Pre-chapter Note: This chapter is quite slow and certainly not action-packed by any measure, nor does it contain vital plot elements. It is also as close to "romance" as it's going to get. So if it's not your thing, no worries, it's only an omake. Skip it.
Shinobi rarely handle boredom well. They live a fast and dangerous lifestyle, and those that survive as long as Kakashi often became almost incapable of doing nothing. And Kakashi was terribly bored. His students were off doing their own training, aside from a few sessions with Sasuke, and as an active sensei with students in the finals, Kakashi could take no missions that left the city, because he theoretically would be teaching them during that time.
So Kakashi did what he could to amuse himself.
He snuck into Morino Ibiki's office in the T&I building, and with the help of a pair of shadow clones, had glued the man's entire set of office furniture to the ceiling, down to the very last pen. And on the underside of the desk, now facing the ceiling, Kakashi planted a obviously fake explosive tag with the words "Minus Ten Points for Not Checking for Traps" scrawled across it. Anko had reported later that Ibiki had pulled the desk down, saw the note, and promptly broke the desk over his knee. She then recommended that Kakashi avoid the man for a few days, just to be safe.
He had snuck through the window of the Hokage's Office and slipped a sardine into the brim of the Hokage's official hat of office. The next day, Hiruzen had thanked Kakashi, commenting that he'd had the shortest and most productive council meeting in years, and then told him that if he ever did it again he would demote Kakashi to genin and put him on a team with one of his students as his sensei, there to do D-rank missions until Hiruzen got bored of the look on Kakashi's face when he assigned the missions.
He attached a carton of cigarettes to a fishing line and used them to lure Asuma into some bushes. The resulting picture of Asuma leaping at the quickly receding box like a madman was shown to Kurenai, who had come as close as Kakashi had ever seen to someone literally exploding in anger. When she dragged him along to confront Asuma about breaking his bet, Asuma had tried to explain. When that failed and Kurenai stormed off, he had sighed, accepted defeat, and opened the carton to at least have a smoke.
The explosion of spring-loaded paper snakes had been impressive, mostly because Kakashi had spent days making them and sealing them into the storage tag that he'd stuffed into the empty box. The force and mass of the snakes lifted Asuma off of his feet and left him prone under a pile of them nearly three feet deep. Asuma had let out a sigh of mild aggravation and stayed there, hoping Kakashi had gotten it out of his system. Then the camera clicked, and he was up and running.
After the resulting chase, which had involved no less than three broken carts, two broken windows, an entire wagon of cabbages, a trip to the hospital for minor burns, and a great deal of browbeating by the Hokage, which was only partially effective after Kakashi showed him the picture of his son under the pile, the two had shook hands and made up.
The next morning, Asuma opened his bedroom door to find his hallway filled with snakes.
Each snake had a tiny paper cigarette hanging out of its mouth.
Asuma did the only thing he could do. He threw someone else under the bus.
"You know, Guy still has not worn that spandex outfit like he promised. Why don't you go bother him today?"
Kakashi and Anko sat on a bench in the park. There were three disposable cameras, a box of wheat flakes, a plate of dango, and an escape plan between the two of them. It was going to be a good day.
Better than the one time with the noble in the bar who had listened to Kakashi's advice and grabbed Anko's butt.
Better than the one time Anko had henged into Kakashi, streaked through the women's side of an onsen, and then ran out just as the real Kakashi happened to be walking by.
Even better than the one time with the tube of toothpaste and the flammable oil, and that was hard to beat. Ebisu's hair was still patchy, even months later.
They looked so happy and amused that when Kurenai walked into the park, she decided something was going on that might be worth watching. She walked up to them, and they both waved cheerfully, Kakashi's jaw working furiously as he ate his flakes. "You still haven't seen how he does it, have you?" Kurenai asked, glaring at Kakashi's mask.
"Nope," said Anko cheerfully.
Kurenai shook her head and leaned down between them from behind the bench. "So," she asked quietly, "What's the occasion?"
Anko grinned. "Kakashi called in his marker on Guy today. Guy tried to welch on his bet, claiming it was a bad day for it, but Kakashi insisted."
Kurenai's face went even paler than normal, and she hung her head. "Of course he did." She let out a sigh and lifted her head to glare at Kakashi, her eyes ferocious. "You seriously need to tell us about this shit before you do it, Kakashi."
"Why?" he mumbled around his snack.
"Remember that civilian security guard from the preliminaries? The one I told you had a thing for Guy?"
Kakashi and Anko shared a look of concern, and Kakashi nodded.
Kurenai sighed and pointed towards the other end of the park, where Shimura Mioki was standing and looking around nervously. The woman had a black civilian styled dress on, and Kakashi could make out the occasional glint of light reflecting from her neck and ears, implying jewelry.
