CHAPTER 2
An unexpected revelation and a hasty decision
Penelope has an expected revelation after which she has to make a decision, and it has to be quick!
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Rae assisted Penelope to get into her bedchamber and offered her a glass of water then afterwards summoned the housekeeper to have someone prepare herbal tea to help soothe the nausea.
With anxious and concerned eyes, Rae seemed to be trying to say something to Pen. "What is it Rae? Is there something you wish to tell me?"
"Umm..yes Ma'am" Rae hesitated. "There was…umm… there is something I have been meaning to ask you for a few days."
"What? What is it?" Pen studied her eyes anxiously, stressed in case it might concern Colin.
"You have not had your courses for a very long time now and you are having nausea…"
Pen looked at her confused.
Her mother had told her nothing about it. Portia thought since her daughter had a love match then her husband would explain it to her and Colin Bridgerton did not seem the type to be unaware about these matters unlike her other son-in-law Mr Finch.
Regrettably Pen was totally unaware of what Rae was talking about. Colin had not shared the details with her…yet.
Regardless of how hard she tried to learn about the marital matters from her books or gossip, it was still concealed with much effort.
She gazed at her bewildered and Rae understood she was ignorant of the matter.
"If you did not bleed as you should have for the last two weeks and you are also having nausea, it might mean you are with child." "I did not ask in case you would not be or you were already aware of the situation, Ma'am."
Penelope gasped in shock. "How Rae?" "Are you sure?" her voice was shaking as her heart was racing.
She knew being with child was from love as her cousin Marina had briefly described but Pen was unaware of the signs that indicated the presence of the same.
"Ummm yes ma'am. Not bleeding when your courses are due and having nausea are two strong signs. Additionally, it would be a strong sign if you were throwing up." Just as she said that, coincidently Pen felt a sickness in her stomach and rushed to her chamber pot to relieve her stomach.
She came back to the bedchamber slowly with eyes on the floor, shaking, her hand on her stomach as she asked Rae: "What other signs are there to be sure, Rae?" "Please tell me so I can be absolutely certain", she felt desperate, her eyes were agitated.
"Well, you are already showing three strong corresponding signs, it could also relate further if you were having strong feelings such as deep anger or deep loneliness or any other deep feeling and perhaps the need to cry. A woman with child may feel these symptoms and many times shed tears unexpectedly. Have you experienced any of these as of late, Ma'am?", Rae asked with a concerned look.
Penelope remained immobile, as if unable to speak. She opened her mouth to reply but couldn't pronounce any words.
She lifted her eyes to look at Rae then slowly a tear rolled on her cheek as she slid both hands on her belly. She gasped for air and Rae immediately guided her to the bed.
"Are you well ma'am?"
"Yes Rae. Can you please leave me? I will let you know if I need you.", her voice barely a whisper.
"Are you sure ma'am?" Pen nodded and forced a smile. Her face was pale and her lips were trembling.
Rae left, looking back at her mistress not sure if leaving her alone in this condition was appropriate but she respected her choice.
Penelope cried as soon as the door closed behind Rae. She was holding her tears but she was unable to at this point. The pain was too much for her to bear. Perhaps it was as Rae had said, it was one of the signs, having such strong emotions.
She clutched on her stomach pressing both her arms and cried.
A child with the man who she had loved, she was so happy. But…a child with the man who was no longer for her. Who was no longer by her side. Whose face she hadn't seen for two days and who did not even care if she was alright or not. Who, perhaps, did not love her anymore.
Penelope Bridgerton felt a pang in her heart as hot tears streamed down her cheeks.
This is not the life she had chosen for herself but she was nevertheless ready for it to be sacrificed if Colin would never forgive her but this is not what she will choose for her child. Definitely not this.
Penelope felt lost. She sat on her bed. She sobbed. Her sobs started getting louder and more panting, she wasn't able to control herself. There was so much pain in her heart.
She was hurting.
Her feelings grew stronger, she felt as though she needed to unleash this pain on something. It was definitely the state of her being with child that was making her nerves so sensible. She was still trying to convince herself that she was indeed with child. The truth appeared so unconvincing.
Penelope has been totally ready to confess everything before the queen no matter the consequences and to continue living like strangers with her husband in the same house but no more henceforth.
She was with child.
Everything has changed now!
She could not bear her child to live in a house where the parents were not on good terms.
Penelope had lived all her life seeing her parents in conflict with each other and it made her miserable. She would not choose this life for her child, her innocent child.
She needed to act. Staying here would not resolve any of her issues. Penelope was not worried if the queen would punish her and she had to give birth to her child in a dungeon but was rather terrified at the thought that Colin, the father, would not care for his child since he had abandoned her after stating that he loved her.
'She had to leave. Yes!', Penelope reckoned. She would leave mayfair and never return, and raise her child alone.
She had the funds, and anywhere she settled she could write again; a book, a novel, anything, as long as she was able to make her child live a happy life.
She couldn't tell Colin, not after he still remained distanced from her, even after she poured her heart out to him and begged him to love her, kiss her and hold her as they had promised in their wedding vows 'to have and to hold'. She sighed and sneered.
Ever since he found out about her being LW he had stopped being by her side. Accusing her of entrapment…then she wonders if finding out she was with child would enhance that entrapment meaning. Colin would say he felt even more trapped with her in this marriage.
No.
He could not know about it.
