A/N: Murgle.

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Tobi

Something was wrong.

Tobi had multiple reasons to think this. Firstly, Zetsu acted upset. Secondly, they tried to hide their upsetness. Thirdly, they'd been doing so for the past two days. Nothing was wrong with being sad for a little bit, but all of these things together indicated that something was really really bad.

"Zetsu, what's wrong?"

Black Zetsu sighed. "It's Madara."

"Madara?"

"He's being a jerk," White Zetsu said.

Do I know who that is? Oh! The dragon! Tobi saluted. "Yes sir!" Without a moment's hesitation, Tobi lay down on the ground and imagined a voice singing. It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart… Sleep came quickly. At least, that was what it felt like: Tobi's mind grew fuzzy, thoughts dissolved, and all awareness of the outside world faded away. For a moment, Tobi felt heavy and sluggish.

But only for a moment. Abruptly, like stepping through a portal, the fuzziness vanished. Tobi sat up and looked around. Sitting up didn't feel quite the same as it did when Tobi had a body, and the environment didn't look quite right either. Everything that Tobi saw was half concept. It was impossible to describe exactly because nothing in the outer world looked like this. The only way to describe it would have been to state that the sight of everything caused memories and feelings to flood one's mind. Sight was not just sight in this world. Seeing was synonymous with feeling. As Tobi looked around at the forest in the distance, the village nestled at the base of the hill, the long grass growing at each terraced level of the hill, it felt like looking at pictures of all of these things and reminiscing about them and touching them, all at the same time. In exchange for this richness, Tobi was hardly aware of standing up and walking to the edge of the uppermost terrace. The outer world was a much better place to be if one wanted to experience physical sensations: the pull of muscle, the thump of a heartbeat, etc. In the inner world, the body was little more than a ghost.

Tobi stood for a moment, looking down at the terraces and the village. They were beautiful, but they weren't where the action was. Tobi turned and ran around the side of the castle. Nestled against the back of it, there stood a stable, and inside the stable were three beautiful horses. Tobi chose the horse named Chestnut. "C'mon, horsey!" Chestnut was, of course, perfectly behaved. She looked half like a horse and half like loyalty. Tobi imagined sitting on her back, and a moment later it was reality. They rode out of the stables, around the castle, and down the stairs. The stairs were partly the abstract concept of a bridge between levels of differing heights. This made them functionally no different from a ramp, so Chestnut had no problem galloping down them. A few seconds later, they were at the edge of the forest. Unless Tobi wanted to explore it, the village did not have any detail and traveling through it did not take any time.

The forest was very different. Tobi slowed to a canter, looking around in every direction. The forest was dangerous because Tobi did not have complete control over it. See - there was a rock that had never existed before. Tobi carefully guided Chestnut around it. In a world where anything could appear, disappear and change the nature of its existence in an instant, anyone who was not the instigator of such change had to be very, very careful.

Sir Knight wouldn't have to sneak through the forest like this. In the outer world, things did not appear, disappear and change their material properties in an instant. While Tobi had to carefully creep around to avoid detection, Yahiko could walk up to the dragon openly, safe and secure in the knowledge that no ferocious beast would materialize out of thin air and the trees would not suddenly transform into impenetrable barriers. Why did Zetsu take me away? I like Sir Knight. I need his help.

As always, any mission in the forest took a looooooooong time. Tobi had to carefully scout everywhere, moving slowly and always on high alert for signs of the dragon's presence. Eventually, Tobi was able to determine that the dragon was patrolling the mountain it made its nest in. It was not checking the forest, so Tobi was able to creep much closer than usual. Malevolent sounds that brought to mind images of cracking bones and faces with bootprints on them made Tobi shiver. The dragon's sounds and footprints alone possessed such powerful conceptual significance that Tobi could hardly stand it. Tobi certainly couldn't look at the dragon directly. It was an open question whether that experience would be survivable, and Tobi didn't intend to close the question any time soon.

But every so often, Tobi heard it make a chuff. That sound was different from all the other sounds. It was half chuff, half expression of… Of what? Fear, uncertainty, anger… Something in that general area, but concepts often blended into each other. Tobi listened for a long, long time, trying to figure out what it was. Eventually, the dragon roared. The roar was much clearer. A challenge! There's something strong, like another dragon, challenging it! Aha! I've found why the dragon is being so mean. I can go back to Zetsu and tell them.

