The next morning, as Steve rushed around the kitchen and living room to find his lunch, his briefcase, and everything that was supposed to be in it, Laura held the baby in her arms. They did this every morning now. Laura got up to feed Quinley a little after Steve got up to get ready for work. She would meet him downstairs for a few minutes with the baby and rock her while he ate. Then he'd do this, every morning, because he could never find anything. Finally, he'd kiss both his girls goodbye, and Laura would put the baby down for a nap so she could actually take a shower. Today was no different, or so Laura thought.
Steve found his keys and set everything on the kitchen island. He turned to Laura and took the baby out of her arms. He held Quinley close. "Ok, Princess," he cooed. "Daddy's gotta go to work, ok? But I'll be home as soon as I can," he promised. "Be a good girl for Mama at the doctor, ok?" Quinley gurgled by coincidence, and Steve looked up excitedly at Laura. "Did you hear that?" he asked. "She answered me! She's a genius, just like her old man! I knew it!"
Laura laughed and shook her head. "Ok, genius, get to work," she instructed, taking the baby back.
"Ok, sweetpea," he purred. "I'll see you tonight," he grinned mischievously, wiggling his eyebrows.
Laura furrowed her brow and looked at him in confusion. "Ok," she said, eyeballing him suspiciously, "I'll see you tonight." She puckered her lips as he kissed her with a little more fire than she was used to these early mornings.
He leaned down and kissed the baby on her forehead. "Bye, baby girl," he purred. "Daddy loves you."
He turned and walked toward the back door. He paused just before opening it. "Oh, and Sweetums, your mom is coming by to pick her up at 5:30 tonight," he said casually.
Laura looked down at the baby and then back at him. "Huh?" she asked.
"So we can... have a little Mommy and Daddy alone time," he explained.
"Um... Steve, it's Tuesday," she said. "I know Mom's been pushing for us to set up a standing date night, but I'd really rather we pick Friday or Saturday so you don't have to get up the next morning."
He set his stuff down again and walked up to her. "Can we put Quinley in the playpen for a minute?" he asked.
Laura cocked her head at him. "What? Why are you being so weird?" she asked.
He took the baby from her arms and kissed her forehead again. "I love you, sweetheart. Daddy will be home to see you as soon as he can," he whispered. He set her down in the playpen and led Laura upstairs and into their bedroom. He smiled at her as they sat on the bed. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and looked at him nervously. "Don't you know what today is, my love?"
"Yeah, it's been one month since Quinn was born," she answered.
"Yes, my love, which means she's going to the doctor, and you're going to the doctor…" he said, leaning forward excitedly, trying to lead her to the answer.
She looked at him, completely lost. "Baby…" she said, furrowing her brow.
"It's your four-week check-up. She's going to tell you we can start making love again," he explained finally. "I've been waiting for this for weeks, sweetheart, and I can't wait any longer to have my way with that perfect, little body of yours," he whispered in her ear.
Laura trembled slightly and felt a warm feeling flow through her guts. She wanted that, too, but she knew she wasn't ready. She turned to look at him.
He smiled brightly at her. "I love that you're a mom now, but you're not just the mother of my child. You're my wife. You're my lover. You're my everything… except for Quinley," he added shyly. He pushed her back on the bed suddenly and climbed on top of her. He kissed her passionately and forced her legs apart. "Mmmm…" he moaned when he got between them again. Only a moment later, he pulled away from her. He leaned over her and kissed her one more time. "Ok, my love. I have to get to work. Good luck at the doctor. I'll see you tonight. I love you," he called as he left.
"I love you, too," Laura replied, sitting up. She watched him go and heard the back door slam. She cringed when the baby started to cry. Steve was a good dad, but he had an uncanny ability to wake the baby, and Laura, at the worst times. Laura went back downstairs and picked her up. "Shhhh… Shhhh…" she hushed her as she bounced her up and down, slowly taking her up the stairs. "It was just Daddy, Quinn. He didn't mean to startle you. Shhhh… Shhhh…"
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She took her into the nursery and rocked her until she had fallen to sleep again. She placed her gently in the crib and tiptoed out of the room. Laura glanced at the bedroom door facing her. Having soothed the baby again, her mind refocused on what Steve had said.
