Our Commander and Inquisitor confront each other again. Will she give him her word?
I've been enjoying writing and building the slow burn between these two. It's obvious Cullen has had feelings for the Inquisitor from the start, and I've definitely incorporated that. Lara is definitely not making it easy for him ;)

Please leave a review if you've been enjoying it so far! I'm grateful for every view, bookmark, favorite, etc x

—-

Chapter 10:

Much to her relief, Lara had her own living quarters away from everyone else. It was currently undergoing some renovations as was the rest of Skyhold. She frequently met with Josephine to go over designs and decorations so Josephine could pull the necessary strings to make it happen. Josephine respected her wishes to be alone besides their meetings and would give her apologies to Solas and Dorian for her.

Most nights she spent in her quarters, sitting on her balcony, crying. Her advisors knew she didn't want this, and they made her Inquisitor anyways. She felt betrayed. A door slamming caught her attention and she shot up.

"Are we going to have a repeat of Haven? Surely not," Dorian's voice boomed as he climbed up the stairs to her bedroom.

She let out a sigh, relief sweeping over her that it was only him.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"Oh, we're being oblivious again. Charming," He said sarcastically.

"Ugh, I feel like I'm suffocating under it all. I'm not a leader. I wasn't even a Herald and now they've made me fucking Inquisitor. I'm not used to leading people. I work alone and now I have to save everyone," Lara plopped down on her bed.

"Wallowing in it does what exactly? Corypheus is still out there, still bent on turning the world into chaos and our Inquisitor is pouting in her room as if that will change things. Your privilege is showing," Dorian answered.

Lara sat up on her bed a bit too fast. "Excuse me?"

"I'm aware you come from nobility. Stomping your feet, mummy and daddy didn't give me what I wanted so now I'm going to make a fuss and punish everyone. Typical privileged behavior," Dorian continued, crossing his arms over his chest.

"My parents abandoned me and left me in a Circle. They didn't care much for me after that. Their love, if I can even call it that, stopped completely once they realized what I was. Maker forbid one of their children is a mage!" Lara was shouting now.

"My relationship with my father isn't so nice either, my dear. I told you I prefer the company of men. My father was least accepting of that and paired with my refusal to marry a woman and provide heirs, he turned to blood magic to erase my faults," Dorian's voice wavered, giving away a slight emotion behind it.

Lara stood up from the bed, her eyes widened. "I'm so sorry. What happened?"

"Naturally, I ran away from home. I abandoned them much like you cut off the final ties with your family for their actions. We're not so different but where we do differ is self-loathing. I could feel sorry for myself, hold anger at the world and everyone around me but what purpose does that serve? Instead, I made something of myself. I think I cleaned up rather nicely," He approached her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Suddenly, she felt like a child. She was acting like a child. She pulled him into a hug.

"You cleaned up fantastically," She whispered to him.

"That's enough emotions for one evening! Now, tell me about your conversation with the Commander. I've been dying to know!" He gave her a wink.

—-

Dorian gave her another scolding for even putting the Commander at arm's length again after their last conversation in the tent.

"Be grateful this man has the patience of Andraste herself," He said, narrowing his eyes at her.

She wasn't ready to give him an answer and she knew if she spoke to him he would demand one. Sighing, she got herself dressed and made her way outside. She hadn't properly been outside since she was made Inquisitor and that same dread creeped inside her. Making her way down the steps, she tried to ignore it. She needed to stop acting this way.

Once down, she heard Cullen's voice addressing his men and the scouts.

"Scout the area. We need to know our surroundings and what's out there," He ordered his men, who nodded and followed his orders.

A scout approached him advising that the temporary quarters for the Templars were going well.

"Good. I need an update on the armor and supplies for them," Cullen answered.

The scout stood there awkwardly.

Cullen looked over at him annoyed. "Now!"

The scout ran away scared. Cullen seemed irritated but Lara could guess as to why. Once his work area was clear, she approached him.

"Is that how you always talk to your men?" She asked, walking over to him.

