I know, I know… "Laughing," I hear you say, "don't you have another RWBY and DD crossover you could be working on?"
Yes, I do… Buuut… I don't think my skills as a writer are up to the task of continuing that one yet. So, I've got a little something here for all my fellow DD needs out there. If you've seen the 1983 Dungeons and Dragons cartoon and throw in some Conan the Barbarian, you'll pretty much know the plot of this story.
So, with that out of the way, let's get down to it.
I own nothing!!!
"Hey look! A Dungeons and Dragons ride!" A short girl with black and crimson hair with silver eyes pointed out. This was Ruby Rose, leader of Team RWBY at Beacon Academy, and my first friend here. Oh, and she also happens to be a living fairytale now. How? Funny story actually…
I don't really remember much of what happened because I sort of blacked out after unlocking my Semblance, but a few months ago, a group of super villain wannabes launched an attack on Beacon during the Vytal Festival to steal the magic powers of the previous Fall Maiden located under the school. One thing led to another, they failed, and Ruby is the new Fall Maiden.
Yeah… I'm serious. You can't make this crap up!
Anyways, the City of Vale was now MOSTLY restored to its former glory and a few of us decided to check out the new amusement park after getting free passes for being Beacon students that aided in the defense of the city. And it probably had something to do with them wanting Pyrrha's celebrity endorsement…
Back to the coaster in question, it certainly looked… Intense… A great red dragon was perched above a castle with its mouth wide open acting as an entrance of sorts. Its nostrils were spouting flames. Not the special effects flimsy fake flames. Actual fire.
Yeah… Nope. As much as I love DD, I am NOT getting on board that death trap. Everyone else seemed eager to give it ago. Unfortunately, as the only one responsible yet fun-loving enough (looking at you, Weiss), I was the one with everyone's passes.
"Ooh! Ooh! We should give it a go! I wanna see that dragon's innards!" The most excitable member of my team, Nora, begged while giving me her best puppy dog eyes. Ruby joined with her shimmering silver eyes.
Even Neo and Velvet joined the pair.
Unfortunately for the four of them, I grew up with SEVEN sisters. So I was pretty much immune to the puppy dog eyes. Or bunny beggars in Velvet's case.
Velvet was only here with us instead of her team because they all were busy with other things and she had nothing better to do.
Neo, on the other hand, was a different matter altogether.
Now you might be (rightfully) asking, "Jaune, why is there a potentially psychotic pint-sized ice cream themed criminal doing in your friend group?"
Well… I can read and use sign language. And because of that, I'm APPARENTLY the best person to act as her parole officer after she turned herself in. To me. Your guess is as good as mine as to why I'm the only person she's willing to listen to. But hey, she's behaved herself extraordinarily well, so I'm not complaining.
Unlike Yang. But she's just mad about how Neo kicked her butt a while back.
The only other person who initially was against Neo's presence was (understandably) my girlfriend, Blake. To make a long story short about how THAT happened, I accidentally got some apple pie on my face and Blake helped clean me off. With her tongue. Yeah… Apparently, on top of the fact that there's some obscure law in the Valean Constitution making the old "I licked it, so it's mine" thing legally sound, it also happens to be how faunus women stake their claim on mates.
Why she picked me over Sun, who had been riding on her coat tails since they met, is beyond me. But once again, I am NOT complaining. Even if I was still suffering some whiplash from how quick she went from licking my face to… "other" parts of my body…
In the end, I'm just glad Blake has settled down around Neo. Even if Neo does seem a tad jumpy around my surprisingly extremely affectionate girlfriend.
That being said, I am NOT immune to "The Pleading Kitten Face" Blake was currently giving me.
Being the good government mandated boyfriend that I was, I was forced to relent. Besides, I've been cured of my motion sickness ever since Pyrrha unlocked my Aura.
"You're lucky I can't say 'no' to that face…" I muttered, earning a smile and peck on the cheek from Blake. "I guess it'll be okay… But if I hurl, I'm not the one responsible for it. And Velvet better not take any pictures if that happens. Okay?"
And so, we got in line and prepared for another lunch-threatening ride. What could possibly go wrong?
As I was about to find out, a lot of things could and would go wrong after this decision.
…
"Uuuhrhgh… My head…" A solid throbbing in the ol' brain box woke me up. Looking around to gather my bearings, I found myself to be in a cave of some sort. Thankfully, I was near the entrance and there was plenty of sunlight.
This is NOT how I expected my day to go. Where the heck am I? The last thing I remembered was foolishly allowing Ruby and Nora to talk me into getting on that Dungeons and Dragons themed ride…
A day at the biggest amusement park in Vale. That's what was supposed to be the plan, according to Ruby. Unfortunately, it seemed that life decided to throw us a curveball. That was when I noticed something even more pressing than the fact I was in a cave in some rocky desert. I was alone.
Where is everyone?
Picking myself up and off the ground, I noticed the change in scenery wasn't the only thing that happened. I had, apparently, gone through a wardrobe change as well…
Why am I dressed like Groggar the Barbarian?
Well… At least the fur and hide loincloth was actually pretty comfortable. If not a little snug around the crotch. Which is to be expected. I'm sure plenty of other guys would agree that this thing could stand to have a little more room right there. Then again, I suppose this means I have more freedom of movement without needing to worry about things moving around when they shouldn't…
The boots and bracers were pretty nice too.
Anyways… I better start looking for the others. Hopefully they won't stare too much. I'm showing a lot more skin than I was originally comfortable with even before the scars…
Poking my head outside the mouth of the cave, I could see an unending sea of sand to my left with some ruins in the distance, and some sandy grass to my right. Further on the grass became more prominent and even a few palm trees were present, providing shade from the overbearing sun to what looked like… Giant gorilla-turtles?
