CHAPTER 8

Nothing ignites hope more than desperation

Colin is again lost in hope but has managed to change himself and own his mistakes. Will he be able to find Pen and tell her his feelings? Find out in the chapter

Colin tried to get his mind right. That is not Penelope. It could not be her. He must be dreaming.

He had just seen someone similar to her the day before and believed he was certain when it was his greatest illusion.

'Could that be his wife?', for a moment he got lost in contemplation as he stood there staring at the shut library door behind the woman who had closed it before going inside.

He was probably dreaming. It was not the first time nor the second.

At his previous hotel as well he was convinced he had spotted a woman like Penelope, although her hair and silhouette was not that of his wife, he had approached her and almost touched her shoulder.

He was sorely disappointed when he eventually discovered her face. He had been so desperate to gain one more glimpse of his wife that he was seeing her everywhere. Perhaps it wasn't his wife this time either?

But he had to enter the library to be sure, he could not miss any chance, for all he knew it could be Pen as well.

Pen was a bookworm and library enthusiast and this time he felt like it was probably her. Or perhaps it was only his desperation that overwhelmed him and restored his hope.

Colin awakened from his daze and looked around to check if anyone noticed him standing still like an idiot, staring at the door while also intending to follow her inside the library. He proceeds toward the library, lowering his head and his gaze.

Gently pulling open the door, he slips into the library without drawing too much attention to himself, he'll just be there long enough to determine whether she is Pen before heading off.

His eyes dart about in quest of her as he walks in. She is not visible to him as he scans the area. There were other people in the library as well as a variety of shelves lining the several corridors. He walks past two corridors, scanning each of them one by one not making his curiosity obvious.

As he examines the people standing along the shelves he does not find the woman with the same peacock coat. He then walks to the third corridor and notices her there.

The mysterious woman had covered her head back with the coat upon entering the library.

Unlike the day before, he could not just jump over her and besides he might not be able to talk, the library was quiet and Colin did not want to appear too noticeable in case the seller might find him suspicious or acting like a stalker.

He decides to walk past the woman to go in front of her, he goes a little farther to avoid getting too near to be noticed then proceeds to grab any book and pretends to look at it. Then, gradually turning his head back to face the woman's face he finally sees her face.

It is her! His Penelope!

The woman was his wife, exploring the bookshelves and trying to find a book. She was real and right there, in front of him, barely a few metres away.

'How she looked beautiful', he thought. Colin made an idiotic love-stricken face as his eyes shone at her sight, he was enamoured with just a glimpse of hers.

His heart raced at the sight of her and he almost dropped the book he was pretending to see in his hand.

'She's always looking so captivatingly beautiful' Lost in her sight, Colin's thoughts drifted into a dream state. He was unable to take his eyes off her at that moment. 'How is it possible for someone to look so pretty' despite not being able to her dress he noticed how her hair looked so shiny as her curls dropped on her face and her cheekbones. Her cheeks were rosy and her lips plump and pink while her sky eyes scanned the shelves, smiling.

Colin's eyebrows drawn up in the inner corners as he surveyed her in ecstasy.

Penelope was searching for a book on motherhood.

Recently, she had been feeling under the weather, and decided to go get some fresh air and visit the library to hunt for a new book and wished to get more insight about becoming a mother.

Even if the books were not explicit on birth, they normally just described the early stages of a mother's life and the journey and challenges of having a child and raising them, and the soon-to-be mother's interest was piqued about that.

In addition to what Mary and her maid taught her about motherhood, it was not enough, and Mary was also a working mother. Pen did not have a mother or mother-in-law to provide her further details and she was curious to learn more.

She also wanted to read and that was the perfect coincidental excuse.

The maid had wanted to accompany her but Penelope had intended to go alone, seeking some time for herself and to also discover the town further.

Colin kept observing her from afar, striving to get a glimpse of her every now and then, remembering how much he missed her.

