4th of Frostfall

It's been a bit since I've written. I've been busy with the Companions. The Harbinger is the oddest position. I've got no real authority, unlike the Jomsbrodiers. I can advise but I can't order. I'm still figuring out how all this works and trying to take on enough work that I don't miss Kodlak so much. Jorrvaskr is a bitter-sweet place for me, these days. It's getting better but Kodlak had this calm, steadying presence that I really miss.

I've taken a boy under my wing. He styles himself as Eric the Slayer much to everyone else's amusement. He's so green he doesn't even understand why that's funny. The other Companions treat him a bit like a mascot but I have seen him training with Athis so I think I've done alright by bringing him here to Jorrvaskr. I met him and his father at the inn in Rorikstad. The boy was bored with farming and wanted something with more excitement. He wanted to go adventuring.

I offered to take the boy, take him with me, and outfit him but his Da is a stubborn old goat. I ended up giving his Da some money to get him some gear but when I hired him, I still had to outfit him anyway. His Da might have been in the Legion once but I've seen what they wear and it's not any better than the scrap the Stormcloaks wear. How this army ever managed to conquer anything, much less an empire, is beyond my understanding. They'd both be better off if they strapped dinner plates and serving platters to themselves. I've hit plates and platters a few times by accident and those things are tough. Unlike the crappy armor, they'll take a sword hit without denting.

I still recall Farkas telling me, "This can be a rough life. I hope we get to keep you," when I joined the Companions. Since I knew that 200 gold wasn't going to go far, I made sure to come back after a few days. Thank the divines that I did. Ysgramor's beard! I don't know what junk merchant's cart that crap fell out of, but my instincts were right. I've hired him as a mercenary just so I can upgrade his kit. Even if he decides he doesn't like following a woman around, at least I won't feel guilty about him getting hurt or killed because of that pile of junk. Everyone needs their first commission, and I might be feeling just a teensy bit responsible for him taking up this life so I've hired the boy.

6th of Frostfall

If nothing else, I have the boy kitted out properly including a decent bow and sword that actually has an edge, not to mention a fairly nasty shock enchantment. Yes, I've learned how to do that myself, too, since I couldn't afford the prices that Farengar wanted. It definitely makes dealing with the dragons a lot easier. I don't want to hear any of that "keep that magic away from me" nonsense. When you can hear (and feel) yourself sizzling inside your armor, using magic to stop the frying just seems sensible. Letting one of those fire-breathers roast you or one of the frost-breathers freeze you simply because you don't like the idea of magic just starts to seem stupid. I will say that the smell of sausage frying still turns my stomach a bit. Smells a bit too much like me after a good roasting before I got smart and learned to enchant my armor.

I made myself a new set that was just a bit better than what I've been wearing. I kept that and gave the boy my old set. That seems to be working out. It's been well tested by half a dozen dragons, and I can't even count how many dragur so it should do to keep him in one piece. He does manage to look fierce in the carved armor that I've taken to wearing lately. He still doesn't understand why all the other Companions call him "pup". They are kind to him, though.

I've had him tagging along with my merry little band which consists of Jenassa the Night Blade and my house carl, Rayya. I think its safe enough for Eric as long as he stays behind us. I ran into someone who's claiming to be the last of the Blades. Goes by the name Delphine. She's the one that stole the horn and had me kill a dragon to prove I'm really dragonborn before she'd give it back.

We've been out hunting dragons for their souls and words of power. The Greybeards are slow to dole out the locations. If I'm to best that big black son of a skeever that's raising the other dragons from the dead, I'll need all the power I can scrape together. None of my weapons now seem to be able to so much as nick him so I'm not sure how I'm going to put him down like I have the others. If I keep trying, maybe I'll find something eventually.

I've been trying to just take the ones that are causing problems by attacking villages, roads, and farms. Mostly, I leave the ones that stay up high on the mountains and eat trolls. Trolls are a bigger problem than most people realize. I haven't been in a single Troll lair that wasn't full of human skeletons that had been gnawed on.

