Points of Divergence: Episode 17: Life Choices
Asuka abandons Shinji on a bench outside an "intimate apparel" store. Shinji is regretting the choices that led to this. He's going to regret it more before she gets back.
Shinji Ikari was sitting on a bench and seriously regretting his choices in life.
He'd lied to Misato. He'd embarrassed Asuka. He was still alive.
The last of those was due to the lack of an Angel attack in weeks and he felt bad about wishing there was one so he wouldn't be where he was. Asuka might have put him out of his misery and killed him but it only felt like he was about to die when she touched him. He had yet to find a level of embarrassment that was fatal. Possibly only because Ayanami had declined Misato's invitation to come with them.
He was about to test an even higher limit. He'd just spotted the Class Rep approaching from one side, who had not noticed that his friend and her boyfriend were approaching from the other. The Class Rep, no Hikari - it was a weekend, Hikari was dressed casually and Kodama was with her - had just seen him and changed direction.
Kensuke was talking Toji's ear off as usual. At least he was talking to Toji and not asking endless questions about the American Evas which had been scheduled to be temporarily deployed to Japan so that the American pilots could go through "Pilot Soryu's Bootcamp". Misato had been grumbling about politicians and the logistics of flying Evas across the Pacific because no one wanted a repeat of the stupid fish. How Kensuke knew about it he didn't know, but he kept trying to come over when Misato was home. Not that Kensuke would ever be a pilot, not if he could do anything about it - he probably couldn't but that wouldn't stop him trying - which meant he had to survive this experience first.
If he was really lucky, Misato would not come out of the store with Asuka until they'd gone. Toji had already seen him, so he doubted he had any luck left at all.
They'd notice if he tried to run away. He considered it anyway.
He'd close his eyes and pretend to be asleep if he thought it would help. If Asuka had just selected the third and fifth bra that were the most comfortable they could have been away before the disaster descending on him would occur. Not that he would even consider going in and telling her that. There was a reason he was holding the branded bag from the previous store in his lap. At least the previous store had been appropriately Japanese and subdued. This one was American style, which had attracted Asuka's attention. The window displays left little to the imagination, and he had a really good imagination.
Not that he needed it. Not that he wanted it. Not that he wanted to know anywhere near as much about girls' bodies as he did. Alright, he did want to know, but in the normal way by having a girlfriend, someone who actually wanted him, not this weird glitchy sensory sharing with someone who hated him most of the time. When she wasn't risking extreme pain to use him as a pillow. Which was as inexplicable as the pain itself. Certainly if Asuka had any explanations for either she wasn't telling him.
Despite the accusations, jokes and prying questions, he was not dating either Asuka or Ayanami. It was better that way, the idea of actually dating Asuka was something for dreams - the thought of actually doing so while he was awake was a terrifying nightmare. If Ayanami had any interest in him as anything other than a supplier of food and the occasional hug she showed even less sign of it than Hikari and even Toji now knew that she was only interested in one person and it definitely wasn't him.
At least Hikari hadn't told either of them about his outburst. Not that Ayanami would probably care, but she'd been excused from the otherwise mandatory embarrassing biology lesson, so something Ayanami-like was going on. She had been at school that day, so it hadn't been for some of the Nerv related reasons she never talked about. Of course she'd never said anything more than thanking him for lunch as usual. She had requested his company, but he'd had even less idea how to start a conversation than usual that day.
No, it was entirely his own fault that he was sitting uncomfortably in front of "The Best Women's Intimate Clothing Store in Japan" because the padding in Asuka's bras was getting thin and no longer protecting her, and The Great Asuka Who Does Not Sweat did in fact sweat in Japan's eternal summer and he never wanted to know what nipple chafing felt like ever again. She'd obviously grown since she'd bought the ones she'd brought from Germany as the only one that wasn't tight around their ribs was the stretchy sports style one. Not that he had wanted to feel that, it had been bad enough washing them.
For someone who outwardly liked shopping, she bought relatively little. Or at least what ended up in the laundry pile in her room other than her school things was mostly the same few things. The shorts she'd bought after realising Japan's summer didn't stop. The t-shirts she stole from Misato. What felt like an endless stream of assorted tops but was actually the same half dozen items. That horrendous dress she'd worn for her date had been new, and never seen again. Neither had been the yellow dress she'd arrived in, which had looked really good on her once he'd finally noticed anything other than her eyes. Of course he'd looked at her underwear, he was a boy and he had to wash it, that didn't mean he did any of the things Asuka accused him of doing.
