Past and Present Lives
Chapter 2-Past Life
Mike walked into the house, knowing he was walking into an argument. He had been back for just over two weeks and was getting called back out. Christine had struggled during the last deployment. She had gotten pregnant, unexpectedly and in her fifth month, lost the baby. Mike had not wanted the baby and was gone for the miscarriage. He couldn't get back and so Christine was left to grieve on her own.
"You heard?" Mike asked once he found her in the kitchen. She had a little business, making desserts.
"Yeah. Darien called me. She thought you had already." Christine said.
"It came up really fast. It does sound like we'll be home for the holidays though." Mike remarked.
"Why? Isn't there another crew, another ship that can go?" Christine asked.
"We were picked. I don't know why but we were." Mike said.
"We need you at home. I can't keep doing this, Mike. I am tired of raising our kids alone. I'm tired of being a single parent most of the year. I am tired of not having you here when I need you. I need to pick out a headstone for the baby. Frankly, his grave marker says 'Baby Boy Slattery.' He needs a name. And now, there won't be time for you to help me, is there? I know you didn't want the baby, but he was yours too, and you need to take some ownership of him." Christine asked.
"I have a week. We can pick a name out and go pick out a headstone." Mike offered, knowing it really didn't help. No, he had not wanted another baby. He had just never gotten around to having the vasectomy. Christine had been on antibiotics that rendered her birth control obsolete. He'd blamed her for getting pregnant, even accused her of cheating.
"Mike, I just want you home. I understand you can't get out of this deployment, but maybe while you're gone, you can think about a desk position or retirement. I am sure there are jobs you'd be highly qualified for and that could support this family well." Christine suggested. It wasn't the first time she had suggested it.
"I want to make Captain. Can't do that from a desk." Mike said.
"And the kids and I want you home." Christine stated.
"If I did this—it would mean we'd have to move. You love this house." Mike pointed out.
"I know. I can handle moving and leaving this house if we're all together. Leaving the baby's grave is harder." Christine admitted. She had been really attached to that baby boy.
"Tell you what—while I am gone, look and see what you can find that might interest me. Maybe something in the security field. Or even the engineering or architecture. It bores me a bit more but I could handle it. Maybe it could be a remote job, so we wouldn't have to leave the area." Mike said.
"Okay. I can do that." Christine agreed.
"But, bear in mind, we would have to find a job that would provide insurance for you and the kids. That could get expensive." Mike warned.
"I could work?" Christine suggested. Mike was old fashioned-he wanted his wife at home with the kids. He didn't mind her baking to give her a little cash but it didn't interfere with their kid's schedules and the girls loved helping her.
"We'll see. I would rather remain the bread-winner." Mike said. He went around the corner and kissed the back of Christine's head. He hadn't tried to be intimate with Christine. It had only been six weeks since she'd miscarried and he wasn't a sadist.
"I just want you home, Mike. I know you love the Navy, but the love you have for this family has to win out at some point." Christine said as she turned around and wrapped her arms around his waist. Instead of saying anything else, he pulled her close and hugged her. He wasn't sure he would leave the Navy and was in affect giving her lip-service. He honestly hated that but she needed some reassurances, even if they were lies.
Telling the kids that he was leaving again was hard, particularly with Lucas, who had had all kinds of plans for the summer with his dad. Katie and Hannah were old enough that they understood broken promises. That night, Mike settled into bed next to Christine and looked at the book she was reading.
"What about Elijah?" Mike asked.
"Biblical. I do like the name though." Christine answered.
"I don't remember struggling finding a name for the older kids." Mike admitted.
"Because there was anticipation. There isn't for this baby." Christine said.
"What about a middle name?" Mike asked.
"I like Matthew. Elijah Matthew?" Christine suggested.
"I like that." Mike agreed.
"Tomorrow, we can go pick out a headstone." Christine remarked.
"I have a meeting at nine but should be done by afternoon." Mike said.
"Alright." Christine said.
"We'll go tomorrow, I promise." Mike said. He really didn't want to pick out a headstone for the baby he'd never held or even loved, but it was important to Christine, which made it important to Mike.
"I thought maybe Saturday, we'd take the kids and do something fun. Not sure what. I do have some money saved up." Christine said.
"We'll find something." Mike said. He understood her wanting to do something fun before he left. He turned on his side and kissed her cheek. She turned and put her book away and settled in.
"Mike…I can't yet. There was a lot of trauma." Christine said.
"I figured that much." Mike said.
"I want to. I just can't right now. Still a lot of pain." Christine said.
"I understand. Is there anything I can do?" Mike asked.
"No, unfortunately not. My doctor…was not a good doctor. I've gotten a new one and she's trying to get everything situated but she's unsure if I would ever be able to get pregnant again, not that we were going to try. Right now, sex is out of the question. Maybe when you get back, though?" Christine remarked.
"Its alright as long as you're alright." Mike said. He and Christine had always enjoyed a very passionate relationship. Mike was old-fashioned and Christine had always fit into that mold. It honestly distressed him because at the moment, she couldn't and he didn't trust himself to not look elsewhere. Instead of dwelling on that, Mike pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her.