9th of Frostfall

I spent a few days with Eric and my little band clearing out bandits for Jarl Balgruuf. When times are bad, many turn to lawlessness, but they can't be allowed to overrun the land or disrupt trade. With that done, I've finally had some time to sit down and start digging through the dusty old records so I can start figuring out exactly what it is that I should be doing as the new Harbinger. It was the third Harbinger, Mryfwiil the Withdrawn, who decided to remove the Companions from all political conflicts. Apparently, at one point, we ended up with Companions on both sides of the same conflict, being forced to face each other in battle. That's a sure path to seeing the band ripped apart, so Mryfwiil ended the practice. Since that time, we don't fight in wars. That means that as the new Harbinger, I'll have to sit this civil war out. I hadn't realized that it went back that far. The only other option is to step down as Harbinger to pick a side and push them to victory and see if the Circle wants me to come back afterwards. Either way, the victory will need to be soon and be decisive, or this damnable war will drag on until Skyrim and Cyrodiil are both easy pickings for the Thalmor. There won't be enough strength here left for anyone to be able interest the Hist or the Mane or even Hammerfell in an alliance to send the Altmer to join their cousins the Dwermer in Oblivion.

The Emperor should have used the White-Gold Concordant to wipe his backside and then nailed that thing to the forehead of the treacherous Thalmor. The Thalmor weren't in any more of a position to keep fighting than the Emprire was at the time. Their losses had been just as massive, and they don't have many children. The ones they do have don't reach fighting age as quickly either. Why in name of Sheogorath's hairy balls did that man ever agree to those terms? They're so unfavorable as to be almost ridiculous. This is why fearful little men shouldn't be allowed to sit on thrones. Talos would never have signed such a thing. They should have let them take Cyrodiil and come here where the cold and mountains and bears could help us fight these damn elves. Now they're just nothing but a front for the Thalmor who've threated, tortured, bribed, murdered and cajoled their way through the Empire. The whole structure is corrupt now and the best we can do is wipe away and start over.

Apparently, there's a lot of history between the Companions and the Thalmor of old. I've been reading about it. Ysgramor was the first Harbinger and he came to Skyrim to settle at Saarthal, only to have most of his family wiped out by the elves. He went home, gathered up some friends and friends of friends and came back to Skyrim with the 500. The roof of our hall, Jorrvaskr is the hull of one of the ships that made that crossing. Those 500 drove all the elves out of Skyrim and then dispersed to settle it. Jorrvaskr was the ship of Jeek of the River, the second Harbinger. They found the Skyforge and decided to make this their home before there was ever a Whiterun. That much of what Eorlund told me is accurate – that the Skyforge was there first, then Jorrvaskr, then the city sprang up around it. The Grey-Manes seem to have come with Jeek. I wonder if the Battle-Borns did as well. The war against the elves is the reason that the Companions exist.

Just like the battle of the 500 against the elves, we're going to need enchanted weapons and armor so that we can withstand their magic. Having fought with wizards, sorcerers, necromancers and their ilk a bit, I can say that they don't do well when you can attack them physically. They ward themselves against everything but a good sharp blade or a stout hammer. Their summoned creatures vanish once the mage loses focus on them and one of the easiest ways to make that happen is to send their head flying across the room. To do that though, you have to be able to withstand the elemental damage they can inflict. Enchantments help with that quite a lot.

I know that this generation of Companions thinks that Skyforge Steel is the last word in weapons, but it is not. I have the axe that Eorlund made me when I joined. It's good – for steel, but I can make better blades out of other alloys that are stronger, sharper, hold an edge better and take enchantments better. The armor I can make takes enchantments better and better enchantments means less of me frying when I face off with these dragons. One of my gifts from Ysgramor's Tomb is Ysgramor's Shield. Guess what? It's enchanted so I'm apparently not the first to come to this conclusion. I know that Kodlak was against magic and considered it to be subterfuge, almost bordering on deception. I wish I could show him this shield and talk it over with him. If the first, and perhaps greatest of us, used enchanted weapons and armor, then perhaps I'm on the right track after all. The only person that might understand is Balgruuf but I don't really want to bother him. Still, it might be helpful to have a conversation with him over some mead. Maybe the next time he sneaks down to the Bannered Mare. Having me there might make Irileth less cross with him.