The ride back through the forest was easier, but still long. Tobi flew towards the castle, the village and even the stairs compressing into little more than blips. After carefully guiding Chestnut back into the stable and giving her an apple as a reward, Tobi went around to the front of the castle and checked the message box. There were no messages, which was inconvenient, because laying a hand on a message caused Tobi to instantly teleport into the outer world. Tobi would have to find some other way to get there.

Sometimes hopping up and down worked? No, it didn't do anything this time. Wishing really hard? No luck. Tobi checked the message box, then brushed Chestnut, then checked the message box again. If only there was a song to send me out as well as a song to send me here. Tobi had tried singing the sleepy song in hopes that it worked both ways. Unfortunately, the song only worked to send Tobi to the inner world. There was no reliable way to get to the outer world.

In desperation, Tobi tried sending psychic messages to the only person who might be able to help. Sir Knight! Sir Knight! I need your help! Help me, Sir Knight!

Yahiko

"...but I gave it up. I can draw well enough, but I got so anxious about the idea of making a webcomic that I couldn't get myself to put pencil on paper. Oh well." Yahiko sighed. "I didn't have any ideas for a plot anyway."

"I think many people would enjoy a comic about a boy with a pet duck," Obito replied. "If cat pictures are so well-liked, why not other cute things?"

"Yeah, but honestly… I still haven't gotten over my anxiety problems."

In the four days that had elapsed since first devising his plan, Yahiko had revised it somewhat. He had added a self-imposed rule that he would not discuss anything of importance with Obito unless Obito explicitly asked him to. Small talk and idle chatter only. This was a protective measure. Yahiko knew that if he had the smallest amount of doubt about his own actions, Madara would spot it and pounce. Self-doubt and guilt would eat him alive. In order to confront Madara, he must first confront himself. It was working so far.

"Speaking of cute things, how is Tobi?"

"We haven't seen him for several days," White Zetsu replied.

Yahiko sat up, muscles tensing. He reflexively glanced around at the seating area in front of the snack shop in the park, near the pond. A family was trying to feed their two-year-old lunch, but all he wanted to do was go back to the pond and quack at the ducks. They were too preoccupied and too far away to overhear anything. Yahiko returned his focus to Zetsu. "At all?"

Zetsu was a table away, chaperoning. Yahiko had pulled them aside to explain his secret plan, but they still didn't fully trust him around Obito, and why should they? Yahiko had no problem with them loitering in the vicinity while he conversed with Obito. They were very good about not butting into the conversation unless they really had something worthwhile to add. "At all," Black Zetsu confirmed.

"That's normal, isn't it?" Obito asked.

Black Zetsu narrowed his eye. "Usually, yes. In this particular place and time, however…"

"Tobi sometimes disappears for a few days? Why? What does he do?" Yahiko asked.

"He goes on missions in the forest," White Zetsu said. "Riding his horsey, tracking dragons, you know, being a hero."

"Oh." Yahiko tried not to look too guilty. Tobi had said his fantasy-world interpretation of the system was to be kept secret from Zetsu, but Yahiko wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do. Zetsu thinks Tobi's just making up stories. He doesn't know they're real. Should I tell him? Tobi might have told him something that has earth-shattering importance, but only if Zetsu knows that the fantasy world isn't made up. No! Stop it! I made a promise, and I'm going to keep it. I can't doubt myself. "Can he be summoned out when he's on a mission? Like, um, by showing him glittery things or balloons or dolls?"

Both halves of Zetsu looked away guiltily. "We don't usually summon him on purpose," White Zetsu muttered.

"A grown man running around acting and speaking like a child isn't well-received in most places," Black Zetsu added.

Obito crossed, uncrossed and recrossed his legs. "I can remember a few times when I saw something cute or glittery and got scared, thinking Tobi would come out, but nothing happened."

"We could test it experimentally," Yahiko offered.

"Why?" Black Zetsu narrowed his eye again.

Oh, that's right, I'm not supposed to talk about anything important. I should say something like, "Oh, just in case," and go back to idle chatter. Yahiko hesitated to do so, though. Something about the idea of not being able to reach Tobi for days on end bothered him. "I want to find out more about these missions. They sound exciting."

