Prentiss was sat staring out of the window of Reid's room. Hotch had been in and out on phone calls since Morgan left and Reid had retreated back into himself as he dealt with the news. She had tried to pull him out if it by suggesting a game of chess but she had no luck. He just tucked himself under the covers and turned his back to her. She knew that was his way of processing things, so she decided to give him the space he needed for now.
Hotch popped his head round the door. Noticing Reid curled up under the covers, he shot a look to Prentiss and nodded her over. She moved to the door then suddenly Reid sat up.
"Where are you going?" He asked anxiously. They both looked at him in surprise.
"I was just going to talk to Hotch outside the door. We didn't want to disturb you."
He looked down, a little embarrassed, his cheeks blushing. "Oh, sorry."
"I'll be right here. You'll see me the whole time. Okay?" She smiled, pointing to a spot just outside the door.
Reid nodded and cringed back into his position under the sheets. He felt so stupid. He hated his insecurities so much. He'd always prided himself on his independence. Now he couldn't even be left alone for two seconds.
Prentiss stepped out of the room, pulling the door to.
"Everything okay?"
"Garcia has examined the CCTV footage. She hasn't been able to identify the man who delivered the letter, but the footage from the car park has allowed her to trace the car."
"That's great news!" Prentiss said enthusiastically.
"Unfortunately, the car was reported stolen three days ago, so it's unlikely to provide any leads. I've put out an APB."
"Is it worth talking to the owner? He might have seen something when it was stolen."
"It's unlikely. The report said he woke up and it was gone, but I'm sending Rossi and JJ over there just in case.
Prentiss nodded in approval. "Okay, that's good. Any news from the forensics yet?"
Hotch shook his head. "They've got a lot to process, but so far there's no prints or DNA."
Prentiss sighed. "Great." She said sarcastically. She looked through the window at Reid. "Do you think he will be okay?"
Hotch followed her gaze, his eyes turned sad. "I don't know. This is the last thing he needed right now. All we can do is be there for him when he needs us."
"I'm so worried about him, Hotch. He's just not 'Reid' anymore. I mean, look at him."
"It's hardly surprising, Emily. Every time he gets through one thing something else happens. He's not even getting a chance to recover."
"I miss him." She said sombrely.
"He's still him, Emily." Hotch said with slight annoyance. "They've taken enough from him. He doesn't need us looking at him differently."
She gasped. "Oh god, Hotch. I would never." She looked back at Reid again. "It's just hard to see. I hate seeing him so scared and down like this. I miss him going off on his little tangents about stuff no one cares about, or seeing him get all passionate about something random he watched on the TV or read about." She sighed.
Hotch frowned and nodded. "I know. But right now, I'm just glad he's still with us."
Almost on cue, Reid rolled onto his back and moaned out. Hotch and Prentiss exchanged a look and watched him for a few moments longer. His hands then tightened on the bed sheets and his head shook from side to side. He gasped and moaned again.
They were both quickly in the room and at his bedside.
"Reid?" Hotch said gently.
"Stop." He gasped.
"Flashback." Hotch said dejectedly.
Prentiss put her hand over Reid's and squeezed comfortingly. "Reid. You're having a flashback. What you're seeing isn't real." She tried gently. She wasn't really sure what she was doing, but she had seen Morgan, Hotch and Rossi guide him through this in the past, so she followed their lead.
"Please don't make me." He mumbled sadly, trying to turn onto his side but he seemed as though an invisible force was stopping him.
"Reid, no one is making you do anything. This is just a flashback." Prentiss tried to remain calm. She hadn't had anywhere near as much practice as Hotch and Morgan at this and she felt it was very obvious. But she was desperate to help him. She rubbed his hand.
He cried out then his voice broke into a small whisper. "I'm a fuck toy." A tear ran down his cheek. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut. Prentiss looked at Hotch, her face shocked. Hotch ignored her concerns and stepped towards Reid.
"Reid? Can you feel my hand?" He put his hand to his forearm but it seemed to make things worse as Reid yanked his arm away and towards his chest. His legs were now writhing around on the bed, throwing off his sheets.
"Please, no." His voice was cracking with upset now.
"Reid!" Prentiss said loudly.
"Stay calm." Hotch ordered quietly.
"But he's not responding!" She said in frustration
"It takes time, Emily." Hotch spoke calmly, masking the panic that was dancing around in his chest. "Reid. This is Hotch. You are safe. Emily is here too. We are both here for you." He was careful not to touch him now.
Reid cried out in pain. "I'm a fuck toy." He said again but louder this time.
Prentiss looked horrified. "What? Why's he saying that?" She looked between him and Hotch. Getting only a head shake from her superior she put a cautious hand to Reid's head. "Reid. You are safe. You need to come back. They are only memories; they cannot hurt you."
"I want it." Reid gasped and then broke into a sob. "I want it."
"Don't say that, Reid." She stroked his head.
"Tell him to focus on your hand." Prentiss looked at Hotch for reassurance and then back to Reid again.
"Reid, focus on my hand." She stroked his head. "It's Emily. Focus on my hand."
"Just keep telling him he's safe and he can come back to us. He needs something to ground him. Your touch will give him something real to focus on." Hotch said softly, very aware of how uncomfortable his colleague was at this moment but how much she wanted to help.
"Okay... okay. Reid, you are safe. You are just having a flashback. That's my hand on your head, focus on that and come back to me."
Reid 's hand was now gripped into the sheet underneath him, his other was feeling around the bed as if looking for something. Tears were streaming down his face and his breathing was ragged. This was the most intense flashback he'd had since the attack. After two weeks of numbness, the floodgates had opened and every memory, every thought, fear and feeling was washing over him.
Hotch nudged Emily and gestured to Reid's hand.
"He's looking for something to ground himself with. Take his hand."
Prentiss' mouth dropped open and she quickly grabbed his hand. Reid squeezed it tightly.
"Reid, come back to us. You are safe here and nothing is going to happen to you. Please come back to us." Her eyes were starting to water now. The tightness of his grip reflected just how scared he was.
"Keep going." Hotch gently encouraged.
Prentiss nodded. "Reid, can you feel my hand?" She continued to stroke his head. He squeezed her hand twice.
"He's squeezing." She looked at Hotch.
"That's good." Hotch nodded, not taking his eyes off his distressed young colleague. Prentiss squeezed back.
"Can you hear me, Reid? You are safe. Hotch and I are here for you. You can come back to us. We really want to see you." Prentiss felt him squeeze her hand again and he nodded, moaning ever so slightly and breathing out a big shaking sigh.
"You're doing so well, Reid. Just keep coming back. Come away from the memories and focus on Emily's hand." Hotch said softly.
"It hurts, Hotch." Reid gasped out. Tears stung the older man's eyes.
"I know, Reid... I know." He said, his voice tight. "Keep focusing on Emily's hand. We are here for you."
