AN: "One Knuckleheaded Glutton" is officially on brief hiatus, a week at least, as demanded of my support system. Something about daily updates not being healthy or some shit...

Meh, I'll just work on this story for now.

Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

Who's That Father?

Slow Chemical

(Then: Beelzehaven, Rave Town)

"Come here, Pickle. C'mere sweet girl," Naruto said with a grin and his tail swished as his puppy made several very wobbly steps to his outstretched arms. She keened at him in puppy babble and her frantically wagging tail almost unbalanced her twice. Just before she flopped face-first into the floor, he extended his arms out and snatched her up under her pits. She squealed and yipped as he pushed his snout into her chin to tickle her with several wet kisses. He held her high above him, getting another happy squeal and more butt-shaking wags from her overly-fluffy tail. "You did it! Look at those big girl steps! Daddy's so proud of you, Himawari."

"Yabaubuh!" The puppy keened and then growled as she grabbed his nose. He growled back at her until she whined and he pulled her down into a tight hug.

"Yeah, you don't take shit and you know who's the Boss. That's my girl." He chuckled and kissed her cute little black nose. She keened and yawned before she relaxed in his arms. He nuzzled her face with his muzzle. "Mm, my sweet little Sunflower. You're getting so big...Stop growing up so damn fast."

"If that's what you want, you need to pay extra for diaper changes. Whatever the fuck it is you're feeding her is making her shit into a fucking bioweapon."

"Didn't ask your fucking opinion." Naruto grunted as he kicked his door shut. A snort came from the grey-wolf Hellhound that was sitting with her back against the rundown couch. She was wearing one of his shirts and a pair of red hot-pants, a bit of her bangs dyed an acid green. She rested an arm along the couch and yawned before she leaned on it.

"Tough shit, you're getting it. The sooner I can watch her out of diapers, the better."

"Stop making my puppy grow up without me." He glared.

"Fucking make me, Uzumaki." She smirked at him and he snarled. She let her head roll back and raked her fingers through her hair, allowing it to flow down like a river... This fucking cocktease knew exactly what the fuck she was doing. "Next I'll have gotten her to speak in actual fucking sentences. Wouldn't that be a miracle?"

"She's fucking one. She's progressing fine as she is, Rox." Naruto grunted as he gave his ex-drug-bud, friend and sitter a look as he put his dozing puppy against his shoulder and dumped his duffle bag in the corner. He looked back at the she-hound with a slightly less hostile grimace. "And, y'know, thanks for sticking around and not trashing my place after today went over the usual three hours. The ol' Toad had me square up against some lugnut named Kodiak."

"What, was it a fucking bear?" Roxanne asked as she stood up and stretched. Naruto shrugged and went back to petting his sleeping puppy. He didn't know diddly shit about animals from Earth unless they bore a resemblance to any kind of Hellhounds. As Above, So Below and all that shit.

How he wound up as a fucking dire wolf-red fox mix, who could fucking say? Jiraiya said something about the bitch that birthed him, but the hotheaded fourteen-year-old Naruto wasn't exactly thinking with his brain back when he got snagged from the orphanage.

"Dude was fucking ten feet, and easily weighed like, four-fifty something. Fucking ridiculous, all these fat-ass monsters running around." He grumbled in no small amount of Envy. At fifteen, his growth seemed to have topped out at just barely over six feet, meanwhile the rest of the hounds around him kept shooting up and out. He was almost eighteen now and not a goddamn thing had changed since then, other than him having less bruises and more wins under his slightly less wiry frame.

"Yeah, but they're all a dime a dozen." He looked up when the she-wolf put her hand on his arm, squeezed the bicep which got her another silent snarl, and her red eyes gleamed with no small amount of Lust as they stared into his. "You, Mr. Short King...Make up for it where it fucking counts."

"The fuck does-?" A millisecond, and a quick glance down, later and he got the gist. His stare went flat along with his ears. Figures that's why she agreed to watch his pup longer, the fucking sex addict. "Is that why you stuck around?"

