Chapter 17 I Am Alive

Tec could say with full confidence that he had never been at a loss for words before. He always knew exactly what to say, what he wanted to say. If a scenario required him to say something, he could deliver. He would deliver, providing the most grounded, realistic, logical perspective available.

He didn't feel that way now. In fact, his mind was filled with questions. This never happened to him. Never! Usually he could analyze current events, could research things, and come up with answers within no time at all. He couldn't do that now. There was something about his mind, something different. He knew what this was, knew EXACTLY what this was. It was making him feel like a new person, and he didn't like that. He really didn't like the way he felt right now, with the confusion and unease.

Yes. Confusion and unease. AKA emotions. This…. This was… this…

Tec couldn't even complete the thought, nor did he want to. He just wanted him and Larry to turn in the quests so they could get to talking. Tec knew the perfect place for them to have their (very necessary) conversation. He wanted to take him there as soon as possible, hopefully getting a second perspective so he knew how to react to the new changes to his personhood.

Yes. Tec… freaking TEC-XX wanted a second opinion. What was going on here?

Within no time, all the quests were turned in, and Tec let out a breath. "Come with me, Larry." He led the Koopaling through the forest. "I know somewhere nice, somewhere where we won't have to deal with any hostile mods."

Larry nodded and followed after the AI (who by this point felt nothing like an AI). The two of them walked for about four minutes before Tec found the place. It was a bench situated on a cliff, overlooking the western horizon. Tec looked at it, not moving for the better part of thirty seconds. Larry looked at him, his gaze boring into Tec's back. Tec cleared his throat and took a seat. Larry sat too.

"Well…" Tec hesitated, which was another first. He faced forward, his eyes taking in the view of the sunset. It was beautiful, but Tec knew it didn't compare to a real sunset. At least, he believed, as he had never seen a real sunset in person. He had only seen pictures, pictures captured with cameras that he knew couldn't accurately capture the phenomenon. While that fact didn't bother him before, now…

"Tec, what's going on?"

It was only once Larry said that that Tec realized something. A new sensation was forming in his eyes, something that made his vision blurry and his cheeks puffy. He reached up to his face, his face dropping when he saw that it was wet. Was… was this…

"Tec?" Larry sounded a little taken aback. "Tec, seriously, what's going on?"

Tec bit his lip and wiped his face, similar to how he had seen several people do through his research. "I'm not sure," he said. He felt a pang when he said that, for he was supposed to know! He had access to all knowledge ever acquired in the Mushroom World, and yet, he couldn't say for certain how any of this was possible! This…

This made Tec cry even harder. He wiped his tears away at a quicker rate, but they just kept coming. On top of being new, this also scared Tec. Was he broken? Would he stay in this emotional state forever?

"I…" Wow, even speaking was difficult. He sat on the bench, all the uncertainty and unease accumulating into a new emotion. While he never experienced it before, Tec had a feeling this new emotion was… anxiety.

"Hey." Larry put his hand to his shoulder. "Just take deep breaths. Try to calm down."

While admittedly feeling a little bad that Larry was here to observe his moment of weakness, Tec was at the very least grateful that he was here to guide him. He did as the Koopaling instructed, taking deep breath after deep breath. Even though neither the air nor the body he inhabited in the Matrix was real, he had to admit that the new flow of oxygen felt good. Really good. It was like he was absorbing a tangible form of good emotions as opposed to negative ones.

Of course, the fact that he had emotions at all was still new, and by extension, terrifying. After taking deep breaths, and once he was certain he wasn't in any danger of breaking down again, he looked at Larry. Larry stared back at him, looking just as confused as he felt. At least, until he smirked.

"So… you have emotions now, huh?"

"Y… Yes." Tec looked down at the ground. "It would appear that I do."

A silence hung in the air for a brief period. "Uh… how is that even possible?" Larry asked. "I mean… you're an AI."

"I am." Tec ran his hand across his head. "That part of who I am hasn't changed." He paused. "But even with that said, the very core of what I am has. I'm… different." He paused again. "I'm new."

Larry didn't take his eyes off of Tec. "Do you… do you think you might know why?"

Tec looked Larry right in the eye. There was no judgment in them; just pure curiosity. It admittedly made Tec smile. He felt good knowing that Larry held no ill will. And honestly, it made the task of admitting what his leading theory was easier.

"I… I think it's because of you." Larry blinked, pulling back a little bit. This made Tec laugh. "I've been downloading information from your mind. Memories and experiences primarily. And… I think when I did that, I also downloaded the capacity for emotions by accident."

"Woah." Larry didn't move, sounding as though he was completely mesmerized by those words. "That's… that's really cool."

Tec cringed. "I don't know if 'cool' is the word I would use to describe this." He cupped his hands in his lip, tilting his head to look down at them. "I'm… I'm no longer a being of pure logic. I… I have the same affliction that living beings have. And… this…." he shuddered for the first time in his entire life. His stomach churned, also for the first time. He looked at Larry. "How am I supposed to live my life?" He shuddered some more. "This condition is definitely not good. I have the capacity to feel sad, angry, scared… all emotions that I have felt in the last five minutes alone." He sighed. "Especially that last one."