"Can you feel that, Reid?" Prentiss said squeezing again. Reid nodded in response. "You're doing great." His breathing was starting to calm down now.
"Emily." He whispered, squeezing her hand tightly. She stroked his head again.
"Yes, Reid. I'm here." A tear ran down her cheek now. He sounded so weak and helpless. She hated it. She hated what they'd done to him. She felt Hotch's supportive hand on her shoulder.
"Do you think you can open your eyes, Reid? It's just me and Emily. You're perfectly safe."
Reid's lip quivered a little and he tried to open his eyes, they slipped shut as soon as he did, as though they were being weighted down.
"That's it, Reid. Almost." Prentiss encouraged. They watched as his unseeing eyes fluttered open. Then awareness appeared to return to them as they darted around the room looking for some familiarity. "Hey. I'm here." Prentiss laughed a little in complete relief and moved herself into Reid's line of sight. His wide and devastated eyes landed on her and suddenly he was sitting up and grabbing her into a tight hug. She felt like she'd been punched in the gut as her breath was momentarily taken away from her. She wrapped her arms around his back. "It's okay, it's okay." She soothed as he cried into her shoulder. She stroked the back of his head. She glanced to Hotch and he gave a sad smile.
"Thank you." She mouthed to him.
He nodded in understanding. It was so important to all of them to be able to support Reid in this way. He knew how he had felt the first time Reid trusted him enough to let him bring him back from a flashback. He had to admit, it did feel good to be able to help him like that. He could see that same feeling mirrored in Emily when he looked at her.
"Gosh, you're shaking." She gasped a little.
Hotch automatically grabbed the sheet that Reid had kicked off and wrapped it around him. Prentiss adjusted her arms to allow the sheet to cover him then grabbed him back tightly into the hug.
"I'm so sorry." Reid said, teeth chattering.
"Don't you dare." Prentiss gave a warning, rocking him slightly as she hugged him. "I don't want to hear a single apology come out of your mouth." She squeezed him tighter.
There was a knock at the door and Susan was suddenly in the room. She took in the scene in front of her.
"Is everything okay?" She moved to the side of the bed.
"He just had a flashback." Hotch said seriously with a frown on his face.
"Oh, I'm sorry." She turned to Reid. "Remember to take some deep breaths, Spencer." She turned back to Hotch, reaching into her pocket. "Here, take this." She handed him the textured ball she had used in her session the day before. "This is a great grounding tool. It worked really well when he had a panic attack yesterday. If you ask him to describe it to you and tell you about the textures and shapes, it helps to focus his mind."
Hotch examined it for a moment. "That's a good idea."
"It might be worth getting a few more grounding tools like this as his flashbacks and panic attacks are becoming more frequent. Paperweights, textured blankets, items with meaning to him can be equally as effective. Anything that reminds him of happier times or makes him feel secure."
"Thank you. We will do that." Hotch said with a nod. He would definitely be doing that. He hated seeing Reid stuck in a flashback and anything that could help pull him out of them faster was definitely something he was keen to try.
Susan turned her attentions back to Reid now.
"Spencer?" His face was hidden in Emily's shoulder. She let go of him in order to allow the Doctor to speak with him. He kept his head down. "Can you look at me, Spencer?" She said gently. Reid slowly raised his head. His face was covered in tear tracks and his eyes were red and puffy once again. "Are you ready to go home?" Susan asked with a smile. Reid's eyes widened and he nodded, he looked between Emily and Hotch and suddenly he was pushing himself up from the bed and getting to his feet. His legs were shaking. Susan grabbed his arm gently. "Woah, careful. Take your time now." She said with a small laugh.
"We can take him now?" Hotch asked.
"Yes, he's ready to go." She turned back to Reid again. "I have put in the referral for at home therapy. They will call to arrange your appointment so please make sure you answer the phone. It usually takes no more than 48 hours, but I have put you down as urgent, so hopefully you will be contacted quite quickly... Spencer? Are you listening?" He appeared to be in his own world.
"Reid?" Prentiss moved to the side of him and put her arm around his back.
"Answer the call." He summarised. He clearly just wanted to get out of there. "Can I go?"
"Just one moment, Spencer. You are staying with Agent Morgan, is that correct?"
He rolled his eyes impatiently. "Yes." Prentiss rubbed his back seeing his frustration building.
"I will also be staying with them for a while." Hotch added.
"Okay, can you please make sure he keeps on top of his meds? He has been reluctant to take them whilst here but they will help with his anxiety."
Hotch shot him a look and Reid averted his gaze. It was a look only Hotch could give.
"He will take them." Hotch said firmly.
"And Spencer, if you ever feel like you want to hurt yourself again, you must speak to someone. Or remember, you can go to the nearest Emergency Room and they will help you. You don't have to deal with it on your own. Okay?"
Reid kept his gaze down. "Okay." He said quietly. Prentiss hugged into him.
"We're all here for you, Reid." She said gently. His body was still trembling.
"Can I please go home?" He practically begged.
Susan took a step back. "Go on then." She said with a small smile, shaking her head.
Hotch extended his hand to the woman. "Thank you for everything."
"No problem." She smiled then moved towards the door. "I will let you out."
Hotch grabbed Reid's bag and Prentiss linked his arm, escorting him out of the room. As they walked down the corridor, Reid kept his head down feeling very uncomfortable with the attention that was being drawn by his departure. Suddenly he felt a hand on his forearm.
"Hey!" Prentiss shot a warning over to the person grabbing him.
Reid looked up to find Tiffany smiling at him. "You're getting out?"
Reid gave a small smile. "Yeah."
"That's great news! I'm so pleased for you." She moved forward to give him a hug. Reid looked taken aback but didn't resist. "Take care of yourself, Spencer." She squeezed him tightly and he felt his eyes water slightly.
"You too." He unlinked Prentiss and hugged her back.
Tiffany looked over his shoulder at Hotch then whispered. "Is that your boss?"
"Yeah." He answered quietly.
"You were so right!" She smiled releasing him from the hug.
Reid smiled and huffed a laugh. "I told you." She laughed back then gave him a small wave. "You're a good person, Tiffany." He said gently. "Remember that." She looked at him gratefully.
"Thank you, Spencer." Her eyes stung with tears. She stepped back, allowing Prentiss to guide him down the corridor.
"You made a friend?" Prentiss asked quietly with a small smile.
Reid looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yeah, I guess I did." Prentiss squeezed his arm.
Once they got him down to the exit of the hospital, he stopped dead at the doorway.
"You okay, Reid?" Prentiss looked at him curiously. He seemed frozen to the spot. Hotch's hand came to his back and he jumped slightly.
"Reid, you're perfectly safe. The SUV is just outside, we're going straight to it and we'll get you home to Morgan. Okay?" Reid didn't look convinced. "Do you want me to do a sweep first?" Hotch asked. "Would that make you feel better?"
