Chapter 2: If you want somebody gone.
Charlie was woken up by a pounding headache, she opened her eyes slightly only to regret it. "Ugh." She saw that she had an empty wine glass in her hand, she gently put the glass down and rubbed her eyes. Everyone else was stirring awake as well, she took a breath, only to smell something delicious coming from the kitchen. Her stomach agreed to investigate after letting itself be known with a loud growl. She walked into the kitchen to find Six behind the stove with some ingredients on the counter beside him and music blasting out of his Pipboy, "Wow, that smells great." Charlie spoke up.
Six turned to spot Charlie, "Morning sleepy head." He smiled behind his rebreather, "Did you have fun last night?" He asked sarcastically.
"I don't have to dignify that with a response." Charlie said as she sat down on a stool, "Smells delicious. What are you making?"
"Some wasteland omelettes, I always use them to get over my hangovers." Six served her an omelet.
"I'm guessing that those ingredients are from your time." Charlie inspected it.
"They're perfectly edible, and quite good." Six said.
"It did smell good." Charlie said, "I'm just weary about eating food I know nothing about."
"Fair enough." Six conceded, "But your hangover isn't going anywhere until you get some food in your stomach."
Charlie picked up her fork, cut off a piece, and tentatively put a piece of the omelette in her mouth. Chewing slowly as the exotic flavors hit her tongue, she had a sharp intake of breath and swallowed the food in her mouth. "Oh, my, dad." She then started scarfing down the rest of the omelette.
"What's all this commotion?" Alastor asked as the rest of the demons trailed behind him.
"Food. Good." Charlie grunted as she tried to get more of the omelette into her mouth. Alastor recoiled slightly, he couldn't stand messy eaters. But he couldn't say anything against the princess of hell. He just shook his head and took a step back.
"It can't be THAT good." Husk said as he was served an omelette. He cut a piece off and ate it, his reaction was the same as Charlie's, "HOLY FUCK!"
Soon the rest of the demons were eating omelettes and moaning in ecstasy, Six could only chuckle at their antics, "Niffty, where did you put my armor and mask?" He asked the small housekeeper.
The smallest demon of the bunch finished choking down her omelette and replied, "I washed your armor, dusted your duster, and hand cleaned your helmet. They were all really dirty, I don't know how you lived like that."
"We have very little clean running water in the Mojave, almost all the clean water is used for crops or drinking, more of the former than the later." Six elaborated, "There was a huge fight to control the Hoover Dam. If that explains it."
"Jeez, are all places as bad as the Mojave?" Angel asked.
"It varies, New California has been slowly putting itself back together. As well as The Capital Wasteland." Six started, "The expansion of the NCR has led to resistance, as I've stated earlier."
"Yes, The Legion if I recall correctly." Alastor said, "Sounds ridiculous."
"As ridiculous as they may seem to be, they are a force to be reckoned with, a bunch of guys with machetes, hammers, swords, spears, and some guns. Using nothing but old football equipment as armor and conquering a large portion of land? If they've got anything it's determination." Six rebuked Alastor, "Could really do without the slavery or crucifixions though."
"They crucify people?" Charlie asked, her expression of utter shock.
"If you're unlucky." Six answered, "I came across a town that had been ransacked by The Legion, they held a lottery. The winner of the lottery survived at least for a moment, the runner up? He got his legs broken, people who came in third? Shot in the head. The rest were crucified."
"Fuck." Husk sighed, grabbing a fresh bottle of booze, "I may be a demon but fuck that's a little insane."
"Hmm." Alastor drummed his fingers against his chin in thought.
"Don't even think about it, or you'll have me to contend with." Six warned Alastor.
"And what makes you think you could stop me?" Alastor asked, the background growing darker, his eyes turning into radio dials, and his mouth light up with every word spoken.
"Because you're looking at a man who has had his brain, heart, and spine surgically removed. I lived to tell the tale as well as convincing my own brain to shove itself back in my skull. There is very little you can do that hasn't been done to me." Six replied just as coldly.
