Hi All,

I hope everyone is doing well and everything is life is going the way you want. I'm so excited things seem to be working out for me.

Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

Take care of yourselves.

Always and Forever,

Ari.

Warnings for all chapters: No minors, sexual situations, Mentions of death, funeral anxiety, parental arguing, silent treatment, bullying, emotional abuse, discussion of death, implied sexual relationships, unwanted touching, sexual assault, suicide attempt using a medication, suicidal ideation, manipulation, panic attack, abandonment, stress, abandonment.

National Sexual Assault Hotline: Call800.656.4673

Disclaimer: I only own my O.C.s and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 40: Vulnerable

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest, and it opens up your heart, and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up."

―Neil Gaiman,The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones

"The strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility."

―Paulo Coelho,Eleven Minutes

9:57 a.m. First Beach, La Push, Washington

I watched the boys play soccer and argue playfully. Emily and Kim decided to get food and urged me to look after the guys. They didn't need the supervision, and deep down, I knew they knew I tried to avoid Forks as much as possible unless it was absolutely necessary. I would only make the trip if I had Paul with me.

My attention returned to the boys, and it was nice to see them relax after the past few weeks of being on edge. The sand shifted beside me, and I glanced up at Leah, who was watching the boys with a scowl on her face. She sat beside me, her shoulder brushing mine. Our few interactions were filled with awkwardness and not knowing how to interact with each other. I loathed it and didn't know how to fix it. I tuned out the boys' hollering, returning my focus to the water.

It was quiet for a while, with only the boys' shouts and arguments and the waves crashing against the shore. "I'm sorry about what I said," Leah's voice broke through the air.

"Thank you," I murmured, feeling slightly better with her apology. The coil in my chest was starting to loosen. "I wasn't holding anything against you."

"I know." I could hear her teeth grinding, and Sam kept looking at us. I felt uncomfortable with the way he was watching us, as if he was waiting for a mistake. I glanced at Leah, understanding how uncomfortable it must be not to be trusted.

I stood up, brushing the sand from my shorts, blocking her from his view as I stared down at her. I offered my hand to her, wiggling my fingers when she didn't take it. "C'mon, trust me." She took my hand, letting me pull her up. I wrapped my arm around hers, tugging her away from the guys. "Nothing like a walk on the beach to help the mind."

She squeezed my arm, walking beside me. It reminded me of when we were younger, and she would walk arm-in-arm with me. She was a lot different now than she was then. I wondered if she missed that part of herself. Once we were far enough away, she began to relax. "I thought this would be easier…" she started, staring at the sand.

The wind picked up, and I pulled my jacket closer. "Turning into a protector or losing your dad?" I asked, shuffling closer to her warmth. She tensed before rubbing her eyes. "Or something else?"

"Pretending I don't care," she admitted, letting her arms drop. I let my arm fall. "I can work through the pain of shifting and manage my grief." Leah paused. "I'm not wanted here with them. They can't shield their sexist thoughts about me being an abnormality, how I shouldn't have shifted. Not to mention that I'm nothing but the pathetic ex-girlfriend that Sam can't seem to get away from."

My body heated with anger as I registered her words. "What?" I moved to stand in front of her. My anger rose at the way the guys were treating her. "You are extraordinary, Leah." She rolled her eyes, and I grabbed her shoulders. "I'm not just saying that. Our ancestors chose you; they saw your strength. If the others can't see past you being a woman, they need to kick rocks. You are just as capable as they are of protecting us." She blinked rapidly. "You have never been, and will never be, pathetic. You can't change the past, but you can choose to move forward."

Leah shoved my hands off her shoulders, and I could see her trembling. "How can I move forward with this? You speak from a place of faux privilege. Paul's genes are forcing him to love you, if that's what you want to call it. Have you ever thought about what happens after he gives up shifting? He will leave you because his genes won't force him to feel. They will all leave." I took a step back, hurt welling in my chest. "We don't know if I can imprint, and would I even want to? To have something forced and fake. We don't know what I'm capable of. It's bullshit being the ancestors' test subject."