"What can I say? You're a good fuck. Way better than most of the 'monsters running around'. Especially that asshat old friend of yours that thinks he's Beelzebub's gift to bitches everywhere." Roxanne smirked as he shifted uncomfortably. He still wasn't okay with how casually some of his friends were about dissing Vortex; the guy had been his best friend for seven years. Yeah, it still hurt that he and Hinata went behind his fucking back — if either of them stoned up to his face maybe he wouldn't be as fucking salty about it — but he couldn't change that now. He had his puppy to worry about and frankly, the less he worried himself with Vortex's life, the fucking better. Thankfully, before his mind could linger on his former best friend, Roxanne leaned in until their noses were a hair's breadth apart while she ran her hand up and down his arm.

"I have an idea." She growled, her breath smelt of cigarette ash and meat; not a terrible combo for a Hellhound. She nipped his chin and he zeroed in on her face. Shit, for an amateur musician, she wasn't half bad to look at while sober. "Why don't you go put the pup in her crib, then come back out here like a good little boy and just fucking rut me on your couch? Work off some of that extra stress you've got."

"...You fucking suck, Rox." Naruto growled as he felt his shorts start to strain from his growing erection. The sly bitch pressed herself up against him, her groin against his, and even though there were three fucking layers of fabric between them, he felt the heat wafting off of her. He whimpered before he could stop himself and the smug she-wolf smirked. She teased his muzzle with another small click of her teeth and her hand drifted down to rub his covered dick before she licked her chops. His lips pulled up in a snarl.

"I only clean up after the first round, bitch. So what are you waiting for?" Her lips ghosted over his briefly as she squeezed him. "Get to it...Daddy."

God-fucking-dammit. He was going to be so fucking exhausted when it came time to feed Himawari her dinner...but he'd be lying if he said wouldn't be fucking worth it.

(Now: Beelzehaven, Hellhound Heights)

"You're going to be a good girl for Miss Marquise today, right?" Daddy asked her as he helped her fix her hair so it wouldn't slip out from under her hoodie. Himawari preened as he latched her darker violet locks in place with a few hair clips. Nothing fancy, just a couple simple solid black ones, just the way she liked it.

"Uh-huh!" Himawari nodded and smiled up at him. "And you're gonna be super duper nice to Miss Loona, right? So she can come live with us and be my new mommy?"

"What the fu-?!" Daddy spluttered over himself as he tried not to cuss — he was very bad at not cussing around her, but Himawari was a good girl and listened to her Daddy when he said she wasn't allowed to cuss yet — and then knocked her on the head with his paw. She whined and pouted up at him as he stared down at her with a frown. "It's just a coffee date, Pickle! If that was going to happen, it would be way down the line."

"But its going to happen?!"

"Anti-Christ, help me." Daddy grumbled before he snatched her up off of the ground and growled as he nibbled at her cheek. She squealed and kicked at the air and pushed on his face.

"Ahh! No! Daddy, stop!"

"Where do you get these crazy ass ideas from?!" He growled into her neck before he dumped her on her bed. His claws scratched into all her super ticklish spots and she did all she could to fight him away.

"Sto-hahahaha-hop!"

"You've unleashed the beast, the Terrible Tickle Hound is hungry and demands the laughter of unruly pups to sate his bottomless gullet!" Daddy growled in his terrible Cerberbee impression. Himawari squealed and kicked before her left paw slugged his nose good and hard. "Arrrgh! No! My one weak spot!"

Daddy pulled away and flopped back to the floor with a thud. His muzzle popped open and his tongue slumped out to the side with a "Bleh." Himawari giggled and crawled off of her bed to go poke and prod her father's corpse.

"Then to get stronger I must eat the Tickle Monster's heart! Raarrgh," she giggled as she crawled onto his bare chest and started biting at the thick patch of fur there. One clump got stuck in her teeth and she ripped it out. Daddy was revived with a yelp.

"Ow! You little-!" Daddy growled at her and snatched her up again. She giggled and hummed as he play-nipped her face. "Eat my heart, huh? We'll just see about that—!"