That was enough to stop Alastor's train of thought immediately. His face turned back to normal, "I'm sorry, you what?!"
Six finally pulled up a stool of his own, "I suppose I should start from the beginning. It all started with a simple job, delivering a platinum poker chip." Six began, "You may want to settle in, its quite the story. If you have any questions, raise your hand."
"Hold on." Husk got up and left the kitchen, there was some brief shuffling outside said kitchen and he came back with several bottles of booze and a list that they had drafted. "Now that you mention it, we do have some questions. But can we do this in a more comfortable place? I like the kitchen but any asshole could walk in and listen in."
Six nodded and the rest agreed, soon the group reconvened at the conference room they were in the previous day. Six was back in his Elite Riot Gear; it was like a familiar blanket, and he could use all the familiarity he could right now. This time all sat on one end with Six at the head, all had notebooks of their own at Six's suggestion as it was a long and complicated story. "Let's call this, Chapter 1. Ain't that a kick in the head." He started up his tale, now that they had known about where he came from. It was time to learn about the man himself, "It was night time, the light of the New Vegas strip gleamed in the distance, but that didn't matter. I was on my knees, with my hands bound in front of 3 assholes that had just beaten me down alongside their asshole goons and stolen my package."
Angel's hand went up first, Six turned to him and gestured for him to speak. "Package?" The porn star said, "What were ya? Some kinda mailman?" He chuckled, getting a laugh out of everyone else.
"Yeah, I was." Six answered. Having their laughter come to a halt, "My official title is; Courier Six, of the Mojave Express."
"So that's why you're called Six?" Vaggie asked.
"Pretty much." He replied.
"Do you even remember your name?" Charlie asked.
"I was getting to that part, the reason why I can't remember my name is because. The guys who stole my package and had me bound and on my knees in front of them shortly after stealing said platinum chip, the main asshole in a checkered suit pulled out a 9 millimeter pistol and shot me in the head." Six explained.
Eyes widened as jaws slowly but surely fell open, "H-H-How in the absolute fuck did you survive that?!" Charlie shouted out, her eyes inadvertently turned red with yellow irises and horns sprouted from her forehead.
"I must have gotten lucky." Six explained, "After I was essentially killed and buried. A robot from a nearby town dug me up and drug my somehow still breathing corpse to the nearest doctor, who did his best to patch me up. Some of the scars still remained however." Six pointed to his head, "When I came to, I had some tests run on me in order to gain my bearings once again. Then, after that I was given the stuff that arrived with me, my Pipboy, and set out for revenge."
"This is getting more convoluted by the moment." Vaggie rested a hand on her head.
"It only gets more fucked up from there." Six mentioned, "But I think that's enough for right now. You have a business to run, and I have some questions of my own."
"Oh really?" Alastor asked, "Like what?"
"What do you use for currency? Because in the wastes we use bottle caps or we trade stuff. Usually for caps." Six asked, "I have pre-war money but even then from your perspective it's from the future so even then, it's not viable."
"You guys use bottle caps for money?" Husk asked.
"Yeah, caps started out as very scarce, impossible to even counterfeit because the technology to produce them was destroyed in the great war. They're not easily replaced in the wastes and pretty durable. Every way of producing paper money was blown away when the nukes dropped until recently, then having gold reserves were either robbed, used for electronics, or went the way of paper money." Six explained, "Caps started off as water merchants taking them as acceptable currency and soon everyone started to as well."
Husk opened his mouth to reply but paused, "Actually that kinda makes some sense when thinking about it." He concluded.
"We tend ta use paper money, honey." Angel pulled a roll of cash from his breast fluff and tossed it at Six.
Six caught it, fanned it out, and looked at the different notes. "Hmm. Alright." He rolled it back up, tossing it back at the spider demon. "How about precious metals?"
"Hmm?" Husk asked, "Wait, you're telling us that you have precious metals with ya?"
"I have a lot of things with me." Six explained to the demon cat, "If I were to say hypothetically speaking I had some gold and silver bars what would that put me at financially speaking?"