"I'm sorry, Leah," I said, weariness starting to settle. "You were hurt by them. I hope you know that letting that hurt rule you will never help. Instead, it builds up as bitterness. You may not agree with my choice, but that doesn't give you the right to be hurtful to me because you don't agree with it." Leah glared at me, her trembling worsening. I knew I needed to calm her down. I let out the breath I was holding. "I care about you, and I'm here for you. Tell me how I can help you."

"You can't… I'm leaving," Leah turned and disappeared into the trees. I stared at the spot where she stood, taking deep breaths. My eyes started to burn with her cruel words, but I shoved the feeling away. I wasn't going to give them any power.

I turned and faltered in my step when I saw Paul. I moved towards him, noticing his tense posture and eyes searching the trees. "Babe?" He held his hand to me, not taking his eyes off the trees. I moved towards him, placing my hand in his. He roughly and quickly shoved me behind him. Pain spiked up my arm from the rough handling, and I rubbed my hand and arm.

Once satisfied with whatever he sought, he turned to me, frowning and crossing his arms. "What were you thinking? What would you have done if she had shifted?"

"She left before she did," I countered, crossing my arms, ignoring the slight throbbing from my hand, and frowning back at him.

"Leah left because I was here," Paul growled, moving closer to me. "She doesn't have control." I took a step back, noticing the anger on his face. "She could've hurt you." I studied him, noticing the shift in his posture. I bit back the retort that he was the one who hurt me by yanking me. I took a moment to collect my thoughts, listening to the waves lap against the shore.

"All of you can," I said, moving towards him, realizing his anger masked his fear. "It just means I have to watch for your signs and trust you can work through your anger before reaching that point. I noticed Leah's signs and was working on calming her down. Paul, you saw and felt her thoughts from everything she said. How would you feel if you were in her place?"

"Leah doesn't belong in this situation, and she shouldn't have to protect others," Paul countered, rubbing his eyes. "It's our role."

"Because she's a woman? Because it's not her assigned role?" I scowled at him. "The ancestors saw something in her and chose her. The protector is in all of us, yet it comes out for those who are the strongest warriors. She is in this situation regardless of whether you or the others want her there. Just like they are your brothers, she is your sister. She is just as capable of protecting the tribe as you are. She cares, and what you guys are doing and saying about her hurts her."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Paul said, and his words felt like a slap.

"Maybe not, but at least I'm trying to understand. Leah will be out there with you whether you like it or not. Shouldn't you at least try?" I asked, staring at the sand before looking at him again. "Even if you don't agree, she doesn't deserve to be put down or treated like an outcast."

"I'm done talking about this," Paul dismissed, walking back to the others and holding his hand to me. I pursed my lips, glancing at his hand. "Are you coming or not?"

My throat felt like it was closing, and I struggled to find the words. "Not," I said, taking a few steps back from Paul, and my chest hurt with the space. "I'm going for a walk." I turned away from him, avoiding his gaze, feeling my guilt simmer. I trailed down the shoreline, determined not to look back, giving myself time to work through my thoughts.

As much as I didn't want to think or give power to Leah's hurtful words, they bounced around in my mind. I would never be in her place, so I wouldn't fully understand her predicament as the only female protector. Yet, I could understand her anger to a certain extent. I would hate to be in a group with my ex, especially after discovering the true reason behind his being with a family member of mine. I would be hurt, even more so since the truth came out. Then, others doubt my strength and think of me as an anomaly. I would be scared of loving someone else, scared of being vulnerable and getting hurt. I would fight the imprint and refuse to believe in it. I leaned against one of the fallen logs, gnawing on my lower lip.