Reid looked at him with scared eyes and nodded nervously. His hand gripped onto Prentiss' arm.
"Okay. I'll be right back."
Hotch took himself outside and went straight to the SUV. He put Reid's bag in the trunk and then checked inside to make sure everything was secure. He did a sweep of the surrounding area, looking for anything suspicious. The area was mostly clear. There were a few people innocently moving between the car park and the hospital but he couldn't see anything that would cause him concern.
He moved back towards the hospital and entered confidently. "All clear, Reid. Come on." Reid looked at him skeptically. Hotch could understand it. After the amount of times he'd been told he was safe and then found out in the most brutal of ways that he wasn't, it was hardly surprising that he was nervous of being exposed outside like this. Especially with the threats that were being levelled against him. It was amazing that he wasn't still hiding in the closet.
Seeing his reluctance, Hotch extended his hand to him. "Come on, Reid. We've got you." He took his hand and led him out to the vehicle, quickly opening the back door and allowing him to sit in the backseat. "You can lie down if it makes you feel better." He said, thinking that Reid might feel safer if he couldn't be seen. He was right. Reid automatically slumped onto his side and out of the way of the windows. "I need to go to my house on the way back to get some things, but Emily will be with you the whole time. Then we'll get you home. Okay?" He put his hand on Reid's head.
"Okay." Reid said quietly. Hotch stood for a few moments longer, taking in his youngest colleague hiding himself on the backseat of the SUV. Anger burned in his chest. He stroked Reid's head and then closed the door.
Morgan was stood waiting at his front door expecting the SUV to pull up any minute. He looked above his door to see the newly installed security camera. Despite the awful reason for the security measures, Morgan was glad for the extra protection they provided. He was impressed at how quickly it had all been installed. Hotch had clearly pulled some strings and put the pressure on. In the space for four hours four security cameras had been installed to the exterior of the house, an electric door lock and state of the art security system had been installed with a panic alert button. He certainly felt a lot more confident that Reid would feel protected whilst living with him.
The SUV pulled up outside the house and Morgan headed straight out to open the back door for Reid.
"Hey kid. Welcome home." He smiled.
Reid gave a small smile and slid out of the seat. He moved to the back of the SUV and opened the trunk to grab his bag.
"Let me get that." Morgan said kindly, quickly grabbing the bag for him.
Reid shot him a look. "Morgan, I'm perfectly capable of carrying a bag."
"Make the most of it." Hotch said with a small smile moving next to Reid to pull his large bag out from the vehicle. He dramatically slung it over his shoulder. Reid's lips quirked up a little and he huffed in amusement.
"So, you're staying?" Morgan asked as they headed up the pathway to the house. Prentiss followed behind.
"Yeah, I've had a word with Jessica and she is happy to stay with Jack until the arraignment."
"You really don't have to do that, Hotch." Reid said clearly feeling very awkward. "Jack needs you."
"Reid, it's not up for discussion. Jack will be fine." They dropped the bags in the hallway. "So, is everything set up?"
"Yeah, got four new cameras, a new locking system and a panic alert system. We're looking good." Morgan said with a confident smile.
"That's great." Prentiss said, taking in all of the new equipment.
Reid looked a little uncomfortable. "That all seems a bit extreme." He frowned.
"We can't be too careful." Hotch said firmly. "After everything that's happened, we're taking no chances."
Reid just nodded. All of this made it very real. He looked down to the floor, his expression was sad.
"Come on, Reid. Come and sit down." Morgan said putting a hand to his back and guiding him through to the living room.
"I'll just take these bags upstairs." Hotch said helpfully.
"Thanks, man. Reid's room is on the right." Morgan answered as he sat him down on the couch. Morgan sat down next to him. Prentiss, sensing they needed some privacy, moved through to the kitchen.
"I'll make us some coffees."
Reid looked very depressed all of a sudden. "You okay?" Morgan asked gently. Reid just nodded. He looked at him for a few moments. "Look, I know you're scared. But we will get through this."
"I'm tired, Morgan." Reid sighed.
Morgan nodded in understanding. "I know." He put his arm around him. "I know."
Reid leaned into him and Morgan sat back into the couch relaxing them both back. They sat in silence for a short while then Reid huffed. "I don't think I can take much more of this."
Morgan sat forward removing his arm from around his shoulders and looked him hard in the eyes. "Reid. I need you to promise me something."
"What?"
"That if you ever feel like you did on Friday on that bridge, you will tell me." Reid closed his eyes and nodded. Morgan tilted his head back up by the chin. "I need you to promise me. I can't lose you."
Reid's eyes started to water up. "I promise." He whispered.
"And if you ever feel you can't talk to me, for whatever reason, then Hotch is here. Or call JJ. Or anyone. Just please, don't ever do that again."
"I'm sorry." Reid said sadly.
Morgan shook his head. "Don't. Just promise me, that's all."
Reid's gaze dropped again. "I promise." He said again quietly. "Can I go to my room?" He asked softly.
Morgan tilted his head at him. "Reid, you don't have to ask. You do whatever you want. I'm sure you're exhausted after being in there."
"I didn't sleep well, unless they drugged me." He said with a small smile.
Morgan's jaw just tightened in response. "Okay, kid. Go get some rest."
Morgan watched as Reid slowly stood himself up and left the room. He sat forward putting his head in his hands.
"You okay?" Prentiss asked, entering with two coffees. "Where's Reid?"
"Gone to his room." Morgan said with a sigh.
"Oh, I have a coffee for him."
"I'd leave him. I think he needs some rest." Prentiss sat down next to him on the couch.
"And what about you? How are you doing?"
"I'm alright." He rubbed his eyes.
"Derek..." She said disbelievingly.
He looked at her, then sat back into the couch. "Okay, I'm scared for him. These guys murdered 30 men execution style. And mutilated the dead body of another just to send a message to Reid. I mean, this security system makes me feel a bit better, but Maloney's not going to leave him alone until he gets his way. He's enjoying it all too much."
"Yeah, having met him now, I'm inclined to agree." Prentiss shuddered.
"Unless he is given WITSEC and is allowed to disappear, he's going to make Reid's life hell. Just because he can. And going to prison won't stop a guy like that. If he has people on the outside doing his bidding, he's just gonna keep torturing him."
"He is a sick man." Prentiss agreed. "And completely obsessed."
"It's all fun and games. It brings him great pleasure to know that he's tormenting him."
"You know, I'm starting to wonder if WITSEC wouldn't be for the best." Morgan looked at her in disgust. "Just hear me out." She held up her hands placatingly. "He will be under the watch of US Marshalls for the rest of his life. Reid would be completely safe and Maloney would have to name the men involved in these murders and taunts."