"That could very well make you one of the richest men in hell." Alastor pointed out, "That is to say, if we're remaining in the hypotheticals."
"Let's just say yes, we're strictly speaking hypothetically." Six said, "I don't want to cause any more trouble than I already have. But, unfortunately I'm a trouble magnet. These things tend to find me, whether I want them to or not."
Charlie, who was now back in her more regular form, stood up and walked over to Six. Wrapping her arms around his neck to comfort the Courier, "Well you don't have to go through it alone."
"If you have any issues that...need to be taken care of...please don't be afraid to ask." Six responded, sitting up more and placing a hand on Charlie's forearm to reciprocate the hug.
Angel looked at Six, curiosity overtaking the face of the spider demon, "Wait a minute, when you mean taken care of…"
"I'm not above killing people." Six tilted his head toward the porn star, "As far as I'm concerned so long as no one attempts to harm me, I won't harm them. I'm not going to attack others unprovoked, if that's what you're afraid of."
"But you can be hired?" Angel asked.
"Mercenary work tends to be very fun, but there are lines I won't cross." Six told the group, "Slavery, crucifixion, rape, child abuse, are just a few of them."
"Prostitution?" Angel asked.
"Fuck, I once hired some prostitutes for some people. But they were well compensated and protected." Six explained, "I've sucked and fucked, sometimes for free because I'm a charismatic son of a bitch. Selling sex is one of the oldest trades in the world, so if you want to pay for it? I'm not going to stop you." He shrugged, "I'm guessing you're a prostitute yourself."
"Prostitute, porn star, and stripper." Angel bragged while rubbing his fluff together.
"Well, if you do what you love. You'll never work a day in your life." Six chuckled to himself.
"Yeah. Sure." Angel looked around.
Six's pipboy buzzed, he had a new task. He stood up, "So what can I do to help?"
"Well I can think of a few things!" Charlie said as she unwrapped herself from around Six, "How much can you hold?"
They had returned to the electrical pole from yesterday. Angel Dust, Charlie, and now Six occupied the space in front of the pole. Charlie finished stapling up a poster, "What do you think Six?" Charlie asked the mailman.
"It's not bad, certainly a reprieve from all the propaganda posters that litter the wasteland." Six said.
"Like what?" Angel asked.
"Like beware the red communists, only you can prevent corporate espionage, enjoy a nice salisbury steak, quench your thirst with a Sunset Sarsaparilla. Shit like that." Six replied with a note of exhaustion.
"Sounds like that got pretty boring." Charlie commented as the trio moved to a new electrical pole.
"In the wasteland, there's not much for entertainment between the fights for your life. There's some comics and magazines, a few books, and the radio stations. But those are scarce. Most books are destroyed, unless you're me." Six replied.
"So you're saying you're special?" Angel asked.
"I can do a lot of things that very little can. I can take the burnt or destroyed books and with a little bit of glue and a workbench, I repurpose them into actual magazines or books." Six commented.
"If I hand you a book I absolutely destroyed earlier, you're saying that you could turn it into another book?" Angel asked.
"So long as I know the material, yes." Six replied.
"C'mon guys, we have at least 10 more to do before it's 12 o'clock!" Charlie said excitedly.
"Ugh, how can you stand this menial work?" Angel asked.
"Typically I get paid, but sometimes doing charity work is actually pretty exciting. Because, there is more excitement later on down the line." Six replied.
"How do ya mean?" Angel asked.
"Take these posters for example, you said that the hotel isn't really popular on the way over here. Which means that there are going to be people that disagree with what these posters say. They're going to do some...unauthorized deconstruction. If you get what I mean?" Six explained.
"They're going to tear them down." Angel said.
"Which means that we…" Six trailed off for Angel to complete.
"Get to rough 'em up!" Angel pounded his top left fist into his top right open palm above the stack of papers he was holding in his bottom two arms.
"So essentially, not only do we carry the posters. We're also bodyguards." Six said.
