something you're not ready for."

"Elliot, I know you'd never do that. You've been more than respectful. But I'm also not going to let you suffer alone, either. I also know what you're not telling me – because when I've been in your shoes I was worried about the same damn thing – so I'm going to tell you something, and I want you to hear me."

Even though he couldn't quite make eye contact, Elliot had to let this woman – who meant everything to him – know that he was hearing every word she was saying.

"I'm listening."

"I'm not afraid of you, Elliot Stabler. I never have been, and I never will be. You didn't hurt me earlier, and I'm not worried about you hurting me when we share the same bed tonight. If you are going to have nightmares again, the last thing you need is to be alone, and I'm determined to be right there by your side to pull you back to the present, but I'm not going to allow you to deal with this by yourself."

Resigned to his fate, but feeling a warmth enveloping his heart, Elliot patted the space next to him. Olivia walked around the bed and got in, propping herself up in a similar fashion. Now that he was feeling marginally more calm, Elliot was able to focus his attention back on the television screen. Another movie was just starting on the classic channel, and he settled back and allowed himself to draw comfort from the proximity of the woman sitting next to him. There were still no guarantees on what dreams waited for him when he tried to sleep later, but for now – with a full stomach, being in Olivia's presence, and with his mind temporarily at ease – Elliot could let himself feel at peace.

After the movie had ended, Elliot had to admit he was feeling more drowsy than he would have expected. Even though it was earlier than he normally would have gone to bed, he allowed Olivia to convince him to take one of the painkillers he had been given – only so it would have an adequate amount of time to work. Rearranging the pillows, he reclined into a more supine position, still keeping himself propped up somewhat in an effort to alleviate some of the pressure off his aching body, and also to make it easier to get out of bed should he need to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.

"Did you want to leave the TV on for a while yet, or would you prefer quiet?"

"Let's leave it on. Just turn the volume down a little."

Elliot was too ashamed to admit it, even to someone who knew him as well as Olivia did that falling asleep with the television on was a habit that he'd picked up in the years following Kathy's death. It wasn't something he needed all the time in order to sleep, only on the nights when the thoughts in his head were too loud and he needed something else to drown them out with. Of all people, Elliot knew Olivia would understand, especially given what he'd learned about her today – even if he didn't have all the details yet. But he remembered how his partner had slept on her sofa for months following her undercover operation at Sealview, and even now, more than a decade later, he still didn't know everything about what she had experienced down in the basement of that prison.

But so much had happened since then, and they had been rebuilding the foundations of their partnership after he had all but burned it to the ground after leaving without a word. The last thing Elliot wanted was to start keeping secrets now. It was why he'd allowed himself to be so openly raw and honest with Olivia, why he was accepting of her comfort. He didn't want what they shared between them to ever fracture again – only to continue to grow stronger. His own faith might currently be damaged, but his trust in his partner gave him something to hold on to.

"Before we fall asleep, while we're still laying here relaxing, did you want some ice for your ribs, El? I'm sorry, I meant to ask you about that earlier."

It took Elliot a few minutes to process what Olivia had asked of him, and it was only when he saw her hold up the empty ice bag and gesture with her thumb toward the door that she was referencing a trip to the ice machine on his behalf. His pride was insisting that he refuse, only so she wouldn't have to go outside at night on her own. However, the appeal of having the soothing numbness that the cold therapy would undoubtedly provide was like a siren song that couldn't be ignored.

"Please."

It was on the tip of Elliot's tongue to offer and get the ice for himself, but as though she had read his mind, a withering glance from his partner shut him up in a hurry. He thought nothing of it when Olivia took her cell phone with her for the short trip, reasoning it as an added safety measure, and not once considering that she was plotting against him for his own benefit.

Having not once thought of his own safety while staying at this motel, Elliot could do nothing but worry about his partner until she was safely back in the room. Relieved he didn't have to issue the reminder to deadbolt and chain lock the door, Elliot tried to wait patiently as Olivia prepared his ice pack, then somehow managed to rest it right on the magic spot where he was feeling the most pain. The relief was almost instantaneous, and combined with the effects of the opioid that was slowly working its way through his system, Elliot was able to believe that he might actually be able to get some sleep.

"I know you're about to drift off, but I was thinking maybe tomorrow, if you're feeling up to it, we can go out for a little bit. Nothing fancy, I'll just take you for a late breakfast at the diner across the way. Just to give housekeeping enough time to tidy up the room, then we can play the rest of the day by ear."

"Sounds good. I'm also looking forward to a shower, too. And I hope you don't mind, but I'm probably going to need your help with changing my bandages."

"Of course. I wasn't sure if you had any, but I did bring some antibacterial soap with me, too. Like the cleansing wipes I had you use earlier to freshen up, I had a bottle left over after my stitches last year."

By now, the ice had been on his ribs for a little over fifteen minutes. Not wanting to use the cold therapy excessively, Elliot placed the ice pack on the nightstand. Shifting to find the most comfortable position possible, he allowed his eyes to close, only for them to fly open again when he felt Olivia's fingers thread with his.

"I'm going to remind you of something I said to you earlier today, Elliot. Don't be a superhero. If you need anything in the middle of the night, I want you to wake me up. Even if it's just that you can't sleep and want someone to talk to, that's what I'm here for. Don't listen to that voice in your head that tells you that you have to do this on your own."

While he wanted to argue, Elliot remembered those headlines he had seen earlier. He had a very strong feeling indeed that Olivia knew all too well about what that internal voice could be like and just how persuasive it could be. He'd already tempted fate once today trying to stay locked in his own torment, and had very nearly ended up back in the hospital because of it. He still wasn't sure how he was going to explain the damages to the manager of the motel. But what he wasn't going to do was lie to his partner.

"I won't. In fact, if it's okay with you, I think I might just hold on like this for awhile."

"Hold on as long as you need. I'm not going anywhere."