"What are you doing?" I yelped, tripping over my feet, trying to put space between me and whoever was nearby. Quil's roaring laughter made me narrow my eyes at him as I tried to calm my racing heart. He wiped his eyes, reaching a hand towards me.

I took his hand, allowing myself to be pulled up, and brushed the sand from my clothes. "Sorry, Embry said you get scared easily, and I didn't really believe it since you see Paul's ugly mug every morning," he teased, leaning against the log. I moved back to where I was leaning. "Sooo, what are you doing?"

I imagined Paul would kick his ass later for that comment. "Thinking," I answered, staring at the water. He shifted beside me and leaned closer, and I felt his warmth. I hadn't realized my coldness until I felt his body heat. I smiled gratefully at him.

"Waiting for the water to answer?" Quil smiled, picking up a broken stick to draw in the sand.

"Maybe. So far, it's just been quiet," I grinned. "Although I swear I heard it laughing at me when I fell."

"No, that was the future laughter from the guys when I show them later," Quil smirked, and I pushed his shoulder. "I need your help, though."

"Nothing like letting me embarrass myself, showing your brothers so my embarrassment grows, and then asking for a favor," I deadpanned, laughing at his bashful grin. "If I can help, you know I will."

He shifted, settling on the log. "I need help impressing Claire's parents. I asked her out," I bumped his shoulder, smirking at him, "and she said yes."

"Did you really think she wouldn't?" I asked, moving to sit on the log, my feet dangling a few inches off the sand. He laughed, and I gestured for him to continue.

"I mean… shut up." Quil shoved me lightly as I snickered at his floundering. "I don't know how to talk to parents. Especially when they're future in-laws. Rys, she's the first girl I've asked out, and I need her parents to like me," he said, his grin overshadowed by the worry in his tone. "What if they don't, and this ends up putting us in a bad place?"

I settled my hand on his arm. "Breathe." I patted his arm as he took a deep breath. "You just need to be yourself. You're a natural sweetheart. Claire is their baby, so of course, they will be protective, but once they know you, they will love you. It takes time. What did your mom tell you?"

"To be myself and that she raised me right," he said, tossing the stick aside. "But what does that even mean?"

"It means all the teachings she and your grandfather instilled in you. You use that when you meet new people," I said, hopping off the log. "Don't panic; you know what to do. Let's bring it out. When you get to her house to pick her up, and her parents answer the door, what do you do?"

"I say hello, introduce myself, shake hands, and tell them who my family is," Quil said, towering over me. I motioned for him to keep going. "I tell them I'm picking Claire up and have her home before curfew."

I beamed at him. "That right there is what your family taught you. You know it, Quil. Trust yourself. I know you're nervous because it's Claire and her parents, but it would take divine intervention for them not to like you."

"Don't curse me," he whined, knocking his elbow into my shoulder. "It's going to go well, right?"

"Yes, it's going to go amazing," I said, rubbing my shoulder as I moved back to sit on the log. "Claire's really excited, by the way. Where are you taking her?"

"I thought it would be nice to go to the movies, then maybe go out to eat," Quil's grin stretched wide at hearing how excited Claire was to see him. "Thank you. I just really want this to go well."

"It will. I want to hear all about it," I said, smiling at Quil. I kicked my feet, turning back to the ocean. A part of me wondered if Quil felt the same way about Leah. I couldn't imagine it with his personality, but I'd never know.

Quil stretched, moving to sit back beside me. "What can I help you with?" he asked, watching the waves crash against each other. "I don't think you're all the way out here just because, so how can I help?"

I turned to look at him. "It's something I should talk about with Paul first." Quil nodded, shuffling closer when the wind picked up. "Can you just sit with me for a while?"

"Of course. Want me to talk, or are we being silent and mysterious Natives today?" he asked, puffing out his chest, turning his nose up, puckering his lips slightly, and crinkling his eyebrows.

"Silent and mysterious," I giggled, swallowing my laughter to fit the mysterious persona. Quil nodded, clearing his throat and looking around mysteriously.