"That's a betta way of lookin' at it." Angel smirked, "Say, how many of these posters are you carrying anyways? That's gotta be heavy with all that, plus your guns and armor."
"My armor gives me a bonus to my strength which is already maxed out." Six explained.
"Wait, you can measure how strong you are?" Charlie asked as the trio stopped at another electrical pole.
"Yep, with my S.P.E.C.I.A.L. stats." Six handed a new poster to Charlie.
"Aww, so you are special." Angel patted Six on the top of his helmet as he sarcastically quipped.
"It's an anagram. It stands for; Strength, Perception, Endurance, Charisma, Intelligence, Agility, and Luck." Six told the two demons, "Throughout my various adventures in the Mojave wasteland I've been able to max out all of these traits. That's not even including my skills and perks."
"Alright, alright. You're good, save us the lecture and tell us a summary." Angel complained.
"I'm good with guns and explosives, I can fix things and people to an extent, I know how to break and hack nearly into anything, I can cook up a storm, I can chat up people into changing their minds as well as striking a great deal, I can be quieter than a ninja and I can throw one mean right hook." Six said, "Is that satisfactory enough?" The courier asked the porn star.
"You're a jack of all trades aren't ya?" Angel asked back.
"Jack of all trades, master of none. Is better than a jack of no trades and a master of one." Six said.
"Hey! Charlie!" A random demon from across the street shouted at the trio, "I got your pen, how do you like that you, b-bitch!"
Charlie got red in the face from embarrassment and muttered, "Come on let's get out of here guys." She tried walking away but Six grabbed the back of her suspenders.
"Hold on, I'm not entirely privy to the situation. Why is that guy harassing you?" Six asked.
Charlie turned around as Six released her, "A few months ago I had an interview on the news to advertise the hotel, it…didn't go well. The news anchor was kinda a bitch so I may have called her one. While taking her pen."
"And I was busy helping out a friend." Angel said confidently.
"You were participating in a turf war." Charlie sighed, "That's why- you know what, never mind. Let's just try somewhere else."
"Or, you could stay right here. Because I have a solution." Six said while dropping the posters into Angel's set of free arms. He pulled out a weird gun shaped device.
"Ugh." Angel grunted, "What izzat thing? Looks like a gun."
"Yep, Charlie's gun." Six said as he held the handle out to Charlie after loading it, "Go on."
"I don't want to hurt anybody!" Charlie said.
"The only thing you'll hurt is their pride, I promise." Six said.
"Okay…" Charlie reluctantly agreed and grabbed the gun. Shifting it in her hands until it was comfortable, "Now what?"
"This is a recharger pistol that has been modified, I had it made for fun." Six said, "Now point it at the guy insulting you. It's got a little bit of a kick so lean forward a bit to brace yourself."
Charlie did as instructed, while the demon had his back turned and was talking to his acquaintances. "Now," Six instructed, "Look down the crosshairs and put that asshole right dead center." Charlie nodded and did so, "Put your index finger on the trigger, and gently squeeze it."
The gun charged up, lights from the back to the front lit up, and the gun discharged, leaving a blue laser in its wake. It hit the demon across the street and suddenly in a bright white light he was standing in front of his acquaintances stark ass naked. Charlie's eyes widened as she saw what just occurred. Angel's jaw dropped as well as the posters he was holding. Six nudged Charlie in the side, "Now we get out of here." He said as he picked up the posters and started hauling ass back to the hotel with Angel and Charlie in tow.
"Hahahahahaha!" Angel was laughing the entire time.
Charlie joined Angel's laughter with her own chuckles, "I hope you know I'm keeping this gun!"
"I fully expect you to." Six said, "Although, you're going to need help with the ammo. It runs on energy cells and I don't think you carry any down here."
"Nevah heard of them." Angel commented as they got out of sight and slowed down.
"Still, where did his clothes go?" Charlie asked.
"Oh, I have them." Six told them, he then dropped the demon's clothing in front of them, "Which includes his wallet."
"Hey, we shouldn't steal from him." Charlie complained.