Daddy's watch vibrated and he stopped playing to look at it. He sighed and looked back at her, his big blue eyes that matched hers — for how much longer? Zara's weren't blue anymore and that dummy head Rascal's had red eyes for forever! — with his 'time to be Grown Up' smile on his face. She didn't like that smile, it wasn't her Daddy's smile. It was the smile everyone else wanted him to wear.

"I've gotta get dressed, Pickle. You need me to fix your hair some more?" He asked, but she knew he was just being nice. Daddy's Watch was the buzzer that always ended their fun. Himawari didn't like Daddy's Watch, but she knew Daddy needed it. That's why Himawari wanted a Mommy, a cool pretty mommy that could help her when Daddy's Watch said he couldn't. She really hoped Miss Loona might be that mommy, she was cool and pretty, but Roxanne was that way too and she already said no.

Well, she said "No Fucking Way," but Daddy told her not to say those words at school. Even if stupidface Derrick kept cussing ever since he turned six. Himawari was almost six, she should be allowed to cuss all the cussing time she cussing wanted. But she was a good girl, so she'd wait.

Still, she was asked a question, and Himawari was taught by Daddy and Grump to always answer their questions quickly, honestly and efficiently. So as much as she wanted to keep playing with her Daddy, she knew she had to stop. Even though she really didn't cussing want to.

"Nuh-uh, I'm all set!" She pulled her hoodie up and let her ears stick out through the top. Daddy's smile came back and he scratched her under her chin. She leaned into it with her tail thumping on the ground.

"That you are, Sunflower. Ugh, getting up." Daddy groaned as he rolled to his hands and knees before he shot up to his super tall high-ness. His claws snagged her scruff and she was on her feet before she could think to curl up. His hand rubbed her head and then guided her to the door. "G'on downstairs and get your bag. You've got fifteen minutes of phone time."

"Okay, Daddy!" Himawari beamed and raced downstairs while Daddy went back to his room. She pulled her phone out of her backpack and opened up the Cyber-Beelzebub Bottle Blaster game she downloaded.

Today, she would beat her top score!

(Now: Beelzehaven, Hellhound Heights)

"Alright, Pris, you're on speaker." Naruto set his phone on his dresser as he pulled his clothes for the morning out. It was just a coffee date so jeans and a shirt should do. Damn, his favorite carpenter jeans that had seen more action than a Sinner after Extermination Day and were starting to get a bit snug. He didn't fucking grow again did he? It was a stupidly pleasant surprise the first time a month after he hit eighteen, but in the years that followed it's been more and more of a fucking hassle. Being an inch shy of nine feet now, he was hoping it would fucking stop. Especially since the growth wasn't just limited to his height.

No fucking wonder Jiraiya loves going to Lust, he snorted as he pulled the jeans on. Most of the bitches down there are the only ones that can probably handle him.

"Like I said, the Mayor's records are in the clear. As are councilors Argent, Darvos, Kelligan–" Priscilla listed more members of the City Council as he gave up and clawed at the calves of his jeans to get his paws through. His tail still got through fine, and they fastened without absolutely crushing his dick and balls, but the space at his knees tore, as did some of the seam along the side. He swore in a very vulgar Hellhound manner and Priscilla stopped. "Everything all right over there?"

"No." He growled and gave up, tearing the pants off and tossing them aside. "Shit, I grew again. Dammit. That was my last good pair of jeans."

"I'll get a bulk order placed at a size larger."

"You're a Fallen, Pris." He sighed and grabbed some of his running shorts. Can't wear the purple ones, no, no, no – Bingo. The unlined running pants weren't his favorite to wear since they sagged, but–Oh. That figures, they fit better after he grew. Because of course that's how that worked. Duh.

"Still not interested." He snorted at their long-running gag over her sexuality while he adjusted himself in the clothes he wore. He did not need to embarrass himself on this date by inadvertently flaunting his goods. "Anti-Christ, Naruto, if you keep growing at this rate, only Kodiak and Choji will be taller than you."