"I set her up for a date with Guy today..."
Kakashi froze.
".. and neither of them know it," Kurenai finished.
Anko started to choke on her dango, snorting heavily as she tried to inhale, eat, and laugh uproariously at the same time. Kakashi meanwhile turned his head away, and after a brief moment of spitting, turned back to face the two girls. "You did what?" he asked, shock evident in his voice.
Kurenai winced. "I… got the okay from the Hokage to set up a mission, to escort a woman around town and help her with whatever she needed. I paid for it out of pool we had going on when he would get a date, as everyone has lost the bet by now."
Anko coughed and let out a rough giggle. "Hokage-sama approved of this?"
Kurenai shook her head. "He very much disapproved… officially. Unofficially… he may have laughed a little."
Kakashi gave her a look.
"Fine, a lot. Not the point. I figured the meathead would probably never get around to having a relationship. He's a nice guy, I figured, what would be the harm? So I made a mission out of it, paid enough to request a specific shinobi of his level, and then left a note for Shimura-san indicating that he'd like to spend the day with her."
Kurenai looked at Kakashi, her voice pleading. "Tell me he wouldn't wear it around a customer. Please tell me your bet had a subclause to cover that."
Kakashi remained silent.
"... Damn."
Anko started to snort again, clasping her hands over her mouth and kicking her feet in an effort to restrain her own childlike mirth. Kakashi could not find it in himself to laugh, however. This was going to be a disaster. Guy, for all his good traits, had very little experience when it came to… well, anything not related to being a shinobi. And he was going to show up, in the outfit Kakashi had picked out for him, for a date he didn't even know was a date, with a civilian woman who didn't know it was not a date.
This is going to be a disaster, he thought over and over, his mind gone numb.
Anko reached out to grab a spare disposable camera, turned, and snapped a picture of the two jonin next to her, the flash barely registering to them in their current state. She then cranked the little wheel to advance the film for the next picture and settled down to watch for Guy. "This is going to be great," she said gleefully as she reached for another stick of dango.
Mioki waited nervously by a statue of a turtle in the park, like the note had said.
It was all Kurenai's idea, of course. The two had struck a chord while watching the pink-haired girl's exam, and once the day was done, had invited her along to the bar where the jonin had retired to either celebrate their victory or drown their defeat. Still shocked by the close contact to the heroes of her generation, and by the apparent approval of the Hokage when he noticed her watching him steal the tape of the fight judging by the wink he gave her, she had accepted. And that night, she had learned an important lesson.
Shinobi are people.
In hindsight, it was a stupid lesson, which made it all the more meaningful when she realized it. For all their power and prestige and strength, each and every one of them was a person first and foremost. Hatake-san was polite but quiet, and spent most of the night watching others drink, throwing out the occasional barbed joke or amusing aside. Sarutobi-san, Kurenai's boyfriend, was a cheerful fellow with an easy smile, at least until Kakashi had snatched the cigarette from the bearded jonin's mouth and reminded him of the bet. And Maito-san was…
… Words always failed her at this point. Guy was definitely an odd person, there was no question. Nothing was done passively with him. Every drink became a drinking contest, every joke earned a deep laugh, every smile or comment earned a thumbs-up of approval. He was so earnest, so open, that he made the world around him a brighter place. It was so different from her own clan, which was so immersed in the shinobi lifestyle that no conversation between them could avoid hidden messages and secrets. It was refreshing to have such an honest person around, and she enjoyed his company most of all, and not just for the view.
Unfortunately, Kurenai had noticed this, and in the intervening weeks, whenever they met up for a drink or a meal, Guy always just happened to pass by, wherever they were, and what man could walk by a friend and not greet them? Mioki had feared her face might be permanently red, between his visitations and Kurenai's jokes afterwards.
Then, a note appeared on her door one morning.
Mioki did not see herself as a romantic woman. She lived in a clan that was not all that good at expressing those sorts of emotions, and worked a job that involved viewing some of the worst bits of humanity. Neither encouraged the sort of personality that reads romance novels and dreams of daring princes. But that note had been romance personified. It had been written in long, delicate cursive, as if each word was a work of art. It was eloquent, and warm, and in all the right places, possibly even hot. It had definitely not been stuffed into her sock drawer to be cherished and reread whenever the owner felt down. And it had asked for her to show up for a date, where anything she wanted could be hers.
It was too good to be true.
Mioki worked in Security. Things too good to be true usually weren't. She had taken the note to Kurenai, the only woman she knew who would probably only laugh a little at her predicament, and had the shinobi look it over. Kurenai shrugged and said, "Well, I've never know Guy to write a romantic love letter, but considering the effort he puts into everything else he does, I would not be surprised if this was the result."