That's it. It was her final decision. She decided she would flee Mayfair for the sake and the happiness of her child.
She shook her head frantically as her eyes widened in fear at the presumption of Colin finding out and disowning her and her child.
Her child would not be named as 'entrapment plan'. Never!
Penelope would send Colin a letter about their wedding annulment. She was having reflections already about the annulment during these last few days due to the way he was so distanced with her. Moreover with the Queen's bounty on her head, the Bridgerton family reputation might have been impacted somehow, this might be a valid reason for him to accept it.
There was no reason to stay in this marriage now that she was going to be alone. He need not bear her sight to stay tortured in this marriage with her. She had to let him go.
Now more so that she was with child, she had to convince him that it would be better to annul the marriage without him being conscious she was with child.
Pen wondered if Colin would accept an annulment.
Well, she would send him the letter before fleeing so that if he does not want to annul the marriage, Colin would have no other choice than to accept her absence. Another valid reason for the annulment would be the fact that he did not consummate their marriage.
Admittedly they were intimate already before the wedding but this was not a reason to stay away that much from her. It was her right as a wife to be provided intimacy, well it seemed more like a feeling Penelope desired and craved with her husband rather than a marital duty. Let's not talk about the wedding night he deprived her of.
As the thoughts ran through Penelope's mind, she tried to gather herself together and rushed to her wardrobe to pack her clothes. She had no idea why but she had to start somewhere.
Colliding with Colin the following morning or that night if he decided to show up then finding out about the child and mentioning entrapment then living in this miserable life, for her and her child would be too much to bear. Not her child. "Please No!" she exclaimed in an agitating voice, sniffling. Penelope was panicking now as she was gathering her clothes, thinking out loud.
The tears never stopped falling. As waves of emotions surged through her, she kept on shedding tears.
Rae knocked on the door to check on her.
"Come in!" Penelope immediately responded. She needed her help fast, she would not be able to manage on her own mostly when she was not in a stable state.
After explaining everything to Rae, who probably knew half of it already, she agreed to help Pen escape though she was very against it, mentioning that Colin had a right to his child. "Colin will not care for the child with the woman he feels trapped in a marriage with, Rae. Nor would he care for the child he feels is a plan of an entrapment", Penelope was almost shouting now with all the stress to leave and the panic of the situation.
Rae nodded immediately though completely disagreeing. She had compassion for Penelope and was probably her closest friend right now. Eloise could not be trusted so soon with such a secret. Furthermore, she was nowhere to be seen after Pen thought they had reconciled. Surely she could have visited, knowing her brother was in the Bridgerton house and Pen was here all alone.
Pen recalled the featherington house's situation. She would leave some money with her mother and since the queen was aware of her being LW, the esquire would not be able to say much and her mother could say the money came from her funds.
If time would permit, she would try to write a letter to the queen as well, providing an explanation and pleading for mercy and to convince the queen that the Bridgerton family should not be blamed for her identity.
Perhaps leaving the decision to the queen whether to inform the ton of her identity or not would be wise. In that way if she perhaps felt in power, the queen might not consider sending her footmen to look for her to punish her.
Her mind was racing with all sorts of suppositions.
Penelope decided she would use the help of Madame Delacroix who mentioned having discreet contacts outside the city. Pen surely could not live anywhere near, it would be a risk having any members of the ton spotting her or along with her child.
Rae gave Pen some food to eat because she needed to eat for two now, even if she was refusing to, claiming that packing was more important.
Just as Rae was helping her pack the last of her clothes, a letter came from the Bridgerton house. It was Eloise.
Hi Pen,
Colin is at home and doing well. He is just locked in his room all day, writing probably as last time when I went to visit him he was still editing his manuscript.
Don't worry about him Pen, he'll come over when he feels like it.
Hope you're doing fine on your end.
Love, El
He was doing well. Her husband was doing well and yet he could not care to come back to his home to see his wife. All he did was write, when she had just given up writing herself. Pen felt an angry feeling rush through her as much as she was relieved Colin was in good health.
She crushed the letter with her hands, rage and sorrow filling her eyes.
Pen was confident in her decision to flee now. For the last hour, she had had second thoughts, mostly after Rae had mentioned that it would be a bad idea.
It was not a bad idea. It was the best decision she would take for the future of her child.
The letter she wrote as she started packing had already reached Madame Delacroix. Surely the benefits of being Lady Whistledown were being reaped, otherwise at such an hour the letter would have reached the following morning.
As she waited for an answer from her confidant, Pen got dressed and was sitting on the bed, waiting. There was no more preparation than to wait. Her bags were packed.
She recalled the moments she spent with Colin. How they met, how they became friends, how he proposed, their first time, their wedding, their wedding vows and now all will be memories with no continuance.
All moments will cease to continue as she steps out of the door never to return.
She was fiddling with her fingers, tears dropping once in a while as she was remembering the past. Eyes red rimmed and lips downturned in sadness. The dress that she had just changed was shortly covered with teardrops.
Her thoughts were interrupted when one of the servants came with a letter. She swiftly took the letter. Madame Delacroix had arranged for a discreet carriage for her which would arrive shortly to take her on the outskirts of Mayfair.
Penelope summoned the housekeeper and informed that she will have to leave for very important matters soon.
This would erase suspects of her fleeing discreetly in the middle of the night.
Her carriage came. She was ready.
Ready to go.
Ready to start another life that would not include…Colin.