She walked into the bedroom and into the master bathroom to take a shower. She couldn't help but pause in front of the mirror, stark nude, as the water warmed up. She looked herself up and down. The skin on her stomach was looser. Her breasts, though they were fuller, hung lower, her nipples were darker and longer, and the skin around her nipples was slightly chapped. Of course, the mother of all of Laura's self-esteem issues, she was also heavier. She had gained nearly forty pounds with the baby. Of course, considering that Quinley was an Urkel and born a little larger than most babies, she lost almost fifteen pounds just by giving birth. Another ten pounds had melted away from breastfeeding, but she was still fifteen pounds heavier than she had ever been before the baby. She remembered when her body put on a few pounds in high school, going from a tiny, girlish frame, to a curvier, more womanly frame. She had always been fit, but there was a difference between her body at sixteen and in college, but she hadn't really minded that difference. It had taken some getting used to, but she had looked good, and she had known it. Now, however, those anxious feelings had returned, and along with all the other changes to her body, she didn't think she looked better. She definitely believed she looked worse.
She had completely forgotten about the four-week date. Her doctor had told them they'd have to wait four to six weeks, and she knew Steve was counting down the days, but how could it already be time? She was so tired, sex wasn't even on her mind. It was not that she didn't want to. There were times when she looked at him with her baby in his arms, and her hormones went all wild, telling her to have a hundred more of his children, but she didn't feel confident in herself anymore. She had always felt confident with Steve. When she was pregnant, she had had a short period of uncertainty, but he had made it so clear so quickly that pregnancy was a turn-on for him. However, the changes to her body that they were left with now, the ones that didn't scream, "I'm having a baby," she wasn't sure how to deal with. She just wanted her old body back so she could have sex with her husband like she had a million times before. Well, she wanted that and a nap.
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When Laura got to her OBGYN's office, which was thankfully in the same building as her pediatrician, she was glowing with pride. She walked into a room full of pregnant women who looked enviously at her beautiful, healthy baby.
Laura checked-in and took a seat to wait. She looked at Quinley, who had already fallen asleep again after her appointment, and she smiled at her. She was the best thing Laura had ever done. Laura slipped her finger into Quinley's hand, and she gripped it tightly, relieved even in her sleep to feel her mother close to her.
"She's beautiful," a slightly older woman said to her, leaning over her shoulder.
Laura turned to look at the very pregnant woman beside her. "Thank you," she said.
"Is this your one-month?" her neighbor asked.
"Yes," Laura smiled.
"And she's your first?" she asked.
"Yes," Laura nodded again.
"This is my third," she cringed playfully, landing a hand on her stomach.
"Wow, three kids," Laura chuckled nervously. "I can barely get my head around one, and all she does right now is sleep and eat."
"It gets easier, believe it or not," she replied seriously. "Do you have help at home?" she asked. "You're sporting a pretty big rock," she noted.
Laura smiled. "Yeah, my husband is wonderful with her, and he definitely does his share."
"That's good," she said. "So… one-month…" she continued with a sly smile. "If all goes well, you'll be able to thank him for all of that help tonight, huh?" she winked.
Laura blushed and looked away nervously. Then she realized a person with experience in this area was right at her disposal. She turned to her. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," the woman nodded.
Laura opened her mouth but was interrupted as her name was called by a nurse. "Laura?"
Laura closed her eyes and said, "It was nice meeting you." She picked up the baby carrier, diaper bag, and her purse and headed back with the nurse.
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When Laura's exam was finished, her doctor turned to her with a big smile. "Well, everything looks great to me," she said. "You're healing nicely and are good to resume a normal exam schedule with me. Any questions?"