"He was an asshole, also it's only stealing if you get caught." Six took the cash out of his wallet and stuffed it into his pockets, "Also he was an asshole."
"You mentioned that." Charlie stated, her eyes narrowing as she stared a hole through the former mailman.
"Felt like it bore repetition, my moral code is very loose-ish." Six said while looking at the ID of the demon, before he chucked it into the nearest storm drain.
"Let's jus' get this out of the way. What is your moral code?" Angel asked, "Because one moment you're a saint, and the next you're no better than a two bit crook."
"I suppose that it's trying not to harm anyone innocent, and not picking fights that you can't finish." Six said, "With me being in hell, innocence is very fleeting."
"Huh, that...makes some sense. I suppose." Charlie acquiesced, "Just try not to make the hotel look bad, okay?" She asked Six.
"Courier's honor." Six held up 3 fingers.
"Dontcha mean scout's honor?" Angel smirked.
"Yeah, something like that." Six said, "So, are we done for today? Or do we have more posters to hang up?" He asked as he produced the stack of papers.
"Wait, you saved the posters?" Angel asked.
"They're important to Charlie, of course I did." Six told the stripper.
Charlie went a little bit more pink in the cheeks and smiled, "Thanks Six."
"It's not a problem, besides these things weigh nothing." The courier mentioned off handedly.
"They weigh nothing to you?" Angel asked, "You were making me carry them around for hours!" He yelled at Six.
"I didn't make you do anything, Charlie told me it was a punishment for you for something or another and I complied." Six smiled under his gas mask, "On your own head be it."
"Jerk." Angel crossed both sets of arms, puffing out his cheeks in a huff.
"Don't get your panties in a wad, I was doing what the princess asked." Six said casually.
"Panties?" Angel asked, "Wait, Six what do you think I am?"
"Looks like a duck, walks like a duck, sounds like a duck. It's probably a duck." Six gestured to Angel. "You're obviously female."
Angel's face split into a grin as he started to laugh, "Six I'm a guy! I just like guys too. Gals have to pay extra."
"Ahh, a confirmed bachelor. Wouldn't be the first time I've been confused by presentation. Nor is it the weirdest thing that I've been attracted to." Six admitted.
"Attracted to?" Charlie asked.
"Weirdest thing?" Angel asked after Charlie.
"To give you an insight on just what exactly I'm attracted to, I once hit on a lightswitch because it sounded sexy." Six said.
"Lightswitch that sounds sexy?" Angel asked, "That's a new one."
"From the future, remember?" Six reiterated, "I'm going to say shit that you don't understand but is perfectly normal for me."
"So you've hit on a lightswitch?" Angel asked.
"I've hit on a lot of things, people, and robots." Six said.
"Please don't elaborate." Charlie groaned.
"Please do~" Angel purred.
"I'll tell you about it later Angel. I don't think Charlie wants to hear about sex bots." Six told the male pornstar, "Now about these posters. Are we done for today?" He asked Charlie.
"Actually I was thinking of setting up another interview." Charlie said.
"Hon, you literally fought with the news anchor. I don't think they're going to let you back in." Angel pointed out.
"Maybe not me, but they may allow Six and Alastor." Charlie said.
"You know Al hates television."Angel said, "As for Six, no one knows who he is."
"Exactly," Six said, "I've got no reputation to lose."
"To answer your question, we're done with the posters." Charlie told Six, "Just put them back in my office."
"You have an office?" Angel asked.
"Where do you think I come up and manage most of the facilities?" Charlie asked back.
Six shrugged and started walking back to the hotel by himself, leaving Charlie and Angel behind, walking in the middle of the road. Not a care in the world, with his hands in his pockets, he saw a pair of lights headed toward him. He looked at it for a few seconds before remembering that vehicles were a thing and dodged out of the way before he got hit. The van screeched to a stop beside Six, the side of the van had the letters I.M.P. on the side of it. The window rolled down to show a red demon with a white patch over his eye. "Hey trench coat, are you insane or just stupid?"