Being the only one actually doing the laundry had given him an excuse to tell Misato to get her to take Asuka shopping. Of course that meant that Misato had dragged him along to hold their bags. Even if she hadn't said anything to Asuka about him asking her, Asuka definitely knew he was here and knew what she was shopping for. She'd actually blushed when Misato had declared they were going underwear shopping the next day. She'd avoided looking at him until after dinner in another of those unspoken agreements to not admit that they both knew what was going on. Well, agreement was stretching it a bit, it was more like they'd both come to the conclusion that the other person knew what was going on and were absolutely not going to acknowledge that they did or say anything that might confirm it.
At least the sports bra had dried and she'd worn it today. She hadn't been wearing anything under her t-shirt last night, which he'd been uncomfortably aware of when she woke him up in the middle of the night by almost crushing his ribs. She'd stirred when he stroked her hair but had relaxed her grip and not actually woken. At least she hadn't seemed to remember that or the nightmare she'd been having when they woke up in the morning, so he'd survived long enough to suffer today. Of course it had to have been last night that her nightmares were bad enough she'd insisted on sleeping on what was starting to become her side of his bed because today couldn't possibly have been awkward enough already.
Misato had even been home, but at least when they shared a bed neither of them woke up screaming. He'd never dare stroke her hair like that if she was awake, even if he could manage to do so without pain, but on the occasions he woke and she did not it seemed to soothe her. Especially on the nights she cried for her mother, which was another thing he'd never admit to knowing. No one talked about their mothers and he didn't remember anything about his own other than a vague sense of being held. At least he could do that much for Asuka.
"Hey, Shin-Man," Toji's greeting interrupted his thoughts but not his awareness of Asuka trying on something that did not feel like a bra. It felt comfortable against his skin, so he'd probably find out what it was later when he had to wash it.
"Good Afternoon, Ikari" called Hikari at the same time. Unless they were alone or at the Horakis' she was always formal, even in the face of Asuka, something that stood out against Toji's far more casual greeting.
Which was the point they finally noticed each other and he had rivals for the most embarrassed person in the area, he was ahead by a mile but they didn't know enough to know that. Thankfully. At least a distraction might help if he couldn't get far enough away from Asuka, if there even was such a thing. Not that he would any more, he couldn't leave her alone with her nightmares even if not doing meant today was happening.
There was an awkward silence, which Kodama let drag out before breaking it, "Hello Shinji-kun, out shopping with your girlfriends? Or is that wives?"
Hikari looked embarrassed under Shinji's glare and bowed an apology that both of them knew wasn't at all sincere. She'd agreed not to tell Asuka, she hadn't said anything about her sister. Besides she'd had to tell her version before Kensuke offered to sell her a recording. She couldn't replicate Shinji's sincerity and passion, but she could expand on details that Kensuke had not captured. Like just how rapt the attention of his audience had been, and how often she'd been approached over the ensuing few days. She hadn't told Shinji about any of that, it would have just made him uncomfortable.
He shakes his head, "Just Misato and Asuka." Which is a statement he regrets immediately.
"Major Katsuragi is here?" Kensuke looks around as if he can summon her by being enthusiastic enough. Misato usually successfully avoided him by virtue of not being home except to collapse into a beer and dinner.
"She's shopping. With Asuka. Which is why I'm stuck holding the bags."
The ground fails to swallow him up. No attack alarms go off. Four people are now staring at his crotch. The bag in his lap. He's definitely imagining Kodama sizing him up like that. At least it's being a successful distraction from Asuka.
His hands are not successfully covering the store logo, not that Kensuke or Toji would recognise the logo but the two girls clearly do.
"Ooh. That kind of shopping," Hikari grins impishly. Any other time it would be cute. He's learned what Toji sees in the Class Rep because his normally taciturn friend just hadn't shut up since Asuka had clued him in, to the point he'd actually been grateful when Ken had interrupted with a question about Evas. The only thing that stopped him was the presence of Hikari herself. At the moment however, Hikari is just adding to his discomfort.
"Hikari, stop tormenting the poor boy and go spend a few minutes with your boyfriend. I'll keep him company until he gets some relief."
That was enough to distract Hikari, and Toji, and might have even distracted Kensuke if he hadn't already wandered off towards a different store. Kensuke didn't seem to mind spending time with the new couple, and had practically gloated when Toji had finally asked Hikari out on a date, but he also had good instincts as to when to make himself scarce. Which was good for hm, but didn't help Shinji's predicament at all.
Kodama sat next to him as a blushing Hikari dragged Toji off, "Don't worry, I won't tell Asuka either. Though if she really isn't your girlfriend she's definitely missing out."
