WORTH WORKING FOR
CHAPTER THREE
THREE WEEKS LATER
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. How could I let this happen?
Kate rests her palms on the cool marble of her bathroom counter and takes a deep breath, then another. In through her nose, hold for three seconds, out through her mouth. She does this several times, until she's relatively sure she won't pass out.
She can't do this.
How the hell will she do this?
There's a quiet knock, and she looks in the mirror, swipes her fingers across her damp cheeks, and opens the door.
Lanie takes one look at her and pulls Kate into her arms. "Sweetie," she breathes, gripping her tight.
Kate closes her eyes and sinks into her best friend's embrace. After several seconds, she pulls back and shrugs. "I guess it's real, huh? I'm actually pregnant."
Lanie presses her hands on Kate's shoulders and looks directly into her eyes. "And I'll be here every step of the way," she promises, repeating her words from earlier that afternoon when Kate had confessed her suspicion in a panic. "No matter what, Kate."
Kate nods and walks over to her couch, where she collapses into the cushions. She smiles her thanks when Lanie hands her a mug of ginger tea, one of the only things that has helped keep her nausea at bay.
Her mind races, immediately thinking of what she needs to do. She has to make an appointment with her doctor, ask about any potential complications from her continued healing from her shooting. She'll have to tell her dad at some point-
"Are you going to look for him?"
Lanie's question cuts through her thoughts, and she sighs and leans forward, rests her head in her hands. "I don't know," she breathes, dreading that potential confession already. Rick deserves to know, but… "I never even learned his last name."
Lanie's brow quirks, but she doesn't comment. "Do you need it?" she presses, turning to face Kate and curling her legs under her. "You're the best detective in the NYPD. I'll bet you could find him."
Kate scoffs. "Sure. Some guy named Rick who was at The Old Haunt a few weeks ago? Recipe for success right there."
Lanie shrugs and sips her tea. "I'm just saying, if anyone can find him, it's you."
Kate sighs and curls her fingers around her mug. Maybe Lanie's right: not that she'll be able to find Rick - it's an impossible task, even for her - but that she should at least try.
"Hi, Katie," Jim greets her, standing from his regular booth at the diner a few days later.
Kate steps into her dad's hug, takes a moment to close her eyes and breathe in his familiar scent. They've been through a lot, especially in the past dozen years, but still, she's nervous.
She steps back and smiles, and Jim motions for her to sit.
"I ordered coffee for you," he tells her, motioning to the steaming mug at her seat.
Kate pauses. "Oh. Thanks." She picks up the mug and inhales, testing her stomach with the smell. She's been lucky so far, only dealing with mild nausea, but she knows that could change at any time.
When she looks up and notices her dad's curious gaze, she takes a deep breath. May as well rip the band-aid off.
"So, I kinda have news," she starts, glancing back down at the table to gather her courage before meeting his eyes again.
She feels like a teenager again, sitting across from her parents after they caught her breaking curfew, waiting for her to confess. She uses the same technique during interrogations, to great success, and it's no wonder why. Pregnancy news or not, she feels like she needs to confess all of her sins.
Instead, she takes a breath to gather her thoughts, leans forward, and opens her mouth.
"I'm pregnant."
She didn't expect her dad to jump for joy, but when she looks up and sees the surprised look on his face, she sinks back into her seat.
Jim opens and closes his mouth a few times, then reaches across the table and slides her coffee towards him. "Guess we gotta replace this with decaf."
"I-" She blinks in confusion. "Aren't you upset? I didn't exactly plan this."
"You're not a teenager, Katie," he points out. "I just didn't realize you were seeing anyone."
"I'm not," she admits. When he raises both brows in surprise, she sighs. "I only knew his first name."
At that, Jim chuckles and shakes his head. "Oh, Katie. Nothing less than running straight into the fire with you," he teases. "How are you feeling?"
"Emotionally, or…"
"In general." He reaches across the table and covers her hand with his. "I'm here for you. Whatever you need."
She offers a small, relieved smile. "Thanks, Dad."
She relaxes as their lunch and conversation continue, and by the time her dad picks up the check, she isn't nearly as nervous as she was before. Sure, it will be a struggle, but no matter what, her dad will be in her corner.
"Tell me," he says when they walk out, "did you ask me to lunch so I wouldn't cause a public scene?"
Kate's cheeks warm and she shoves her hands in her coat pocket. She'd hoped he wouldn't figure it out. "Maybe?"
Jim laughs out loud and pulls her into his arms. "You're just like your mother," he whispers, something he's said a million times but she'll never get sick of hearing.
She goes back and forth for a few more days, debating on how to go about trying to find Rick. At one point she almost just Googles "The Old Haunt Rick," but she decides that it would probably give her a discouraging number of results, so she doesn't.
When Friday rolls around, she decides that she should just go to the bar and see if he's there.
Lanie offers to go with her, but Kate declines. This is something she needs to do herself.
It's early evening, before the late night crowd, so The Old Haunt is quieter than she remembers, and brighter inside. She looks around, studying the few patrons scattered throughout, then shakes her head and walks towards the bar.
She's a damn homicide detective. She can ask a damn question.