"Look, I get it. I know. But that would be yet another person who isn't paying for what they've done to him. Jason's dead. Steve's dead. Field got WITSEC and then Maloney? I mean, it's like saying Reid's pain is worth nothing." Morgan furrowed his brows in anger.
"I know it's far from ideal. But the other three would go down for it. And they are the ones who raped him."
"Oh, trust me, those sick bastards are going down for what they did to him. But as sick as they are, without Maloney they wouldn't have even been there! None of these people would be doing anything to Reid if it wasn't for Maloney. And do you really think Reid could sleep at night knowing that man is free and starting a new life somewhere out there? I know I couldn't! A man like that doesn't change." Morgan said shaking his head.
Hotch suddenly entered the room, sensing the mood he sat down in Morgan's chair.
"Everything okay?"
"Not really." Morgan shook his head, knowing that Hotch would understand why. Hotch's phone began to ring.
"JJ. I'm putting you on speaker."
" Hey Hotch. We went to see the owner of the vehicle. He wasn't able to tell us anything helpful. He went to bed, his car was there, he woke up and it was gone. They forced the back door of the house with an object, likely a crowbar, and took the keys."
"No forensic evidence found at the scene." Rossi added.
"What car is this?" Morgan asked curiously.
"It was a car Garcia found in the hospital parking lot when the letter was delivered. It was reported stolen three days ago. I've put out an APB."
" Are you guys home now?" JJ asked.
"Yeah, I'm staying here until the arraignment." Hotch answered.
" How's the kid?" Rossi asked.
"He's been better." Morgan said dryly.
" Shall I come over?" JJ asked, clearly keen to see him.
"Not today, JJ. I'd just let him settle in for now. Emily and Hotch are here, so he has plenty of company but he's up in his room having some time to himself."
" Oh, okay." She sounded disappointed. "Maybe tomorrow then?"
"Yeah, maybe." Morgan said non-commitally. He was already pushing people away and Reid had only been home two minutes.
"Strauss has been trying to get hold of you, Aaron." Rossi said forebodingly.
Hotch's jaw tightened. "I know. I will call her shortly." He turned to Prentiss. "Emily, go back to the office and start looking through the connections to Maloney with JJ and Dave. I will liaise with Wilks to get all the information you need sent over."
"Yes, Sir." She nodded.
"I will be back in the office tomorrow morning and we can go over what we have so far." Hotch added.
" Okay, Aaron. Take care of yourselves, alright?"
"Will do." Hotch assured, looking to Morgan who nodded.
"See you tomorrow."
The call ended and Hotch sat back in the chair. Prentiss excused herself and left for the office. Morgan tossed him the remote for his new TV then stood with a sigh. "I'm going to take a shower." He left the room depressively.
The first night home did not go smoothly. Morgan was reminded of the first week at home after Jason. Reid's nightmares were powerful and scary.
Hotch spent much of the night at Reid's bedside to allow Morgan to get some rest, but he was quickly learning that if Reid couldn't rest, then Morgan wouldn't.
Hotch had used the phrases 'I'm here to help' and 'Let me help you' a few times but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. Morgan was not physically able to leave Reid when he was in distress. It ate away at him. Hotch was finally getting an understanding of how it had been for Morgan in the weeks after Jason. And it was hell. Every time Reid seemed to slip into a peaceful sleep, before long he would be calling out, screaming, crying or fighting. In the end, Morgan sat on the bed next to Reid and took him into his arms allowing him to fall asleep on his chest. This seemed to settle him for a while, but an hour later, he was back to thrashing out again. He looked exhausted and completely wrung out. Hotch wondered how long a person's mind could keep functioning under that amount of stress and fear.
In the end, Reid gave up trying to sleep and had taken himself into the library and shut the door, a guilt-ridden expression on his face.
This is how Morgan and Hotch found themselves sat in the living room at 4am, completely unable to contemplate returning to bed. They had both given up and surrendered to coffee.
Morgan sat back in his chair staring at the ceiling.
"Is this how it was after Jason?" Hotch asked, a severe frown marring his tired features.
"Pretty much. I think this is the worst night yet though. After Jason it would be about two times. The night after Field spoke with him was the worst. But I think tonight has beaten that." He said tiredly, rubbing his eyes.
"I do wish you had told us, Morgan." Hotch said looking at his friend.
"Everyone was back at work. It wasn't fair to drag anyone into this."
"It's not fair on you to have to deal with it all yourself. That is hard work... and upsetting. Seeing him like that isn't easy." Hotch shook his head. "You need to let me help, Derek."
Morgan dropped his head into his hands. "Urgh, it's tough, Hotch. I'm so used to taking care of him. He expects to see me when he wakes up. I know what works; I know how he's feeling when he's like that."
"I know, Morgan, but it's not healthy for either of you. He's becoming dependent on you for comfort. He needs to be able to function without you around. You're not always going to be there."
"What are you saying, Hotch? That I shouldn't be comforting him?"
Hotch continued cautiously. "No... but when I see him falling asleep on you... on your chest, I wonder how much good that's really doing."
Morgan looked at him, deeply offended. "There's nothing in it. You're making it sound like there's something 'weird' in it."
Hotch took a quick breath; he knew he was in dangerous territory right now. "Of course not, but he is incredibly vulnerable at the moment and I do wonder, after everything they said to him, whether being that physically close with him is wise. Especially after some of the... behaviours he's been displaying towards you."
"You're making it sound like I'm almost taking advantage." Morgan said angrily, his eyes flashed fiercely at Hotch.
"God no, Morgan. I just think it would be wise to not do anything that might encourage that behaviour."
Morgan suddenly stood up. His face was a combination of furious and deeply hurt.
"You see, this is why I didn't involve anyone else. You have no idea what it has taken to get him through Jason. I've done everything I possibly can to help him through it and if that's meant giving him a hug or letting him fall asleep on me when he's needed it then yes, I've done it! I don't need you coming in now and judging how we've made it through each day."
Hotch winced at the words. "I'm sorry, Morgan. I didn't mean to upset you. I guess tonight has gotten to me more than I would like to admit."
"Yeah, well next time, keep your thoughts to yourself." Morgan snapped, storming out of the room.
Hotch dropped his head into his hands. That hadn't gone well. He couldn't say that he didn't mean what he'd said. Seeing Reid cuddling up to Morgan on the bed made him incredibly uncomfortable knowing that only a few days before he'd been getting on his knees and offering himself to him. He knew there was nothing untoward in it, but he didn't feel it was a wise move on Morgan's part. But on the other hand, he had seen Reid do it to all of them before. Himself included. Sometimes he just seemed to need the physical touch of someone who wasn't going to hurt him. Hotch kicked himself. He hadn't dealt with this well at all. It came down to the co-dependency they were all very much aware of. But perhaps after 6 hours of trying to get Reid through nightmares wasn't the best time to bring it up. Navigating this whole situation was already proving harder than he anticipated.