"True. That is true." Larry scooted closer to him. "But you also have the capacity for good emotions too. Happiness. Humor." He smiled. "Love."

Tec thought back to the time he and Larry had discussed love, the single thing that alluded Tec and made him wonder. "That is true." He put his hand to his heart. "But is all the good really good enough to compare to the bad?"

Larry laughed, which threw Tec for a loop. "Are you kidding me? Of course it is!" Larry patted Tec on the back. "Trust me, Tec. Things like joy and affection… they make life worth living. When you find someone who makes you happy or are able to share your positive experiences with someone… that's beautiful! It's an amazing experience, one that makes life worth living!" Larry smiled. "Trust me on that one."

Tec didn't even know if he could trust Larry on that one. So much was currently happening in his head, stuff that just served to confuse him. And frighten him; that was probably what was most important right now. He felt scared. He had gone down a new rabbit hole. He had opened up a secret door, discovered a world that had been right under his nose this whole time. He had taken the red pill. He… he would probably never be the same. That's what was so scary about this; having emotions meant that you were more susceptible to change. And considering how all these new changes made Tec feel, he didn't know if he could stomach any more changes.

"I… I…" Tec hesitated, gripping his hand into a fist as he sighed. "This isn't me. It was never meant to be me, and I… I don't know if I like it." He pulled his knees up to his chest, whimpering as he put his head on top of them. "I'm trying to think about this from a logical perspective, but I can't. All the emotions that I'm currently experiencing are canceling out my analytical abilities." Tears grew in his eyes again. "Can I even call myself Tec anymore? Because I don't feel like me. I'm a completely different being. I… I'm… I think I'm…"

"Alive." Larry scooted closer. "You're alive."

Tec wiped his nose. "That… that is one way to put it, but…" He cried some more. Somehow, this round of tears felt exponentially worse than the last one. Every part of him was breaking down. He felt like he could cry for hours, like he was always going to be stuck in this state. How could he move on from this? He would probably always have his emotions. There was no going back to what he used to be. He would always be this confusing, tearful, horrible mess of a living person. Because that's what he was now. He wasn't a collection of code anymore. He was a living person. Just like Larry said, for the first time ever, he could now fully be considered alive. And he didn't like that. He felt… he wanted to… this was…

"Hey." Larry wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight. This broke through Tec's fright, making his eyes grow wide. Larry patted him on the arm. "It's okay, Tec. it's all going to be okay."

Tec stayed in Larry's embrace, surprise filling him. This… this was a hug, wasn't it? He had heard of hugs in his research, but had never experienced them because… well, duh. He knew that organic beings loved to hug, and Tec had always wondered why. Logically, it had seemed like an odd practice.

But now that he was thinking from an emotional perspective, he could say that he was pleased with this hug. It made him feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. For just a minute, all his worry and terror was gone. This hug… it told him that Larry understood. He knew what was happening in Tec's newly developed heart, and was trying to help. Through no spoken words, Larry was showing him that maybe, just maybe… this wouldn't be as bad as he thought.

So, Tec smiled. He let out a breath, and more tears fell from his eyes. But these tears were different from before. They were happy tears, and they provided him relief from all the worrying. Yes, the AI that had dreaded the possibility of feeling happy tears before was now grateful for them. He hugged Larry back.

"This… this is nice." Tec laughed. "Do you do this often?"

"As often as possible." Larry stopped hugging Tec, looking at him with what Tec recognized as glee. "It's going to be okay, Buddy. I won't deny that emotions can be messy. They can make you hurt. But they can also help. The emotion of joy is amazing to experience." He scooted closer. "As is love."

"Love…" Tec tossed that around in his head. "I…" he smiled. "If that's the case… I hope I get to experience it."

"I think you will," Larry said. "And when you do, I want you to tell me all about it."

Tec laughed. "Sure thing." He sat still for a minute, thinking about everything. It was strange how quickly he had gone from sad and upset to feeling okay, but… it was alright. Maybe he would get used to it. Maybe he would feel love like Larry said he would. And if he did… well, maybe that would be a nice experience.

Of course, Tec couldn't worry about that right now. He got up from the bench and looked over at Larry. "I think now we should exit the Matrix. My power levels are going down a little bit."

"That's fine." Larry smiled. "Pull the plug, Tec."

Tec laughed and snapped his fingers.

…

The next thing he knew, Tec and Larry were back in the computer room. Tec blinked his camera shutter, looking down at Larry as he unplugged himself from the Matrix. The Koopaling looked up into Tec's camera and smiled.

"Well… that was pretty nice."

"It… it was." Tec would've smiled if he still had a physical body. "I wish to experience something like that again sometime soon."

"Well, you're gonna have to wait."

Tec blinked, fear striking him. Larry gasped, turning around and looking ready to faint. Both of them had failed to notice that Francis was in the computer room. But now that he was here…

"Master Francis?" Tec asked. He noticed that Larry looked ready to bolt (even though logically there was no place he could bolt to). Francis grabbed Larry by the wrists, causing the Koopa to shriek.

"Let me go!"

"Oh, don't worry, I will." Francis chuckled. "I just need you for a minute or two."