Part 7 - Fireworks
Towards the end of the year, Athrun and Meyrin crossed paths with the Archangel at Diocuia.
Blue Cosmos had launched what seemed like an ill-conceived attack on the PLANTS‑aligned townships outside the city. While COMPS, led by the firepower of the Freedom, was able to quickly contain the sloppy and vicious attack, there were still casualties and damage to critical infrastructure.
The Archangel had remained on to assist with the humanitarian response. Coming around the hillside to the sea, it was surreal to see it in the same port where the Minerva was one docked.
"It's not the same is it," Meyrin mused. He knew her meaning was twofold. The Diocuia Base was clearly no longer being maintained by ZAFT like it had been during the war when it was a hive of activity; now manned only by a skeleton force. A likely cumulative consequence of it no longer being of strategic importance, and the profound decimation of ZAFT's forces during Messiah.
But they were also not the same. Coming back to this place a year on, no longer in their ZAFT uniforms…it was always going to feel strange.
They were granted permission to board the Archangel by Captain Ramius and met in person by Mu at the lowered rear ramp. It was busy with a multinational contingent of aid, construction and medical workers coming and going.
"You've missed Kira and the others by a day!" Mu said in greeting, explaining that the mobile suits belonging to the Millennium had already returned to space. Meyrin was deflated to have missed seeing Luna, but Athrun just shrugged his shoulders as if to say, 'what can you do'.
"Now, you-" Mu turned to Meyrin. "Chandra was hoping to talk to you about that new equipment – get your insights now you've been using it for a while". That perked Meyrin up, and she went to find her fellow CIC officer.
"Should we go somewhere else?" he then asked Athrun, perhaps correctly sensing Athrun's unease about being on the base. "There's a bar that's been recommended to me we could try,".
They walked through the wintry streets of Diocuia making light conversation. Athrun asked how the Millenium and Archangel crews were getting along, and was genuinely pleased, and a little relieved, to hear that, from Mu's perspective at least, things were going well.
"That Shinn though…he's a handful, isn't he? Keeps calling me old man, where's the respect…!".
Athrun let out a low bitter chuckle, and said "Yeah, he's like that,".
"It's probably the least I deserve,". Mu glanced at the sky thoughtfully. "He really looks up to Kira though,".
Hmm, yeah, that burned.
But, Athrun had to concede, it was also good.
"You know, Kira's piloting is as unbelievable as ever, and he has taken to the mobile suit commander role…pretty well, considering…but sometimes it's as if he's-…,". Mu's jovial tone drifted, like he wasn't quite sure what he was trying to say. Athrun looked at him inquiringly, but Mu just shook his head. "Ignore me, what do I know. I'm hardly in a position to judge. Oh look, here we are".
Athrun had been so caught up listening to Mu and muddling around in his own roundabout thoughts that he had been paying embarrassingly little attention to where Mu was leading him.
He stopped walking. "What's wrong?" Mu asked.
"Nothing…just, I've been here before," he stalled.
They were standing at the start of the lamppost-lined bridge to the grand baroque-style hotel where he was once dined by Chairman Durandal, where he had first met Heine, where he had stayed overnight, where Meer had….
"Hmm?" Mu considered the blood draining from Athrun's face, then pulled him roughly by the collar of his trench-coat. "Well then, let's go face our demons!".
As he was dragged over the bridge, Athrun slowly relaxed into a state of resigned acceptance. There was nothing he could do about any of that anymore, no matter how much he regretted things; he just had to own it now and move on.
They took a table at the hotel bar on the ground floor lobby, and Mu ordered them two beers before Athrun could say anything. The bar provided a welcome respite from the cold outside, and there was a pleasant atmosphere, despite the tumult of the previous week.
"This is what we know about the new Blue Cosmos leader," Athrun handed over a disc to Mu.
"So, it's no longer Aaron?".
Athrun shook his head.
Mu looked perplexed. "Kira and the others had nearly contained the Blue Cosmos attacking force, when rumours started to fly around the base that Aaron was in Uzir," Uzir was a neighbouring township still aligned with the Eurasian Federation. "It was lucky things didn't explode further,".
"Aaron won't have been there. None of the leaders ever are,".
"So, you're saying it's a deliberate trick? To try to incite a bigger conflict?".
Athrun nodded. "My guess is you are going to keep seeing the same pattern on repeat,".
Mu whistled lowly. "That's grim,".
Mu looked around the bar, then out to the city beyond. "It's quiet today, but it's been difficult providing aid outside the city with Eurasia being such a tinderbox," he observed, then sighed. "Rebels fighting for independence under the shadow of the Earth Alliance and ZAFT, it's familiar huh. In North Africa, ZAFT was the occupier, but here you were the liberators, right?".
Athrun riled at the reference to his time in ZAFT, but Mu was right in pointing out the hypocrisy. The image of EA soldiers being shot in the back of the head in the same space as an exuberant crowd celebrating an unlikely victory with their unlikely saviours appeared in his mind. Shinn.