What the heck are these things? Are they friendly? A smaller one had spotted me and moved towards me in a manner similar to a large ape. It cooed and chirped at me as I raised my hands disarmingly.
"Hey, little fella," I gently spoke to the creature as what I assumed were its parents watched cautiously. "I'm not looking for trouble… Maybe you've seen a few of my friends?"
Reaching out, I cautiously began to scratch under the creature's chin. "Hey, you seem like an okay guy…"
The little critter seemed to like my chin scratches as it cooed and leaned into my hands. Oh boy, I hope Blake doesn't see this… She might get jealous…
Unfortunately, the tender moment was ruined nearly as soon as it began when a crude spear went straight through the creature's neck. It hit the ground as blood erupted from the wound before giving one last pitiful whimper as it died.
"YAAGH!"
I whipped my head around to see a group of short, long eared, and jagged toothed humanoids racing towards me. Their weapons and apparel were crude and their skin colors ranged from a dull gray, to dark green, and bloodsoaked muddy brown. There were five in total and they all had locked onto me.
Goblins! Actual goblins!
The remaining gorilla-turtles sped off as I retrieved the crudely fashioned short spear. Flimsy and half rotten, in my hands it was little more than a javelin. But it would have to do.
Grasping the crude weapon towards the base of its haft, I gave a full bodied thrust right into the wide, gaping, crooked toothed maw of the first goblin. It sank deeply inside and pushed through and out the back of the creature's skull. Killing it instantly and coating myself in oily, thick, and almost black dark crimson.
Okay, these guys don't have Aura. Makes my life easier. Sucks to be them…
I didn't have time to waste on freeing the now splintering javelin, so I opted to grab my first victim's war club as I spun around to brain the next one. He dropped like a stone to the ground as the third one lunged for my throat with a copper axe.
My Aura flared to protect me against the admittedly pathetic strike and the copper blade of the hatchet bent before bounced off harmlessly. The little monster's cry of surprise was cut short when I brought the club in my hand up to shatter its jaw. I then kicked the goblin in the chest, sending it flying back into the fourth goblin.
The fifth apparently had some brains and was smart enough not to attack me head on. Unfortunately for the little bastard, he wasn't smart enough to run away and chose to jump onto my back while attempting to stab me in the ribs with his stone dagger.
As soon the knife made contact with my Aura, it snapped in half and I flipped onto my back. This forced my assailant to release me as I rolled over and grabbed a large stone.
Lifting it high over the stunned creature's head, I brought the stone crashing down to splatter the goblin's head like a pumpkin. A cry of anger mixed with terror escaped the fourth goblin's mouth as he recovered from his prone position under the deadweight of the third.
As soon as we locked eyes, the ugly greenish brown creature scrambled to get away from the fresh carnage I had inflicted on its party. But not before I leapt up and dove for it, catching it by the ankles.
The small creature, like the rest of its fellows, was only waist high, but had solid, lean muscles packed onto a lightweight frame. It sobbed and screeched and kicked and clawed at me until I swung its head against a large boulder. Cracking its skull, I swung again, at the ground, this time for good measure.
Score one for Jaune Arc. New place, zero.
Okay… Morbid humor aside, I should get a move on. Retrieving the surprisingly solid war club made from some poor animal's femur and a large egg-shaped stone tethered by sinew, I saw a sandstorm coming in fast . Looks like it's back into the cave I had emerged from.
I certainly hope my friends are in there and not any more goblins...
Welp… Only one way to find out…
AND SCENE!!!
And here we have the first chapter of Jaune the Barbarian.
And yes. Before you ask, "The Pie's Surprise" IS Canon to this story. If any of you haven't read it, it's just a little one-shot I wrote for shits and giggles.
So Jaune and Ruby's classes SHOULD be obvious. Anyone wanna guess everyone else's classes? Whoever gets the most correct gets to pick the first girl to join Jaune and Blake in a threeway~
Don't forget to leave a review, please!
OMAKE
"Mmm… I luv youuu…" Blake Belladonna slurred as she purred. She fully enjoyed the aftercare she was receiving. Almost as much as she enjoyed the vigorous romp prior. Just like every other time.
Claiming Jaune was the best decision of her life. Period.
While not exactly drained, the young man in question was sated. Now he was currently gently scratching between the faunus's luxuriously soft and fluffy black cat ears as his thoroughly exhausted lover rested her head against his bare chest.
"You're such a good girl…" He softly praised Blake. The cat faunus sleepily smiled with pride before mumbling, "We go again?"
"Maybe in a bit," Jaune couldn't help but chuckle. "But I think you could use some rest first."
It usually ended this way. Blake being exhausted and "drunk" while Jaune laid back and enjoyed the feel of satisfaction at a job well done. Sure, he could easily go another round, or eight. But despite her enthusiasm and hair trigger libido, Blake didn't have that kind of endurance. But hey, she managed to last long enough for him to finish twice. After who knows how many climaxes Blake endured, Jaune wagered she was due a little sleep.
Unfortunately, the tender moment was ruined when the door burst open to reveal Pyrrha and Yang.
"...So as I was saying…" Pyrrha trailed off as she caught an eyeful of the scene before her. Stunned into silence, her face turned as red as her with a waterfall of blood leaking from her nose before fainting. The last thing she saw was Jaune desperately trying to cover himself to no avail.
'He's HUGE!'
Yang on the other hand was just as red. But she managed to retain consciousness as her eyes darted back and forth between the unbound bosom of her partner and the sheer size of her fellow blonde's "equipment."
With tears welling up in her eyes, the blonde brawler turned and ran away.
"IT'S NOT FAIR!!!"