DEATH ROW DAY 2
They stuck me with a fucking roommate.
Dude's in liver failure, just like me.
Used to be a bartender, that one. Knows everything about everyone else's business. Apparently, the Blonde is dating the Security Guard. I guess they can do that since Charlie's in charge or whatever. Explains why the Security Guard follows her around like a bodyguard. Maybe she IS a bodyguard. What kind of shrink needs protecting? Must be fucking rich or some shit.
Dude won't stop staring at me. Black eyes staring into my soul.
"So what're you in for?"
"I'm dying," I say. "I have nowhere else to go."
"No shit, angel cake," he says. "I want to know why you're dying. You're too young to die."
Too young to die. Too old to want to live.
"Liver's shot. Kidney's shot. S'too bad the head wasn't shot."
"You don't really mean that last part do you?"
"Sure I do. A quick death means an end to my suffering, yeah?"
"What're you trying to escape? Organs don't get shot from nothing."
"Who says I'm trying to escape something? We're both gonna die soon. We don't gotta be friends you know."
"Was it drinking? Drugs? How'd you get so many fucked up organs so young?"
"You're not gonna stop asking are ya, ya nosy little fucker? Look, this ain't no confessional but I made a lot of bad choices I'm not proud of. At first it was drinking, then it was drugs, then it was both. You're right about the wanting to escape part. I did a lot of fucked up shit to make a living. I had to fuck a lot of people I didn't wanna be fucking. Anyone willing to pay for me for a night. Sometimes multiple nights. Boss didn't fucking care who I was fucking as long as they paid."
"A prostitute who doesn't like sex, huh? Haven't heard that one before."
"Hey, man! Sex is nice and all but like it don't mean nothing no more. People pay me to have a good time. Ain't no one ever with me just to be with me. All I'm fucking good for is a good fucking lay. No one cares that it's all an act. No one ever cares what I want."
"I care," he says quietly. "You're worth way more than just what you could do for other people.
"You don't even know me. How do you know what I'm worth?"
"Every soul is worth something. Your worth doesn't come from other people. You're worthy of love just by existing."
"S'too bad I'm outta time. Who'd ever fall in love with a dying whore? Why would they ever want to?"
"I dunno. I've seen a lot of things in time as a bartender. Love is a funny thing. Too often it can defy logic and time. If you can't find love in a lover, perhaps you could find love in a friend.