It would not be until weeks later that Mioki realized she should have been more suspicious at the casual dismissal of her concerns.
And now she was nervous, terribly nervous, because this was not her sort of thing. She understood the premise of dating and the like, and have even tried it a few times when she was younger. She quickly discovered that the world of dating was filled with rules that made no sense. Dress codes, behavior limitations, carefully constructed falsehoods to make your way past the first few dates so that maybe they won't dislike who you really are when they find out. Maybe she just wanted to wear a simple pants and shirt combo and go to a junk food place instead of some fancy restaurant for bozos with more money than taste in the somewhat fancy getup she wore to funerals because she had no reason in her day-to-day life to own a dress?
And here she was, in a borrowed dress, with borrowed makeup and borrowed jewelry and borrowed heels to match, waiting for a man to show up in the same sort of fake finery, doing the same song and dance she always swore she'd avoid. This is going to be a disaster, she kept thinking to herself. Only the memory of a very nice view and Kurenai's word that he was a good guy to boot kept her from simply going home to some television and potato chips.
I'm not that young. Maybe he's worth it. Must make a good impression!
She looked around again, briefly spotting what might have been Kakashi's shock of gray hair down on the other end of the park, but when she turned to look the other way she immediately forgot everything else, because she saw Guy jogging down the path towards her. When he noticed her watching, he gave her a beaming grin and vanished, appearing before her in a blur, the air currents in his passing bringing with them a musky scent that Mioki tried dreadfully hard to ignore.
She gave him a bow, which he returned. Her eyes went down. Her eyes went up, right along with her blood pressure as her face began to turn beat red.
He's wearing SPANDEX!
There were no doubts about his manly attributes in her mind any more, because there was nowhere to hide those doubts in that suit. It was the same color as his normal suit, but instead of a comfortable and thick fabric, it was thin and delightfully (shutup!) clingy. Every muscle, every chiseled ab, every… lump… was defined perfectly under the skin-tight suit.
Mioki was caught between wanting to warn him how it looked, and keeping quiet so she could enjoy the view while it lasted.
Guy noticed her hesitation and gave her a big smile. "It is good to see you, Shimura-sama. I hope you are ready for an incredible day, seeing all the wonders of Konohagakure that you might desire. That is my only goal for the day! And if I fail, I shall do one thousand pushups on one arm in apology!" He gave her a Nice Guy Pose #22 With Manly Flex and Bishie Sparkle. Apparently he did well, because the client was speechless. The mission had been very clear. The client wanted the services of the Maito Guy, and told him that his youthful personality was vital to the mission. It made little sense to him, but Guy was a shinobi, and even such a small thing could make or break a mission.
Hundreds of feet away, Anko aimed her camera carefully and cackled to herself as she snapped the picture. Kakashi and Kurenai at least had the dignity to look away.
It took Mioki a moment to realize that Guy was talking to her, and she blinked rapidly before giving him a slightly tremulous smile. "I am sorry, Maito-san, what did you say?"
Guy smiled. He was not unused to people being thrown off when he pulled out all of his youth for them. "I asked where you would like to go first, Shimura-san. My students have been given their own duties, so I am at your disposal, straight to tomorrow morning if need be!" He was slightly worried for the woman, truth be told, as she was showing some signs of overexertion. He skin was very red, and if he remembered right, it was usually a little paler.
"Right… right." She took a few quiet breaths and did her best not to look anywhere but into his eyes, his big, soulful ey- Dammit! Focus! "I was thinking, maybe something to eat before we move on?" Surely that would be a safe move, with a nice, thick, completely opaque table between them to help her regain her composure.
"Of course, Shimura-san! What do you want to fill yourself with to fuel the rest of this youthful day?"
Hundreds of feet away, Kurenai began performing the Heimlich maneuver on Anko, who was unfortunate enough to have a mouth full of dango when she heard that line.
Mioki trembled slightly, but she managed to keep the smile on her face. He… he can't be doing that by accident, surely, she thought. But he made no indication that he was joking, or even aware of what he had just said. He just stood there with the same air of complete innocence and exuberance he always had. Her mind occupied by her own jumbled thoughts, she said the first thing that came to mind.
"Your choice."
Guy's smile only grew bigger as he reached out for her hand. "I know just the place to give us all the energy we'll need today!" Mioki reached out and took his hand, and was surprised by two things. The first was that his hands were strong like she expected, but remarkably smooth and well-cared for, unlike the calloused roughness she had expected. The second was that the phrase "sweep her off her feet" was apparently not a euphemism, because the moment she took his hand, he swept her up into her arms and grinned.