"This is serious. I thought we were best set up at Haven. We were not prepared for an archdemon or whatever that thing was. I need to make sure everything is in order," He answered, narrowing his eyes at her.

The bags under his eyes were heavy. He looked weak, like he still wasn't sleeping. His stubble still hadn't been shaved.

"Are you not sleeping, Cullen?" The words were out before she could stop them. His name on her lips.

He looked at her alarmed like she had discovered his secret. He leaned his hands against the table, holding his head.

"If he strikes again, we may not be able to withdraw. We must be ready. Repairs on Skyhold have started, guard rotations are in place. By next week, everything will run smoothly," He ignored her question.

Lara's hand flew to his arm. He flinched slightly but didn't remove his arm from her hold.

I did that to him…

"Please, get some sleep. That's an order," She repeated his words back to him.

He looked up at her, eyes wide, the lack of sleep so evident on his face. He stood up and closed some of the distance between them.

"What is your answer?" He asked.

"I don't know yet. I haven't had time…" She whispered, his proximity clouding her thoughts.

He turned away from her, staring at the papers on the desk. She couldn't read his mind or body language. Would he decide for her?

"How many were lost?" She changed the subject, trying to remove the tension.

"Most have survived. Morale has improved greatly since you became Inquisitor."

"I'm not sure why everyone has such great faith in my leadership…"

"You don't have to carry us alone. It may feel like you do but as your advisors, we are here with you," Cullen answered, his voice back to normal.

"I'm relieved that you…" Lara stopped, "uh - that so many survived and we're here…" Lara trailed off, embarrassed she almost slipped.

Cullen watched her with an amused expression.

Idiot…just stop talking!

"As am I," He responded, still smiling. Lara felt her stomach doing flips.

"You stayed behind. You almost…" He stopped and shook his head.

He stepped closer to her, causing her body to freeze.

"What happened at Haven won't happen again. You have my word. I need your word that you will give me an answer," His eyes burned with an emotion Lara couldn't quite figure out. There was a need behind his voice.

"My word," She whispered.

He stared at her a second too long as if to commit her to memory and then turned to make his way up the stairs.

—-

Lara spent the next few days making her presence known in Skyhold. The title of Inquisitor felt too heavy for her, burdening her, but these people were looking up to her. Their Herald died and survived in their eyes, the mark given by Andraste herself as not even the Elder One could remove it. She had to continue to play into that hope.

She also spent some time with Solas to examine her mark and her new level of magic. According to him, the anchor now had the strength to open a rift as well as close it. It was dangerous and she needed to be very careful. It also meant it was doing more damage to her and used more of her mana.

Fantastic…

It was time to meet in the new War Room which Josephine was so excited about. She had to admit, Josephine really pulled some strings with the restorations and decor. This War Room was a huge improvement from Haven.

Lara was needed in Crestwood so that would be her next departure. Reports came in of a rift beneath the lake causing demons and the undead to terrorize the place. Fun. First, Varric insisted that she meet with him alone on the battlements to meet an important person. Lara did not miss Cullen's appearance and was annoyed that he hadn't listened to her order. The bags under his eyes were still heavy, his face pale, hair unruly, and a scowl on his face. Every so often, he kept pinching the bridge of his nose either in annoyance or pain, she wasn't sure.

"If Varric is talking about who I think he is, Cassandra is going to kill him," Leliana commented.

"Not if I kill the dwarf first for keeping a secret from us," Cullen commented bitterly.

"I think you all are being a little dramatic…" Lara started, not understanding why this was a big deal.

"We are the advisors," Cullen snapped, his fist landing on the table. "How do we look if our people keep secrets from each other? We need to know!"

Lara reared back from Cullen's outburst. He was normally still so collected even when annoyed but this was something else. Memories of Cullen looking ill came to mind. Was he actually ill with something?

"Forgive me…" He muttered, avoiding her gaze. He excused himself and left the War Room.

"Is there something about him I should know?" Lara asked Leliana.

"I need to speak to Cassandra," Leliana answered, not getting into it.

Fine…I'll speak to Cassandra then.