He looked up as he saw Reid enter the living room. He slumped down onto the couch next to him. He looked awful. His eyes were puffy and swollen from crying and lack of sleep, dark circles had set in underneath and he was unnaturally pale. His hair was messed up and his hands were trembling like a drug addict going through withdrawal.
"You alright, Reid?"
"I tried reading but couldn't focus, so I've given up." He said forlornly.
"You're probably just tired. Why don't you try and get some sleep?"
Reid looked at him sardonically. "I hadn't thought of trying that."
Hotch huffed a slight laugh. "Sorry. Do you want me to make you a coffee?"
Reid shook his head and rested back into the couch. "No thanks. I'm okay." He turned his head to look at Hotch, his brows furrowed. "You should get some rest. You have work tomorrow."
"I'm okay. I can go in later if I need to. Perks of being the boss." He gave a small smile.
Reid nodded and stared up at the ceiling. "I'm sorry for keeping you awake."
Hotch just shook his head. "I'm sorry for what you're going through." Reid sighed and a tremor ran through his body. He wrapped his arms around himself. "Are you cold?" Hotch asked gently.
"A little." Reid answered. "It's just a side effect." He said with a small feelingless smile.
Hotch stood and moved over to the box in the corner of the room pulling out a blanket and a pillow. He put the pillow behind Reid's head and the wrapped the blanket around him. Reid awkwardly breathed out. He was clearly uncomfortable with the fuss. "Better?" Hotch asked, sitting back down.
Reid's cheeks flushed. "Yeah... thank you." He yawned, pulled his knees up to his chest and snuggling the side of his face into the pillow. He closed his eyes. Hotch looked at him and watched as his body shook like it was on a 10 second timer. Reid looked so young and vulnerable in that moment. Every bit of him was telling him to reach out and give him a hug. Now he understood Morgan's position. It was hard to see him look so helpless and not want to comfort him.
He chose instead to reach out and stroke the hair from his face. Reid opened his eyes and looked at him tiredly.
"Sorry." Hotch said awkwardly, pulling his hand away. Reid just dropped his gaze to Hotch's shoulder then shifted to rest his head there. He breathed out and closed his eyes again.
Hotch felt his eyes stinging. Despite his initial resistance, he found himself shifting Reid to wrap his arm around his back and pulling him in so he could rest his head on his chest.
"You okay?" He asked gently as he felt another shudder run through Reid's body. Reid nodded and hummed a little. He was clearly feeling comfortable and tiredness was overtaking him. Hotch stroked his head again and then rested his head back against the couch. He felt the tiredness tugging at him too. Soon they were both peacefully asleep.
Morgan couldn't help but knowingly smile some half an hour later when he found them like that. He shook his head at Hotch, knowing the man had probably tried his best to stand firm. Perhaps he would be more understanding of the situation now. He couldn't have been more hypocritical if he tried. But deep down Morgan knew his words only came from a place of concern. As much as Hotch was a hard character, he cared deeply and always put the team first. The image he was currently looking at was testimony to that. Morgan sat down in his chair and gazed at them for a few moments. Then he tipped his head back with a smile and closed his eyes.
Morgan and Hotch were awoken by the sound of a cell phone ringing. Hotch opened his eyes to find Reid still tucked into his chest. He looked across the room and found a bleary-eyed Morgan smirking at him.
"Not sure it's wise, huh?" He teased.
Hotch felt the need to explain himself until he took in Morgan's light-hearted expression, then he simply smiled and huffed out a laugh.
"Sorry." He said with a tight-lipped smile. Morgan waved him away and leaned forward to look at Hotch's phone on the table.
"It's Garcia. You want me to answer?" Morgan asked, looking pointedly at Reid. Hotch looked down at his finally peaceful young colleague and nodded. He unconsciously squeezed him a little tighter with his arm.
Morgan flipped the phone open and answered. "Hey baby girl. I'll put you on speakerphone."
" Morning Derek. Is Hotch there?" She asked seriously, bypassing any of her usual flirtations.
"I'm here, Garcia." Hotch answered firmly. Reid stirred a little at the sound of his voice.
"Everything alright? You sound a little flustered, Penelope." Morgan asked.
" That APB. Cops found the vehicle dumped in a residential area in D.C."
"That's good news." Morgan said hopefully.
Hotch adjusted himself as Reid moved away as he woke up and became aware of the phone call. He stayed wrapped up in his little ball with his knees at his chest and rested the side of his face against the couch while he listened to Garcia talking. Hotch mouthed a 'Morning' to him.
"Well, that's where the good news ends, my doves. Um, is Reid there?"
"Yeah." He said in a tired, croaky voice.
" Oh. Erm, you might want to take me off speaker, Derek." She said quietly, as if that was going to help.
Reid's brows furrowed and he exchanged a glance with Morgan and Hotch.
"You can talk freely in front of Reid, Garcia." Hotch said firmly. They had made a decision that Reid was to be kept in the loop at all stages of the investigation unless he himself decided otherwise. Hotch looked to him for approval and he just nodded tiredly.
"Oh, well uh, okay. Initial reports say they found a male body in the trunk of the vehicle. I don't know who it is but the description matches our delivery guy from the hospital."
"Damn." Morgan whispered.
" The vehicle is full of surveillance pictures of... um, a man." Reid's hand went to his eyes. " They think there's close to a thousand photos. Rossi and Emily are on their way to the scene now."
Hotch was looking at Reid in concern now. "Okay Garcia, thanks. I will meet them there. Send me the location."
"Sure thing, Sir." Hotch's phone buzzed as Garcia sent through the details. " On your phone now."
"Thanks." He leaned forward and ended the call then stood. "I'll just go and get ready." He looked to Reid. "You alright?"
Reid laughed, rubbing at his eyes.
"Oh yeah. I'm just great." He said flatly. Hotch gave him a sympathetic look.
"I'll keep you both updated with what we find."
"Thanks, man." Morgan nodded as Hotch left the room. Reid threw the pillow to the end of the couch and lay flat on his back staring at the ceiling, sighing loudly.
"Do you think Jason used the same person?" He said thoughtfully.
Morgan quirked an eyebrow out him. "Huh?"
"The same photographer." Reid clarified.
"Uh, I dunno Reid. We assumed Jason took the pictures himself." Morgan answered uncomfortably.
"Did you find any evidence of that?" Reid asked, still staring at the ceiling.
Morgan's brows furrowed. Reid made a good point. "Uh, no. I guess we didn't. We never looked. But we didn't know what we do now."
Reid hummed thoughtfully.