"Yeah… They do. And if he doesn't come out during them, then I could look at anything I wanted without fear." Obito nodded.

Yahiko pulled out his phone. "Alright. I'll ask Deidara to bring over one of the dolls." He started to type out a text, then facepalmed. "No, Deidara's working right now! Darn. I'll ask Konan, then. Thank goodness we have multiple group members who can fly."

To pass the time until Konan arrived, he and Obito asked Zetsu to tell them about the fantasy world. Zetsu was unable to tell them anything detailed. They said that there was a castle on a hill, a village at the base of the hill, a big scary forest, and somewhere beyond the forest was a mountain where the dragon lived. It seemed to be the same dragon, or maybe the mountain was home to a rotating cast of lone dragons. Tobi always talked about scouting for the dragon, but never about facing it in heroic battle. Zetsu believed this was because that would put an end to the story, and then what would Tobi entertain himself with? According to them, the fantasy world was the setting for a very monotonous series of adventures, all replays of each other, riding a horse and exploring the woods and scouting for dragons, very boring and so-so. They insisted that there was no plot, no story.

Yahiko didn't have time to feel guilty about keeping secrets because Konan showed up. She held Little One in her arms facing outwards. The doll flailed his arms as he was put down. Yahiko got Obito to kneel on the ground and thanked his lucky stars that the family with the two-year-old had given up and gone back to the pond. There was nobody around now except for the person manning the snack shop, who was out of sight and probably reading a book. Nobody would see Little One, nobody would interfere, and nobody would criticize Tobi if Tobi appeared. "Maybe try petting him?"

Obito softly patted Little One's head. "It seems that I'm, um, building up some tolerance to them. The first time, Tobi came out at just the sight of them."

"Yeah. Huh. Well, try focusing on him. Don't let anything else cross your mind."

Little One held out his arms and walked forward. Obito drew the doll into his lap. "I feel it," he muttered.

"Feel what?"

The masked man did not respond. He sat there for several seconds, holding Little One. Then he looked up. "Sir Knight!" Tobi exclaimed. "You heard me! Thank you thank you thank you!" He shot to his feet, apparently unaware of Little One, and gave Yahiko an extremely tight hug. Little One rolled out of the way and hid behind Zetsu's right leg.

Yahiko gasped for breath when Tobi finally released him. "Heard you? What do you mean?"

"I went on a super important mission for Zetsu and needed to tell Zetsu what I found, but I don't have a wakey song, only a sleepy song," Tobi whined. He looked all around. "Zetsu! I found something!"

Zetsu stood up. "What is it?" White Zetsu asked, looking very curious.

"There's another dragon!" Tobi exclaimed. "They're fighting! That's what's wrong."

Zetsu leaned back slightly, losing their curious look. "That sounds very dramatic," White Zetsu said. "I, uh, hope they don't take their fight into the village and damage anything."

"No, that won't happen. But please be safe!" Tobi clasped his hands under his chin as if praying.

At first Yahiko was confused. But then, he realized he'd made an error. Tobi said he was putting together a great big spell and that I can't tell anyone, not even Zetsu. But that was all he meant! He only meant that I couldn't tell Zetsu about his plan to cheer up Madara. He never meant for me to keep the whole entire fantasy world a secret. "Uh, Tobi? I don't think it's another dragon that he's fighting. Or if he is, wow, that's a big compliment. I mean - it's me."

Tobi turned around. "You are fighting the dragon? Oh! Of course!" Tobi clapped. "Keep going! I can search the forest while it's distracted!"

"What?" White Zetsu asked. "How can he fight the dragon?"

Yahiko was smiling. His guilt and self-doubt was gone, and all was right with the world. "It's Madara. Madara is the dragon and Obito is the king. The inner world is real."

"Wait! Sir Knight, do you know any wakey songs?"

"Ahem." Konan cleared her throat. "Shall we slow this conversation to a more reasonable pace?"

Yahiko knew that was a direct order, but couldn't stop himself. How can I slow down when there are so many important things happening? What does "slowing down" a conversation even mean? "I know some songs that might work. If I don't, then Itachi definitely would."

"Ahem."