—-

"That dummy do something personal to you?" Lara asked as Cassandra took her anger out on it, practicing with her sword.

"Inquisitor. No, just a lot on my mind recently," Cassandra answered, dropping her sword.

"Please don't call me that. Lara is fine," She cringed at the title.

"As you wish. Did you need something?"

"Yes, it's the Commander. Cullen. I suspect he's ill. Possibly even punishing himself about Haven. I need to go to Crestwood so I was wondering if you could keep an eye on him for me until I get back," Lara explained, feeling a bit nervous.

"I didn't realize you cared so much about him. Usually you two are fighting," Cassandra eyed her suspiciously.

Shit…I didn't think this through…

"Correct but he is my advisor and I'd prefer him in one piece. Not looking ill and having outbursts at the War Table," Lara tried to save herself.

Cassandra's eyes widened, concern spread across her face.

"That is reason for concern. Leave it with me. I will make sure he is well when you return," She answered warmly.

At least Cassandra can play mother hen with Cullen. Crestwood involved the very person Varric wanted Lara to meet and based on Leliana's reaction it may cause a huge fight if she brought Cassandra. Best to leave her out of this journey.

"I appreciate it," Lara replied with a smile and turned on her heel to go find the dwarf and his mystery guest.

—-

"You realize some people want you dead over this meeting, right?" Lara raised an eyebrow as she waited with Varric.

"Like I said. It's complicated," He responded with a smile.

Soon footsteps descended and Lara looked up, recognizing who Varric brought.

"Inquisitor, meet Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall," Varric introduced her.

"Varric, you know I don't use that title anymore," Hawke responded with a smirk.

"I just thought you might have some friendly advice regarding Corypheus. We did fight him, after all," Varric responded walking away.

Hawke walked over to the wall of the battlements, looking down over Skyhold.

"Impressive view. Reminds me of my home in Kirkwall. My balcony overlooked the whole city. It was beautiful, but after a while, all I could see were the people out there depending on me," Hawke started, reminiscing.

Lara scoffed, "I'd rather take a city than half of Thedas."

"Well, that's what you got unfortunately."

"Does it get any easier?" Lara blurted out.

"I'll let you know," Hawke smirked at her. "I don't envy you, though."

"Varric mentioned you fought Corypheus before?" Lara changed the subject.

"You're the one who dropped half a mountain on him. I'm sure that's better than any advice I can give," Hawke snorted.

"I'm sure you could be useful. You did save a city from a horde of rampaging Qunari."

"I don't see how that applies…or is this something I don't know about?" Hawke smiled.

Lara liked her. This was someone she could be herself around. Rebellious and free.

"We have a Qunari. He could qualify as a horde himself. Fortunately, he's with us," Lara smirked.

"Then I'll have to meet him. What can I tell you then?" Hawke faced her.

"You fought him. You tell me," Lara shrugged.

"Fought and killed. So I thought. The Grey Wardens had him and he somehow used his connection to the darkspawn to influence them…"

"Corypheus got into their heads. Messed with their minds. Turned them against each other," Varric finished.

"If the Wardens have disappeared, they could be under his control again," Hawke continued.

"Fucking fantastic…" Lara muttered, gaining a chuckle from Varric.

"Can we even free them?" Lara asked.

"Possible. We need to know more first. I have a friend in the Wardens who is looking into something for me. Unrelated of course. His name is Stroud. Last we spoke, he was worried about corruption in the Wardens. Since then, nothing," Hawke answered.

"Corypheus certainly qualifies as corruption in the ranks. Did he disappear?" Varric answered.

"No. He's hiding in an old smuggler's cave in Crestwood."

"What were you doing with the Wardens?" Lara asked, curious.

"The templars in Kirkwall were using some fucking strange lyrium. It was red…"

"The templars that Corypheus has are tainted with that same lyrium you saw," Lara replied.

"Well, hopefully the Wardens will know more."

"I appreciate the help, Hawke. Truly," Lara smiled.

"I'm doing this as much for myself as for you," She winked at her.

"How's Anders doing?" Varric asked hesitantly.