"Depends on who's asking, jizz face." Six retorted, which pissed off the demon in the driver's seat.
The demon growled and opened the door to the van, preparing to exit when Angel and Charlie caught up to Six. "Six what the fuck are you doing in the middle of the road?!" Angel shouted at the courier from the sidewalk.
"Picking fights apparently." Six shouted back at Angel. Then he heard a distinct click, he turned back to see a flintlock pistol in his face, acting on instinct. Six grabbed the gun as the demon pulled the trigger, shoving his pinkie between the hammer and gun stopping the black powder from igniting. He ripped the gun out of his grip and tossed it aside, having it go off in a different direction. He then grabbed the demon by the collar, lifting him well above his head using only one hand. "Now, we've come to a predicament. I recognize that I was in the wrong by being in the middle of the road. Not used to seeing vehicles occupy the roads back where I come from." Six paused, "Now where you went wrong is you pulled a gun on someone that engaged in jovial yet insulting banter after you initiated said banter. I'm giving you one chance to apologize. Before you begin to ask, the reason I'm giving you this one chance is because the princess of hell is over there, and she doesn't like violence."
"Or what?" The demon imp gasped out.
Six pulled the imp close, "Do you really want me to answer that question?" He extended his arm once more, "Now, I will start. I apologize for standing in the middle of the road, and blocking your path." He then gestured to the imp.
"I'm sorry for pulling a gun on you." He apologized, reluctantly.
"Wonderful." Six dropped the demon, straightened his trench coat, before walking over to the discarded flintlock and picking it up. Handing it back to the imp he just confronted, "We good?"
"I guess." The imp tugged at his collar.
"I'm Six." He held out his hand, "I'm new around here."
"Blitzø." The now named demon shook his hand, "You're really strong, and you have a weird name."
"I'm well aware, also your gun wouldn't have done any damage really." Six informed him after releasing his hand.
"Why's that?" Blitzø asked.
"It's a long story, if you want to know it. Come by The Hazbin Hotel." Six told him, "That's where I'm staying."
"Really, you're staying in that garbage fire?" He asked sarcastically.
"Make fun of it all you want, at least it's something different." Six said before turning his back and making his way over to Charlie and Angel.
Blitzø got in his van, rolled up his window, and looked at his employees and adopted daughter, "Where the fuck were you guys? Out for lunch?!"
"I tried getting out, but the second I looked at him I felt like I didn't want to hurt him." Loona explained, "Don't ask me to tell you why because even I don't fucking know."
"He had ballistic armor underneath that trench coat and an armored gas mask and helmet, our guns wouldn't have really done anything. By the time we got to him, he could have snapped your neck." Moxxie explained.
"Yeah, he don't look like he messes around. I'm surprised that ya even went out to confront him." Millie told Blitzø.
"Weird." He pointed at his adopted daughter, he turned his attention to Moxxie and Millie, he then looked back at Six. Who did indeed have on ballistic armor underneath his trench coat, "Fuck." He muttered, he turned back to the imps in the back. "Not one word of this gets out. Deal?"
"Fine." Millie agreed.
"Uh, sir." Moxxie pointed at the driver's side window.
Blitzø turned to the window to see the mask of the courier, he jumped back a little before rolling down the window once more. "Can I help you?"
"I don't own a phone." Six said, "If you want to contact me for a job, call the hotel. Ask for Six." He handed Blitzø a poster.
"You don't own a phone?" Blitzø asked while taking the offered poster.
Six held up his pipboy pointing at it, "This provides me with everything I need, and it doesn't need to be recharged."
"Where can I get one of those?" Blitzø asked.
"You don't want to know." Six said, "Anyways, I gotta get back. Like I said, if you want to know my story. Stop by, or if you need better guns, I can lend you some."
"I'll… consider it." Blitzø said.
"See you around Blitzø." Six bid farewell to the demon before returning to the princess and porn star.
"Are you really going to take him up on that?" Loona asked, "The guy almost killed you."
"That's how a lot of good friendships start." Blitzø said.