11:36 a.m. First Beach, La Push, Washington

"The food is here. Should we go eat?" Quil asked, getting comfortable on the log. I blinked rapidly, trying to process what he said. "C'mon, let's go and eat."

"You go; I'll be there in a bit," I murmured, not quite ready to be around the others yet. Quil hesitated, and I shooed him away. "I'll be fine. Go eat before your brothers eat everything." Quil shuffled. "Ask Kim what you should wear on your date."

Quil pursed his lips. "Everything is going to work itself out with Leah and Paul. It takes time and willingness. Don't stress over it. I don't have much say since I'm new, but I know I've got her back. We all do."

"Thanks, Quil," I murmured, grinning at him. "Now go, I'll be there soon." He nodded and sprinted towards the others. Once he was gone, the uneasiness settled in my chest. I didn't want to go back to the others just yet. I glanced back at the trees, wondering if Leah was close or how far she had gone. I pulled my jacket closer, getting up from the log. Slowly, I started trailing further away from the group, humming to myself. I glanced up at the sky, taking in the darkening clouds. I turned back around, finding Paul back at the log. He sat there, staring at the ocean, his back hunched. "Your back will hurt if you stay like that," I murmured, moving closer until I was beside him.

"Doesn't matter," Paul said, standing up, brushing off his shorts, and pulling a blanket from his lap. He moved closer, draping it over my shoulders without touching me. My body ached at the loss of his touch. I didn't like how out of sync we felt. "The food is here." He didn't meet my eyes.

"I…" I couldn't find the words, and my mouth clicked shut as I scrambled for something to say. "It does matter," the words left my mouth before I could stop them. It was painful for him when he shifted, and his lower back always hurt when he hunched. Paul offered his hand silently, and I took it without thought, looking up at him. His deep brown eyes searched my face, and whatever he saw made him let out a deep sigh before he pulled me into him. I melted into his embrace. "We still have to talk," I whispered, holding him tightly and rubbing his back where I knew he was hurting.

"I know," Paul whispered, squeezing me tightly before letting go. "My back does hurt." He pressed his forehead to mine.

"I know," I said, rubbing my nose against his. We were interrupted by his stomach grumbling. "Let's go eat." He smiled, squeezing our hands.

3:36 p.m. Lahote House, La Push, Washington

I dried my hair, watching Paul pace back and forth on the phone. I brushed out the tangles, seeing his frustration start to build.

"Don't bother coming back," he snapped, hanging up and tossing the phone beside me on the bed. He breathed deeply. "I'm taking a shower." Paul turned, heading for the bathroom. I glanced at his phone, seeing his dad's name pop up. "Leave it, please."

"All right," I said, getting up and moving to the living room. I settled on the couch, pulling my legs up to my chest. I skimmed through the shows, my mind wandering back to Leah and Paul. I hadn't realized how strongly he felt about Leah's shift. I pulled my legs closer to my chest, focusing on the show. I was halfway through when Paul emerged. He sat on the couch, tapping my knees. I let my legs down, and he immediately laid on my lap, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face into my stomach. I ran my fingers through his damp hair and massaged his shoulder.

He turned, staring up at me, taking my hand and resting it over his heart. "Leah is wrong."

My hand stopped in his hair. "About what?" My stomach tightened, and I could feel his breathing speed up. I needed to hear him out.

Paul stared up at me. "About me being forced and going to leave you." I let out a sigh, letting my fingers resume detangling his hair. "It's not true. She's bitter, and she doesn't know—"

"Stop it," I tugged on his hair lightly. "I already know you. I know you love me, and it's not your genes forcing you. I know you would never abandon me—us—willingly. You have shown up time and time again. The only fear I have is you getting badly injured or the Creator taking you from me. I didn't entertain the thought of her words towards you because I know you and trust what we have built and are building. So trust me, too. I'm hurt that you'd think I'd turn on you so easily. So that's something you have to work on trusting me with."