A smile curved his lips, his heart raced and tears filled his eyes upon the realisation that this was her before him. Penelope was really and actually here and he was not dreaming, this was real! His dream had come alive and he wished time would stall so he could keep on staring at her for longer.

He thought that he had to act wisely now so she doesn't run far away from him once more.

Colin did not approach her, he rather kept contemplating her as she studied her book, the one she might possibly buy. He held the book in his hand in front of his face to peek at her through the top.

He glanced back and forth between the book and his wife.

When he looked back again at the spot she had been standing, it was empty. She had moved to the counter and proceeded towards the exit door.

Penelope leaves the library after her payment and prepares to go in her carriage.

In order to avoid missing her, Colin gets out as well right after her and follows closely behind. He watches as she unhurriedly makes her way to her carriage and manages to catch her.

Then, just as he was about six feet behind, he calls out to her in a soft but loud tone, loud enough for only her to hear.

"Penelope Bridgerton!"

Penelope immediately stops in her tracks, abruptly losing a breath as she lifts her head and her eyes widen. She's not shocked at the name that was uttered even if no one knew her full name except her proprietor and Mary.

She was rather stunned at the voice calling her.

It was Colin Bridgerton. She would recognise his voice amid hundreds of others. It is the voice that she always longed to hear when they were enjoying their time in the countryside once the wedding season was over, the voice she had yearned to hear in society gatherings and the voice she kept hearing in her head ever since she left her hometown, whether it was his irate tone toward her or their passionate conversations.

Penelope closes her eyes, takes a deep breath then opens them again to turn and look at the voice behind her.

It is Colin. Her husband.

The only man she had ever loved stood before her and she somewhat knew it was because he had looked for her again and not because he was there by coincidence.

She was amazed to perceive that he located her again. Her eyes are soft as she gazes at him. She looks at him tenderly as he walks towards her steadily. 'He looks so handsome in his long brown frock coat,' she was observing him with adoration as his brown shiny hair looked gorgeous, moving in the wind, swiping over his forehead.

As he approached her, his blue mesmerising eyes were back in her line of sight. His eyes looked happy at the sight of her, happy yet painful. She wonders if he had been sleeping well.

There was a moment of silence as they locked eyes, as they both studied each others' eyes, trying to convey a message of curiosity of the other's plight, trying to convey their feelings of missing each other.

Colin finally breaks the silence.

"Do.." He swallows. "Are you looking forward to running away from me again?" he asks in a soft humorous voice, his tone was not in the slightest sarcastic but sounded somewhat pained just like his eyes were.

For a moment Penelope just saw the man she loved there, the man she had swore to be wedded with for life. Even if some memories of having to leave her home because of him were rushing at the back of her head, she predominantly saw the man she adored, the only man who had ever confessed loving her.

She had accepted the concept to live without ever seeing him and just seeing him here in front of her brought so many memories. Her body and mind were flooded with a plethora of emotions in the few seconds that their eyes met. How she was carrying his child, how their souls had connected and how they had been forced to separate due to circumstances.

As Colin utters those words she senses the hurt behind, the pain she had inflicted on him two times already.

Running away from him.

Even though she didn't want him to learn about her child to then blame her for it, or for anything wrong he did previously, she did not want to run away at that precise moment. She was determined to not do anything that would give him the impression that she had never loved him.

Perhaps they could just seize this short moment of fractions of seconds before going back to being their current selves?

Perhaps for a moment they could just be Colin and Penelope, forgetting the world that existed surrounding them? She did not want to leave.

Not now, not this time.

Pen blinks and answers slowly and honestly. "Ummm…no."

"Colin, how did you…" "Have you…" she stutters not knowing where to start. She lowers her eyes as she considers thoroughly what to say.

"I'm just surprised to see you here or that you found me again." she looks in his eyes gently as Colin keeps gazing at her lovingly.

"Were you travelling around this area here or… were you looking for me?" Colin's eyes were already answering her, responding positively to her second question. Even though it was obvious he was in favour of the second question, she considered asking again.