Laura hesitated, but eventually decided she had to ask. "So it's safe for me to start having sex again?" she asked.
"Absolutely. Whenever you're ready," the doctor replied with a smile.
Laura looked away.
"Is that not something you feel ready for?" she asked. "You know, it's perfectly normal to experience a lack of desire for the first several months post-partum. From what you've told me about Steve and what I've seen of him, I'm sure he would understand that."
Laura stared at her feet. "He's just so excited," she said. "I don't want him to be disappointed."
The doctor nodded. "That's understandable, but I'm sure he would rather you be honest with him than do something you don't want to do."
Laura nodded. "You're right. Um… Thanks," she smiled awkwardly, standing to leave. She got out of there as quickly as possible.
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When Laura got home and Quinley was napping again, she slipped back into the master bathroom. She stripped down and looked at herself in the mirror again. The moment she began to judge her appearance again like she had that morning, she turned on some soft music to distract herself. This wasn't about her body. This was about making herself look as good as she possibly could despite all of the changes to her body that had taken place over the past year. She started with her legs. She had shaved them a couple of days ago, so she hadn't been too self-conscious showing them to the gynecologist, nor to Steve anymore, having slept in shorts last night. She had gone longer between shaves. Heck, when she was extremely pregnant Steve had even shaved her legs for her a couple of times. She shuddered at the thought. How was he ever supposed to find her — a fat, hairy Sasquatch — attractive again?
She shook the thought out of her head and got into the shower. She took the head off of the wall to just wet her legs. Then she lathered them up. She began to slowly guide the razor over them. She took the time to apply exactly the right amount of pressure to get the closest shave possible. She was certain to not miss a millimeter. When she was done, she looked down and saw the other hairy, attention grabber below her waist. She had kept up her waxing appointments through most of her pregnancy. She always felt more comfortable with Steve when she was freshly waxed, though he never commented on it if she was a couple weeks late. Still, tonight was going to be their first time in a while, and she was going to have plenty of other insecurities to worry about. She could take care of this one, at least. It was too late for an appointment, and Laura was far from a master waxer, but with a couple of tries and a homekit, she managed to get the landscaping under control.
She shaved her armpits and finished her beauty routine with a relaxing bubble bath. When she got out, she lotioned every inch to prevent irritation. Then she got dressed in a casual outfit. She took a little extra time on her hair and makeup, however.
She stopped and looked in the mirror. She was ready. She had done everything she could do to prepare. Now, all she had to do was wait for Steve.
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Steve came home at 5:15, carrying roses and a gift bag. Laura was chopping vegetables. She looked up when he came in. "Hey, you," she smiled.
"Hi, Sweetums," he replied. He swallowed nervously. He handed her the roses and kissed her cheek. He couldn't believe how giddy he felt. He was worried he was going to mess something up before they got to bed, which was making him jumpy, but mostly, he was just excited.
She took the roses uncomfortably and forced a smile. "Thank you, my love. They're beautiful," she said quickly. She moved to the cupboard and pulled down a vase. "Did you have a good day?" she asked, filling it with water.
"Yeah," he nodded. "I brought you something," he said, handing her a tiny pink bag as soon as she finished with the roses.
She recognized the pink, striped bag immediately. "You didn't have to buy me a present, Steve," she said, accepting the bag.
"I wanted to," he said. "I want to see you in this," he whispered.
She slipped her hand inside and pulled out a hot pink, lace bustier with a matching G-string and garters. Her eyes widened as she looked at the sultry piece. "Wow," she said softly. She was shocked he had picked something so revealing. Sure, he had gotten a little braver over the years with his choices, but this was the first time he was going to have her in months. He really thought it was necessary to dress her up like a porn star?
He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He rested his head on her shoulder. "I thought your breasts would look so good in that. They're so big now, Laura, and you're so sexy," he purred, kissing her neck. He pressed his erection into her backside.