He sat up, and I could see the anguish on his face. "Have you ever stopped to wonder about Leah's pain or loneliness or think about her fear? She is hurting, and the anger or bitterness you see is her way of hiding it." I put my hand on his face so he could turn to look at me. "The anger you showed me earlier today wasn't anger, was it?" He shook his head. "It was fear, right?" I stroked his cheek, watching him nod. "Take a moment to think about Leah and everything you know about her situation and how you would feel if you were her. Whether you like it or not, Paul, she is risking her life beside you. Even if you don't agree, you should know better than to isolate someone. You are all better than that."

Paul leaned forward, resting his head against my collar. I stroked his hair, holding him close. "I love you, okay? Just think about what I said."

"I love you too," he nodded, tucking himself into me. We stayed close. "I'll think about it." He was silent as he stared at the T.V. The show on the screen was easy to follow, and both of us were caught in our thoughts.

"I…" I stopped stroking his hair before he pushed his head back into my hand. I resumed. "I'm sorry for not trusting you… I fear losing you and you realizing that there is someone better for you."

"Someone better than you?" I asked, pressing myself closer to him. I couldn't fathom the thought, yet I could understand his insecurity. I felt anger at the thought of that, and it was nothing that I showed him with my actions; it was what happened to Tiffany.

Paul sat up, turning to look at me. He looked away, and I couldn't let him. I caught his chin, gently pulling him to look at me. "Yes, someone better than me. Someone who can offer you more than I can."

"How long have you thought about this?" I asked, rubbing my thumb against his cheek and shuffling closer.

"It comes and goes. Sometimes, I can ignore it, and other times, not so much." Paul caught my hand, bringing it to his lips. "Sad, right?"

"Not at all. It just means you and I must work on navigating through it." I leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Even if there was someone better than you—which I highly doubt, my love—I don't want to meet them. I wouldn't care to meet them. I just want you. I want to grow and build with you. Not because of the imprint but because I fell in love with all of you. I am not going to willingly abandon you." I grasped his hand, pushing it to my heart. "This is yours. It will always be yours. When those thoughts come, tell me, and I will keep reassuring you for as long as you need me to."

Paul grabbed me into a bear hug, peppering kisses over my face. I laughed, letting him and relishing in his attention, the weight of our earlier conversation slowly lifting. I felt the warmth of his affection wrap around me like a protective shield. He pulled back slightly, his eyes softening as he looked at me.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," Paul whispered, his voice raw with vulnerability. He held me tighter as if fearing that loosening his grip would mean losing me. "You make everything make sense."

I traced his jawline, my thumb brushing gently over his cheek. "You'll never have to find out," I assured him softly, meaning every word. We're in this together, no matter what. As a team, we'll face all the fears, insecurities, and challenges."

Paul closed his eyes, taking in my words, and nodded slowly. He leaned in, resting his forehead against mine. "I'll work on trusting that. I'll work on trusting you... and myself."

I gave him a reassuring smile and gently kissed his lips. "That's all I ask."

We just sat there for a while, wrapped up in each other, the outside world forgotten. The T.V. droned on in the background, but neither of us paid attention. It was just the two of us, cocooned in the quiet comfort of our shared space. The silence was no longer heavy but filled with the promise of better days.

10:16 p.m. Lahote House, La Push, Washington

I sat on the bed, rubbing lotion on my hands, glowering at Paul when he stood before me and mussed up my hair. I couldn't stop my smile at his antics. "Having fun?"

"Yes." He kept on until my hair was blocking my view of him. "Oh no, I can't find you."

"Hmm, I wonder why," I added sarcastically, reaching towards him and brushing his rib so he moved away.

Paul roughly pushed my hair back, and I pinched him for his sudden use of force. He laughed, squishing my cheeks. "My back hurts."