"Were you looking for me?" her voice was so tender and soft as she studied his eyes.

He nodded gently while looking at her tenderly, his eyes conveying a smile, fixed on hers.

"Even if I did not, Pen…" he moves a bit closer to her. "Our love is so strong and true that no matter where we go we'll always find each other. This is what I believe." He then let a light smile escape his lips.

Penelope gasped at his words and gave him a pained look, not leaving her gaze too, trying not to melt down so soon in front of him. It does not imply that she was prepared to seem weak before him, even if she chose to stay in his presence at this time. She had to keep her composure.

Colin keeps staring at her saying nothing. She looks away for a while, her cheeks turn pink at Colin's intense stare. For an instant she felt young, as though it was the first time a man had approached her to court her in a ball after her first debut in society. She blushed.

As she shifts her gaze, Colin stealthily glances over her attire without making it look obvious, unable to resist her attractiveness. She looked gorgeous, even with only her coat on. Her face was shining even more with the light outside. His eyes gleamed at her, she was there in front of him. He still couldn't believe his eyes.

It dawned on him that she had shifted her gaze because he was staring at her eyes unashamedly. He didn't intend to make her feel embarrassed. He was concerned in learning how she was doing hence proceeded to inquire about that.

"How are you doing?" he asks her gently, starting a smile.

"I'm well. I'm doing well." she replied softly. He then smiled fully at her.

"I see you've visited the library", he added, still in a soft voice. She nodded and smiled lightly.

Pen then recalls the motherhood book she recently bought and tries to hide it from him. Thankfully it was wrapped and the title was not visible.

She was reminded of her being with child at that reflection. Thankfully her stomach had not started showing so much that Colin could have guessed she was with child.

Even then it would have been hidden behind her coat. After all he was more experienced in these matters, she had even no idea how she could be with child but assumed Colin did.

Pen could tell Colin seems apprehensive to articulate something but is hesitant to do so as he's trying to start a word with his mouth then stopping several times. She clearly motioned him; she's lending an ear to whatever he is trying to say.

"Do you have some time to spare? We could talk a bit…", he hesitantly asks, his eyes painfully awaiting a negative answer.

Despite her strong reluctance, she chooses to accept after observing his benign behaviour and desperation. She had already fled and settled there. There was no reason she could not listen to whatever he desired to say more now, considering that he went looking for her and found her a second time.

If he was going to hurt her again then perhaps she might have to escape again and this time she was experienced in the matter. She just prayed it wouldn't get to that point and this time she sensed it wouldn't.

She nods and suggests that they go nearby. "There's a small area over there where we can sit and talk comfortably." Colin gives her a soft beaming smile, relief visible in his eyes.

They walk side by side as they resume their conversation.

"So, how is everyone at the Bridgertons doing?" Pen asks Colin.

"They are all doing well." He gives her the update her mother provided him and also tells her that Eloise missed her. She smiles. Pen also missed Eloise.

"Even after all that happened between us you are still worried about my own family", Colin says sounding surprised and she smiles warmly at him.

"Are they not my family too?" Colin nods. "Of course!"

A small smirk curving up his lips as he realises she calls his family hers because of him, because they were wedded. This made his heart tingle a bit. The thought that she still referred to their bond was touching.

"Do you have news about my mother?" Pen asks intently, not sure if Colin had news of her.

"The last time Benedict had obtained news of her and she seems to be doing well. She asked us to thank you if we found you. I don't know what she referred to but she was aware of me searching for you, mother had informed her." Pen gave a grateful nod.

Pen knew Portia had not shared her delicate issue with the Bridgertons but assumed with her money her mother had been able to manage and the queen's esquire must have already assumed it was her column's money. She was relieved her plan had succeeded and her mother and family were safe.

At last, they reach the area. They place themselves on a bench and Colin keeps a safe distance from Pen, respecting her boundary. She notices that and feels pleased to see Colin is respecting her.