Shinji has the option of looking forward at the shop front, down in his lap, insulting Hikari's sister by looking away or actually looking at the older girl. He closes his eyes, which is possibly the worst choice of all because his imagination is being fueled by feeling fabric on Asuka's skin as she takes off what feels too thin to be a t-shirt. He's not stupid enough to let her know he can feel this, punching him to death would be painful for her too. On the other hand Kodama is taller but otherwise of a similar build to Ayanami, and thinking about Ayanami in just her underwear was an improvement on where his memory fueled imagination sometimes went. Thinking about Kodama like that was even more disgusting. He definitely didn't deserve her suggesting he'd make Asuka of all people an acceptable boyfriend.
"She's not. Neither is Ayanami in case Hikari gave you the wrong idea."
Kodama smiles, "She did not. You're a good kid Shinji-kun, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If Kari hadn't been so set on Toji I'd have suggested you ask her out."
At this Shinji does look up at her, despite his blushing.
"Don't look so surprised. You're friends with Hikari, and you've been a good friend and never done anything inappropriate. I know what teenage boys are like, don't think I'm naive. You live with those two," and Kodama nods towards the store discretely, "and have not taken advantage of the fact. You take care of your friends, even if some of them aren't very appreciative, my sister included. She's not had real friends before - not that Ken and Toji aren't friends, but there's childhood playmates and there's close friends. It took becoming friends with Asuka for her to admit she had feelings, and becoming friends with you for her to actually talk."
Shinji is now uncomfortable for an entirely different reason than Asuka trying on that thin one that wouldn't provide any support if she had to do anything more energetic than lounge around the apartment, for the third time. Not that he was counting. Not that Asuka actually needed support, but he'd commit seppuku before saying that out loud.
"I don't know what Ayanami looks like, but Asuka's pretty and it's normal to think things you won't admit to anyone and react to her like a teenager."
It was in fact possible for Shinji to feel more embarrassed. This was Kodama, an older, very attractive, young woman, who was all but declaring outright that she thought he was using the bag to hide an erection, in the middle of the street with her sister - his friend and Class Tyrant - a few feet away. He wasn't. Earlier he had almost wished he was, at least then Asuka might feel as uncomfortable as he was, instead he was left with the feeling of silk panties sliding over places he didn't have. He desperately needed a distraction and noticing Hikari shyly holding Toji's hand was not enough. That wouldn't distract Kodama either, she was apparently encouraging it. He fumbled with his wallet with one hand while holding the bag in his lap very carefully not thinking about what was in it.
"Here," he holds out one of the two pictures he keeps on him to Kodama. Now there's two people who know he has that, he'd threatened Kensuke with telling Misato some of the things he'd done to keep him quiet and here he was showing Kodama. He really must be desperate. Kensuke had gotten really good at portraits and this was one of the best of the few he had taken of Ayanami.
Kodama takes it carefully, as if it's a precious relic and studies it for a while, then she grins and looks almost like her sister, "Definitely wife material."
Shinji groans, "You haven't met her."
It was Ayanami, that was the whole joke, with another year or two of effort he might rank up to friend. It was also Ayanami, the only girl he'd seen naked. Ayanami, who his father treated as precious while ignoring him except when he was piloting. Ayanami, who thanked him every day. Ayanami, who rested her head on his shoulder. Ayanami, who barely said a word that wasn't necessary. Ayanami, who thought she was somehow replaceable. Ayanami, who protected his life with her own. Ayanami, who still managed to be less confusing than Asuka.
Kodama smiles, maybe she should suggest Hikari invite Ayanami over, the girl obviously needed more of a social life and maybe having a rival would spur Asuka into noticing how she felt. She looked back at the picture. Hikari had mentioned Ayanami's "Shinji Smile" and Kensuke had captured it perfectly, which is no doubt why Shinji was carrying this one along with the one of Asuka he'd almost managed to hide from her. Maybe it would be the other way around. Either way, Shinji definitely needed someone in his life who cared for him. Her sister was obviously taken and she was too old for him, but she'd meant everything she'd said, he was a fine boy growing into a handsome young man, and if neither of the two beauties in his life snatched him up the age difference wouldn't matter in a couple of years. Fortunately that line of thought was interrupted before she embarrassed herself.
"Kodama! What are you doing with baka Shinji?!"
"Hello Asuka. Hello Major. He looked bored so I was keeping him company while my sister makes out with her boyfriend."
"I am not!" insisted Hikari dropping Toji's hand like it had just burned her and coming up behind the bench they are sitting on.
Kodama discretely and carefully hid the photograph she was holding. She knew she'd been tormenting the boy even worse than her sister, but there was a difference between imparting necessary information because she was certain from things she'd observed that no one else had, and exposing someone's secrets to the girl he had such an obvious crush on. Or to her sister who probably wouldn't be able to keep it a secret from Asuka.
Fortunately for everyone, Kensuke arrived at that moment, oblivious to the many different tensions and started handing out cold drinks to everyone.