"There is no time to waste on such a youthful day! Allow me to get us there at shinobi speeds, Shimura-san!"
Anko pulled herself up by the bench legs from where she had fallen over, between the choking and the laughter. "Come on," she gasped, grabbing Kakashi's shirt and pulling on him. "We are following this!"
Kakashi raised his hands. "Maah, maah, let them be, Anko. They're both so awkward at this. Let them suffer each other's company in peace."
Anko gave him a glare and punched him hard on the shoulder. "We're following them! I can't miss this, and it won't be the same without you there to suffer for it at the same time! It would be like dango without green tea! You're coming or I'll never speak to you again!" When Kakashi looked thoughtful at this, Anko smirked. "Note that I did not say you would never see me again," she said, a hint of menace creeping into her voice. "You'll see a lot of me. Especially in your apartment while you're trying to sleep. There still is a bounty in ANBU, you know."
Kakashi hung his head while Anko raised her arms and whooped in victory before leaping for the nearest building to follow the receding screams as Mioki experienced rooftop travel for the first time. Next to him, Kurenai chuckled. "Looks like Guy's not the only one getting his first date tonight," she said gleefully.
She was gone before Kakashi even managed to get the appropriate finger up.
Mioki was deeply regretting her words.
Guy had brought them to a small food stand, just a shop front with several stools along a bar, behind which the cook was making something in large bowls that had an incredibly strong smell wafting from them. The moment Guy had arrived, the chef had grunted, reached over to a nearby shelf, pulled down a large box of some sort of red powder, and started dumping it liberally into the bowl. The smell only intensified.
Guy put his fists on his hips and stood proudly before the stand, gazing at it lovingly. "This is Rhama's House of Curry, and whenever possible, I come here for my meals. Nothing makes you feel alive like Rhama's Curry!"
Mioki had expected that to be some sort of slogan, some sing-song chintzy advertisement, but of course, it was no such thing. Guy said it with simple honesty, as if it was some profound truth in life. Mioki leaned over to the counter and gave a short bow to the chef. The chef grunted and nodded his head, then poured more of the red powder into his bowl. Mioki stepped back a bit, put off by the cook's lack of social skills, just in time for Gai to sit on one of the stools.
The stool did some very interesting things to his posterior.
Mioki quickly took a seat before she could look any closer.
"One Embracing Rice Curry for me, Sal!"
Sal grunted, then glanced at Mioki, who was looking around desperately for some sort of menu. His stare was slightly upsetting. It was not aggressive, or even unpleasant. There was no emotional content whatsoever. He simply stared at her, as if he would continue to do so until she gave her order, even if she left and never returned. She wilted slightly under the man's gaze and said, "The same, please."
"YOSH!" Guy shouted, pumping his fist. "Not once has anyone partaken of the Embracing Curry, not even Kakashi! Even Lee turns away from it for now! Truly, you are a wondrous person, Shimura-san!"
She blushed slightly and started to thank him for the compliment, but Sal took that moment to drop two bowls on the counter and slide them over to the two visitors. Guy leaned over and took a deep breath, and Mioki decided to imitate him. Then she noticed that the moment her face was directly over the bowl her eyes began burning and decided to forgo that ritual. She turned and watched as Guy pulled a silver spoon out from his pouch and proceeded to scoop up a remarkably tiny amount of curry and delicately place it in his mouth.
Mioki watched as tears rolled down Guy's face, his jaws clenched tight, with a large and terribly incongruous smile on his face. His face slowly turned red and sweat beaded on his forehead before he finally managed to swallow.
Mioki made a face as she looked at her own dish, then at Guy when he held up the silver spoon. "The Embracing Curry is a thing of life," he said cheerfully, his breath washing over her and making her lips tingle by the barest hint of spice on it. "When you eat it, you cannot deny that you are alive! Each searing moment reminds you that you will soon have a cooling drink to ease the pain! That is how one makes it through dark times with one's youth intact!"
Mioki reached out a trembling hand and took the spoon from Guy, who nodded encouragingly, a warm spark in his eyes. She tipped her bowl slightly, causing the thick sauce and rice within to let out an unappetizing 'blorp' as it resettled, and dipped the very tip of the spoon into the curry. She looked at it tentatively, and for a moment, she swore she saw it trying to crawl up the spoon.
You never know until you try, she lied to herself, before raising the spoon to her face and giving it a single tentative lick.
She had to admit, after she finished drinking as much water as she could hold and running in a circle a few times screaming in terror as she suffered the disturbing if thankfully illusionary sensation of the curry melting her face off, the stuff really was quite good, and it certainly made her feel alive when the burning was replaced by pained numbness. And it didn't hurt that during her panicked drinking and running, Guy had cheered her on with just as much honest enthusiasm and good will that he'd shown for everything else.