They sit there in silence, appreciating the air and viewing the distant sight of the beach. The silence then grew loud. They were exchanging glances, without uttering a word. The atmosphere grew awkward as if they never knew each other.

Colin is afraid to say something that will hurt her or cause her to run away again, he was simply appreciating the moment and was so glad to be with her. She looked so beautiful, he just wanted to keep looking at her. He missed her lovely face a lot. Her pretty blue eyes sparkled in the light of day. When she had sat down, she had taken off her cap for Colin's comfort as well as her own. He desired to just keep his eyes on her and stare unceasingly but it would be considered impolite. He had that opportunity in the past and he missed it, having taken her for granted. He could not take his eyes off of her now, the goddess she appeared to be as the strands of her red silky hair were flowing in the light breeze.

Pen is at a loss for words that won't hurt him or make her sound overly desperate. She wanted to break the ice but was afraid she might send a wrong signal to Colin and too many feelings were rushing through her; between her hatred for all that had transpired in the past, her being with child having to run away and her long-standing love for Colin. She was unsure what was running through her but still confused as to why she was sitting there with him when he was the cause she was in that place to begin with. Despite that, she was unable to move, her legs felt glued to the bench.

Colin then notices her book and decides to break the ice.

"I guessed that it would be you…when…I saw someone like you entering the library." He signalled to the book. "You indeed went there to buy a book. What is it about?" His face was turned towards her as he looked at her carefully, examining her gaze.

Penelope was agitated, unaware what to respond. She was staring forward, not at him, and her expression was panicked. "It's nothing important." She smiles sheepishly at him.

Colin nods, not persisting, believing she was not yet at ease to share stuff with him.

"How are you finding the area?" He tries to carry on the conversation.

"I was about to eat at the restaurant until I noticed you outside the library and recognised that it would indeed be you with your passion for books." looking back at her or more like examining her face. He wanted to keep staring at her.

She smiles at him and replies nervously. "Yes indeed…umm…I always loved books." clears her throat then looking around, continues "The place is nice. It's calm and I love the environment here. The people are pleasant and friendly." She lowers her eyes and continues "Sorry you missed the restaurant treat because of me." and offers a teasing smile.

Colin chuckled as he saw her teasing smile. "It's nothing. I will go tomorrow or perhaps another time." His voice softened as he looked at her intently. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

Pen smiles radiantly. Colin feels that Penelope is finally warming up to him after a long time. He is seeing his friend back.

He pursues the conversation.

"Everything is beautiful here in Scotland and the food is amazing in the hotels." Colin calmly adds, gazing at the faraway shore.

"So there is nothing else you loved about Scotland except the food? You're still after food." Pen giggled then grins. Her humorous behaviour caught Colin off guard. He gazed at her, beaming.

Colin was mesmerised with her giggles. He had heard her laugh after so many days and it felt so wonderful seeing her this merry, mostly when he was the cause for it. He then lets out a soft chuckle as he smiles. Warmth filled his heart.

"I really like the beach here. The sand is so soft and the sea feels so soothing." Pen gazes at the distant beach along with Colin.

"Hmmmm." He nods. "I am staying at a hotel near the beach itself, not much far from here actually." He looks at her intensely.

Pen smiles at him softly.

Still gazing at her he continues "Just yesterday I saw a woman at the beach and she looked just like you, I thought it was you." "I was…" He hesitated, sighed, then continued, shaking his head slowly. "I was thinking too much about you I guess, I thought I had actually seen you until I realised it was not you."

He studied Pen's expression, waiting for a response.

Pen shifts her gaze from him and looks away, gazing back at the distant beach. She remains silent and maintains a neutral demeanour.

Colin realises he may have crossed a line. He ceases discussing how he was thinking of her. He looks back straight ahead.

He tries to change the topic of the conversation to make Pen feel comfortable. He leans forwards in his seat and joins his palms and rests his elbows on his thighs then looks back at her.

"How have things been so far? Are you able to manage?" He asked, looking concerned and worried.