Fortunately, Mu wasn't looking for a reply. His eyes were clouded over as if he was someplace else.
"Goddess of Victory," Mu said suddenly, strangely.
Athrun stared back and wondered…he was vaguely aware that Mu's memories were still knotted together with Neo's, and he could be struck by one or the other's without warning. Whose was this?
"That's what Desert Dawn called Cagalli,".
Athrun's lips twitched at her name. He knew a little about Cagalli's time with the resistance group, but he hadn't heard that before.
Mu smiled wryly. "I thought it was a joke. This scrawny, noisy, troublesome girl – a goddess?".
"And now I think I understand what they meant," he laughed raucously. "I'd probably jump into the sun if that girl gave me the order to do it. I guess that's the power of someone believing in you,".
Goddess of Victory.
He wondered what Cagalli made of this moniker for herself. She probably found it embarrassing; or more likely, disagreed with it vehemently.
But then he thought of his newsfeed that morning, flooded with images of Cagalli at end of year celebrations in Orb, surrounded by crowds of adults and children, joyful and excited to be in her presence. The weather in Orb was rainy – it was the wet season – but draped in traditional wreaths of tropical flowers and framed by a background of falling water, she had looked strong. Golden.
A strange mix of things stirred inside him at these reminders that she is loved by so many others.
He felt for the stone hidden under his tie and held it firmly, tenderly. The Chief Representative and Princess of Orb may be loved and adored by many, but he would always care for and support Cagalli.
It was likely the most important thing he would ever be responsible for.
"What about you, it's nearly the end of the year – are you heading back to Orb too?" Mu asked.
The welcoming of the new year was an important holiday in Orb, and it was traditional to spend it with loved ones. Athrun knew this from his previous years there.
He shook his head. "We are going back to the southern regions, Cagalli is keen for us to keep monitoring the situation – we need to spend more time on the ground to compile a proper report,".
"You miss it though. Orb,".
Athrun froze.
Mu took a swill from his beer and continued. "It's the same for us. It's strange, don't you think – feeling homesick for a place that's not really…home,".
"Well, not the place you came from that is. Anyway, wherever she is, that's home to me now," Athrun was not sure if Mu was referring to the Archangel or Captain Ramius.
As they stood to leave, Athrun remembered something. "If it's not too much trouble, could you try to get this to Cagalli when you are back in Orb?".
Mu raises his eyebrows. "What is it?".
Athrun took care to put it in an envelope this time; the message on the postcard was very simple but he still wanted to keep it away from prying eyes. "Oh, it's just a thing, a joke really…" he mumbled.
Mu looked him up and down. Athrun started to feel the back of his neck heat up, this was a stupid idea, he should have just posted it, but he wanted it to get to her before the end of the year and…
"You really are a guy who doesn't give up!" Mu thumped him on the shoulder. "Good for you,".
OOO
"I'm thinking of getting a dog,".
"Are you sure that's a good idea, Cagalli? Dogs need attention, and you are never home,".
"I know, it's a terrible idea. That's why I'm just thinking about it. I won't actually do it,".
"Right…".
"I've always wanted a dog though, used to beg my father non-stop for one when I was little,".
"…do you want me to make you a robotic dog?".
"Could you!?".
"Hmm, probably not. I'd need Athrun to help. I was only able to make Blue because I followed his schematics,".
"Oh,".
"And then he'd probably be annoyed and take over making it anyway,".
"Heh. Yeah. So, what do you think I should call my dog?".
"Your theoretical, non-existent dog?".
"That's right,".
"Okay…hmm, let's think….Strike!" "Strike!".
"I knew you would say that – you are so predictable,".
"You said it too!".
There, finally a laugh. Cagalli breathed out with relief at the sight of her twin's shoulders gently trembling on the other side of the monitor, his eyes creasing upwards with at least a little levity.
It was the first time in a long time their respective schedules had allowed for a personal call, but Cagalli insisted they set aside some time – it was New Year's Eve, and it was important to her.
Kira looked…tired. He was as kind and gentle as ever, but fatigue permeated his whole being.
It had been a long year.
Cagalli could see Lacus' pink hair in the edge of the video frame, busily working in the kitchen of their very open-plan house. Every now and again a Haro would bounce past Kira's head saying something rude (get off the phone!) and Lacus would gently tell it to shhh over the sizzling noise of the grill.
"Sounds like Lacus is making you a feast! What's she cooking?".
Kira looked over his shoulder. "Um, I think some croquettes…and maybe hamburg steak?".
"Ohhh, yum, I'm so jealous!" Cagalli moaned, leaning dramatically on one arm.
Kira quirked his face. "You're the Chief Representative Orb, you can get anything cooked for you,".
Cagalli gave him a disgruntled look – yes, he was technically right, but it was not the same and Kira knew it. He looked bashful.
"Cagalli," Kira said, his voice suddenly serious and sincere. "I really want you to be happy this year,".