Across the street, perched on the roof of a bakery, Kakashi gaped at the scene below.
The civilian had tasted the Curry of Death.
The civilian had tasted the Curry of Death.
Kakashi would not do it. Lee would not do it. Every member of ANBU that Kakashi had ever known had flat out refused to do it without a direct order from the Hokage himself. They had managed to secure a written promise that he would never do it again, which Hiruzen had quite readily signed after what happened to Gator, the shinobi who took one for the team when the Hokage had caught wind of a plot to poison the jonin of the village and decided to have them taste test their food.
Poor man was three days from retiring too.
Nobody but Guy ever tasted the Curry of Death.
Kakashi hid his eyes, unable to watch, but a sick fascination caused him to ask Anko, who was sitting next to him with her binoculars up and camera in hand, "What… what's happening now?"
Anko pulled down the binoculars and leaned back, a look of genuine concern on her face.
"She's giving it another taste…"
"Yosh," said Guy as they left the Curry stand, "truly that was a sight to behold! I am deeply enthused to meet another person who ate of the Embracing Curry!"
Mioki flushed slightly, partially under the praise, and partially under the effects of the curry. "It was only a single spoonful," she mumbled.
Guy nodded and gave her a thumbs up. "That is one more spoonful than anyone else I have ever met, and only one spoonful less than my record!" He looked around the area, arms on hips. "We have prepared for the day, Shimura-san! What shall we do with each other now?"
Mioki very carefully ignored the sound of laughter she thought she heard from somewhere across the street and smiled. "I don't know. I don't usually get a chance to do this. I think tradition dictates that we go see a movie or something like that."
"Right," Guy said, grasping her arm.
"No, wait, let's wallllllllllllll-"
Mioki patted her hair back into place and tried to stay upright despite her wobbling knees. She blinked a few times, willing her vision to stop wavering, and tried to read the titles that were being shown that day. Unknown to her, across the street and sitting quietly at a streetwalk cafe and under a henge, Kakashi and Anko were placing bets on what movie the odd couple would see.
"We could go see 'Dozen Things I Mildly Dislike About You', Maito-san. I hear it's had great reviews, really quite romantic." Oh goody, she thought to herself. She was not a fan of the genre. Her life was full of enough social awkwardness and thorny problems with prickly people. Watching someone do a very good job of being painfully human was not the way she wanted to spend the day, but it was a date. There were rules. She glanced at Guy, whose smile had taken an odd, almost wooden cast as he nodded in agreement without saying a word, and she blinked. He's a male who apparently lives his life in exercise clothing and who makes everything a challenge for himself. Why the hell would he want to see that shit? Why would I want to see it?
Screw this!
She scanned the board again, and then she saw it. She knew she didn't even need to ask, but she did anyhow.
"Would you rather see the new Robert Lee movie? I read that they spent more than a million ryo on explosions alone."
It was like watching a kid open a holiday gift and getting something even better than they had asked for. A big, muscular kid with huge eyebrows, she thought as he stepped up to the ticket counter with a big grin on his face, but the metaphor still works. It didn't hurt that she was grinning along with him. It's not like she hadn't planned on seeing it anyhow…
And across the street, Kakashi collected from Anko with a big, cheerful smile clearly visible even through his mask.
Guy and Mioki walked out of the theater laughing.
Mioki had expected Guy to be deeply entrenched in the action-packed martial arts film, and had been pleasantly surprised when he leaned in to talk with her instead. They had discussed the classic movies and more recent works of Robert Lee, wire fighting techniques and special effects. At one point, Guy had scoffed at a particular move, and had described watching a genin try to do the same move during an exam, ultimately dislocating his hip and disqualifying his team. Mioki had laughed and told him about a coworker who thought he could punch through a door, and about how the door won.
Guy told her about the first time he punched a tree, and how long he was in the hospital.
Mioki told him about the time a coworker challenged her to a fight, and about the picture of him crying in the grip of her armbar that graced her desk to this day.
By the end of the movie, she had no idea what the plot was about. She didn't care, and it looked like he didn't either.
"So, where to next?" she asked cheerfully, looking around. The air was beginning to cool slightly, the shadows growing as sunset approached. "You've let me pick last, now you pick. Whatever it is you really want to do, let's go do it." She blushed slightly when she thought she heard the laughter again, but she clenched her fists and willed herself to relax.
Guy paused for a second, glancing at his feet with his chin in his hand, before he smiled and smacked that hand into the other. "I know just the place, the best place in Konohagakure for this time of day, a place everyone should see but few ever visit! Come with me!" He reached for her arm, than stopped, suddenly remembering how she had reacted the last few times, before offering the crook of his arm instead.