Colin had indeed been worried about her and if she was able to manage on her own. During his travels in search of her, he kept wondering if she had enough people to help and support her. He knows she always had the required staff but doubted if she had the same number on her travels or was even able to manage on her own during her stays.

Penelope nods. "Yes. Yes I have been able to manage." She's unwilling to provide much details.

"Are you safe where you're staying, Pen? On your travels so far?" His eyes looked filled with worry and care.

"Yes, I am. It's safe." She nods and smiles at him.

Just as she's replying, Pen senses a difference in him as she reflects on his behaviour since their encounter. Unlike the last time, he's not talking about himself and how he missed her but rather inquiring about her state and how she has been.

He seems to just want to know how she is doing and how she is managing and whether or not she is secure and safe wherever she is staying. Her husband seems to be caring.

He fiddles with his fingers and asks, trying to push his luck. "Where are you…staying?" his eyes tensed she might snap, as his lips pressed.

Pen is hesitant to tell him. She doesn't respond. At this point, she's undecided if she can tell him. As much as she was glad to see him being caring, that information would give him the possibility to maybe have her shift residency again and she was not ready for that another time. Hopefully not, she thought.

"I…" Her eyes are lowered as she avoids his gaze. "Umm…" She doesn't continue. Unsure what to reply yet.

"Hmm." Colin smiles, looking away from her, cognisant of her hesitancy to share her residence with him as he lowered his eyes.

He looks back at her, his gaze soft. "Don't worry Pen. I will not invade your privacy nor stalk you. I'll let you live on your own." He presses his lips and turns his gaze from her, shakes his head. "But you cannot stop me from loving you and caring for you. Even if you do not wish for me to talk to you, I will not, Pen, I will respect your wish." He looks back at her warmly as his eyebrows lower and knit together.

Pen observes him, studying his gaze attentively, finding that his expression is firm and his eyes appear honest of the feelings he was sharing.

"Don't stop me from loving you." his voice was suddenly low and as if hurting and requesting her to not prevent him from doing that indeed.

"I just want you to be safe Pen, that's it." He then turned to face the shore and said nothing more.

Pen kept observing him, analysing his face. He truly loved her. Regardless of what she attempted to do or how far she went, he would not give up. He would come back and search for her again until he found her. His feelings were sincere.

"I just miss you, Pen. I do not expect you to tell me the same, it is just that I do." Colin's voice almost cracked. He tried to gain his composure. He didn't want to scare her away again by appearing overly sensible.

He was craving to tell her how much he loved her for who she was, but felt like it would be too much right now and maybe might wait for the ideal time. Just then he realises that they do not live together anymore and that anytime they may get separated again. He had to tell her this time. He had to. He could not let her leave once again without telling her.

Pen was waiting for him to demand something from her but he doesn't. He just mentions that he misses her. That's it. He doesn't request her return. He is not expecting anything of her. He's letting her be free.

Suddenly Penelope feels her stomach gurgle and realises that she is feeling hungry and needs to eat. She was feeling more peckish than usual as the father of her child was a heavy eater after all, consequently, she needed to consume a lot more between meals than other mothers did.

She was supposed to come buy a book, explore the area a bit around and then head back home but with her conversation with Colin she didn't realise when time had flown.

"I need to get back." Her tone is low as she glances at him, knowing that this will make him feel sad and he might assume she wants to leave again. It was clear he didn't want her to leave;in fact, he seemed willing to spend the entire night talking to her on that bench. But she had to head home to eat. Eating on time was crucial since her baby needed that nourishment.

'Of course." Colin nodded, looking disconsolate, his contentment faded from his face as his expression turned solemn, as if they were bidding their last farewell. But he respected her wish.

They both stood up.

"I will get back to my carriage." Penelope looked back at Colin and was unsure how to bid him goodbye. She slowly lifted her eyes and looked at him. "Goodbye, Colin."