11th of Frostfall

I had some time to reflect on the things that have been troubling me and one popped out to me. This whole Dragonborn thing means that I'm god-touched. Being dragonborn is apparently a gift directly from Akatosh, with maybe a couple of other gods thrown in for good measure. I was fighting another dragon when I came across this white crystal sphere. The good news is that I now have a sword that hates the undead. It works quite well on draugr. The bad news is that it's a gift from Meredia, the Daedra. I'm so torn about carrying it. It carves through the undead like no one's business. I don't have to charge it that often. Anything to do with the Daedra unsettles me. I've already got at least one god and maybe as many as three of them meddling in my life. I'm not sure that I want more powers of universe toying with my existence.

12th of Frostfall

I had a courier stop me today. He's handing out flyers for a new Mythic Dawn museum in Dawnstar. I haven't been to Dawnstar yet. Talk about the frozen north. That's almost out to the ice packs. Maybe I'll go. If there's a museum about the Oblivion crisis, maybe someone there knows something about this sword, Dawnbreaker. Meredia doesn't seem to be evil per se but like all Daedra or the Aedra for that matter, she's not overly concerned with anything other than what she wants. There's no more consideration for us than I'd give to ants on the path around the Gildergreen.

13th of Frostfall

I took a job for the Companions that ended up with me escorting someone who'd been kidnapped back to Dawnstar. While I was there, I thought I'd visit the museum. Synchronicity? Serendipity? More unseen hands moving me around on the game board? Who knows? You can drive yourself mad pondering things like that too long, so I refuse to fall into that trap. It's not a museum. It's thinly disguised Daedra worship. No wonder the townsfolk are upset by it. The owner was being confronted by them when I wandered over. He wants me to gather up the bits and bobs of Mehrune Dagons Razor so I've set about it. He pays well enough and it's not like I'm going to let him keep that thing. I fear if I don't, he'll find someone else with less scruples who will let him keep it or take it off his corpse. Either way that nasty little instrument ends up loose in the world. The only reason I can imagine he'd want all these pieces and pay so well for each one is that he plans to reforge it.

19th of Frostfall

I managed to get all the pieces. Bought most of them, actually. The orc chief who though it would let him establish a new stronghold and the hargraven put up a bit of fight. The rest was paid for in gold, not blood. I was right. He wanted to reforge it. Dagon refused to reforge it for him and offered it to me instead. All I had to do was kill the idiot. I refused to kill him, so he attacked me to get thing. Gah! Now I have another Daedra calling me "their champion". Not what I wanted but now this thing is buried deep under Jorrvaskr and only me and the diary know about it. The less said about it the better. I'll leave some notes for the next Harbinger but I found a few other things down there already so I'm clearly not the first Harbinger to have the idea that this might make a good place to keep dangerous things out of the world.

20th of Frostfall

I got a letter from the Jarl of Falkreath, inviting me to come there, help clear out some bandits, buy some land and build a house. Maybe some time away from Jorrvaskr now and then would do me good. Everything's still bit raw and I think I need a bit of break. Not long, but I think a few days would do me some good. I need to have a lighter heart myself if I'm to find a way to comfort them, let alone myself.

I've noticed that the other Companions don't spend so much time here anymore either. They're likely as a raw as I am, maybe more so since they him longer. I think we need to have an excuse for a party. In the Jomsbrodirs, we held good, old fashioned drunken celebrations of the life of the person who had left us to travel the Undiscovered Country. I think I'm also going to have the twins start teaching me to use Wuuthrad. It seems a shame to have such a thing and keep it mounted on a wall.