Laura stared at the intimidating lingerie until she blurted suddenly, "The doctor didn't clear me, Steve." She had had every intention of going through with it, but she just couldn't. Why she felt the need to lie, she wasn't sure, but she knew she couldn't do it, and she couldn't bear to tell him no.
He pulled away to look at her. "What?" he asked. "Is everything ok? Is something wrong?"
"Um…" She hated lying to him, but now that she had started, she wasn't sure how to stop. "She told me that everything looks ok, and I'm healing ok, but I'm just not… healed yet. She said it's gonna be a few more weeks."
"Oh," he said, his face falling. "Gee…" he frowned.
Laura stepped closer to him and stroked his arms comfortingly. "I'm sorry, Steve."
"It's not your fault," he assured her.
"Yeah," Laura agreed dishonestly, looking down at her shoes.
"When's your next appointment?" he asked.
"Next month," she lied.
"Oh…" he pouted. "Ok."
"I told my mom not to come get Quinn," she said. That was true. Even though she had, up until this moment, been intending to go through with it despite her discomfort, she had already told her mother not to pick up the baby. She wasn't ready to spend the night without her.
"Yeah, that's good. More time as a family," he said, forcing a smile.
"Right," Laura nodded. She got on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "So, why don't you tell me about your day?" she asked as she began to chop vegetables again.
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When Laura climbed into bed that night beside Steve, she was wearing loose pajama pants and a low-cut tee-shirt. Steve was in one of his thicker, matching pajama sets, not because it was cold outside but because he knew he needed a lot of fabric between them to keep himself under control. As she climbed under the covers, he noticed how her full breasts shook, and he stared at them intensely. He could feel himself growing painfully hard already. How on Earth would he ever survive another month of this?
When Laura was settled, she turned off the light and lay down. She turned to face him. "Are you ok?" she asked.
He took off his glasses and rolled on his side to meet her eyes. "I'm wonderful, my sweet. I have a beautiful wife, a perfect daughter. What else do I need?" he smiled weakly.
"Sex?" Laura offered.
He took a deep breath and sighed. "Yeah, well, I don't want to hurt you," he said, "so as much as I want to… I'm willing to wait until you're totally healed down there." He reached down and stroked her womanhood gently. "This little kitten has been through a lot," he whispered.
She took his hand and pulled it away. She brought it up to her lips and kissed it. "Thank you for being so understanding," she said.
"Of course, I understand, sweetheart. I'm just sorry you have to wait a whole 'nother month," he frowned.
"You're sorry that I have to wait?" she asked. "I'm so tired, Steve, sex isn't even on my mind!"
He exhaled disappointedly. "I know, my love, and that's my point. You're working so hard for our little family. You're such a wonderful mother and wife. You've put your all into this, and I'm so grateful to you for that, but this wasn't ever what you wanted for yourself. If it weren't for me, you'd be a hotshot lawyer by now instead of cooking and cleaning and whipping out your breasts on command," he complained. "I just wanted to make you feel like the woman you were when we first got married. That sexy, sensual, powerful woman. I wanted you to feel like her again so that you knew that was still inside of you. You are an outstanding mother, Laura Lee, but you're never going to just be somebody's mom, and I wanted to remind you of that tonight," he explained.
Laura looked at him in disbelief. "You've really been thinking about that?" she asked
"Of course," he said. "It's not all I've been thinking about," he admitted. "I can't stop thinking about how badly I need it, too, but of course I've been thinking about you and your needs. Sweetheart, next month, I'm gonna make you feel so good," he promised.
Laura stared at him for a long moment. Suddenly, she pushed him back on his back and straddled him. She looked down at him hungrily.
He took his glasses from the nightstand and put them on again. "Laura, what are you doing?" he asked.