Colin stood still, only staring at her dejectedly, without making an attempt to speak. He was unsure how to react to her departure and how to stop her. His mouth opened and closed as he was trying to express something yet no words came out. His eyes wandered restlessly.

She gave him a nervous smile.

Penelope waited for a while for him to say something, she didn't know why but she just did. She shouldn't have even spoken to this man. It was because of him she felt compelled to run away from her home and come all this way to start a new life alone yet she was there conversing with him about life. Yet she was waiting for a word from him.

Waiting for him to prevent her from going away. Waiting for him to stop her.

A part of her yearned for Colin to hold her hand and kiss her madly and deeply but the mother she was about to become advised her to stay away from him. Her inside was feeling like a typhoon. The perplexity made her even more hungry as the thoughts swirled in her mind.

Penelope started walking away and Colin panicked, mulling over a quick approach to stop her. Furthermore, he wished for her to be safe however and wherever she was headed to.

"Let me accompany you," he walked to her, examining her expression and sensing a negative response. "Please?" his eyes were pleading.

"I can manage Colin, it's fine." Pen is hesitant as she avoids his gaze to not give in to his pleading look. She could not bring him there, all her plans would fail. He would be aware of her new residence when she ran away from him.

"I will not stalk you or come to stay over your house or wherever you're staying Pen, I will just accompany you and drop you wherever it is. It is not a ruse for me to find out where you live, I just want you to be safe. I promise." She lifted her head to see him gazing at her pleadingly and desperately.

"Colin…I…" she was unsure how to refuse him.

"Please let me accompany you, Pen" His eyes were still imploring hers.

"Yes?" Colin motioned his head and raised his eyebrows to ask her approval.

She nodded. "Alright." Then cursed herself right away. What was she doing? Bringing him to her residence; the man who she had fled from, the man she had to begin this new life so far away from. She couldn't say no now.

Even then, he felt honest and changed. Perhaps he would not stalk her and respect her personal space. She decided to bring some peace to her mind and think of a positive outcome from all of this.

Just before they walked away to head for her carriage, Colin stopped her.

"Pen!" Colin called her as she began to walk. Pen turned back to face him, her eyes questioning him as she was unable to guess what he was about to ask.

His gaze was hesitant, straying on her and all over the place. "Can we…" he paused then continued. "Can we meet again?" He gestured a question with his head. "Tomorrow perhaps?"

Pen does not reply.

"If you are free, of course." He adds, trying to be persuasive. Pen looks at him hesitantly and does not reply again.

She had no idea what to reply.

She was eager to meet him, but she also didn't want to appear weak in front of him and allow him to treat her badly as he had the last time. She wanted to make sure he was not going to hurt her again.

"Colin…I…" Pen lowered her gaze, about to refuse his request when Colin cut in to convince her, before she refused, as he obviously sensed.

"I just want a chance to rectify my mistake Pen. Am only asking for one day from you, to be with you." He slowly made sure to weigh each word he was letting out, taking care to avoid saying anything that might scare her. All he wanted to do was spend time with her and ultimately tell her how he messed up and loved her for who she was.

Pen looked dubious.

With his eyes on her, he persists, "All I'm asking is some time with you and…I know if you do not accept, maybe you might go away and I will not find you again but I am sure one way or another we will meet Pen." He let out a heavy sigh, sounding desperate. "I will not…" He presses his eyelids, thinking thoroughly over his words, opening them again and gazing back at her. "I will never stop searching for you."

His eyes were pleading with her. "Please…"

Penelope is reluctant at first, but after meeting his eyes, she decides to accept since he sounded honest and despairing. She had turned down his pleas when he had already asked her once in that hotel bedroom.

Even though he interpreted their marriage as coercive, he had given her a chance while she was Lady Whistledown and had given her a chance in their relationship. He could have well cut their relationship but he did not, even if it was self-serving or for some other purpose, but he did give her a chance. Even if he did not offer her another chance after their wedding, she had at least one chance earlier.