"Yeah, thanks for the fucking reminder." He grunted as he got his tail out and looked at his reflection in his closet mirror. "Hey, if you were going on a first date and had to wear gym clothes–?"

"I don't think you'd fit in a spandex bra."

"Challenge accepted."

"A solid shirt, one that fits well, but doesn't outline every bit of fur. Do not wear anything with graphics."

"So, one of the Satan's Sweats?"

"In Pride? At this time of year? Oh, what are we going to do with you, Naruto?"

"Just tell me what shirt I should wear, there's a start." Naruto deadpanned as he dug around his closet. He pulled out a bright yellow and neon green crop top that he had no recollection of obtaining. "...Beelzebub's Boogey Bouncing Extrava–Where the fuck di–? Oh, that's right, Pickle's fourth birthday was at that bounce palace thing."

"You still have that?! I'll pay you three grand to wear it today."

"Bitch, do you want me to leave a good impression in Pride or not?" Naruto smirked when she snorted. He tossed that thing out of his closet and found one shirt that matched his P.A.'s advice. "Ugh, it's blue."

"Bright sky blue or something darker, like midnight?"

"I'm opening the screen time." Naruto deadpanned. He was not going to try and describe color. He adjusted his phone camera accordingly and made sure the lighting in the room did the shirt justice. Priscilla looked it over and rubbed her chin.

"Not ideal...but – where did you find those pants?"

"That's all I've got that fit." Naruto growled before he scowled. "Unless you want me to wear the solid purple running shorts."

"No, they're good. They compliment your ass well."

"The lesbian said confidently to the cis-male."

"Just trust my intuition, jackass. Wear that shirt with those pants, leave it untucked."

"Yeah, because tucking it in was on my to-do–"

"I wasn't talking about the shirt, stupid."

"...Oh." Naruto felt his ears fold back. "Is it noticeable–?"

"More noticeable tucked than untucked, trust me."

"Ah. One moment." He ducked back into his closet and pulled the shirt on before he adjusted himself accordingly. "So, anything from Gramps' feelers about his new friends in Lust?"

"Still waiting. A few of them were shark demons, so–"

"We're messing with a Greed family's pickings. A few fish are gonna get fried." Naruto muttered as he walked out and then presented himself to his assistant. "What d'ya think, Pris? Good?"

"Spin."

"Anti-Christ." Naruto rolled his eyes and did a slow three-sixty. "Well?"

"You look like a two-drink maybe, three-drink yes."

"Thank you for such high praise." He chuckled and gathered his stuff. Rather than deal with the possible issue of an overstuffed pocket, he grabbed his Hellphone armband and tucked his wallet there. He tucked a wireless bud into his ear and ended the screen-time call. "Still there?"

"Still here. Back to business?"

"You've got it. What about the...?" Naruto trailed and peered out his window at the strange new black car that was parked in the Fords' lot. New as in it wasn't there last night and strange as in the newlyweds were off in Envy for their honeymoon. They weren't his direct neighbors and he didn't know them well, but his front door was visible from where the car was parked. He narrowed his eyes and slid his phone into the holder on his arm, subtly clicking the side button to get the camera to take some pictures as he did. "I'm about to send you a picture of a car parked across from my house. I want to know everything about the owner yesterday."

"...Do you need support? Echo Team's at the Mayor's upholding our end of the bargain while he hosts another brunch and Lambda has been dispatched to help at the Police Academy. Gamma, Bravo and Delta are on site today. Alpha's still off until Friday–"

"I'll keep you posted...I want Bravo and Gamma to secure Cerberus Elementary."

"Not going to just pull her again?"

"She's too excited to go back today for me to call it off." Naruto glared at the car and tried to peer into the blacked out window. If he saw so much as a fucking fin he wouldn't be able to stop himself from flipping his shit. "Keep Delta on standby in case another job comes up."

"Two teams to secure one school?"

"I told the Chief of Police that Wild Things wants to make Beelzehaven safe. The puppies take priority. I can fucking handle myself."

"...Alright, but just know that I'm protesting this."