Morgan continued. "It might be worth them looking in to it. But I really don't want you worrying about that at the moment. Okay? Let's just focus on getting better." His words were not helpful in the slightest. Reid put his forearm across his face and huffed. "Hey, do you want a coffee?" Morgan asked, trying to change the subject. He really didn't want thoughts like that circling in Reid's head after the night he'd had. It was a sure-fire way of starting the day very badly.
Reid didn't answer him.
"Reid?" Morgan prodded gently.
Reid just stood and left the room, heading back upstairs. Morgan sighed. Every day just seemed to bring more and more bad news.
Hotch, Prentiss and Rossi stood looking at the scene in front of them, concern plastering their faces. The local P.D's description of the scene had definitely left a lot to the imagination.
In the trunk of the vehicle was the body of a man, who appeared to be the man who had delivered the photographs to the ward. Like the other 30 men, he had been shot execution style in the head. What they had neglected to mention was that the man was shirtless and had the words 'PERICULUM IN MORA' carved into his chest.
The whole car was littered with photographs of Reid as if they had just been thrown around. Others were attached to the windows so they could be viewed from the outside of the car. On the backs of these were the three messages that had been found at the other crime scenes. 'ALL GOOD THINGS MUST COME TO AN END', 'PERICULUM IN MORA' and 'PRETTY BOY'.
One of the CSIs approached them. "Were done with our photography now, so you can examine the scene." The tall male handed them all a pair of gloves each.
"Thanks." Hotch nodded then looked to Prentiss and Rossi before moving towards the vehicle. Hotch and Prentiss went straight to the rear of the car where the body was.
"These look like they were made post-mortem." Prentiss observed, pointing at the words carved into the man's chest.
"The entry wound looks the same as at the other scenes. It's likely the same type of gun and ammunition." Hotch said, examining the man's forehead.
"No blood spatter in the trunk." Prentiss added.
"None inside the vehicle either." Rossi called over. "Unless they cleaned up afterwards, but that seems unlikely if they were going to dump the vehicle anyway. Chances are he was killed somewhere else."
"So, whoever killed him likely drove the vehicle here and dumped it." Hotch surmised.
"Not before taping these photographs to the windows. It seems they were in no hurry." Rossi said, taking in the number of photos in the car.
Prentiss walked around to the other side of the vehicle. "We may have some luck pulling a print from the tape they used."
"Same writing as at the other crime scenes. Whoever is writing these notes must have been at every scene. Whether they are writing in blood or pen, the lettering never changes. Obviously, a graphologist would be able to tell better." Rossi said thoughtfully.
"Where's Reid when you need him." Hotch said dryly.
Prentiss took in all of the notes on the back of the photographs. "Someone has been a busy guy."
"Well, we know now that the 30 men weren't all killed on the same day. Some were executed up to 72 hours before." Hotch now came to the side of the vehicle.
"Still, that's a lot of places to get to. Executing 30 men single handedly in 72 hours? That's a lot for one guy to do." Prentiss looked unconvinced.
"Just because the same person wrote the messages, it doesn't mean he was the one who pulled the trigger." Rossi commented. "We already know there were at least four different firearms used at the scenes. They all used the same type of gun, a Glock 19 and 9mm bullets, but forensics showed at least four different distinctive markings across the bullets they located. Meaning four separate weapons. So, it's safe to say it's likely not just one man acting alone."
"When did you become aware of this?" Hotch raised an eyebrow at his colleague.
"Early this morning. I haven't had a chance to catch everyone up yet." Rossi said, gesturing to the vehicle.
"Guys." Prentiss was stood at the driver's side door and reaching into the vehicle. Her face had paled.
Rossi leaned in further and Hotch moved behind her to see what had caught her attention. "This was stuck to the steering wheel." It was another photograph of Reid, when she flipped it over there was a single word: 'MINE'.
"That's new." Rossi said dryly, his eye twitched nervously.
She flipped the photograph back over and Hotch reached out for it. "Let me see that." He examined it for a few moments. "This was taken when he was released from the hospital after Jason." His blood ran cold.
"Are you sure?" Prentiss asked worriedly.
"Absolutely. Look at his neck." Reid's neck was covered in 'hickeys' as it had been after Jason. "This is the day he left the hospital."
"Oh god." Prentiss put her hand to her mouth.
"They've been watching him for months." Rossi shook his head moving to pick up other photos from the back seat. There were more photos of him leaving the hospital, in the car with Morgan, at the park, back at work with the team, almost anytime he had left the house since Jason, there were photographs. Rossi's stomach dropped. "Hotch."
He held out some very close up photographs that seemed to have been taken on a cell phone instead of a long-range lens. Reid was stood in the corner of an elevator with his arms folded across his chest.
"They are showing us how close they have gotten." Hotch ran a hand down his face.
"They could have killed him." Prentiss said in shock, shaking her head.
"We need to show these to Reid." Rossi said strongly.
"No." Hotch answered quickly. "He cannot see these." After seeing the state he had been in overnight, the last thing he wanted to do was distress him more.
"Aaron, the kid's got an eidetic memory. If we can take him back to the moments these photos were taken, he might remember something that can help catch these bastards."
"If he finds out that they have been watching him this whole time, honestly, I don't know what that would do to him. I'm not sure he's well enough to handle it right now." Hotch shook his head.
"Well, we need to do something, Aaron. There's nothing to say that this guy in the trunk is the one who took the photos or was even involved in the killings. He could just be a messenger for all we know."
"I know. But Reid is safe right now. They have a brand-new security system; Morgan is with him. There's no way they are getting near him."
"We have said this before, Aaron. These guys are no amateurs. Look at this. The only way we are going to stop them is by catching them. And the only chance we have of catching them is if Reid can remember something." Rossi argued. Hotch knew he was right.
"I know, Dave. But we have to take into account Reid's mental state. He barely slept last night for nightmares. He is in no fit state to be doing a cognitive interview right now. The last thing we need is him back in hospital."
Rossi sighed and nodded in agreement.
"Morgan is in quite a lot of these photos. Could we do a cognitive with him? Maybe he'll remember something useful. He has been around Reid almost constantly for months."
"Good idea." Rossi nodded again.
"Okay, let's start there. Emily, get a record of any photos containing Morgan so we can show them to him."
"Yes, Sir." She said dutifully, pulling out her phone to take photos of the relevant pictures.
"We can only hope that someone made a mistake and left behind some forensic evidence." Hotch said forlornly.
"Maloney really is upping the ante now." Rossi said shaking his head. "'MINE', he's claiming him and telling us that if we don't give him what he wants soon he's going to take Reid instead."
"Our only saving grace is that he's still in the detention centre." Hotch said reassuringly.
"But for how long?" Rossi said forebodingly. "He told Morgan that there were people of 'influence' who use his services and that he would never see the inside of a jail cell. If he makes bail..."
"He won't make bail, Dave. Not with the charges against him."
"I wish I had your confidence, Aaron." Rossi smiled darkly.