Perhaps she could do that same too, one chance to see if he was indeed different or this was all a pretence.

He deserved a chance at least. He didn't seem as the selfish Colin she knew, he seemed to have changed. She decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Alright, Colin." She sighed. "We can meet tomorrow."

Colin smiled wholeheartedly at her and let out a sigh of relief.

She pressed her lips, lowered her eyes and continued, looking back at him. "What did you have in mind?" her eyes were inquisitive, as though speculating on Colin's possible plans for a day with her.

Colin had not given it much thought, he just wanted to be with her, no matter where, doing no matter what. Then an idea came to him.

"Shall we go to the beach?" Colin studied her expression intently, trying to gauge whether or not this was what she wanted. "You said you loved the beach here and so do I. We could have a picnic by the beach maybe? For lunch?" He let out an exciting smile, expecting perhaps the same from her.

"That sounds great...but…" She looked at him seriously and Colin's smile faded on her 'but' as his heart skipped a beat. 'Was she gonna say no now?', he thought sadly.

"Maybe I could meet you after lunch at the beach? We could spend the afternoon if that's alright for you?" She recalled how her condition required her to eat a large lunch and occasionally caused her to have morning sickness. She didn't want Colin to find out about her being with child, even if she was willing to give him a chance.

Atleast, not now.

"Of course", he replied as he sighed, relieved, his smile coming back to his lips. "That's fine for me." not showing his sadness at realising he wouldn't get the opportunity to eat with her. He loved food and loved her and would have been delighted to share food with her. 'Later perhaps' he thought.

"Where do you want me to meet you?" he asked.

"Umm, I'll meet you at the beach directly, just over there?" She pointed at the particular place of the beach where there were a lot of trees where they could comfortably walk and have a seat and talk. He nodded and smiled, happy at the notion that she had a good spot in mind.

"Shall we go?" Pen was very hungry now and all this enthusiasm increased her hunger even more. It was important that she went to eat or she might collapse soon.

Colin nodded then they proceeded to walk besides each other until they reached the carriage.

Just before reaching the carriage, he bought a piece of parchment from a trader and borrowed a quill and wrote down his hotel address.

"Contact me on this address if there is anything urgent. Do not hesitate. I will always be there for you." he handed Pen the piece of parchment. "It's just over there" and gestured to the area his hotel was. She nodded, smiled and took it, her heart also smiling at the kind gesture and his words.

She instructed the carriage driver to drop him home after her. Colin appreciates that she gave him some thought.

"You drop him wherever he tells you to, just after me."

"Yes Ma'am."

Pen was not worried what people would say about her being with him, as long as they were not doing anything to attract notice, nobody would snoop on them. In her neighbourhood Mary and William were supportive.

He extended his hand to assist Pen in boarding the carriage. She hesitated one second, knowing what his touch would do to her then grabbed his palm.

As soon as their hands touch, they both feel a tingling sensation in their heart as though some old feeling was being rekindled. She was not wearing gloves to avoid being recognised as high society women.

They both lifted their heads and eyes to gaze at each other at that touch before she stepped in the carriage.

Pen felt that his hands were soft and cold yet it felt warm.

Colin felt Pen's small curvy fingers as warm and comforting. He did not want to let go.

He followed her and placed himself on the opposite seat, not invading her private space. As they sit in the carriage together, Pen is looking outside the window and occasionally glancing at him but Colin keeps looking back at her rather than outside the window.

Pen's blushes as she realises that Colin is staring at her when she glances at him twice and notices his eyes fixed on her and notices the way he's gazing at her. Colin did not try to hide it, he knew they would part ways soon and he took full advantage of the opportunity to gaze at the pretty face he missed so much and would miss in a while.

She attempts to remain composed.

If she looked at him too much she might not be able to control herself. She did not know what was happening to her. Maybe it was her condition and also the fact that the last times they were in a carriage, they were intimate. The first time they were intimate was indeed in a carriage, just after their first kiss.