"Noted." Naruto grumbled before he walked away from the window and went to the stairs. His watch vibrated and he glanced at it. Two minutes until he'd risk being late to his date. "Hanging up. Keep me posted on that car."

"Will do." Priscilla huffed before her tone turned teasing. "Have fun on your date, Boss."

"Thanks, Pris." He smiled as he descended the stairwell and tapped the bud in his ear. The call ended with a beep and he turned to the house's interior. "Himawari! Time to go!"

(Imp City, Buckzo Apartment)

"Of all the fucking days for that asshat to let me sleep in! Fuck you, Blitzø!" Loona snarled as she rushed around her room. She'd woken up to a text from her 'father' about satisfying Stolas' needs for the week – Which, gross. Too much information – and for her to enjoy her day off. And she would have...if he'd not sent the message an hour after she wanted to wake up. That was the last time she asked him for a wake-up text; next time she'd bite the bullet and set five alarms or something, sensitive hearing be damned.

She practically tore her dresser and closet apart looking for the top she'd planned to wear today. Her checkered corset-skirt was set out the night before, the collar she matched with it was hung on the foot of her bed, and her leggings and gloves were set on the skirt. She'd barely managed a decent shower and got most of the tangles in her coat out – her upper-mid back was a lost cause, she just couldn't reach it. It was nine-forty-five, she'd been awake for thirty minutes and had fifteen minutes to get to Hotheads, less and less with every second wasted looking for this top.

"Finally!" She yanked the shirt off of the hanger and a sharp rip had her heart sink. "No, fuck– Are you serious?!"

Loona growled and swallowed back a frustrated whimper as she looked at the shirt. Thankfully, the damage wasn't...terrible. Just a bit of the already low neckline got torn off. Actually, maybe she could–? A few sharp cuts with her claws and, yeah. Yeah, this could work.

"...This might actually be better." She mumbled as she looked at the black long-sleeve top. The tear would more or less align with her notched ear. She shrugged and pulled the top on before she looked in her mirror. A subtle adjustment here and there and–Yeah. Yeah, this still worked. She grinned at her reflection. "You're killing it, bitch."

Getting dressed took another two minutes and three more after that was dedicated to her makeup. She grabbed her keys, purse and phone before she flew out of the apartment, slamming the door shut behind her. Locking up would take too long, and if they got robbed, well, she'd just hunt down the responsible party later and use them as a vent.

The ten minute walk had her nerves frayed as she stood outside of Hothead's and she looked at her phone. No messages outside of the same strand that got her this far. Shit, she should've messaged him yesterday instead of continuing her cyber-stal–research.

Work yesterday was boring as fuck, consisting mostly of a pointless meeting about the billboard rentals Blitzø was determined to lose money on. Fatty and Millie got into a small argument about something about rent or cost of living or something, she kind of stopped listening two minutes in. Mostly because she didn't care about their life, and slightly because she kept researching Wild Things' CEO. The most lucrative find she had was last night, where she'd found footage of her date's money-making match in The Coalition of Kings.

I've never seen anyone snap a Hound's jaw like that. She bit her lip as she thought about that highlight, where Naruto broke the upper muzzle of a rival hound by pulling their mouth open too wide while he straddled their back. It was a great way for her to get an idea of what his chest and arms looked like when he was exerting himself. That image was applied to a very rewarding fantasy.

A ding on her phone snapped her out of her head and she looked down.

(Five mins out)

Oh, okay, cool. She wasn't being stood up again. Ugh, no, don't sour today with that shit memory. Fucking Blake, that bastich. She shook her head and smiled as she typed back.

(NBD)

(I'll find a table)

(Preference?)

(Outside if possible)

He wasn't hiding who he was sitting with? Loona felt her tail wag a bit before she groaned into her hand. Stupid, it's just coffee, not a first date. Of course he wants to sit outside. It gives him a quick get away.

Still, he had a preference, and he was driving all the way from Gluttony. The least she could do was get a table outside.

(Alright)

(Cool if I get my drink?)

