"Let's tackle this logically. Things Bill focused on. Weirdmageddon, his henchmaniacs, puppets, deals….," Dipper trailed off in slight annoyance as he watched Mabel lean over and start typing "WADDLES" anyway. "Mabel, you know he's gonna tell you the best ways to butcher a pig or something, and you'll get upset-"
"OMIGOSH DIPPER A PIGGY ADOPTION SITE!," she squealed as soon as the command loaded a new website. Mabel immediately started flipping through the webpage to Dipper's displeasure.
"Mabel, I'm sure any pig you could get costs your soul or worse."
"I dunno Dipper, do these cuties look demonic to you?," she gestured to some nearby available pig pictures she pulled up.
"Even IF this site is legit, our parents will never let you get another pig. Besides, you don't want to make Waddles jealous do you?"
Mabel pouted, but reluctantly closed out of the site for the greater good of Waddles' feelings. Dipper took back over the keyboard, returning to his idea. This was McGucket's computer, perhaps he should continue with topics central to all three first, then veer off to pure Bill nonsense?
"JOURNAL 1"
"THE JOURNAL OF FUN"
"JOURNAL 2"
"THE JOURNAL FOR YOU"
"JOURNAL 3"
"THE JOURNAL FOR ME"
"Dipper that's not working."
Dipper persevered. Mabel turned her attention to the desk, grabbing the initial paper left by Ford.
"MYSTERY"
"?"
"GRAVITY FALLS"
"NEVER HEARD OF IT"
Seriously? He felt Mabel tug on his sleeve, and turned to look at her despite his mounting frustration. She pointed toward the bottom back of the paper.
"Dipper, this is one of Ford's ciphers right? What's it say?"
"Oh that? It says Ad Astra Per Aspera," at Mabel's uncomprehending look he added, "It's Latin. It means 'Through Hardship To The Stars'".
"Should we type that?"
"...Why?"
"Well Bill is Ford's super clingy ex, and they both like writing in this weird secret font. Plus he's in space hell or whatever, and there are stars in space!"
It was a ridiculous train of logic. But Mabel's silliness was correct on Pioneer Day, and if anyone could top Quentin Trembley in bizarre methods it was definitely Bill. Not like these serious guesses were getting anywhere. "AD ASTRA PER ASPERA"
He could hear Mabel's excited fist pump and whispered "yes" at being right when a page from Ford popped up. The two twins leaned in to read, but Mabel spoke up shortly, "Oh I remember this! Grunkle Ford and I had a mini adventure to Bill's statue body a few days after Weirdmageddon. We made it extra don't-come-backy with witchy stuff. Then Ford got spooked by all the weird nature around it, so I made a puppet funeral so awesome Gabe would be jealous. Look, I wrote in pink pen!"
Dipper gave a sincere smile, "I'm glad you two had such a great time even after everything. Guess all of Ford's entries are still backed up on here even with the computer's infection."
"Ooor Bill put this up hoping I'll apologize for my funeral speech, but I'm totally not sorry. Seriously, if you have to reincarnate, come back as a cute friendly animal next time instead of a creepy book or an evil triangle. Like a bird or a moth. It'll make everyone happier!," Mabel suggested to the closed book near her.
Dipper stood up determinedly, "Let's give the objects around here a more thorough look. See if you can't help me find any more codes Mabel."
The mystery twins took opposite sides of the desk. They rummaged for a few minutes before Dipper gave in to the gross idea to open the eye bottle. He told himself it was for a good cause and repressed his urge to gag as he stuck his hand in the strange liquid. When he felt paper under the eyeball, he pulled it out, careful not to touch the organ more than he had to. He unfolded it, Mabel briefly joining him to look at the dripping wet postcard in his hand, surprisingly still legible.
"Good thing he didn't ask the merpeople huh Dipper? Then neither of us would have gotten our first kiss!," joked Mabel as she returned to her search.
"Mabel reverse CPR still doesn't count. And anyway the real reason it's good he didn't ask them is because Earth would be flooded in an underwater apocalypse," argued Dipper, awkwardly refolding and dropping the card back in the bottle before corking it shut.
"Lips touching lips is a kiss! Or lips touching teeth," she added, picking up the skull and waving it teasingly in front of Dipper. Dipper shoved the skull's mouth away from his face, accidentally knocking the golden tooth loose and dislodging a small card. Mabel set the skull down as Dipper grabbed the fallen objects off the floor.
"Get out of death free card? Bill couldn't even save himself," Dipper scoffed as Mabel took the card out of his hands curiously.
"...I'm gonna swallow it."
"Please don't."