"I don't understand what you mean by slowing down." Woah! I spoke that very fast, at the same speed as Tobi. If I literally slowed down my words, that might help. Yahiko realized his muscles were trembling, tense, desperate to burst into action. And maybe if I got this weird energy burst out of my system, that would also help. "And now I do. I just realized. Sorry."

"Please teach me the wakey songs," Tobi pleaded. "What if I need to tell you or Zetsu something really really important but I can't?"

Konan sighed. "You cannot control your emergence or disappearance?"

"He can in some ways," Yahiko replied, still speaking too fast. Slow down! "But… Um… In general, he needs outside cues in order to come out. Can't just emerge any time he wants."

"That is valuable information," Konan said. "I will have Itachi draw up a list of candidate songs. In the meantime, Tobi, simply report whenever you can." She turned to Yahiko. "What of Little One?"

"Uh, I don't mind if he stays."

Zetsu picked up Little One and held him out to Tobi. "Here," Black Zetsu said. He spoke to Tobi but his eye was fixed on Yahiko. He waved his hand at Konan, who left as quickly as she had come. While Tobi fussed over Little One, Zetsu drew Yahiko away for a private talk that Yahiko sensed was not going to be comfortable. "How long have you known?" Black Zetsu demanded.

"Uh, ever since the first day where you guys came back and talked to the originals? About a week ago?"

"Why did you not tell us?"

"I thought Tobi wanted me to keep it a secret."

"We're the ones who look after them," Black Zetsu snarled.

"Yeah, but I promised. I don't break my promises."

"Promised what?" White Zetsu asked.

"I can't tell you. It's a secret. It's, um, the reason why Tobi goes out on missions into the forest. He won't give you any interesting details because those missions are top secret." I hope I'm not giving away enough that they could figure it out on their own.

Zetsu closed their eyes. Black Zetsu muttered, "It feels like working for Madara all over again."

Working for? "What do you mean?"

"Superficially charming, but deeply unpleasant." Zetsu opened their eyes. Black Zetsu continued. "Obito was horribly injured when he was young. As part of his recovery, he performed physical therapy under the guidance of a man named Madara, who we worked for at the time. That man damaged Obito's psyche so badly as to spawn a new alter. What effects will your company have, I wonder?"

A sad and confused sound made every hair on Yahiko's body stand on end. Tobi had approached them unnoticed; he'd heard everything. Tobi looked between Zetsu and Yahiko, hugging Little One tightly for comfort. "What's going on? Zetsu? Sir Knight?"

Yahiko was still reeling from Black Zetsu's words. He was not ready to reassure Tobi. But he feared what would happen if Zetsu tried to, so he made himself speak anyway. "Zetsu's afraid of all dragons, not just the one that makes people feel bad. Now that he knows I'm a dragon too…"

Tobi gasped. "Oh, Zetsu, don't worry! It's okay! I've heard the other dragon, see. It sounds like bones breaking and boots stomping on faces. I haven't heard Sir Knight, but I'm sure if I did he wouldn't sound like that at all!" Tobi patted Yahiko's shoulder.

"I'm pretty sure I sound like a stream flowing and a child crying and a shy cat looking out from under a bush," Yahiko muttered. I hope that makes sense. Tobi meowed.

"We'll talk about this later," Black Zetsu said sullenly.

Yahiko understood that to mean, I failed. I promised myself that I would stick to chatter and small talk, and look what I've done. I was doing so well. What happened? Tears sprang to his eyes. I've felt so good the past few days, but now it's like all my old insecurities are running me over like a truck. All my old bad habits, too. He recognized this form of self talk as one of them. It was negative, shaming self talk. The sort that Madara would pounce upon and use to tear him limb from limb. He had felt so confident about his chances of winning over Madara, but now…

Now he turned and fled. He told Tobi he needed to work with Itachi on the wakey songs, but that was just an excuse. The truth was that he didn't want to be around Zetsu any more. Zetsu did not trust him. Zetsu thought he was no different from Madara. And there was every possibility in the world that Zetsu was right.

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A/N: I once wanted to make a webcomic about a boy with a pet duck. The duck was called Quackers, and it liked to ride on his head. The comic was going to be entirely silent - no dialogue. I drew one six-panel strip and then just sorta never got back to it. That's how anxiety used to manifest for me.

As for the rest...

I wonder...is writing this story good for me any longer?