(Nope)

(I'm covering it)

Okay, maybe he thought it was a first date. Loona's tail threatened to wag again in excitement. She fought to keep it under control...it wasn't going well. Her fingers tapped on her screen and she sent a quick response.

(Then floor it)

(I'm thirsty)

Shit. She shouldn't have sent that. She really shouldn't have sent that.

(I thought I was talking 2 Loona?)

Dammit. She definitely shouldn't smirk. There was nothing funny about that. Why couldn't she stop smirking? Ugh, his sense of humor was just as bad as Blitzø's was. It had to be a 'Dad' thing. She walked through the cafe and plopped down at a table by the entrance outside before she sent an adequate response to the corny joke.

(Shut n drive)

(Yes ma'am)

"...so we decided to just cash in on their fuckup and left the fuckers with a paintball mess for their efforts." Naruto chuckled while Loona snickered at his story. He'd rolled up a few minutes ago and was pleasantly surprised by the outfit the cute secretary threw on for a coffee date. Judging by the way her tail wagged, she must've liked his clothes, too. Weird that her eyes kept drifting to his chest, the left pectoral specifically – as if she knew about the scar that was there – but whatever.

They got their order shortly after they took a minute to check each other out and then returned to the table she snagged, already talking about their days yesterday: She was stuck in a meeting for most of the day, and he was dealing with stubborn clients. Mostly the Mayor of Beelzehaven being a right shit about the terms he'd agreed to, but she didn't need to know that. After that came a few questions about weirdest or funniest jobs. She admitted that nothing spectacular stood out, aside from some shitheaded kid that got a hit put on him – he had to admit that he wasn't the best listener during that recollection; thoughts of the fuckers going after his daughter flooded his mind – and he managed to tell the story about when he and his mercs were hired to essentially fight each other and turned it into a paintball match.

"So, yeah." He took a sip from the cup of Lava Black Joe – the closest thing this place had to some decent black coffee – and sighed. "That's the last time my company was hired to do a job in Greed, let alone by two rival gangs who didn't do their research. Honestly, it didn't hurt our business at all...I think it might've improved it because we didn't just drop out and bail. We did 'kill' each other a bunch." He furrowed his brow and held his coffee cup to his mouth. "Still gotta get Choji back for that shot in the ass..."

"I can't believe they didn't make the connection when they both rolled up with two squads wearing the same uniform." Loona snickered into a small snort. Her ears darkened and her eyes darted around before she tried to quickly cover the sound by sipping at her Vanilla Deluxe Latte with extra Vanilla Extract. Which, like, damn. That's a lot of Vanilla. Respect to her for stomaching that much.

"Eh, most of the shitters from Greed aren't that bright." He shrugged, giving her the pass she wanted, even if he thought it was cute. He set his coffee down and crossed his arms as he leaned on the table slightly, careful not to put too much weight on it – everything was so fucking flimsy outside of Gluttony – as he grinned at the girl across from him. "So, you up to anything fun lately?"

"L-Later?" Loona blinked at him before she shook her head. "Lately. Lately, right. Um, no, not...uh, not really."

"Really?" He arched a brow and sat back as his head tilted. "You're not a Party Animal?"

"Oh, I'm a party something, alright." She grumbled as she glared down at her drink. Well, that's clearly a sour topic. He shrugged.

"I mean, it's fine if you are or aren't. I'm not...y'know."

"The puppy." Loona nodded. She played with her straw a bit and shifted in her seat. "You, uh...you really care about her, huh?"

"More than anything." Naruto shamelessly admitted. He shrugged at her look. "It's weird, I know. Hellhounds that actually give a shit about their pups...but...I grew up in an orphanage."

"Same."

"So you know," he tilted his head. "The loneliness, the fighting..."

"Fun times." She drawled, trying to force a smile. He scowled.