That moment swirled her mind as she remembered it. His confession, her consent, their long and intense passionate kisses. She then shook her head to break her trance. It was no longer the same man, he had treated her badly and left her alone. She was supposed to be hating him, or at least not feel that way about him. She was really bewildered.

She sighed loudly and Colin noticed that.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

Penelope was startled, stupidly fearing that he knew what she was thinking about.

"Umm, yes. Yes. I'm fine." She replied nervously, quickly avoiding his gaze.

Colin nodded and then continued staring at her.

She could not even ask Colin why he was staring at her like this because he would probably say he loved her and she didn't want any more feelings to come to the surface. Things would get complicated if he started confessing and she might not be able to stop either. It was already overwhelming enough.

The carriage stops as they arrive at her house.

Colin gives her a wee glimpse before getting down to assist her in exiting the carriage. Once again their hands touched and she made sure to let go of his grip as quickly as possible and Colin noticed that. He surmised she probably hated his touch against her hand but did not give it too much thought.

He casts a fleeting peek around the place and its surroundings not appearing too curious, as he promised he would respect her privacy but he also wanted to ensure she was being safe and knowing where she was could also help in the event she was in some trouble and required assistance.

Pen glances at her house then looks back at him, realising it was now time to bid goodbye.

Colin looks at her sadly. His heart was beating a bit faster at the thought of separating with her. He wanted something to happen and she would stay. A miracle or anything. But then, it was reality, he would have to leave her and return to his hotel, all alone and by himself.

Colin presses his lips, trying not to show off his depressed expression.

"Goodbye, Pen." With a sorrowful expression, he glanced at her before shifting his focus and returning to gaze at her.

"See you tomorrow…", his tone sounded more like a question than a reminder. As though he was ensuring she would be present and would not ditch him.

He gazed in her eyes questionably, awaiting for her affirmation.

"Yes." Pen nodded and he was reassured. "Tomorrow." She gave him a smile with her eyes and turned and walked away, resisting turning back to look at him as she went in.

Colin watched as she entered her house and got back in the carriage, assured she was safe. He avoided staying too long and causing trouble for her in her surroundings, he had no idea what she told others about him and also wanted to respect her boundaries.

When he returned to the carriage, he was beaming wholeheartedly, feeling hopeful for the following day.

He desperately wanted the night to go by quickly so tomorrow would come already. Colin was feeling so excited. He could not stop smiling and grinning as he travelled back to his hotel, leaning against the seat, feeling so happy, sighing heavily as he processed what just happened.

His eyes gleamed with a feeling of hope.

Upon returning to his hotel room that day, he wrote Pen another letter in which he expressed his happiness at having met her. He wrote down all his feelings, as he wanted to remember how amazing he felt some moments ago and feeling that again while writing the letter.

In addition, he wanted Penelope to discover how delighted he was to see her. Maybe one day will come when he might be able to give her the letters and she will read them but for now he was purely so thrilled that he had to write his feelings down.

Perhaps he might re-read them again when he's feeling down to remember how ecstatic he had been.

After dinner, he relaxed in his seat on his hotel balcony as he smiled.

He wasn't certain he would be able to sleep, he was too excited. Even so, he made an effort to talk himself into going to bed early. Being late the following day was the last thing he desired. He would wake up early so he could have breakfast and lunch on schedule before getting prepared to meet her.

Colin also desired to look appealing, he had not been able to sleep well lately and needed to obtain a decent night's sleep this time to appear pleasant on the rendezvous with his wife. It seemed as though they were back to courting again. He smiled as he set his head on his pillow.

It dawned on him then that he will have to extend his stay at the hotel. As long as she was there, he wouldn't leave, regardless of how long. Even if that meant having to change accommodation. There was no reason to travel again now. His purpose was here and he had to work on earning her forgiveness and sharing his love.

After many many days Colin Bridgerton finally slept peacefully, feeling hopeful.

His heart, his eyes and lips all smiling with happiness.