Hawke let out a sigh. "The usual. Hiding out, disappearing. We see each other here and there. Love, eh?" She ended with an awkward laugh.

Lara got the hint she didn't want to discuss it. She felt a heavy pit in the bottom of her stomach as Cullen came to mind. Did Hawke have a forbidden romance? Lara felt as if she was following her same footsteps with her Commander. For some unknown reason, she wasn't looking forward to being away from him for so long, especially in the condition he was in. She told herself it was because he was her advisor and she needed him in top condition but deep down there was an uncomfortable emotion attached to not being able to see him.

—-

The weather in Crestwood matched the situation of the location. She instantly missed the mountainside and sunny skies of Skyhold. The magic in that place put Lara in a good mood and wished she could go back but there was a lot of fucking work to be done here. She brought Dorian, Varric, and Blackwall with her. First, they needed to meet Hawke and Stroud.

"Hawke was the person you wanted Lara to meet? I see you have a death wish with Cassandra," Dorian commented.

Varric chuckled and shrugged, "Seeker will come around eventually."

Stroud was helpful and provided a way forward with the Wardens, even if it wasn't a pretty one. The Wardens were in trouble and it definitely indicated foul play. Their next meeting was to be in the Western Approach for some sort of ritual. Lara partly felt this was her fault. She took the mages away from Corypheus and now he was going after the Wardens to make up for it.

Lara didn't like this mayor of Crestwood. He seemed like a fucking coward if you asked her but she was here to gain influence and support for the Inquisition so if it meant saving his fucking town, she'll save his fucking town. Their next spot was Caer Bronach to rid the underground of the rifts.

As usual, nothing was ever easy. Caer Bronach was overrun with bandits causing mayhem. If they could defeat the bandits, they could overtake it and claim it as Inquisition, providing a stronghold here. There were a lot of bandits in every corner but Lara was determined. The fight was long and gruesome and the bandits were persistent. Her party was drained by the end but luckily they brought extra potions. Once the area was cleared, Blackwall helped her put a flag post up top with the Inquisition banner.

Scout Harding and some soldiers started making their way in once they saw the flag raised. Something compelled her to write a letter to Cullen.

Commander,

You'll be pleased to know we have a stronghold in Crestwood called Caer Bronach. If you have any spare men who don't mind shitty weather, feel free to send them here. I'm sure Scout Harding will also fill you in.

Your so-called Inquisitor.

She decided to keep her signature almost as if an inside joke between them. She wanted to include a message about him getting some sleep but immediately thought it was too personal and shut that down. She didn't give him an answer yet and she remembered his words.

Do not toy with me, Lara.

Swallowing hard, she sealed the letter and used a raven to send it to the Commander.

—-

"What an absolute piece of shit…" She started angrily.

She was right. That mayor was an absolute asshole.

It was not darkspawn that opened the dam and flooded Old Crestwood ten years ago. I did, in secret, the night they attacked. The undead you have been fighting are people I killed with my own hands.

Dorian let out a noise. "Don't tell me this came as a surprise."

"Well, at least the sun is finally shining and this shit is at an end. 10 years…" Varric replied.

"The people here are saved now because of you. That's what matters," Blackwall added.

All of them were covered in filth from the underground flooded caves finding the source of the rift. So many undead they discovered once they drained the water. They even helped remove a demon so the undead can go in peace. Solas would have been proud of her. Lara felt so dirty she would remove her skin if she could.

They retreated back to Caer Bronach to clean up and rest for the day before heading out again tomorrow to complete the rest of their missions. They also needed to collect more ingredients and artifacts to take back to Skyhold. Lara was exhausted and already missed her quarters in Skyhold. Josephine made sure she had the finest decor which Lara was grateful for. The preparation of Caer Bronach was already going so smoothly and she felt quite pleased with what she accomplished in Crestwood. Even if she didn't feel worthy of her title, at least she faked it. At least the world could see what they did to Crestwood and realize that a mage can do good in the world.

Lara fell into a fitful slumber that night, full of oakmoss and elderflower and a golden honey hue that made her insides flutter.