Mioki took a step forward then stumbled painfully, crashing into him and grabbing his arm for support. "Hold on a second," she said, "or I'm going to kill myself with these." She hobbled over to a trash can and raised her foot to slip off one of her borrowed heels. She inspected it carefully, then smacked it over the rim of the can a few times until the heel fell off before slipping it back on and testing it. She then grunted and removed both shoes before tossing them in the garbage. As it turned out, removing the heel did not make the shoe serviceable. Impractical garbage.
Serves her right, she thought with a touch of unkind but heartfelt glee, she's the one who talked me into wearing them...
Standing in the Hokage's office discussing some of the training techniques she and Kakashi had been designing, right in front of Hiruzen and a few fellow jonin, Kurenai sneezed suddenly and loudly, depositing a large and unsightly glob on the paper she was holding and drawing every eye in the room to it.
Mioki sighed while stretching her feet on the pavement, happy to be rid of the damned shoes. She turned back to Guy, only to see him squatting awkwardly with his back to her. Had it been anyone else, she might have been confused or worried, but this was Guy. She was sure it would make sense, at least for him. "What are you doing," she asked with an amused smile.
"You have no shoes, and you're on a public road," he replied in the same earnest voice as always while he shuffled slightly. "Even a well maintained road can have all sorts of sharp objects. I will carry you the rest of the day. To do anything less would be unyouthful!"
A little part of her wanted to argue that it was very undignified. Another part of her admitted that he had a point, and unless she wanted a tetanus shot tomorrow, she should go along with it. A third and much larger part of her really wanted to piggyback on a shinobi, if only to be able to tell her coworkers about it later. She took a step forward, then looked down at where her borrowed dress was hemmed, binding her knees and upper legs together. "Okay," she said cheerfully, "but I need to borrow a kunai first…"
In the Hokage's office, sitting in the back with her face still blazing red with embarrassment, Kurenai sneezed again and was mortified when Choza Akimichi distractedly reached up behind his head and put his hand in it…
After a few moments of thought and a couple ripping noises, Mioki shook her legs and inspected the slits she had made. Yeah, I'll have to replace the dress, but to hell with it. She then turned back to Guy and hopped onto his back. In a moment of weakness, high on the pleasure of getting rid of those damned shoes, Mioki stuck her arm out as if wielding a saber in her hand and loudly shouted, "Tally ho!"
She immediately blushed and started to stammer an apology.
Then Guy gave an amused snort that seemed awfully horse-like to her ears and took off running.
Standing on the roof of the movie theater, Anko squatted down and wiggled her back end, her trench coat flapping out as if it was a set of long but dull plumage. "Come, my beautiful Kakashi-san! I can't have you bruise your delicate feet! Mount me!"
Kakashi laughed. That didn't stop him from giving her a friendly nudge off of the roof, but he did laugh.
Mioki was quite impressed.
Guy had run all the way to the other end of town and up a long series of stairs set into the cliff to bring them out on the mountain above the Hokage Monument, just as the sun began to set. Mioki was not inclined to stare at the wonder of nature in all of its glory, but she could definitely appreciate the view of her home city, shining in the warm orange light as the last of the day passed by.
"This is the end of my route each day when I am training," Guy said. He was not shouting, nor was he being particularly boisterous. In truth, when Mioki turned to look at him, he was looking down into the city, his eyes shimmering, and he spoke with pride in his voice. "Here, I can look down on my home and all of its people, and remind myself why I do my duty."
That's so…
"It also gets a very nice breeze most of the time, which is a blessing after a long day of exercise."
... Never mind.
The spell broken, Mioki smiled and turned back to watching the sunlight fade from Konohagakure. Romance is overrated anyhow.
Mioki was given the choice of dinner, and they gravitated to a ramen stand near her home. She wasn't sure why the owner was giving Guy such an odd look, but he was friendly enough to her, and once they ordered, he set to work with his customary efficiency.
"You know," Mioki said cheerfully, "I almost walked away from this today."
Guy looked at her, slightly befuddled.
She reached out and patted his hand. "Really. I was worried about how you'd react, and how you would act. I thought you were going to show up in a suit and act all…" she waved her hands about slightly. "Not like yourself. I actually wore this stupid dress because I thought I should do the same thing, as if it was important." She smiled at him. "Thanks for not being a faker. This is the best time I've had in ages."
Guy nodded cheerfully. "Happy to, Shimura-san. Always happy to do my duty to the customer's satisfaction."
The ramen man dropped off their order, giving Mioki enough time to work through her shock. "The customer?" she asked.