"Don't do that." She blinked and he shook his head subtly. "Sorry, but...The orphanages are shitholes in shitholes and I hate it when phase-outs or adoptees try to act like it wasn't. It's so fucking infuriating that Hellhounds are the only ones that...That are treated like fucking animals. I mean, yeah, I get hierarchy and demon ranks and shit, but...there was a time our species was fucking scary, on par with demigods and shit. Maybe that's why we get put down...Sure, Sinners are the only class that have us beat in numbers, but even though they seem to have the better deal because they can't die, they're stuck here. We have higher rates of reproduction than any other sentient demon species and we can traverse the Rings freely."

"Is there a point here?" Loona was giving him a look like he was talking about overthrowing the monarchy. Which, yeah, that was an idea he fostered once upon a time, way back when he was still a runt. Practically speaking? Not what he wanted. That would be too chaotic if done too fast, which would be the only way it could be done. He'd worked it out with Shikamaru and Choji once after a job got botched and the client died. That was way back when Wild Things was starting out though.

"Not really, just a gripe with the system we're stuck with." He sighed and grabbed his cup. Maybe a good gulp left. He stared at it. "Sorry to bring down the mood. I just...I fucking hated growing up in the orphanage in Gluttony. You'd think with it being fuckin' Beelzebub's Ring it would be better there, but no. If anything, it's fucking worse. No supervision, no rules, just fucking chaos and drugs and nights blacking out... sometimes you have to hope to be left alone or fight for your privacy."

"...Yeah. I...I know that feeling." Loona mumbled. "Did...You ever get adopted?"

"Fuck, I almost wish." Naruto snorted. He smirked bitterly. "Ran away and lived on the streets for a year. Did some 'Pack' life for a minute before I wound up in Lust one night and found my fucking grandfather."

More like got lured to his grandfather's home. Tricked to think he was just some hermit until he snooped around the place and found reports about him and his movements from a bunch of other faceless demons. Looking back, Naruto wouldn't be surprised if Jiraiya arranged it for him to find that shit, the old perv sucked at owning up to something, every other admittance of guilt was done in code or complete bullshit.

"Your...You sure?" she asked. "That he was...?"

"Un-fucking-fortunately." He deadpanned and hung his head with a sigh. "Stupid fuckin' Old Toad...he's the kind of Hound that spread that stupid 'Hound Dog' stereotype."

"Oh." Loona winced. He appreciated her sympathy.

"Yeah, so me and the Hound Orphanage system? There's beef." He gulped down the rest of his coffee. He stared into the empty cup. "If anything happened to me...I've got a system set for Himawari. She's not going anywhere near a fucking orphanage if I can help it."

"Some Hounds might call that hindering her." She pointed out.

"Fuck those hounds." He snarled and looked up to meet her eyes, he almost dared her to be one of those hounds. Her eyes dilated and maybe he was blowing it, but he didn't get this far in life by hiding who he was or how he felt. "I would fight Lucifer himself before I let my puppy get thrown into an orphanage."

"Well...Shit." Loona muttered and sipped her drink as she averted her gaze and tilted her head up. Whoops, he hadn't meant to intimidate her like that– wait, her tail was wagging. Oh, she liked that, huh? Filing away for future reference. "I'm surprised you didn't go into social work."

"It's too broken and I'm a dumb grunt." He shrugged at the owlish red eyes that quickly gave him a once over. "Alright, so I'm a big dumb grunt, but dumb all the same. Enough about my shitty take on orphanages, what about you? You phase out or runaway?"

"...I...Got adopted."

"No shit?" He felt his eyebrows go up and she gave a curt nod. He smiled. "Good for you, Loona. Really. That's awesome."

"...But you just–?"

"I've got beef with the orphanages and the system they support, I haven't got beef with hounds that got out and grew up in happy homes. So long as they don't pretend the times of their lives weren't shit while they were there." Naruto admitted with another shrug. He grinned at her. "So what was it like? How envious should I be?"

"I...I got adopted a month before phasing out." She looked away and his smile waned. Oh...Oh, fuck. Hound trafficking, shit, any kind of trafficking wasn't illegal in Hell, but it could really mess a demon up if they got used as a product. He leaned forward and hesitated before he put a hand on her shoulder to make her look up at him again.

"...Are you okay?" He asked lowly. She stared at him before she gave a small smile.