"The chances of a judge granting bail are little to none."
Rossi raised an eyebrow at him skeptically. "I sincerely hope you are right."
Hotch opened the door to Morgan's house and let himself in. He had JJ and Rossi in tow. The now familiar beep from the security system rang out reassuringly.
"Hotch? Is that you?!" Morgan called out.
"It's me. Dave and JJ are with me." He called out to Morgan who seemed to be upstairs.
"I need you up here, man!"
Hotch exchanged glances with Rossi and JJ and then they were quickly heading up the stairs, they found Reid's bedroom door open and could hear Morgan talking quietly.
They entered the room and the sight hit them like a freight train.
"Oh my god, Spence!" JJ cried out, automatically moving to Reid's side, sidling across the bed to him to stay out of Morgan's way.
Morgan was holding onto Reid's forearm and pressing down with a blood-soaked cloth. "It's not stopping bleeding." He said quickly, clearly trying to remain calm.
Rossi automatically moved to Morgan's side. He had a first aid kit on the floor but was unable to do anything with it without letting go of Reid's bleeding arm, which seemed to be something he didn't want to do.
"I'll call an ambulance." Hotch said pulling out his phone.
"NO!" Morgan practically shouted, looking to Hotch with wide eyes. "No, they can't know about this. They'll put him in a hold again."
Hotch frowned. "What's happened?"
"He's cut himself. They are deep but not life threatening. I just need an extra pair of hands and I can sort him out."
JJ had one hand to her mouth and the other was holding Reid's hand. She stared at his face. "Reid? Why did you do this to yourself?" A tear ran down her cheek. He didn't answer, or even appear to register she was there. He seemed to be in a trance-like state. "Reid?" She nudged him slightly.
"Just keep talking to him, JJ. He's not responding."
"Morgan, I really do think we should call an ambulance." Hotch tried again.
Morgan just ignored him. He passed Reid's arm into Rossi's grip. "Hold it above his head. I'm just gonna get some stuff to clean the wounds and some steri-strips." He searched through the first aid kit and then stood, leaving the room and heading downstairs. He clearly hadn't found what he was looking for.
Rossi looked to Hotch with a wide-eyed expression then back to Reid. "Kiddo? You there?" Getting no response, he chanced a glance at the wounds underneath the cloth. He sucked in a breath between his teeth. He managed to make out two deep slices on the inside of his forearm. He was grateful that they were nowhere near the wrist, but they were still gruesome to look at. He could make out some fatty tissue where he'd clearly cut through multiple layers of flesh. He quickly covered it back up as more blood began to flow out.
"Reid, it's all going to be okay." JJ wrapped her arms around his unresponsive form and squeezed him tightly. "We love you so much. Why would you do this to yourself?" It was more a rhetorical question than one she expected an answer to. She hugged tightly into his shoulder.
"I'm calling an ambulance, this should be dealt with by professionals."
"Don't." Rossi said firmly. Hotch looked at him like he was crazy. "Morgan's right. They will just put him under a 5150 again."
"Well maybe a hospital is where he needs to be, this would never have happened in there." Hotch said, his frustration was clear.
"Aaron, the kid needs familiar faces around him. Not to be locked up in some Psych ward where he doesn't know anyone."
"Well clearly it's not helping!" Hotch argued back.
"Guys, this isn't helping!" JJ said firmly. "Just stop, okay? He needs our support and you two arguing isn't going to help! Just- just let Morgan see what he can do."
Hotch reluctantly put his phone in his pocket. He wasn't happy with this. Of course, the last place he wanted Reid was back in the hospital. But he had just sliced his arm up. And badly by the looks of it. In his opinion that wasn't the behaviour of someone who was safe to be out of psychiatric care.
Morgan finally re-entered the room. He was completely oblivious to the tension. "Okay, Reid. I need you over the sink." He grabbed his other arm and started pulling him. Reid's body seemed to follow his lead. He was soon stood and being guided into the bathroom. Rossi kept firm pressure on the wounds and JJ followed behind him with a hand on his back. "Okay, put his arm over the sink. I need to wash out the wounds before I tape them together." Rossi lowered his arm over the sink. Reid didn't react to a single movement they made. Rossi pulled the cloth away and gasped. There were five diagonal wounds across his forearm. It suddenly became painfully clear what he had been doing. The wounds were strategically placed over the word 'MINE', heavily obscuring it. Rossi looked to Reid sadly.
"Oh, kiddo." He rubbed his arm comfortingly.
Morgan soon set to work, washing out the wounds with a large bottle of saline. Once he was satisfied that they wer e clean, he handed Rossi some gloves. Rossi worked to hold the wounds together as Morgan applied the steri-strips to secure the skin. JJ kept rubbing Reid's back. Eventually she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly from behind.
"Last one, Reid." Morgan said reassuringly as Rossi pushed the flesh together on the last cut, careful not to pull too hard on the other cuts. "If these had been any closer together, he probably would have needed sutures." Morgan said knowingly.
Rossi had to admit, he was impressed with Morgan's skills. He was incredibly calm and methodical as he worked. He would have made a great doctor in another life.
After another couple of minutes, Morgan cleaned around the wounds again and then covered them with a large wound dressing. "Okay. We're done." He sighed. He looked to Rossi, wiping the sweat off his brow. "Thanks, Rossi."
"Come on, Spence." JJ pulled him away from the sink and started moving him back to sit down on the bed. One side of it was now covered in blood. Blood had also soaked into the carpet of the bedroom. She winced. Morgan really could do without this. "Sit down." She guided him to the edge of the bed and he sat down. She grabbed the sides of his face. "Spence. Talk to me. It's okay."
Hotch had landed in something of a trance himself. The shock of walking in on the scene had taken over as he watched them work on Reid at the sink. A hand landed on his arm suddenly.
"Aaron?" Rossi probed gently.
He shook himself back to the present and turned to his older colleague. His attention was then drawn to JJ talking to Reid.
"Come on, Spence. Come back to us."
Suddenly Hotch left the room and returned with the ball Susan had given him. He knelt down at Reid's side, placing the ball in his palm.
"Reid, can you feel that?" JJ glanced at the ball and then to Hotch, a look of confusion marring her features. "Can you squeeze it for me?" Reid's hand slightly squeezed the ball. "That's great, Reid. Can you feel any of the shapes on it?" Morgan was now stood in the doorway of the bathroom watching them carefully. "Reid, can you feel the shapes on the ball? Have a feel." Hotch said encouragingly. Reid's thumb started to gently stroke over the top of the ball. "That's it, Reid. That's it. Can you tell me what one of the shapes is?" Reid now closed his eyes. It was the first response they had seen since they arrived. JJ squeezed his knee. Reid's hand started to roll the ball around in his hand a little. His thumb landed on one of the shapes and rubbed back and forth.