She leaned down and kissed him passionately. Her tongue slipped into his mouth, and she heard him moan desperately. How could she have tried to deny him this? She began to grind herself on his rock-hard member. She had forgotten, in just a few short weeks, how big it was. Sure, it wasn't going to feel like a baby ripping her in half, but she suddenly became less self-conscious about possibly not being as tight as she once was. She was certainly going to be tight enough for that monstrosity. She broke the kiss and looked down at him lustfully. "Do you wanna see my breasts?" she asked.
He nodded silently, staring at her hard nipples poking out through her shirt.
Laura, not wanting to reveal the skin on her stomach even though their room was illuminated only by moonlight, pulled the loose neckline of her low-cut tee-shirt down and lifted her heavy breasts out of it. "I love you," she whispered as his hands reached for them hesitantly.
"I love you, too," he replied quickly. He grabbed them forcefully, the way he used to, and began to massage them.
"Ohh!" she yelled out in pain. He removed his hands and stared up at her in fear. She looked down at him in disappointment. She knew it wasn't his fault. She knew he had just done the same thing he had always done. It was her breasts that were different. They had been extra sensitive during her pregnancy, but nowhere near as sensitive as they were now. She frowned at him apologetically. "I'm sorry, Steve," she whispered. "They're just so sore."
"That's ok," he said. "I'll be gentler," he promised.
Laura nodded and looked down at him again as he slowly gripped her breasts. He barely touched them, and they still ached, but it was at least bearable this time. She closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing, hoping they would soon get past the discomfort.
"You're so sexy," he purred, looking up at her full breasts.
She was glad he wasn't grossed out by her chapped nipples the way she was. That gave her an idea. She rolled off of him quickly and slipped into the bathroom. "Hold on," she called. She returned with a bottle of coconut oil. She climbed back on top of him. "Rub this on them for me?" she proposed. She thought about explaining to him why it would help her feel more comfortable and more confident, but she decided against it. He wanted to make her feel like the woman she used to be, and the woman she used to be had never needed to worry about chapped skin on her nipples.
He put some oil on his hands and began to rub it onto her breasts. He didn't hold back either. He wanted them shiny and glistening. Plus, the oil smelled amazing.
With a little less friction between them, it actually started to feel good for Laura, which surprised her, but then it took a turn. Laura felt a familiar tingle in her breasts and an ache in her uterus, and her eyes popped open. She looked on in horror as milk shot out of her breasts right onto Steve's face. "Oh, my God," she moaned in disgust. Laura crossed her arms over her chest and pressed firmly, pulling away from Steve. As she felt the surge end, she stood from the bed and slipped her breasts back into her shirt. She felt her eyes sting with tears as she rushed into the nursery. Quinley was still fast asleep so she sat and attached her breast pump. She pumped the excess milk and felt some relief immediately.
A long while later, she slipped out of the nursery and took the milk down to the fridge, labeling each bottle carefully. Then she went back into the bedroom. Steve was sitting up in bed, trying to wipe his glasses on his shirt, milk still dripping on his face. Laura grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom and dampened it. She climbed back into bed beside him and handed it to him.
"Thank you, Sweetums," he said. He immediately used the cloth on his glasses, rather than his face, and Laura looked away uncomfortably. "Well, that was a blast," he snickered.
Laura glared at him. "Please, don't laugh at me, Steve. It's not something I have a lot of control over," she complained.
Steve turned his attention to her. "Laugh at you? Sweetheart, I was laughing with you… or I thought I was. You didn't think that was funny?" he asked.
"No, it was gross!"
He chuckled again and set his newly clean glasses on the nightstand. He looked at her and licked his lips, savoring the delicious taste of her milk. He licked what he could from his face and finally wiped it clean. He tossed the cloth aside and moved closer to her. He wrapped an arm around her as they both leaned against the headboard. "That was adorable, babycakes," he whispered in her ear.
"It's gross, Steve," she said, keeping her arms crossed firmly across her chest.
"There's nothing gross about your milk, Laura. It tastes delicious," he purred. "It's so sweet, just like you."