"He didn't do any of that." Loona shook her head and played with her straw again, this time smiling as she did. "I don't think the thought to do that ever crossed his mind. He just...treats me like I'm his. Like I was always his...daughter."

"...Well, he sounds like an alright guy to me." Naruto smiled and sat back in his seat. He parted his mouth to say something else when he noticed the same fucking car that was parked across from his house earlier. His nostrils flared. He carefully checked his reaction, kept his ears up and a smile on his face. The car wasn't moving and the driver had a direct bead on him. He needed Priscilla to get back to him.

As if on cue, his phone beeped and he pulled it from the holster on his arm. After he took a brief moment to gawk at the fact they'd talked for almost an hour, he read the text from his assistant and his jaw clenched: (Registered in Greed, original owner deceased. Seen in use by the Familiawit Knolastname.)

"Something up?" Loona asked, she must've taken advantage of his phone draw to do the same with hers.

"Huh, no, uh. I'll be right back. I just...I could swear I know that guy." He nodded at some nondescript Hellhound that jogged around the car. He gave her a genuine smile and enjoyed the way her ears pinked before they quickly folded back. "Seriously, one second. Two tops."

"Not your keeper." She mumbled even as her tail gave a partial wag. Shit, that was cute. She was cute. He really hoped he didn't blow this.

"Be right back." He stepped away from the table and hopped the 'patio' barrier. He slid his phone back into his armband and stormed over to the car. Sure enough, when he was close enough, the engine revved. He snarled and hurried his pace before he lifted his right foot and slammed it into the front. The airbag deployed right in the demon behind the wheel's face and the horn went off. He stepped around to the side and punched through the driver's side window, grabbing the dazed demon that was there.

"Hi." Naruto grinned at the whimpering rather tall shark demon he had by the neck. The shark was bleeding from the nose and one eye, a series of teeth were already clattering on the ground as a new row forced itself up. Around his neck was a camera on a strap. "You wanna tell me who those pictures are for?"

"..Pr..Press.." he fumbled with a badge that hung from his neck.

"You're just paparazzi, huh?" Naruto asked. The shark nodded. His eyes went half-lidded. "Since when do you vultures need an assault rifle in your back seat?"

"...This isn't going to end well for me, is it."

"This isn't going to end well for you, no." Naruto shook his head with the whimpering demon. "Talk. You have twenty-three seconds."

"They'll kill me!"

"Bitch, I will kill you. Talk!" Naruto snarled.

"...It was the Famila-wulrk!" A bullet shot into the shark's neck and Naruto glanced up at the rooftops. Nothing. He looked at the corpse in his hand and let it drop. So much for that lead. What a waste of time. He hated to waste time. Annoyed, but not surprised, Naruto walked back over to Loona, grabbing some napkins from a table as he walked by it. He sat down, wiping his hands off.

"Sorry about that," he said and tucked the napkins in his cup. "Case of mistaken identity."

"S'whatever." she shrugged. He arched a brow and smirked at her.

"You don't let much phase you, huh?"

"Nope." She smirked and sipped her latte until it made the awful 'empty, air sucking' sound. She winced and gave him an apologetic grimace. He merely smiled.

"You want to get a refill?"

"...Sure." She returned it with her own small smile. They rose up from the table and walked back into Hotheads, he tossed his cup in the trash. As they waited in line, she looked up at him. "So...any pictures of your pup you're willing to share?"

"Want to get a leg up on the competition, huh?"

"Well... not on the competition." She smirked at him and shit, that was pretty good. And as much as he'd love to just follow that with an invite for her to do something about it...good things came to those who waited. Even as his tail wagged, he grinned and pulled his phone out again.

"This is her second birthday."

"Oh, fuck that's cute." Loona smiled at the picture and then looked at him. "...How did she get frosting in her ears?"

Naruto hung his head and groaned.

"I have no fucking idea."

AN: Yep. Only ONE flashback this time.

Status on "One Knuckleheaded Glutton" can be found at the top AN.

Thanks for reading, all!