Guy nodded and dug into his ramen. "Yes," he replied in the same dreadfully earnest voice. "I was a little surprised at how much you paid Hokage-sama for me to show you around town, and even more so that you asked for me by name, but who better to give such a youthful view of our city than Konohagakure's Wild Green Beast?"
Mioki mechanically picked at her meal with her chopsticks, at a loss for words. It really was an act, she thought. The whole thing was a show. He was just playing himself up. No wonder he was being so oddly formal when he addressed me. Wait… "Maito-san, do you have a copy of your orders?"
Guy nodded and reached into his pouch, then handed over a small copy of his mission contract. Mioki opened the scroll and started reading rapidly, her eyes scanning the details before being inevitably drawn to the space where the person who had requested the contract had signed their name.
"I'm going to kill her," she said, dropping the scroll and picking up her chopsticks. She stuffed some of the ramen into her face and chomped heavily on it, swallowing a large mouthful. "I'm going to kill her," she said again. She turned and looked at the owner of the stand, smiling and saying, "Hey, Teuchi-san, the ramen is really good today." She ate another angry mouthful and swallowed. "I'm going to kill her."
Guy leaned forward, slightly concerned. Mioki did not strike him as an aggressive person, and yet despite her lack of shinobi training, he could feel a little killing intent coming off of her. "What is wrong, Shimura-san?"
Mioki put down her chopsticks and grunted. "Can I call you Guy, Maito-san?"
He nodded, scooping some ramen into his own mouth. Some customers preferred to use his first name, it was hardly a problem.
"This was presented to me as a date," she said, tapping her fingers on the counter in a rhythmic manner. "I didn't hire you, which you'd see if you check the appropriate spot on the contract. Kurenai did. So I am going to quietly eat my meal, go home, and get some rest, so tomorrow I can wake up bright and fresh and figure out how to kill a jonin. Preferably painfully."
Guy had paused, noodles still hanging out of his mouth and his brow furrowed. Mioki figured he was processing the idea that she was threatening to kill a colleague, which was certainly a crime. He'd probably have to report this to the Hokage, so Mioki would have to work fast if she…
Noodles still hanging out of his mouth, a look of confused shock on his face, Guy straightened up on his stool and mumbled, "This was a date?"
"It's not funny, Anko," Kakashi said.
"C'mon, why not?" Anko was grinning like crazy. Her pockets were full of cameras ready to be processed, and when she was done, the pictures were going to be everywhere.
"Because Shimura-san is angry at a shinobi she knows is part of our social group."
Anko shrugged.
"And Shimura-san is in the civilian security service."
Anko made a rather rude dismissive noise.
"The service with all of the security cameras."
Anko's grin froze as she began to catch on.
"That probably recorded us watching her all day during this farce."
The grin dropped slightly.
"And you forgot she was promoted because she actually noticed the Hokage stealing the tape from Haruno Sakura's preliminary match, so she's actually in charge of those cameras."
Anko frowned slightly.
"And she has the power to invoke fines for petty crime, like threatening civilians with death when they anger you at the bars you frequent, a minor technicality previously overlooked by her understanding predecessor."
Anko's frown dropped even lower.
"And she is a distant relation to Danzo-sama."
Anko looked horrified.
And while she was frozen with that thought, Kakashi calmly pulled one edge of his mask down to reveal slightly more of his face than usual, leaned in close to her, and held out the camera in front of them. The click of the shutter was deafening in the silence.
Shinobi rarely handle boredom well.
It was a somber walk back to Mioki's house.
He had offered to carry her the rest of the way. She had quietly insisted that she could walk. Viewed through the lens of a shinobi doing his sworn duty to serve a customer, a lot of what had happened was a great deal less amusing to her. I rode him like a draft animal! That was one story that was definitely not making the rounds now.
When they arrived, she turned to say goodnight and saw Guy standing awkwardly, shuffling his feet and looking at the ground. She let out a sigh and smiled a little. Maybe he was being himself. Kami knows he seems to have no talent for hiding his feelings.
"You really didn't know what was happening, did you?"
Guy shook his head.
"How much of this was an act?" Mioki asked.
Guy gave her a weak smile. "The instructions did say to be myself, Shimura-san. Sorry about that." His voice descended into a mumble. "Not exactly classy of me."
Mioki nodded to herself, then leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. She pulled back and gave him a smile, even if it was smaller than before. "Maybe we can try this again, without the mission? And when we do, we'll both be ourselves again. It seemed to work out best that way, yeah?"
Guy's look of surprise quickly turned into a smile, and like magic, Guy came to life. He stood up straight and gave her the big guns, the Maito Guy Special #1 Pose with Bishie Sparkle, Tooth Bling, and Crashing Waves on Backdrop with Stirring Musical Score and Background Choir Singing His Theme for Dramatic Accompaniment.