Laura looked at him in disbelief. "You're either a liar or a pervert," she said, completely shocked.
"What?" he asked.
"You like tasting my breast milk?"
"Yes," he said. "Absolutely."
"Does it turn you on?" she asked, even more disgusted.
Steve blushed. "You should know it does," he said softly. "Everything about you making me babies turns me on."
"Then you're a pervert," she argued.
Steve rolled his eyes. "You're being surprisingly prudish about this, and I don't appreciate the name-calling."
"Steve, I don't make milk to get you off. It feeds our baby!"
"And that excites me," he argued. "What's so bad about that? You being a mom gets me all hot and bothered. That's a good thing, Laura!"
"I thought I was more than a mom to you," she said sadly.
He cocked his head at her. "Oh, sweetheart," he said softly. "You are! You absolutely are!"
"No, I'm not! I can't be more than a mom to you because when I try to be your lover, the mom stuff just gets in the way!" she complained.
"No, it doesn't, Sweetums. I made you feel good, so your body released a little something. That's ok. That doesn't get in the way. Let me touch you some more."
"No, I'm not in the mood anymore, Steve," she said firmly.
"But, Sweetums–"
"I said 'no', Steve," she barked, lying down and turning away from him.
Steve sighed, stood from the bed, and walked toward the bathroom.
"Where are you going?" she demanded, nervous her sharp tongue had sent him away.
"I'll be right back, my love. I just need a minute," he said. He slipped into the bathroom and closed the door. He turned on the shower, setting it as cold as possible. He climbed in, facing away from the water, and shuttered as it hit his back. He had been doing this a lot lately. He had to work in the morning. He couldn't be up half the night, tossing and turning and aching. He knew there were more pleasant ways to relieve himself, but he hadn't done that since he'd gotten married. He felt guilty just thinking about getting himself off again and again while his poor wife was medically unable to find the same relief.
Only she wasn't. Laura cringed when she heard him start the shower. She knew what that meant. She needed to talk to him about that. Just because she wasn't ready, whether it was for the medical reasons he believed it to be or not, didn't mean there was a need for him to torture himself like that.
When Steve climbed back in bed and cuddled against her, his skin was ice cold. Laura shuddered against him. "I'm sorry," she said eventually.
He opened his eyes and turned the light back on. He continued to spoon her, but lifted his head so he could look down at her. "For what?" he asked, stroking her arm with his free hand.
"For snapping at you. You didn't deserve that."
He kissed her cheek softly. "No, I didn't," he said, "and thank you for saying it, but I'm sorry, too."
"For what?" she asked, lying on her back so she could look up at him.
"For pressuring you. Your doctor said you weren't ready. I tried to take things too far. I'm sorry. I promise I'll be good until you're medically cleared."
Laura frowned at him. "I appreciate that, Steve, but you don't have to be… so good. You don't have to keep taking cold showers," she said.
"Oh, believe me, my pet. Yes, I do," he said with wide eyes.
Laura chuckled at his silly expression. "No, you don't, Baby. Just touch yourself. You know I'm ok with that."
Steve's face grew hot. "I appreciate that, love muffin, but I can't. It feels weird now."
Laura took a deep breath and sighed. "Well, maybe I can take care of you," she whispered, reaching her hand into his pajama pants.
He grabbed her hand and pulled it away. "Don't touch," he ordered. "I just got him to sleep!"
"Steve, I don't want you to be… unsatisfied," she said, seriously concerned.
"I'm not, my love. I promise I'm really not. This is… hard, but we'll get through it. I don't wanna feel that moment of ecstasy again until you do."
"That's not necessary, Steve."
"It is to me," he said with a sense of finality. "Goodnight, my love," he whispered. "I love you." He kissed her cheek and turned out the light before returning to his position.
"Goodnight, Steve. I love you, too," she said, settling into her guilt and closing her eyes tightly.