"Huh? I am happy," she retorted, taken aback.
Kira smiled back at her a little sadly. "Lacus is setting the table, I better join her soon," he said. Their conversation ambled back and forth for a few more minutes, before dwindling to an end. They said goodbye with a well-intentioned but unlikely to be fulfilled promise to see each other in person soon.
Cagalli sat staring at the black screen for a few moments afterwards, trying to rationalise the unease she felt. Perhaps it was because she saw something in Kira that she recognised in herself – it was funny the mirror they could shine on each other – but it was too raw for her to think about too deeply, so she ruthlessly packed that worry away.
OOO
Even so, Kira's words, echoing her father's final wish, stayed with her as the evening turned to night.
She had always thought of herself as a happy person, and still did, despite everything that had happened. She had worked hard, and while there was still so much more to do, a prosperous Orb was starting to re-emerge from the shadows of wars, and there was some semblance of international cooperation to work towards peace via disarmament with the establishment of COMPS.
So, of course she should be happy!
(Don't you dare forget that day, that moment, when you came so dangerously close to killing your heart…and his).
(No matter how hard you work, you'll never be able to make up for that).
I want you to be happy Cagalli…live happily, Cagalli.
The Attha estate was never empty, but it was quiet tonight with only a few staff rostered on along with her usual security given the holiday, and so Cagalli was as on her own as she could ever be. Miriallia and Sai were visiting their parents, Toyah spending the holiday with his extended family, and she'd even managed to force Myrna to see her niece on the west coast of Yalafath.
She changed out of the suit that she had stayed in for the call with Kira into shorts and a loose t-shirt. Her feet were bare. The ring bounced around freely on her collarbone with the low neckline, but in the circumstances, she didn't worry about hiding it. A simple dish of soba noodles had been brought to her private dining room, and she sat down by herself to eat.
While slurping the (delicious) noodles, she imagined Kira and Lacus sitting down to eat the meal Lacus had so lovingly prepared. It was…a really nice thing to do. She hoped they were having fun.
(It's so quiet.)
….her thoughts inexorably drifted to him, loud in the near silent room. She glanced at her personal tablet on the table. No. He was on mission and would be out of contact for a while.
After finishing the meal, she climbed the stairs to the uppermost floor in one the turrets of her personal residence in the estate with a small bag she prepared earlier. From here she could see the lights of the city – the seasonally rainy weather was mercifully holding off – and better visualise the streets heaving with people ready to celebrate counting down the start of the new year.
It would be good…to be able to join them. Cagalli had spent the last week attending countless official events, but these appearances were always carefully managed, tightly controlled, and she had her role to play. It wasn't that it wasn't enjoyable – really, it was the privilege of a lifetime! She did try to inject her own personality into each function – but…
She briefly contemplated whether she could visit Kira's parents tomorrow on Akatsuki Island instead. Maybe they could have lunch together, and then she could go swimming in the afternoon….but she stopped herself before the idea could really take hold. Silly. It would be close to impossible, the rigmarole of making security arrangements at such short notice and on a holiday.
Maybe it was all starting to catch-up with her a little.
As midnight started to draw near, she retrieved from the bag three candles and matches.
She lit the first candle in memory for those who had passed, thinking of her father….and the mother she never knew. Remembering those who had been lost as a direct consequence of her actions, decisions and failures, and who were now reborn – hopefully – somewhere in the stars.
She lit the next candle praying for the people of Orb, the world, her colleagues and friends. For the future that she knew was there but could be so difficult to see.
The final candle was for her loved ones and herself…for Kira, for Lacus…for…
A loud bang! caught her by surprise and she quickly waved out the burning match. The midnight fireworks celebrations over the Olofat harbour had begun. The new year had arrived.
Cagalli curled up on the cushioned seat against the high bay window watching the display, still dazzling to see despite her distance from it. She stayed there once the final firework had burst high in the sky, and on into the long, dark hours of early morning.
It was not like her to be still like this, but she hadn't had a moment to stop for so long now.
You'll never get to where you want to go…another set of words Kira had once said to her echoed in her mind. It was hard, though. The reality was her happiness, what would truly make her happy, was a very hard thing to reach. It wasn't something she could make happen on her own. It was entwined with Orb, with another, with a future that didn't yet exist…
The sunrise started to break over Orb and the shimmering ocean. The rays of dawn caught the pinkish-red gem on the ring around her neck, making it glow, and she held it in both hands.
It made her feel strong.
If that were the case…it would make me very happy.
No, it wouldn't be easy. It would be a fight every single day, and it would be a long road, but…she thought as she clasped the ring closer to her heart, hadn't she already made up her mind?
(Maybe…you could do something similar, for him…in your own way…).
She retrieved the final item from the small bag - a rectangular envelope - and tore it open. A postcard of another glittering firework display, similar but different to the one she witnessed earlier, over a river running through a city, rather than over tropical waters.
She turned it over.
"Happy new year, Cagalli".