Stumbling back under the force of his pose, Mioki smiled and assumed the answer was a yes.
In the bushes, Anko smacked Kakashi in the back of the head. "Dammit, Kakashi, why did you used the last piece of film!"
Author's Note: The punchline I originally had planned did not work out, so this chapter is not as gutwrenchingly amusing as I had hoped. Hopefully you got a giggle or two. On the plus side, the setup for a future omake is going to pay off so good now. It has something to do with that last picture...
Next chapter, Team Seven returns home, the Kazekage arrives for the beginning of the finals, and I take the rails that are made of canon and snap them over my knee like they were kindling.
Updates will probably be biweekly at best in the future. Short version: Pills working out great, less desperate to stay awake, so less writing. Sorry, but not too sorry.
I was glad to note that the whole Sasuke Hive thing was quite contentious, in a polite sort of way (thanks for the polite bit, by the way.) For those who bother to read these, my reasoning was that certain clans, those who seem to have less of a noble bent, would probably be less resistant to the idea of teaching outsiders when there is benefit for all. Just as Sakura was accepted for her skill and effort in improving Kiba's technique, Sasuke was accepted for the opportunity to observe and study a rare occurrence, that of a hive being implanted into someone not genetically predisposed for one.
I was also glad to note that the reaction to my version of Jiraiya was quite well received. I did a lot of research (no pun intended) on his earlier appearances before writing that piece, and in doing so, I felt he got way too little respect or credit from those around him, and he was pushing the pervert angle REALLY hard. Almost too hard (stop snickering!)
Oh.. and for those of you wondering, don't worry, Kurama will come up in the near future. And if you liked my version of Jiraiya, I suspect you'll like him too.
Thanks to an Anon going by BoredMan, OEFOW now has an entry in the Naruto Fic Rec section on TVTropes. Thanks, (presumed) man! I am currently working on the Tropes page, but if you're a troper and one stands out in your mind, feel free to stop by and add it if you like.
Thanks to Pom Rania for the beta read. I greatly appreciate it. Pom actually deluged the story with reviews, and many of the pointed out small yet painful errors. I am, as always, grateful.
depressedchildren mentioned disappointment that more detail was not put into Sakura's hard work and suffering while climbing the mountain. I reviewed and agreed, so I added a little more detail. Thanks.
KasonSama asked how Sasuke's hive might mix with the Chidori. It will come up, and it will be plot relevant… well, unless the story doesn't work out as planned, but that one I am fairly certain will make it.
An anon going by Human pointed out a mild problem with Hinata's injury and how it would work, so I updated that section to match the medical data. Thanks!
AlexDnD, during one of his many reviews (thanks for that) mentioned that Hiruzen should have known more about seals when it came to Sasuke. I point out that the seal is an unknown, unlike in canon where it matched Anko's known seal, and even in canon, Kakashi (student of Minato) is the one to place the counter seal. Also, Hiruzen is depicted as a fairly good leader, and a good leader knows how to delegate. Even if he knew more than they did, it's good to get confirmation to double check your own understanding.
An Anon (no pseudonym) mentions that the Uchiha would know about cats, having a clan of nin-neko at their beck and call. In my research, I found nothing that indicated they were linked on any level other than social, although I am willing to be wrong if the show gave detail I could not find. But either way, filler, so ehhhh, I decided to meet it half way. The previous connection with the Uchiha may come up eventually.
Mika the Raven mentioned me in a favorable light alongside the likes of Kenchi618. Thank you for that, as I enjoy some of their works a great deal.
Aki no hikari pointed out one of the most painfully stupid errors I have ever made. I STILL have Kieri's name messed up in some chapters. *facepalm* Well, working on weeding them out. Thanks for that!
narutopsykoz argues that in the Shino vs Sakura fight, he should never have left the arena, because it would make no sense for him to pursue her. In a normal defensive mission, I would agree fully, but during an exam where your only goal is to beat your foe, backing out or refusing to push forward just because your opponent did something unexpected is a fast ticket to a lifetime of d-ranks. I also point out, he did at least get confirmation from the Hokage before moving on, which is a mark in his favor.
An anon going by Littleditto mentioned I called the owner of Tora "Madamu Shijimi." That was, in truth, an error. When I looked her up to check the name, I did not read the english version too closely, and did not realize that was a translation of a title instead of a name. I may go back and change it later.
Finally, thanks to Cute Kirby for pointing out that at least I have not fallen victim to Godwin's Law. Those of you not in the know, this is a great opportunity to check out the TVTropes website. Seriously. Every writer and possibly every reader should know the site. And yeah, last chapter was indeed rather uneventful, as was this one, but that's ok, next chapter is going to be plenty eventful.