She recognizes the bartender from that night, and he looks up at her as she approaches and smiles a greeting.
"Hi there, what can I get you?" he asks, setting a napkin in front of her.
"I'm actually looking-"
"Here you go, Brian, you guys should be-"
Kate freezes when she hears the familiar voice, and she slowly turns to see Rick, a box in his arms and a shocked expression on his face as he stares at her. Her breath catches in her throat as he sets the box down and approaches her.
"You work here?" she blurts when he's a few feet in front of her.
The corner of his mouth quirks and he leans against the counter. "Something like that. What are you doing here? Not that-" He stops and clears his throat. "I just got the impression that I wouldn't see you again."
She takes a deep breath. "Yeah, about that. Can we talk?"
"Sure. Can I get you a drink?" he offers, motioning to Brian. "Manhattan, right? Brian, on me."
"No," Kate says quickly before he can start making it. "I'm good. Thanks though."
Rick studies her with a curious gaze, then turns and motions towards the back of the bar. "We'll have privacy in the office downstairs."
"Wow," she breathes as she follows Rick down the stairs into a large room, decorated in the same speakeasy style as the bar upstairs. There's even a large, ornate desk in the middle of the room, a computer one of the only signs that they're in the 21st century.
Rick leads her towards the sitting area against the wall. "This is more comfortable than the desk," he explains, taking one of the armchairs.
Kate sits in the other chair and wipes her hands on her slacks. She looks up at Rick, ready to just blurt it out, but the way he's gazing at her, as if she's the only person that exists, freezes her in her tracks.
God, his eyes are so soft, so tender, so damn blue…
It makes her wish she could give more of herself to him.
She shakes her head and folds her hands in her lap. "Before I say anything, I just want to be clear, I don't expect anything from you. I'm not here to ask for anything, but I thought you deserve to know, it wouldn't be fair if I just-"
"Kate." He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. "What is it?"
She shifts her gaze to the back of his chair, unable to make eye contact, not wanting to see his reaction. She can't explain her worry, just knows that the man she spent the night with is a complete stranger to her.
Finally, she takes a deep breath for courage. "I'm pregnant. It's yours," she adds to answer the unspoken question. "You're the only one I've been with in…well, in a while."
She forces herself to look at him, then, trying to gauge his reaction. His face is mostly unreadable, the only clear emotion being that of worry.
"Like I said," she continues, "I'm not asking for anything, I won't force you to be involved, we don't even know each other-"
"Like hell," he interrupts in a firm voice. "You wouldn't be forcing me. I'm just as responsible for this kid as you."
Kate studies him for several long moments. "Okay," she eventually agrees when he just holds her gaze.
"Okay," he echoes, the corners of his mouth lifting in a small smile. "We should probably get to know each other, huh? Since we're having a kid together."
"Don't you have to get back to work?" she asks. They've only been in the office for a few minutes, but when she arrived, it seemed like he was getting ready for the impending evening rush.
"Not really."
"But-"
Rick chuckles. "I don't work at the bar, Kate. I own it. I just help out when I know I won't get in the way."
"Oh." Her cheeks burn; apparently, Googling "The Old Haunt Rick" might have been more successful than she thought. "Okay. Well, what do you want to know about me?"
"Why don't we start with last names and go from there?"
Kate smirks, the excitement in Rick's eyes obvious. During their night together, he'd pressed for information a few times; about her scars, mostly, and a few other vague questions that she'd refused to answer.
His eyes darken, and she wonders if he's also remembering his hushed plea to see her again as they moved together in the dark.
"Beckett," she tells him, pushing the memory from her mind. "Kate Beckett."
He leans forward and holds out his hand. "Rick Castle. It's nice to officially meet you."
"Castle?" she repeats, her hand freezing in the air between them. "Rick Castle, the author?"
He nods, and she gets the impression that he's amused by her reaction. "Guilty as charged. You're familiar with my work, I take it?"
Kate shakes her head in disbelief. How did she not recognize him? She's read every single one of his books - devoured them, really - and had even tried to attend one of his book signings several years ago, although she'd been called into work at the last minute.
She should've paid more attention to the picture on the back of the book.
The phone on the desk rings, and Rick gives her an apologetic look and stands to answer. "What's up, Brian? Sure, I'll be right up."
He hangs up the phone and turns back to Kate. "Sorry, I'm needed upstairs. Why don't you stay down here? I should just be a minute, and we can talk more."
Kate shakes her head and grabs her purse as she stands. "I should go anyway."
She doesn't have to leave; all that's waiting for her tonight is ginger tea and an empty apartment, but she knows that if she stays here, Rick will somehow manage to get her to share more than she wants to.
He has a way of getting under her skin; she figured that out early in their night together. Each time he pressed for information, she found it more difficult to hold back. She needs to keep him at an arm's length if she wants to protect herself.
Rick studies her for a long moment, then pulls out his cell phone. "Okay. Give me your number, and I'll call you later? Maybe we can get together this weekend."
Kate pauses before taking his phone.
Even as she types in her information and sends herself a text so she has his, she finds herself wondering how long it'll take before he breaks her heart.