"My neck hurts," I countered, feeling his warm hand slightly massage my neck. I felt myself slump forward. "No fair."

Paul chuckled softly, his fingers working gentle circles into my neck. "Well, someone has to take care of you," he teased. His tone was light, but his touch was soothing, easing the tension in my muscles. I couldn't help but lean into his hand, eyes fluttering shut as his warm, firm pressure worked its magic.

"Don't stop," I murmured, my voice betraying how much I enjoyed the attention.

"Wasn't planning on it," Paul replied, his touch growing more deliberate, each stroke sending waves of comfort down my spine. His hands were strong but tender, and I melted into the sensation. "Besides, I'm not done making you feel better."

I let out a contented sigh, any lingering annoyance fading away. "You're going to spoil me," I mumbled, half-joking, half-serious. But deep down, I was grateful for these moments—Paul's playful banter, sudden bursts of affection, and constant presence.

Paul grinned, his thumbs moving to knead the base of my skull, making me shiver. "Maybe you deserve to be spoiled," he said, his voice dropping to a softer, more serious note. "After all, who else would put up with me?"

I opened my eyes, meeting his gaze, which was filled with a mixture of affection and mischief. "Oh, please. You know I wouldn't trade this for anything," I said, reaching up to tug gently on his wrist. "Even when you're a pain."

He laughed, a deep, genuine sound that warmed my heart. "Only sometimes," he agreed, kissing my head softly. "But you love me anyway."

I rolled my eyes playfully but couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, I do." I pulled him closer, and he moved to sit beside me, one arm slipping around my waist. We sat momentarily, enjoying each other's company, the comfortable silence filling the room.

I rested my head on his shoulder, letting the warmth of his words settle in. Paul shifted beside me, wincing slightly as he adjusted his position. I watched him, noticing how he rubbed his lower back, and a soft smile tugged at my lips. "Alright, big guy, turn around," I said, patting the bed before me.

"Big guy?" he asked, and I smirked, quirking an eyebrow at him. He looked at me, confused for a second, before realization dawned. "You don't have to—"

"Oh, don't start," I cut him off, playfully pushing him to sit between my legs. "You've been hurting since earlier. Let me help."

Paul reluctantly turned around, settling before me, his broad shoulders tense with anticipation. I grabbed the lotion, warming it between my palms before gently touching his back. I started at the tops of his shoulders, working my thumbs into the tight muscle knots. He let out a long, low groan of relief, his head dropping forward.

"Feel good?" I teased, kneading into the stubborn tension.

"You have no idea," he mumbled, his voice muffled as he leaned into my touch. I could feel the strain in his muscles, the knots and tightness from too many restless nights and too much stress. I worked my way down his back, my hands firm, easing the tension with each stroke.

Paul's breathing slowed, his body gradually relaxing under my hands. "You're too good at this," he murmured, sounding half-asleep. "I'm never letting you stop."

I laughed softly, pressing my thumbs into a particularly tight spot, earning another groan from him. "You're lucky I like you," I joked, but there was a tenderness in my tone. I loved taking care of him like this, to give back even a fraction of the comfort he always gave me.

He leaned back slightly as I continued to massage his lower back. "I think I'm the luckiest guy alive," Paul said quietly, his voice filled with genuine gratitude.

I paused for a moment, letting his words sink in, then leaned down to press a gentle kiss to his temple. "I guess we're both really lucky," I whispered. "Now, just relax. I've got you."

Paul closed his eyes, surrendering completely to the moment. His muscles gradually softened under my touch, the last traces of tension ebbing away. For a while, there was no need for words, just the quiet rhythm of my hands working against his back and the soft, contented sounds he made as I coaxed the stress away.

When I finally stopped, Paul turned around, pulling me into his embrace as we lay down. He wrapped his arms around me tightly. "Thank you," he said, pressing his forehead against mine. "For everything."

I smiled, cupping his face in my hands. "Always," I whispered, brushing my lips against his.