"You're doing great, Spence." JJ said with enthusiasm.
"Tell me one of the shapes, Reid." Hotch repeated.
"Circle." Reid whispered.
"That's it, Reid. Can you tell me another?" Hotch asked gently.
He rolled the ball around a little more, feeling for more shapes. His awareness seemed to be coming back.
"Keep going, Reid. You're doing great."
"Good job, Spence." JJ encouraged, very aware that she sounded like she was talking to Henry. Nothing about this was normal or comfortable.
"Tell me another shape."
"Triangle." He said finally, more clearly this time.
"Spence, that's great."
"Do you know where you are, kiddo?" Rossi cut in, sensing that he was coming back.
Reid nodded then squeezed his eyes shut even tighter.
"I'm sorry, Morgan."
Morgan just sighed and looked to the floor. After a few moments he left the room.
"Tell me another shape, Reid." Hotch said, quickly diverting his attention.
He rolled the ball around a little more. "Square." He said with a nod.
"Can you open your eyes for me, Spence?" JJ put her hand to his shoulder.
"I don't want to." He said quietly, dropping his head down. He was clearly ashamed of what he'd done.
"Kiddo, come on. It's us. We're your family and we love you no matter what." Rossi said reassuringly.
"Open your eyes for us, Reid." Hotch said softly.
Reid dropped his head right down and slowly opened his eyes, feeling incredibly self-conscious. He cautiously looked up to find two big blue, watery eyes staring at him.
"Oh, Spence." JJ automatically took him into a tight hug. He moved to put his arms around her in return and hissed a little as his forearm stung. He looked at the wound dressing on his arm and then dropped his face into JJ's shoulder. He didn't cry. He felt numb aside from the pulsating sting in his arm. He felt like it was the only thing keeping him present. "Are you okay?" He nodded into her shoulder. "You weren't trying to kill yourself, were you?" She asked, pushing away from him and trying to look him in the face. He held his gaze down shamefully.
"No." He said quietly.
"Well, what were you doing, Spence?"
"I think I know." Rossi said, moving to Reid's side. "You were trying to get rid of it, weren't you?"
Reid closed his eyes and nodded. "I just thought if I could cover it up, it wouldn't be so bad." His voice broke.
JJ looked at him in confusion for a few moments, then the location of the cuts hit her. Her mouth dropped open and she found herself lost for words. Another tear ran down her cheek.
Hotch stood from his kneeling position and looked around the bloodied room. "Come on, Reid. Let's get you out of here and I'll clean this up."
"No, it's okay. I'll do it." He said quickly.
" You are coming for a chat with me downstairs, kiddo. I'll make us a coffee." Rossi said, slipping his hand underneath Reid's arm and pulling him up from the bed. Rossi and JJ guided him out of the room and down the stairs.
Hotch looked around the room and ran his hands through his hair. He pulled the bloodied bedding from the bed and gathered it up into his arms then made his way downstairs.
JJ and Rossi had Reid sat on the couch and were talking to him quietly. Hotch headed straight into the kitchen where he found Morgan going through the drawers. There was a pile of knives on the worktop.
"You alright?" Hotch asked curiously.
"Just clearing the kitchen of anything sharp." Morgan said simply. His face was set in a deep frown. Hotch nodded. "I'd thought about not leaving razors around, but knives never crossed my mind. How stupid could I be?" Morgan was clearly annoyed with himself.
Hotch dumped the bedding down onto the floor and moved towards his colleague. "This isn't your fault, Morgan."
"Even if I had cleared the kitchen, I never would have thought to move the bread knives. I mean who uses a bread knife?" He said in frustration.
"Morgan, sit down for a minute." Hotch tried.
"No. I need to get this done. These will be in the gun safe. I'll message you the passcode."
"Morgan." He grabbed his arm and Morgan froze. "Sit down." Hotch said firmly.
Morgan breathed out and his shoulders slumped. He surrendered to Hotch's order and sat down at the breakfast bar.
"I'm angry with him." Morgan said quietly, so Reid couldn't hear. "I know I shouldn't be. But I am. I trusted him, I've given him space and he does this with it."
"You're tired, Morgan. It was a long night. You're doing everything you can for him and it's understandable that you might be getting to the end of your tether."
Morgan dropped his head into his hands. "I just need a break." He finally admitted. He felt relieved, ashamed and weak in equal measures. It's one thing after another, after another. I just need a break... from him." He ground out. "And now I feel awful." The guilt hit him instantly. Hotch frowned sadly.
"You're only human. You've devoted your life to him for nearly five months, Derek. No wonder you're exhausted. A lot of people would have backed away long before now."
"I'd never walk away from him. But right now, I don't think I have anything left." He rubbed his eyes.
"Why don't you take a break tonight? Stay at Garcia's. She would be pleased to see you."
Morgan shook his head. "I couldn't."
"You can. Reid will be fine with me and I'm sure I can get Dave or JJ to stick around for a while. You need this, Derek. You can't keep running on empty. We said we would help. Let us help."
Morgan sighed. "Okay." He said reluctantly. But he genuinely had nothing left to give.
"Go, pack a bag and get yourself gone. Tell Garcia she has permission to finish now. Have a good evening."
Morgan just nodded and slid himself off the stool. "Thanks, Hotch." Hotch nodded. Morgan had surrendered uncharacteristically easily. That just went to show how much he was running on empty.
As Reid saw him coming out of the kitchen, the guilt and panic washed over him.
"Morgan, I'm so sorry." He said, eyes wide and watering slightly.
Morgan stopped on his way through, he didn't look at him. "Reid, just don't." He held his hand up to signal him to stop. "I, uh, I'm going to Garcia's for the night. You be okay with Hotch?"
Reid's features twitched a little and he blinked, not really knowing what to say.
"Um, yeah." He said unsurely, dropping his gaze down sadly. He'd really screwed up this time. Morgan was giving up on him.
"Okay." Morgan moved to leave the room, then stopped himself. "We're okay." He reassured. "I just... I need a break." Reid just nodded, feeling his eyes stinging with tears.
Morgan held on for a few moments longer but couldn't find any more words. He reluctantly left and went to pack a bag.
"It's okay, Spence. He just needs some time to himself. I'll stay tonight, okay? He'll be back tomorrow." She exchanged a concerned look with Rossi. He gave a tight-lipped smile in return.
Feeling an overwhelming sense of anger, frustration and disappointment in himself, Reid put his hands to his eyes and broke down. He'd finally done it, he'd finally pushed Morgan to his breaking point. He cursed himself for being so stupid. He didn't know what he would do without Morgan. It was amazing he'd stuck around for so long already, but now he'd given up. He'd been pushed to his limits and couldn't take anymore, and Reid didn't blame him. If the others were wise, they would get themselves away from him as quick as they could.
At that moment, he wished he was back on the bridge. And this time, he would jump.